What if your priest doesn't like you

[aussiemel]

i had something simular happen a couple of years ago with a priest who seemed to not like anyone in the parish so we prayed about it and had to make the difficult decision to attend another parish which we really love pray and ask God what he wants you to do

 

[Colt]

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who posted on this thread. Christmas was a little tough for me to endure this year because of the problems I ran into with my pastor just before the holidays. Reading some of the comments and realizing my experiences are not unique has helped me a great deal.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I’ve come to the belief that most priests on their way to becoming pastors need to develop better communication and leadership skills beginning in seminary and on through their formations as parochial vicars. Like it or not there is a huge difference in the demands made of a priest who is a pastor and one who is not and there needs to be adequate preparation of future pastors.

While it’s not going to happen, if every newly ordained priest was required to spend 2-3 years as military chaplains we would see a tremendous improvement (and probably also a fair number of quitters) in the quality of leadership we experience at the parish level.

 

[jmcrae]

While it’s not going to happen, if every newly ordained priest was required to spend 2-3 years as military chaplains we would see a tremendous improvement (and probably also a fair number of quitters) in the quality of leadership we experience at the parish level.

I don’t think that’s necessarily true - I know of at least one former military chaplain who is singularly difficult to work with - great priest, but you would not want to be on his payroll.

 

[Colt]

I don’t think that’s necessarily true - I know of at least one former military chaplain who is singularly difficult to work with - great priest, but you would not want to be on his payroll.

There is always going to be exceptions. But some sort of very serious leadership experience for all future Catholic pastors would be a huge blessing. Many great priests make poor pastors.

 

[ImmaBV]

When the parishioners and the priests get along very well, great plans for the good of the faithful can be made and implemented, and many souls saved. The devil hates this for sure. I suspect that what is happening with some of our priests is attacks from the devil, which can be very destructive. In fact the atatcks can be for liking the wrong people (Hence listening to bad advice for the detriment of the parish), or disliking the right people… I know, I can observe in my parish. We are always praying for our priests, but after reading these abservations from everyone who has posted, are we not going to make a firm resolution to pray more for our priests?

 

[damooster]

Hey Colt, could you send me the link to his blog? I love reading priest blogs.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

Our priests can be raked over the coals for any little thing. They are human too. For all you know he could have just got rheamed for having the homily go five minutes over or for using incense or any other thing. He could have been distracted by that. We need to remember to be kind to our priests…,they go through a lot!

 

[Smugleaf]

I am so sorry you are experiencing this, and for everything else happening to you. I have always found such behaviour very frustrating, and frankly unacceptable. Maybe you could ask him if there is any reason for his behaviour, and if he acts cold or rude (because that’s exactly what he’s doing, he’s being very rude) you could look into any parish you could realistically get to on Sundays, because this is clearly making your experience of the sacraments very difficult.

 

[Colt]

…Anyway, I was forced to take an impersonal approach to him as essentially a sacrament dispenser with whom there clearly could be no personal relationship besides animosity on his side and resignation on my side. I haven’t had a similar problem with any other priest before or since. Sometimes this is just a situation we have to endure.

I thought about this posting on Sunday and it helped. I slid into church 2-3 minutes before Mass began just as the horrible din was starting to fade before the beginning of the liturgy. I left right after the final blessing without putting on a show and without having to endure the clapping or horrible chatter that begins once the music ends. Completely by happenstance I stopped at a small park on the way home and sat at a picnic table where I gave thanks for my new experience. Maybe this will become my new Sunday morning ritual.

 

[Cathryn]

Our priests can be raked over the coals for any little thing. They are human too. For all you know he could have just got rheamed for having the homily go five minutes over or for using incense or any other thing. He could have been distracted by that. We need to remember to be kind to our priests…,they go through a lot!

 

[Colt]

Our priests can be raked over the coals for any little thing. They are human too. For all you know he could have just got rheamed for having the homily go five minutes over or for using incense or any other thing. He could have been distracted by that. We need to remember to be kind to our priests…,they go through a lot!

“Over?” Over what? That’s one of the things I detest the most about my parish. The horrible drive to get the Mass over with as soon as possible even though we have plenty of time between Masses and plenty of priests to celebrate them. That drive is very palpable throughout the Mass and I find it repulsive. Last Sunday I looked at my watch as I was walking across the parking lot. 49 minutes! Git ur done!

And if he got “reamed” for using incense, then he needs to develop the social skills to ensure he doesn’t get “reamed” over something like that.

 

[Cathryn]

"If I were to meet a priest and an angel, I should salute the priest before I saluted the angel. The latter is a friend of God; but the priest holds His place.” (from The Little Catechism of the Cure of Ars attributed by him to St. Francis)

 

[Colt]

Hey Colt, could you send me the link to his blog? I love reading priest blogs.

My pastor has no blog that I know of.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

“Over?” Over what? That’s one of the things I detest the most about my parish. The horrible drive to get the Mass over with as soon as possible even though we have plenty of time between Masses and plenty of priests to celebrate them. That drive is very palpable throughout the Mass and I find it repulsive. Last Sunday I looked at my watch as I was walking across the parking lot. 49 minutes! Git ur done!

And if he got “reamed” for using incense, then he needs to develop the social skills to ensure he doesn’t get “reamed” over something like that.

Our priest doesn’t need social skills but quite a few people (Catholics) could use some. People will ream a priest for the stupidest things…You would be surprised. It doesn’t matter how “social” a priest is. Either he will get reamed for using too much of it or not enough of it.

Perhaps we all need the social skills to be a little more understanding of our priests.

 

[Colt]

Our priest doesn’t need social skills but quite a few people (Catholics) could use some. People will ream a priest for the stupidest things…You would be surprised. It doesn’t matter how “social” a priest is. Either he will get reamed for using too much of it or not enough of it.

Perhaps we all need the social skills to be a little more understanding of our priests.

You didn’t answer my question.

 

[minkymurph]

Personally speaking, if a priest ignored me I would ignore them. I don’t see the need to be ‘friends’ with the Parish priest, and I wouldn’t bother with them unless I needed to. I would also find another confessor if the Parish priest didn’t like me. Absolution is Absolution. Any priest can give it to you.

If a priest made it obvious they didn’t want to shake hands with me, I wouldn’t bother holding mine out, I would just walk past them. I’m not saying that to be vindictive. I’m saying it because plenty of other people will want to shake hands. If the priest doesn’t, he is the one with problem and I wouldn’t make it mine. If anyone, priest or not, made it obvious they wanted nothing to do with me, I would give them what they wants - no interaction. I wouldn’t be unkind, or wish them any harm - but I don’t believe in stressing myself out over someone who doesn’t like me - even if they are a priest. I’m sure there are plenty of others who do like and appreciate you. I would focus on them rather than those who don’t.

 

[nickybr38]

Personally speaking, if a priest ignored me I would ignore them. I don’t see the need to be ‘friends’ with the Parish priest, and I wouldn’t bother with them unless I needed to. I would also find another confessor if the Parish priest didn’t like me. Absolution is Absolution. Any priest can give it to you.

If a priest made it obvious they didn’t want to shake hands with me, I wouldn’t bother holding mine out, I would just walk past them. I’m not saying that to be vindictive. I’m saying it because plenty of other people will want to shake hands. If the priest doesn’t, he is the one with problem and I wouldn’t make it mine. If anyone, priest or not, made it obvious they wanted nothing to do with me, I would give them what they wants - no interaction. I wouldn’t be unkind, or wish them any harm - but I don’t believe in stressing myself out over someone who doesn’t like me - even if they are a priest. I’m sure there are plenty of others who do like and appreciate you. I would focus on them rather than those who don’t.

Whether he likes you or not is immaterial. He is human. He won’t like every single parishioner. Some priests will be better at overcoming their humanity and treating everyone equally but some won’t.

OP, please go to confession. Put aside petty squabbles and partake of confession.

 

[TrueLight]

Colt,

In case you’re still reading, I’m in the middle of reading St Therese Lisieux’s Story of a Soul and in that book she discusses how she deals with difficult personalities, or people she finds annoying. It really is all about humility.

One of my resolutions is to include more of her “little way” in my life. I would recommend that you read it.

It is available for free here or you can buy it on Amazon.

Take care.

 

[Cathryn]

We are all called to forgive, I believe Jesus said, 7 times 70, which meant in the Hebrew world infinitely. I would just let the priest know that if he ever needs help around the parish he could give me a call. (there is always need for something to be done.) If he never calls me, I would be at peace, and if he takes me up on my offer, I would do my best to serve God, through serving him.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

You didn’t answer my question.

I assume you were asking over what? Over the allotted 10 minutes that some feel a homily should be…no more. Which is not me…I like his homilies and I really am not looking at my watch during Mass.