Zorgirl,
You ask some big questions and there is nothing wrong with them. It is good to question. I do believe God wants us to question as we seek to understand Him. The word “question” has the word “quest” in it. To quest means you are on a mission, seeking. God asks that we seek Him. We will never know the mind of God fully until we are with Him in heaven (and even then -maybe not ??- someone correct me), but we can certainly always strive to know Him better.
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As far as I know and what i have come to find, we do not have all the answers in depth. In fact, if you read more about what saints have said and even the history of the church you will find things that seem contradictory and end up with more unanswered questions!
I think everything comes down to one thing and that is faith in Jesus Christ. Our focus should be on Christ. When we get into the peripherals and what-ifs… things become a swirl of confusion, fear and black voids- like being lost in outer space and so far from home! It is best to just abandon it and focus on what is important:
Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues, they will cease; if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing.
For we know partially and we prophesy partially, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things. At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known.
So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.
( - 1 Corinthians 8-13)
The questions you ask are ones I think are common among believers. Even seasoned believers. As Scripture says, we don’t hope for things we see, but in things we don’t see/know. Otherwise, its not hope- as no one hopes for something they already have! (Romans 8:24) A better way of thinking is: so what if it isn’t true? What else do I have? What other options? St. Peter exclaimed “Lord, to Whom shall we go?!” (John 6:68)
What if it really is all just an old control thing, religion? Then ask what good has it done? What harm has it done? What is a better way of living? -and if you think so, why? What if it is an old control thing?!!! Is that so bad? Do we not need some sort of control? Are atheists any better off? Are anarchists?! Are those in other religions/belief systems?
What if we really do not have the answers in full depth? We do not, but through saints that loved God, we have examples and they have paved a way that is supernatural- that is, that which is above what our normal human nature’s do. They did things that mended hearts and caused peace… and even more amazing things that can’t be explained except it was the hand of God.
Are we wasting all this time on a faith which is not true? Maybe, for some in what they do and how they do it… then again, maybe not. What is the benefit of not believing? What is the benefit of going through the motions of religion if one doesn’t love it, believe in it or cherish it?
Why is the answer to all questions prayer, fasting and going to church when that is the very thing people question at times? Because all humans want and need the truth and no soul wants to be decieved- it is right and just that they question. Yet without stepping out in faith, you really aren’t showing to have faith, though maybe one has a little mustard seed’s worth!
…and that is still good.
Please, help settle my mind…
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When you start to feel that swirl of confusion, fear and black voids it is best to just abandon yourself to divine providence. Every one of us will die. This is fact that none of us can change (though some in science have been trying) so truly all of us are held to our mortality. We only get one life as we know it, what is the best way to live it? Everyone of us has to decide. Everyone of us will have to meet fate. What is the best way to meet Him?
Keep questioning!!! And pray!
