What is a friend?

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HoldingGodsHand

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I don’t know if the Spirituality forum is the best place for this, but this is definitely something that effects my spirit, some times much more than others. Lately I look at my friendships and other peoples friendships and I feel pretty certain I have no true friends. Sure I have “friends” but they all have other friends, their own circle of friends. I don’t belong to anyones circle of friends. Every time I meet a friend it’s always because I iniated it. When I don’t call or reach out, I hear nothing from no one. It’s like I’m just that extra friend in everyones life. I used to have a good friend whom I could confide in, a faithful devoted friend but that has changed. We are still friends but it’s been so long since we’ve sat down and had a heart to heart conversation like we used to. I have no one in my life whom I can confide in, or share my faith with. It’s ok for awhile than I have a hard time with it again. It must be me because it seems everyone else has no problems with friendships. I try, I reach out to others but I can’t force others to like me. If it weren’t for facebook I would not have anyone to interact with whatsoever, but I don’t share alot on facebook. I cannot be myself, it’s only me on the surface. Right now if I don’t go on fb or text people I will have almost no contact or interaction with anyone. It’s just really getting me down.
What makes someone a friend? The time you spend together? Reaching out to each other? Confiding in each other? Interacting on facebook or texting someone occasionally? Because you say hello or talk because you ran into someone?
God must not have given me the gift of being a friend? No one seems to like me enough to be a true friend, to really even know me. I think all my friends are really just acquaintances 😦
 
Tough one. Well, I have this [stupid] way of thinking all people I know is my friends, and I tell them just about all I have on my mind. Lately I did find out that I don’t have friends, only a bunch of people I know. (I do have one friend though, she is under the table and have four legs and a tail.)

I think a friend is someone who you love. And I don’t mean love as we usually think, but love that does not have anything to do with sex, you can “love” a man, and that does not mean you are gay. You love him as your friend. And it is not up to how much time you spend with them, it is what you do with that time. And as a man I would say that a evening in the pub, well, I don’t drink (did you really wanted to know that?) but if I would have friends I would not start drinking but I could spend time with them. You can have a friend you have not seen for years, and he/she might be your best friend. I don’t know the definition of a friend but I would say that someone you would like to have close to you when things are hard or you are in danger. And a man can have as the best friend a girl. I did when I was a teenager, a long time ago. We did not date, but we where together most of the time. We even did sleep in the same bed once. (No sex.) But we lost contact, a long time ago, and I do miss her. I know where she is, what she do, and what she should not do, I would like to help her, but I think she avoids me because she don’t want to hurt me, so in a way, yes, I have a friend, and she is one heck of a friend, and even though she is fifty and something as I am, she is still one gorgeous woman. But there has not been one single day theese last thirty years I would not have been thinking of her at least once a day.

I am sure you will find a true friend, maybe you have one but not really been thinking that he/she could be your [best] friend. Think back at your life, and the people you did know, and those you know now, and I am sure there is one person who always have been around, that is your best friend, and we need only one. And thank you for this question, it gave me hope, and I think I am much wiser then I was when I started to write this answer, God bless you. (And don’t forget that we have one, very special friend, Christ.)
 
They say that a true friend is a person who knows all about you and still likes you. In all seriousness we are all slowly alienating ourselves in a society that adores individualism and personal independence. We have lost the social need for dependence. A lot of our friends are like Facebook ‘friends’; just acquaintances.
Friends take time to develop and need constant care like a garden. If you lose contact you are liable to see them slip away like my flower garden. They are often developed from common interests; work, church, hobbies, friends of friends; but develop beyond that when they see what you have to offer - so offer. I believe it is harder to develop true friends as we age. We become less pliable in our opinions and our lifestyles and find it harder to find time for others outside our immediate family. Just because your friends have other friends does not mean they are any less a friend to you if they find time to include you in their lives. You yourself must work hard to develop friendships; just like a sexual relationship. They won’t happen if you sit at home feeling sorry for yourself. Get up and get pleasant. Start giving even if it is not always reciprocated immediately, but don’t be a mug either. You have to be a friend to have a friend. Just don’t expect too much - we live in an increasingly sad ‘society’.
 
There are some of us, who just don’t connect well enough with people that they don’t accept our friendship. We were always charitable and had people at our home for dinner, more often than we were invited.

This has been the story of my life and my wife’s as well.

We’re 62 years old now, and we have no friends. 15 years ago, we thought the neighbors were our friends. We use to get together often on week-ends when they were here at the lake, staying at their summer home. Our other friends a couple houses down, sold their summer home and converted to Mormonism. They stopped calling us. Then the other neighbor made friends with the couple who bought the Mormon’s house. They soon dumped us as well…

My wife believes it’s our religious faith that makes us unwelcome with these folks, although, we never talked religion when we got together. However, when they visited our home, it’s very Catholic. Our pictures, books and statues of the Sacred Heart, Mary and Saint Joseph, can’t be missed.

Anyway, we’re without friends and we see this as our cross, but also, as a blessing.

We are alone and quiet, almost all of the time. We dedicate ourselves to prayer and each other. We do crafts, take walks and play cards together.

I remember St Teresa of Avila advising novices that they are not to make close friends while serving God. Having a close relationship with one person, causes another person to be left out. It’s a reality that we saw in people who have a circle of friends. Some one, doesn’t get invited and often becomes the subject of gossip.

Anyway, just a few thoughts I have on the subject.

In all, Jesus is the center of our lives. It is his love that is sought after.

We love and forgive those who reject us, because Jesus was rejected by his friends when he was on the cross.

We link our sense of abandonment by friends, with his.

Farther forgive them, for they know not what they do.

Jim
 
I heard that a friendship is built by confiding things to each other, good and bad. In this way you get to know one another and you have a lot of common points, you can share the events of your life with that person. I used to wish to have an alter ego, someone who can fully understand me and help me if necessary…but I don’t have one. Maybe it is better this way, because the majority of our friends come and pass, and this is normal.
A nun once told me that she has lifelong friends because she always put Christ in the middle of that friendship, but in our society I think it is hard to built this kind of relationship.
However, we should not forget that Christ is our best friend (St Therese of Lisieux said that He was her only friend) and that we have Our Lady, all the saints and our guardian angels who are there for us. And really, only God can truly and fully be our friend because He created us, He is the only one who has real acces to our hearts. So, you are never alone!
I hope you will continue to be open to others and you will find the friends you wish for. Maybe if you have in your proximity someone who you would like to be friend with, you could try to spend more time with her, to share your opinions and to get to know each other. Maybe with someone who goes at the same church with you?
God bless!
 
A true friend** loves you**, cares about your soul. To love another person is to put the other person first, that is, before oneself and after God; to love another is to desire the highest good for the other person – the highest good being Heaven. Don’t feel that you are necessarily to blame for the lack of friends who initiate friendship with you. Just patiently offer up your suffering in union with Jesus’ suffering and enjoy the friendship of Our Lord, Our Lady, your Guardian Angel, all the Angels and Saints … and any good person you know. God does not give us good friends when He wants us all for Himself; maybe right now God just wants you all for Himself. Give it time and He could put some good friends in your life. God bless you.
 
ready said:
God does not give us good friends when He wants us all for Himself; maybe right now God just wants you all for Himself. Give it time and He could put some good friends in your life. God bless you.
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Hmm that’s an interesting way to see it, I’ve never thought God could want me all to Himself? If that could be true, than it must be because I was not relying on Him enough. At least I am pretty sure that I wasn’t, but I’ve learned now and know I need to put Him first always. Sometimes though I just want a friend here, someone to confide in face to face. To just spend some time with a good friend whom I share God and faith with.
Thanks everyone for all the help and advice.
 
Nobody entirely understands another human soul, only God does. There are all different kinds of friends; you don’t have to have a “best” friend who meets all your “requirements.” For example, in my life, I have one friend that I can be silly with, one who is an encourager and talks about theology with me, and another who shares my sense of humor.
 
To Jesus My Friend
by St. Claude de la Colombiere

Jesus! You are my true Friend, my only Friend. You take a part in all my misfortunes; You take them on Yourself; You know how to change them into blessings; You listen to me with the greatest kindness when I relate my troubles to You, and You have always balm to pour on my wounds.

I find You at all times; I find You everywhere, You never go away: if I have to change my dwelling, I find You there wherever I go. You are never weary of listening to me, You are never tired of doing me good. I am certain of being beloved by You, if I love You; my goods are nothing to You, and by bestowing Yours on me, You never grow poor; however miserable I may be, no one nobler or cleverer or even holier can come between You and me, and deprive me of Your friendship; and death, which tears us away from all other friends, will unite me forever to You. All the humiliations attached to old age, or to the loss of honor, will never detach You from me; on the contrary, I shall never enjoy You more fully, and You will never be closer to me than when everything seems to conspire against me to overwhelm me and to cast me down. You bear with all my faults with extreme patience, and even my want of fidelity and my ingratitude do not wound You to such a degree as to make You unwilling to receive me when I return to You. O Jesus, grant that I may die praising You, that I may die loving You, that I may die for the love of You. Amen.
 
HoldingGodsHand said:
Hmm that’s an interesting way to see it, I’ve never thought God could want me all to Himself? If that could be true, than it must be because I was not relying on Him enough. At least I am pretty sure that I wasn’t, but I’ve learned now and know I need to put Him first always. Sometimes though I just want a friend here, someone to confide in face to face. To just spend some time with a good friend whom I share God and faith with.
Thanks everyone for all the help and advice.
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Yes, I honestly believe that right now God wants you all for Himself … and it is excellent that you are truly resolved to put Him first. I believe that in time God will send a good companion your way. But for now, keep your heart fixed on Him and on loving Him above everyone and everything else. God bless you!
 
HoldingGodsHand said:
Hmm that’s an interesting way to see it, I’ve never thought God could want me all to Himself? If that could be true, than it must be because I was not relying on Him enough. At least I am pretty sure that I wasn’t, but I’ve learned now and know I need to put Him first always. Sometimes though I just want a friend here, someone to confide in face to face. To just spend some time with a good friend whom I share God and faith with.
Thanks everyone for all the help and advice.
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I understand what you mean. Everyone needs, or wants friends. It is good to have someone you know is there. If you don’t have family it can be hard I am sure.

The way I see a friend is, it is someone who is on your side; someone who understands where you are coming from and will stand with you. You don’t necessarily have to reveal every detail about yourself (I think that can be counter productive). There will always be a part of you that remains a mystery to everyone else, except God. A friend is someone who you will say, ‘this is my friend, and I am proud to stand beside him/her.’ You are willing to help that person and put yourself on the line for them. If they don’t return the sentiment, that is their problem, and maybe the friendship shouldn’t be. It takes effort to be someone’s friend. If you put yourself out there eventually you will meet someone who will also be a friend to you.

By the way, I am not mr suave either. I don’t have a lot of friends either.
 
ready said:
Yes, I honestly believe that right now God wants you all for Himself … and it is excellent that you are truly resolved to put Him first. I believe that in time God will send a good companion your way. But for now, keep your heart fixed on Him and on loving Him above everyone and everything else. God bless you!
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I disagree. God made us for communion with other humans, not only with himself. We always have God as a friend, but we should also get along with other humans. Morality is largely (maybe exclusively) about relationships with other humans. We behave in a certain way, or avoid certain things because it is good for us and for our relationships with other humans. God doesn’t make arbitrary rules for us to follow.

I think that someone who learns to live a life of virtue, also becomes attractive to others as a friend. That is the purpose of virtue.
 
I have a couple of friends that I have lunch with once a month or so. I have initiated our outings, but they always seem happy to be invited. Maybe a lot of people feel like I do, that I don’t want to impose, that everyone is too busy for me, that I’m not very interesting.
But it helps to invite people to join me for lunch or after work.
I have one very good friend who has moved a distance away, but we get together once every 6 months or so, for about 20 years. We remain very good friends.
I think a lot of people in our individualistic society are lonely, and appreciate being listened to. I would recommend to the OP that you call up your good friend that you used to confide in, and get together with him. I don’t know what guys do, but women get together for lunch.
People want to be listened to. It’s irresistible. Show interest in someone else, and they will think you are an interesting person.
If you’re lonely, go visit someone in a nursing home. Now there are people who really need a friend, and have some fascinating stories to tell.
 
jimmy said:
I disagree. God made us for communion with other humans, not only with himself. We always have God as a friend, but we should also get along with other humans. Morality is largely (maybe exclusively) about relationships with other humans. We behave in a certain way, or avoid certain things because it is good for us and for our relationships with other humans. God doesn’t make arbitrary rules for us to follow.

I think that someone who learns to live a life of virtue, also becomes attractive to others as a friend. That is the purpose of virtue.
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I have no reason to believe that the Original Poster is not living a life of virtue or is doing anything to deter others from a friendship with her. She hasn’t even stated that she is not living a virtuous life! For this reason I believe strongly that at this point in her life God wants her all for Himself – otherwise he would have given her a friend to be with. It is very wrong for you to assume and judge that the Original Poster is the one to blame for her lack of friends. If and when God wants her to have a good friend, other than Himself and the Angels and Saints, HE WILL GIVE ONE TO HER – until then, it is God’s Will that she be alone with Him and with Angels and Saints for friendship. I know that God has made us social and we are happiest when we have friends to care about us, but God is not making it possible right now for the OP to have a friend other than Himself and the Angels and Saints – He wants her to know his care better and His love more, along with the care and love of the Blessed Virgin Mary, her Guardian Angel and the Saints. And remember that **nothing **happens without God’s ordaining- or permissive-Will. It is God’s Will that the Original Poster has only Him and the Angels and Saints right now – otherwise He would have given her a friend. We’ll have to agree to disagree, because I have read about these things and I believe strongly that this is just how God works. I feel bad that you don’t understand and that you think that it is the OP fault that she hasn’t a good friend right now – she never even said that she wasn’t living a virtuous life.
 
I think there are many things that constitute a friend depending on the individual. But basically a friend doesnt lie to you, they dont steal from you, they dont engage in behaviour that damages your reputation unnecessarily, they dont betray you. They are pleased when you are happy and doing well and they dont deliberately try to hurt you. Also, if you need space they give it to you & importantly, if you have been away from them for a while, they accept you back, when you wish to reconnect. Basically a friend stands up for your dignity, & they are honest with you if you ask them something. They help you to achieve the best in life- for you. Sometimes it seems that we dont have many friends, but then true friends are not really part of the everyday. I am sure we can all remember people who qualified very well as true friends in our lives, even if we dornt see them now (for whatever reason). Sometimes we dont recognise the true friends in our midst. Sometimes we might look for friendship in all the wrong places & not realise where it is. Maybe one actually doesnt have any true friends - but be happy if you have contained your enemies & have peace in your life - this is a priceless gift from God.
 
ready said:
I have no reason to believe that the Original Poster is not living a life of virtue or is doing anything to deter others from a friendship with her. She hasn’t even stated that she is not living a virtuous life! For this reason I believe strongly that at this point in her life God wants her all for Himself – otherwise he would have given her a friend to be with. It is very wrong for you to assume and judge that the Original Poster is the one to blame for her lack of friends. If and when God wants her to have a good friend, other than Himself and the Angels and Saints, HE WILL GIVE ONE TO HER – until then, it is God’s Will that she be alone with Him and with Angels and Saints for friendship. I know that God has made us social and we are happiest when we have friends to care about us, but God is not making it possible right now for the OP to have a friend other than Himself and the Angels and Saints – He wants her to know his care better and His love more, along with the care and love of the Blessed Virgin Mary, her Guardian Angel and the Saints. And remember that **nothing **happens without God’s ordaining- or permissive-Will. It is God’s Will that the Original Poster has only Him and the Angels and Saints right now – otherwise He would have given her a friend. We’ll have to agree to disagree, because I have read about these things and I believe strongly that this is just how God works. I feel bad that you don’t understand and that you think that it is the OP fault that she hasn’t a good friend right now – she never even said that she wasn’t living a virtuous life.
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St Therese of Lisieux said that Jesus was her only friend, & she was a doctor of the church! Also, Jesus Himself was a man despised & rejected by many & familiar with suffering. Also God told St Padre Pio that if He hadnt given him sufferings, he would not have been faithful. Mother Theresa said that if Jesus comes very close to you, it is because your sufferings have been like His. Good to think about.
 
ready said:
I have no reason to believe that the Original Poster is not living a life of virtue or is doing anything to deter others from a friendship with her. She hasn’t even stated that she is not living a virtuous life! For this reason I believe strongly that at this point in her life God wants her all for Himself – otherwise he would have given her a friend to be with. It is very wrong for you to assume and judge that the Original Poster is the one to blame for her lack of friends. If and when God wants her to have a good friend, other than Himself and the Angels and Saints, HE WILL GIVE ONE TO HER – until then, it is God’s Will that she be alone with Him and with Angels and Saints for friendship. I know that God has made us social and we are happiest when we have friends to care about us, but God is not making it possible right now for the OP to have a friend other than Himself and the Angels and Saints – He wants her to know his care better and His love more, along with the care and love of the Blessed Virgin Mary, her Guardian Angel and the Saints. And remember that **nothing **happens without God’s ordaining- or permissive-Will. It is God’s Will that the Original Poster has only Him and the Angels and Saints right now – otherwise He would have given her a friend. We’ll have to agree to disagree, because I have read about these things and I believe strongly that this is just how God works. I feel bad that you don’t understand and that you think that it is the OP fault that she hasn’t a good friend right now – she never even said that she wasn’t living a virtuous life.
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Good post.
 
Joy2day said:
St Therese of Lisieux said that Jesus was her only friend, & she was a doctor of the church! Also, Jesus Himself was a man despised & rejected by many & familiar with suffering. Also God told St Padre Pio that if He hadnt given him sufferings, he would not have been faithful. Mother Theresa said that if Jesus comes very close to you, it is because your sufferings have been like His. Good to think about.
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Thank you for this encouragement
which definitely is good to think about.
 
Ever meet that person who always picks you up when you are down?

Always listens to you?

Loves you unconditionally?

Makes you feel like you are the most special soul ever created?

Is always there for you seeking God’s Choicest Blessings for you and all your dear ones now and for all Eternity?

Ahh, I see you have met Our Lord Jesus Christ. 🙂

When you unconditionally love others in this manner, you may likely attract at least one person as family or non-family who loves you the same according to God’s Holy Will. As many like-minded and like-hearted people here, I also do my fallible, flawed and imperfect best to unconditionally love all souls the same with the one perfect love that flows through all of our souls.

I will accept the friendship of any soul seeking or valuing friendships that reflect the perfect qualities of love our Lord Jesus Christ invites us to share with each other. This is a work-in-progress, just like your unique life on your unique journey, these types of friends are like hugs from God that will arrive at the perfect time, to God be ALL the Glory.

Blessings, peace and prayers to all beautiful souls here I count as eternally loved friends. 😃
 
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