What is a good friend?

[PelagiathePenit]

I think the truth and your honest opinions should rarely be compromised to spare someone’s feelings. Some say I lack sympathy. I think it is important to see things exactly as they are. Sometimes I think when people make foolish choices they talk to me looking for sympathy. Is it even really helpful to give sympathy? Im never going to condone misconduct. Sometimes you have to tell your friend they are pathetic or they need to grow up. Some say it is prideful to tell a friend how you honestly would have handled the situation better. One hand if someone isn’t looking for advice and has set boundaries with what they want, you should respect that. Some people say a good friend challenges you, calls you out, refuses to tell you what you want to hear. A good friend holds you accountable and is not afraid to tell you when you are wrong. Should we only discuss matters that make us comfortable? Sometimes you must bursr someone’s bubble to help them. When is it OK to cross boundaries with a friend? Do people deserve sympathy or pity after making foolish choices?

 

[ethereality]

Check out Asperger’s Syndrome. You speak like someone who has it. People with this condition tend to think that speaking the truth directly is the best way to help someone, and they tend to disregard emotion.

Most people are governed by both emotion and reason, and so to care for them properly, you must take both into consideration. Hence telling the truth can actually hurt the person and not help them if they are not emotionally prepared. Sometimes what is needed is a purely emotional response, even though what they say suggests reason, e.g. when someone is personally hurting.

A good friend is someone who is walking the same path in life, i.e. who has the same goals in mind, and who helps the other person to achieve the same ends. As I said, this requires care for both emotion and reason. (You don’t “sacrifice reason for the sake of emotion”; there is always a way to balance both, even if it means ‘the reason part comes later’, or something they must find by another means if they won’t receive it from you.)

 

[Rosebud77]

I think the truth and your honest opinions should rarely be compromised to spare someone’s feelings. Some say I lack sympathy. I think it is important to see things exactly as they are. Sometimes I think when people make foolish choices they talk to me looking for sympathy. Is it even really helpful to give sympathy? Im never going to condone misconduct. Sometimes you have to tell your friend they are pathetic or they need to grow up. Some say it is prideful to tell a friend how you honestly would have handled the situation better. One hand if someone isn’t looking for advice and has set boundaries with what they want, you should respect that. Some people say a good friend challenges you, calls you out, refuses to tell you what you want to hear. A good friend holds you accountable and is not afraid to tell you when you are wrong. Should we only discuss matters that make us comfortable? Sometimes you must bursr someone’s bubble to help them. When is it OK to cross boundaries with a friend? Do people deserve sympathy or pity after making foolish choices?

No. A good friend loves without judging and without wanting the friend to be like you in any way, Someone who is good to be with

What I have bolded… Oh DEAR!

A friend is just that and to be respected whatever they are.

A friend gives.

 

[mommy_k]

They also help each other with life’s little problems. They keep what you say to them private. They edify, not tear down. They bring joy to your life most times, and when life is difficult for one, they are there to support each other.

Good friendship is reciprocated. They are accepting of each other’s minor faults. When a friend sees the other going down the wrong path or something, the other friend addresses it with kindness and concern, and the other friend istens because they know it’s coming from a place of love. They bring out the best in each other and know how to address certain things because they know each other well. If someone was direct or blunt it would bring out the worst, and it makes people defensive. It should be to help them, and they should walk away feeling better not worse.

If you have someone in your life that you call friend, and the above is not practiced by either party, they are not friends. They are two people who know each other.

Honesty with a friend does not equal bluntness. There are other ways.

 

[egretps]

A good friend also tells you the truth. Will warn you when you are straying.

They won’t control you or even try.

But when they tell you the truth, they do so gently.

MommyK sums it up beautifully in the post above.

I don’t suggest the Myers Brigg personality test, although I’ve taken it and so has my best friend. She tends to be a personality that tries to find solutions more than offer sympathy. She has a friend who loves to complain and wants sympathy and a listening ear. All the time. This makes their relationship difficult for her.

I tend to listen and offer sympathies. Sometimes I’ll offer a solution or idea, but I tend not to.

Well, my very dear friend is frustrated beyond belief with her other friend. I asked her if she thought the other girl was looking for a solution or sympathy. The light bulb went off.

So you might think your friend is being pathetic, understand that she might not want the same things in life you do or see the world as you do. She might need time to work out her issues. She might be suffering and you don’t understand it at all. Empathy is a gift. You might not understand, but you can encourage her to do healthy things even while she is suffering. That’s a solution based personality. But, if you love your friend you will support her in a healthy way even if you don’t understand.

We don’t need to understand everything. But we are called to Love others. It should be a good exercise to love our Friend. Our friends are gifts to us.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7New International Version (NIV)

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.*

 

[puzzledtoo]

I can’t tell you how many times Matthew 7:5 comes into play in my life, and how many times a week I think of this verse.
As for what is a good friend I don’t know. I’ve never really thought of myself as being a friend. I’ve many acquaintances that I’ve known for years though. I’ve many attachments to family and others but I’m not a good friend.
I try to ask myself though that if what I’m going to say is going to help the matter at hand or not and try not to give advice that has not been asked for and for me this is difficult.

 

[Rosebud77]

I can’t tell you how many times Matthew 7:5 comes into play in my life, and how many times a week I think of this verse.
As for what is a good friend I don’t know. I’ve never really thought of myself as being a friend. I’ve many acquaintances that I’ve known for years though. I’ve many attachments to family and others but I’m not a good friend.
I try to ask myself though that if what I’m going to say is going to help the matter at hand or not and try not to give advice that has not been asked for and for me this is difficult.

I truly think that in fact you are a better friend than anyone here. I think the word is humility; bless you for that!

 

[puzzledtoo]

While I don’t see myself as a friend Rosebud77 I thank you for that.

 

[ConfusedLucy]

You need to ask yourself how you would want to be treated when you make mistakes and bad decisions.

 

[Rosebud77]

While I don’t see myself as a friend Rosebud77 I thank you for that.

Listening is the greatest gift. Took me years to learn that. It puts self at the back you see.

One day early last year when I was praying at the crib in the cathedral a young woman came and sat by me.So troubled and with good reason. I sat and listened as Jesus listens to us. Just occasionally when she asked an anguished question, a simple reassuring answer. No judgment although I was seething at how she has been treated.

Sometimes we thing friendship means an equal sharing, give and take and it rarely does. Self needs to take a back seat not be steering.

 

[PelagiathePenit]

Listening is the greatest gift. Took me years to learn that. It puts self at the back you see.

One day early last year when I was praying at the crib in the cathedral a young woman came and sat by me.So troubled and with good reason. I sat and listened as Jesus listens to us. Just occasionally when she asked an anguished question, a simple reassuring answer. No judgment although I was seething at how she has been treated.

Sometimes we thing friendship means an equal sharing, give and take and it rarely does. Self needs to take a back seat not be steering.

People have different objectives in friendships. Different demands.

 

[Rosebud77]

People have different objectives in friendships. Different demands.

and i have never seen you agree with anyone who posts to you! Ah well!

 

[thistle]

I think the truth and your honest opinions should rarely be compromised to spare someone’s feelings. Some say I lack sympathy. I think it is important to see things exactly as they are. Sometimes I think when people make foolish choices they talk to me looking for sympathy. Is it even really helpful to give sympathy? Im never going to condone misconduct. Sometimes you have to tell your friend they are pathetic or they need to grow up. Some say it is prideful to tell a friend how you honestly would have handled the situation better. One hand if someone isn’t looking for advice and has set boundaries with what they want, you should respect that. Some people say a good friend challenges you, calls you out, refuses to tell you what you want to hear. A good friend holds you accountable and is not afraid to tell you when you are wrong. Should we only discuss matters that make us comfortable? Sometimes you must bursr someone’s bubble to help them. When is it OK to cross boundaries with a friend? Do people deserve sympathy or pity after making foolish choices?

Honestly, if that’s the way you treat people you say are friends I would be surprised if you have many left.

Let me quote you something from St John of the Cross.

“Some souls suffer from another kind of spiritual anger. They watch over others with a kind of restless fervour, perpetually annoyed by the transgressions they perceive.The impulse arises to reprove the other souls in an angry way. Sometimes they even indulge this nasty urge, elevating themselves as masters of virtue. This is all quite contrary to spiritual meekness.”