What is a private divorce?

[Benadam]

While St Joseph was in confusion about Our Blessed Mother’s pregnancy he resolved to divorce Mary privately. I understand the reason was to spare her the severe hardship that would befall her as an unmarried pregnant woman in Jewish society.

What exactly did it mean back then for a man to divorce a woman privately? Was it a divorce that would be kept from the public indefinitely? Was St Joseph’s resolution to the problem something that Jewish society offered for certain circumstances? Did it have a precedence?

If St Joseph’s decision meant that he would continue to support Mary and Jesus in his household but in fact not be her husband or her child’s legal father the implications could be quite profound in my opinion.

 

[pigtown]

I’m not positive but I understood that Mary and Joseph were not married when she became pregnant but were engaged. The silent divorce was simply a way of quietly breaking the engagement which, of course, he did not do.

 

[Todd_Easton]

What exactly did it mean back then for a man to divorce a woman privately?

It is my understanding that Joseph could have publicly accused Mary of adultery before the village court, as Susanna was in Daniel 13. Mary probably would have been made to drink the water of bitterness, described in Numbers 5:11-31. See the Protoevangelium of James, 16.

From A Commentary On The New Testament, published by The Catholic Biblical Association, 1942, on Matthew 1:19:
19. A just man: one who conscientiously observed the Law; hence this does not give the reason why he did not wish to expose her to reproach; but his desire to save her from public shame and punishment flowed from his conviction of her innocence. Therefore he was minded, made up his mind, decided, to separate from her legally but quietly, by giving her a bill of divorce (cf. Deuteronomy 24:1) before two witnesses in private without stating the motive.

 

[Leopard]

They were not engaged as we would use the term today; they were betrothed as betrothal was understood in first-century Hebrew culture. Betrothal was not simply an intent to marry sometime in the future, it was an early stage in a long and complex marriage ritual that would culminate with the man bringing his bride into his home and the two living as husband and wife. But before this happened many arrangements might need to be made between the couple’s families, during which time (the betrothal) a legal union existed between the man and his betrothed bride.

If the man should die during the betrothal period his betrothed bride was considered his widow, and if the man, the woman, or either of their families wanted to end the union during the betrothal, a legal divorce proceedings would have to be undertaken during which such issues would be addressed as whether any dowry needed to be returned to the bride’s family. It was not as simple as firing the caterer and canceling the registry at Field’s.

 

[Daniel_Marsh]

I think this would be bettered answered by what public ritual is involved,

Numbers 5:11-31 (New International Version)

11 Then the LORD said to Moses, 12 "Speak to the Israelites and say to them: 'If a man’s wife goes astray and is unfaithful to him 13 by sleeping with another man, and this is hidden from her husband and her impurity is undetected (since there is no witness against her and she has not been caught in the act), 14 and if feelings of jealousy come over her husband and he suspects his wife and she is impure—or if he is jealous and suspects her even though she is not impure- 15 then he is to take his wife to the priest. He must also take an offering of a tenth of an ephah of barley flour on her behalf. He must not pour oil on it or put incense on it, because it is a grain offering for jealousy, a reminder offering to draw attention to guilt.
16 " 'The priest shall bring her and have her stand before the LORD. 17 Then he shall take some holy water in a clay jar and put some dust from the tabernacle floor into the water. 18 After the priest has had the woman stand before the LORD, he shall loosen her hair and place in her hands the reminder offering, the grain offering for jealousy, while he himself holds the bitter water that brings a curse. 19 Then the priest shall put the woman under oath and say to her, “If no other man has slept with you and you have not gone astray and become impure while married to your husband, may this bitter water that brings a curse not harm you. 20 But if you have gone astray while married to your husband and you have defiled yourself by sleeping with a man other than your husband”- 21 here the priest is to put the woman under this curse of the oath-"may the LORD cause your people to curse and denounce you when he causes your thigh to waste away and your abdomen to swell. 22 May this water that brings a curse enter your body so that your abdomen swells and your thigh wastes away. "
" 'Then the woman is to say, “Amen. So be it.”

23 " 'The priest is to write these curses on a scroll and then wash them off into the bitter water. 24 He shall have the woman drink the bitter water that brings a curse, and this water will enter her and cause bitter suffering. 25 The priest is to take from her hands the grain offering for jealousy, wave it before the LORD and bring it to the altar. 26 The priest is then to take a handful of the grain offering as a memorial offering and burn it on the altar; after that, he is to have the woman drink the water. 27 If she has defiled herself and been unfaithful to her husband, then when she is made to drink the water that brings a curse, it will go into her and cause bitter suffering; her abdomen will swell and her thigh waste away, and she will become accursed among her people. 28 If, however, the woman has not defiled herself and is free from impurity, she will be cleared of guilt and will be able to have children.

29 " ‘This, then, is the law of jealousy when a woman goes astray and defiles herself while married to her husband, 30 or when feelings of jealousy come over a man because he suspects his wife. The priest is to have her stand before the LORD and is to apply this entire law to her. 31 The husband will be innocent of any wrongdoing, but the woman will bear the consequences of her sin.’ "

Basically, the woman is drinking about two liters of a primative laxitive and if she has normal reactions to it, she is guilty and may result in her being stoned to death – John 8.

Leviticus 20:10
" 'If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife—with the wife of his neighbor—both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death.

 

[Benadam]

Thank you all for your very thought provoking and educational responses.