What is chastity within marriage?

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What is chastity within marriage?
I am talking about a fully active married life that includes frequent married lovemaking.

I am not, not asking for advice about masturbation, NFP, contraception or what part can go where. People often confuse chastity and continence. Continent simply means refraining from sex. It is a narrow definition. Chastity means something fuller, deeper and wider. What is that meaning within marriage.

What is the sacramental meaning of chastely giving one’s self totally and completely to your spouse? In the holy sacrament of Christian marriage, describe chaste love and living.

I suggest and espresso with the slice of cake. Enjoy.
 
It means loving and serving your spouse, not using him or her as a means to an end. You desire your spouse,you are attracted to them and thoroughly enjoy lovemaking, but it’s not about you.
 
I don’t have a comprehensive answer for you, but one element of chastity within marriage would be that in lovemaking you are close to your spouse alone. One falls short of that closeness when one’s imagination wanders to images from porn or other media, or thoughts of past partners (either actual sexual partners or “what if” scenarios). Your attention should be devoted to the here-and-now act between you and your spouse, not a million miles away in some private place in your mind.

(Sorry, I’ve given you the “Family Life” answer, not “Liturgy and Sacraments,” but hopefully it’s related.)
 
Another partial answer: Chastity within marriage, in the larger sense as you described in the OP, helps the marriage to fulfill another purpose besides love and procreation, and that is the holiness and salvation of the spouses. In this sense it is very much a sacrament. The husband may save his wife, and the wife may save her husband. In so doing, he may also save himself, and she may also save herself.
 
Beryllos, thank you for a precise reply. When I went to our first marriage prep appointment this is the explanation I gave to the priest preparing us for marriage. Helping each other get (merit) to heaven is the specific reason she wanted me as a husband and I wanted her as a wife. Beyond this exact reason, everything else is window-dressing.

We are beyond the age of child bearing and understand that marriage is until death. We both want to be chaste now in our engagement period and when we are married. This is why I am trying to understand chastity within marriage. We plan to be quite active and have already discussed married love and its frequency. So what is chastity within marriage. Technically I want to know the chastity principle: that from which everything else flows in any manner whatsoever.

Purity, Chastity and Modesty, virtues these three. Grant that they grow in me.

The OP
 
atassina said:
When I went to our first marriage prep appointment this is the explanation I gave to the priest preparing us for marriage.
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I don’t mean to go off topic but do priests nowadays normally ask questions about this type of topic or is it up to the persons requesting to be married to bring it up?

I got married a couple decades ago and I don’t recall our priest asking us anything this deep…he mostly just asked if we were willing to have children and raise them Catholics, and made sure neither of us had been married before, that sort of thing. We had a pre-Cana group weekend later that might have touched on some of this.
 
atassina said:
What is chastity within marriage?
I am talking about a fully active married life that includes frequent married lovemaking.

I am not, not asking for advice about masturbation, NFP, contraception or what part can go where. People often confuse chastity and continence. Continent simply means refraining from sex. It is a narrow definition. Chastity means something fuller, deeper and wider. What is that meaning within marriage.

What is the sacramental meaning of chastely giving one’s self totally and completely to your spouse? In the holy sacrament of Christian marriage, describe chaste love and living.

I suggest and espresso with the slice of cake. Enjoy.
Click to expand...
Catechism

2341 The virtue of chastity comes under the cardinal virtue of temperance, which seeks to permeate the passions and appetites of the senses with reason.

2349 "People should cultivate [chastity] in the way that is suited to their state of life. Some profess virginity or consecrated celibacy which enables them to give themselves to God alone with an undivided heart in a remarkable manner. Others live in the way prescribed for all by the moral law, whether they are married or single."136 Married people are called to live conjugal chastity; others practice chastity in continence:
There are three forms of the virtue of chastity: the first is that of spouses, the second that of widows, and the third that of virgins. We do not praise any one of them to the exclusion of the others. . . . This is what makes for the richness of the discipline of the Church.137
136 CDF, Persona humana 11.
137 St. Ambrose, De viduis 4,23:PL 16,255A.
​

vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a6.htm
 
I am surprised this basic teaching wasn’t brought up already so here is the quote from the CCC:
2337 Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person and thus the inner unity of man in his bodily and spiritual being. Sexuality, in which man’s belonging to the bodily and biological world is expressed, becomes personal and truly human when it is** integrated** into the relationship of one person to another, in the complete and lifelong mutual gift of a man and a woman.
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The virtue of chastity therefore involves the integrity of the person and the integrality of the gift.
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In chastity sexuality is part of a whole-some relationship rather than something set apart. We tend to see sexuality as something set apart from things like sacrifice, kindness, etc…
Sexuality is properly integrated into all the aspects of a conjugal relationship.

On the ground, that means I should make my wife coffee in the morning and bring it to her, and make sure I pick my underwear.
Chastity is not a negative kind of virtue, it opens up the entirety of the relationship to God’s grace.
 
grout and Bookcat,
Thank you for your quotes from CCC. I found them quite close to the answer that I’m hoping to find.

Online, are there any good essays that describe married chastity?

the op

PS: Enjoy a piece with your first cup of coffee and relish it with your second cup of covfefe. It will taste better.
 
atassina said:
grout and Bookcat,
Thank you for your quotes from CCC. I found them quite close to the answer that I’m hoping to find.

Online, are there any good essays that describe married chastity?

the op

PS: Enjoy a piece with your first cup of coffee and relish it with your second cup of covfefe. It will taste better.
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If you want the Catholic philosophy behind it try Theology of the Body. EWTN has it as does the vatican.
JP2 does a very good job of exposing the fullness of conjugal love. It involves the whole person.
 
Grout,
Thanks for suggesting this approach. I need to read/study the “full meal deal” and not just a snack. The bottom line approach does not apply here.

the op
 
Atassina:

For you and your fiance’ being an older couple, chastity would most likely be about respect for each other. There will be times (of course) where the two of you will want to have marital relations (nothing wrong with that), as I’m sure the two of you do have a physical attraction to one another.

Years ago, I recall two Catholic speakers discussing the early years of their marriage. Both married in their mid-30s, and one major argument the first year of marriage was the guy saying “honeymoon time”. He learned that although he loves his wife, there are quite a few times where abstinence needs to be practiced. Cuddling up on the couch to watch a movie, watching the stars outside together, or just having a one-on-one dinner together are important.

Married friends have told me there were many times where prolonged abstinence was needed (i.e. medical issues, a heavy period, complications after a miscarriage, etc.) and practicing chastity before and during marriage were beneficial. This often results in longer marriages, and it’s sad that co-habitating couples never learned the importance of chastity, and it’s often said that the resorts newlyweds attend on their honeymoon (i.e. “all inclusives” in the Carribbean) have a wide variety of activities because many newlyweds today are already bored with sex.

When I was younger, I remember dating and making sure I went home for the night , particularly if we had gone to a movie and were just sitting up talking at her house, out of respect, and yes, there were times I had to stop at 7-11 for coffee in order to stay awake to drive home, but it was worth it.

Here’s a suggestion: It would be good to talk to some older couples to get their insights, since both of you are beyond child bearing years.

I’m sure the two of you will be faithful to each other. When my brother and my SIL got married, the priest said, “the wedding has ended but the marriage is just beginning.” Happy wedding day.
 
atassina said:
What is chastity within marriage?
I am talking about a fully active married life that includes frequent married lovemaking.

I am not, not asking for advice about masturbation, NFP, contraception or what part can go where. People often confuse chastity and continence. Continent simply means refraining from sex. It is a narrow definition. Chastity means something fuller, deeper and wider. What is that meaning within marriage.

What is the sacramental meaning of chastely giving one’s self totally and completely to your spouse? In the holy sacrament of Christian marriage, describe chaste love and living.

I suggest and espresso with the slice of cake. Enjoy.
Click to expand...
It means fidelity to your spouse during the marriage.
 
hwriggles4 said:
Atassina:

When I was younger, I remember dating and making sure I went home for the night , particularly if we had gone to a movie and were just sitting up talking at her house, out of respect, and yes, there were times I had to stop at 7-11 for coffee in order to stay awake to drive home, but it was worth it.
Click to expand...
Thanks, your above quote was especially helpful to me.

the op
 
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