Hi Luke,
The other things you speak of – being?
Petting or touching, showing, etc?
If it is mild sexual foreplay that you are talking about – then what is being discussed are actions which make the other person “feel good” sexually. For example, shimmying up tight against your girlfriend when dancing can feel really good … etc.
Often times these are spontaneous events; some are an intentional progression.
The problem is that there is a point of no return for most men; and often this is not the case with women on a daily basis (there are exceptions), but there are days they can be exceptionally susceptible to the temptation of going just a little bit further. You may be going along fine, and then one day the feeling just becomes intense to the point of being overpowering. I have seen it happen.
I would caution you not to think about this as an issue of legal or illegal; But of emotional involvement and use. If you find your girlfriend closing her eyes and concentrating on being felt, or feeling you – there is a good chance you are the object of a fantasy, and not a person whom she is loving necessarily. Those who can interchange one man for another, or switch rapidly are even more likely to be this kind. If you, yourself, tend to be attracted to looking at certain features, the breastline, etc. that can also signal that there is more chemical attraction of the body than of your mind. There has to be a “spark” of attraction or you wouldn’t date – but there are some which are simply too attractive for some men.
The more you have in common, socially – not sexually – the more satisfying the relationship will likely be. Sexual bonding (even foreplay) desensitizes a person to the more important aspects of a relationship; it causes one to overlook the faults of the other person and is a way of hiding what you are really getting.
There is a stereotype which is half true that tends to make the rounds; A man just wants sex but a woman only does so when she really loves a man.
This isn’t true – but because of coincidences, and peers, it often is easy to believe.
The real danger with this kind of thinking is that it becomes a temptation – if she really loved me, she would go further… But actual motives can be much different; anywhere from, it just happens to be a day she is really susceptible – to pressure from other Girlfriends to be “popular”, conquest, or even money/access to it.
For a man, it can become an ego thing – I am just so handsome the girls get shivers… Look everyone, s/he loves me – I am worth something! (blah blah fill in the blank).
A biology experiment is something of an example of what this type of activity does to a person; Take a frog and drop it in a pot of almost scalding hot water – and it will jump out; but if you put it in a pot of cool water and slowly turn up the heat – the frog will usually stay there until it is cooked to death; Time and feelings are like anesthetics; being used to a feeling can make it very difficult to judge when you are near the danger line.
I think a person ought to ask themselves:
Is she doing this because she thinks it is expected of her, and is her part to “play”?
Does she come from a family where everyone just kisses everyone else – eg: mom, dad, etc.
If it is the latter, and not a passionate thing – but an affectionate, then it will be light, short, and covered with conversation. The same might be true of a pat on the butt by your girlfriend (his butt is sooooo cute). etc. A compliment of sorts.
But these things can also be: “I look Good next to him and he’ll let me do anything. won’t the others be jealous.” etc.
Think about it, and good luck. but if you find the girls “wanting” this, and you feel pressured to do so socially – then think long and hard (soft is better) before you give in; it isn’t easily reversible once you become involved that way.
