What is gossip?

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Knowing that gossiping is a sin and watching several threads on this forum head into what I consider at least borderline gossip, I’ve been pondering a definition of what do we mean when we use this word, gossip.

Obvious (to me at least), repeating information that we know is not true is wrong and easily qualifies as gossip. After that, I’m not sure. Is it wrong to repeat something we know is true? I assume motive has to be part of the consideration. If I tell you that Dave and Julie just got engaged because I know you’re a friend and will be thrilled to hear the news is different than telling you the story because you used to go out with Dave and I know you’ll be heartbroken.

Any other thoughts and ideas?

Kris
 
I think it does have to have hurtful intent–or be invading privacy to be gossip. When anonimity is maintained I don’t think it is gossip. eg–"I have a friend who said “xxxxx” and didn’t know how to respond–what do you think? " Is different from “I can’t believe Shannon said “XXX”. She can be so mean, don’t you think?”

It is still a bit murky for me, and I do confess this sin from time to time as my circle of close friends is small and the line between gossip and supporting one another can get blurred.

Allison
 
Oh dear. I hope my first posting question didn’t qualify, but I’m never totally sure. They talk about gossip in church from time to time, and how it’s a sin, and it always seems so hard to avoid, given that when we get together with friends, the conversation is often about who’s been doing what, and how things are going with everyone we know or have heard of. How positive the conversations are depends on who comes up in conversation and our relationships with them, and what’s going on our lives at the time. Sometimes, it’s all just banter about “good stuff,” but at other times, it’s about the annoying things one of the relatives is up to, or some of the more outrageous behavior exhibited by mutual acquaintances. Is merely sharing life’s annoyances (situations or personal) considered gossip, or does it have to be slander (untrue and meant to harm them)? Or is it about getting too much of a kick out of the conversation? I suspect this is slightly more of a problem for women, although certainly not exclusively. Someone will probably kick me for that comment. 🙂
 
Dear Kwitz,
Gossip has been a stumbling block for me as it has for a lot of people. I’ve definately made progress. I think a lot of it has to do with your inner attitude, for one thing. I sometimes seem to get pleasure out out of discussing the demerits of others! This must be because of a spiritual hunger in my own heart.

It really became a problem at work. I’m a nurse and work with mostly women. Athough men aren’t immune to gossip, it seems to be more of a tendency of women. I would be having an ordinary conversation and all of a sudden it would cross the line into gossip, presenting me with a split second decision to make, and often I gave in and indulged. One thing that helped was telling people that I wanted to not gossip. One nurse with whom I’m particularly close, who is a Christian and with whom I discussed the failings of several people, sometimes with glee, and I made a pact to avoid gossip.

It’s hard, because sometimes it’s important to have and pay attention to some information about someone’s faults from another person’s perspective, in order to get a handle on a situation and help you deal with it. So discernment it very important. For instance, I didn’t want to tear down and gossip about a night nursing supervisor who was an incompetant and dangerous practitioner who was not qualified for the job. All the nurses were in an uproar about her. But, finally I discussed a particular situation that exemplified her problems with the day supervisor who advised me to put it in writing for the Director of Nursing, and it helped lead to her termination, which was a good thing.

Anyways, it’s a minefield out there in this world and takes constant vigilance and discernment. It’s really hard to totally avoid gossip without cloistering one’sself in a convent! :o

Sincerely, WhiteDove
 
I was 40 years old before I ever heard the word “detraction”. My mother was very opinionated and I grew up thinking it was normal to criticize. What a struggle it is now not to pass this awful habit on to my children and to not get sucked into it when my mom is around! Here are a couple of things that might interest you. In St. Faustina’s diary, Notebook 1, entry 274 …“And the Lord says that every word will be weighed on the day of judgment.” Ouch! I remember a rabbi giving the analogy that gossiping is like breaking open a feather pillow in the wind. If you regret what you have said, you can never go back and collect all the feathers or the spread of your words to make it right! So you may want to read about detraction in the catechism. Revealing the sins or faults of others without necessity is forbidden and is a sin! And if you’re really serious about growing in virtue, then get the booklet “Sins of the Tongue, The Backbiting Tongue” by Father Belet of the Diocese of Basle published by the Monastery of the Magnificat of the Mother of God, P. O. Box 308, St. Jovite, Quebec, Canada, JOT 2H0. I think it is available through Angelus Press (although I don’t endorse all of their books. I think they’re connected with the Pius X group). I think you can find them online and it only costs $5.00 + s/h. Here’s a small excerpt: “…Do you mean to say I can’t tell the truth?” No, my friend. It is not permitted, unless you can do so without harming your neighbor. What you say is true, I admit, but it is hidden. The sinner has wounded his conscience in God’s sight, but he has not lost his reputation before men; therefore, you may not weaken or destroy it with your tongue. And even if the sin you reveal is not altogether secret but known only to a few, as long as it is not public knowledge, you are backbiting if you reveal it to someone who was unaware of it. And thus you are harming your neighbor." It also talks about how one can backbite with body language and by being silent when you should defend someone. As in the wedding example, I would suggest that since Jesus is going to judge you on how you have loved that you should always use that criteria before you speak. Will I love with these words? Is it the intent of my heart to love with these words? It’s a struggle and I think we can do better if we are silent more often and think before we speak. St. Faustina also said that she sometimes talked too much and that something could be settled in one or two words. Jesus wanted her to use the time she would save to say some short indulgenced prayers for the souls in purgatory. When you examine your conscience at night, ask yourself which side of the scale has more in it–the side with the loving words and prayers or the detraction, etc.? Then make a plan as to how you will improve the next day and when you go to Communion ask Jesus to guard the tongue that has received Him. It’s a battle!
 
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kwitz:
Is it wrong to repeat something we know is true? I assume motive has to be part of the consideration.
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I once heard a wise proverb that stated something to the effect, “It takes two people to hurt someone. One to say something hurtful, and the other to repeat it.” I think this is something to keep in mind when trying to find the fine line between gossip and discussion.

I don’t see a problem with telling the truth, even if it hurts, but if the motive IS to hurt, then clearly that is sinful. I also do not see a problem in discussing something that casts what others have said in a bad light, but again we have to look at motive, as you said, as well as HOW we repeat it. Sometimes it will not hurt the other, as the other will not even know what has been said. But, what is the motive?

For example, let’s say I hear a bad homily. Let’s say I repeat parts of the homily to a child to clarify a certain point. i.e. “Father said today in mass that Jesus had addictions. But this couldn’t have been true, since addictions are sinful and Jesus was sinless.” (Yes, this is sadly an example taken from real experience!) However, what if I had said, “Father said Jesus had addictions. I cannot BELIEVE he said such a foolish thing! What is going on with priests today?” Then, I would consider this to be a slanderous comment, and thus sinful.
 
This is the best topic! I have wondered at some posts also, but then I figured that the main thing here is that people can finally debate things in a more controlled setting, where most of us follow a religion.

I have actually gone back to some people’s profiles to find out that they are so young, and then I figured they needed to spend more time learning to hold their tongue.

When it comes to politicians, then it is fair to talk about what they personally have said in public. They made it public themselves. We **should **discuss what they say. It is our civic duty.

Some threads get very heated and make me uncomfortable. I don’t think name calling is good. Nor should people sink to crude language. Karl Keating has warned us that young people can surf these sites.

This year while in a bible study session, I spent time praying to curb any gossip I might come accross at work. I prayed on the way to work so that I might not contribute to any part of it. It is hard since many people sink to a low level. However on the days that I kept my tongue from gossip, I heard very little. Whenever I saw people whispering to the side, I refrained from asking what was up. It is amazing how many people will leave you out of the loop if you usually choose to be out of the loop. Likewise, when you make a habit of it, people come looking for you to find the latest scoop.

Also I have experimented with spreading good things about people. Often times we only spread the dirt! What goes around comes around, and we don’t even have to wait until judgement day for that.

Thanks for starting this thread.
 
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kwitz:
Is it wrong to repeat something we know is true? I assume motive has to be part of the consideration. If I tell you that Dave and Julie just got engaged because I know you’re a friend and will be thrilled to hear the news is different than telling you the story because you used to go out with Dave and I know you’ll be heartbroken.

Any other thoughts and ideas?

Kris
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Detraction is a sin. Telling something that is true but that is not necessary. I was recently a victim of gossip that started out as fairly harmless detraction and then turned into very ugly slander. It was unbelievable how it changed in a fairly short period. There were a lot of hurt feelings on both sides.I was basically thrown out of an organization that I had been a part of for a few years b/c of it. Anyway, some good came of it in that I am much more aware of detraction than I ever was before. “Does this really need to be said?”
 
Thanks for your responses. They’ve been interesting to read. It’s still an issue that I continue to struggle with - perhaps because it is hard for me to make a judgement on my intention when repeating or listening to “stories”. I tend to look at my own actions too generously and have a tendency to give myself a pass when I cross that line. I suppose also because it really is a gray area where the line is. It is definitely something I’m trying to work on.

Kris
 
I am delighted this topic came up and I need lots of help! I was talking to my daughter to-day and told her one of my sons told me that another son had bought an apartment in Australia. My daughter said I was spreading gossip because I did not hear it from the son who bought the appartment! Firstly I was shocked because my daughter is not into religion and I was amazed that she would even give the subject a second thought. The second thought was that I worry myself so much that I did not do as much as I could have to give my children religious instruction although they went to Catholic schools, Priests, and Nuns, so here was a glimer of light that she COULD think a relogious thought!
Next thought ( so you can see that I am in a tizzy!) was that I always thought bad gossip was when it betrayed someones confidence, or caused slander to an individual. I always thought you could discuss ordinary family life and happenings therein.
Next and last thought!! It would appear that apart from talking about the weather, or how your plants are doing, it really is taking a chance to open your mouth at all!!, so when you are worried, need to confide about family and other problems or things which make you angry, how do you manage without your head blowing up?
I do pray a great deal but sometimes I need someone to listen when I am very anxious.and that might mean saying negitive things in order to get across what my problem is :confused:
 
*I think that gossip is when we pass information along to others (or just stand there listening) that damages another’s reputation, or perpetuates the already damaging information about the person. If someone you know is happy that her son got into Harvard, and you sharing that with someone you know–no, I wouldn’t consider that gossip. If your friend’s son and say his gf are expecting a baby, and you go around telling people that they are promiscuous, and that you can’t believe they would do that, and on and on…that would be gossip. I had a priest explain gossip to me as being a way to hurt others through the passing around of information about that person.

Gossip usually has a negative connotation to it, I think. It represents negative chatter about another, and circulating it for all to hear/read.

On a similiar note, I’m curious if it’s ‘wrong’ to watch gossip shows…like so and so is breaking up with so and so …and here’s why, kind of a show. :confused:*
 
I am also happy this topic came up. It is something I struggle with. I understand a lot of what everyone is saying to be gossip, although sometimes we have to speak the truth that will hurt people, don’t we??
For example, if I work in a factory and I know one of my co-workers is using drugs and his job could put others at harm. I would have to tell a supervisor that I know that said person is using drugs, don’t I?
Or if someone commits a crime, I have to tell what happened even though it is going to hurt them. And with some crimes I may have the intent that by telling the truth they will go to jail.

I know these are not every day things, although they do come up and I hear a lot of people are afraid if they say anything it will be gossip. 🤷
 
kwitz said:
Knowing that gossiping is a sin and watching several threads on this forum head into what I consider at least borderline gossip, I’ve been pondering a definition of what do we mean when we use this word, gossip.

Obvious (to me at least), repeating information that we know is not true is wrong and easily qualifies as gossip. After that, I’m not sure. Is it wrong to repeat something we know is true? I assume motive has to be part of the consideration. If I tell you that Dave and Julie just got engaged because I know you’re a friend and will be thrilled to hear the news is different than telling you the story because you used to go out with Dave and I know you’ll be heartbroken.

Any other thoughts and ideas?

Kris
Click to expand...
Gossip is a tricky subject. We tend to think that sins against the commandment to refrain from false witness must involve untruths. In reality, telling the truth can also be sinful, even if the matter is fairly trivial.

The problem is that there really is no hard and fast line between reasonably sharing information about a third party and gossiping. It may be quite reasonable to tell a common friend that Mary is pregnant or that Luisa has a new job. But telling a more casual acquaintance could be gossip. You never know who could use that kind of information against those women. You’d hate to have Mary’s MIL learn the news from someone who hasn’t seen Mary since she was ten years old, especially if MIL just saw Mary two days ago.

I’ve tried to learn to ask people that share personal information if it is okay to pass that info on to others or if it should be kept quiet. But I don’t always think to ask. If I hear something from a third party I try to decide if it was something a man is likely to pass along since men (with some exceptions) tend to be less gossipy than women.
 
HI Whatevergirl, in spite of my own problems with gossip, I do think that to listen to what papers, and magazine, and media have to say about other peoples private lives is real gossip. I was watching cnn last night and for a long time they would not confirm if Michael Jackson was dead, although the new york times had. In the mean time cnn played clips of Michaels music and in between brought up every other aspect of his life they could, and the media still is and will for the forseeable future. Now THAT i think is wrong.
Also Mother Angelica one night said that why would we want to watch soaps, where there is nothing but motral sins being committed, and plenty of gossip. 🙂
 
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