What is it about Internet Forums?

[rpp]

So here we all are. We read and post. Some just read and never post. (Some post and never read? ) Some stick with just one or two threads at a time. Others feel the need to join in many conversations.

Just like real life.

The problem is do we really behave here like we do when speaking on the phone or in person? Many people, including myself, find they do seem to behave differently on forums than they do in real life.

For example, I have, regrettably, not been as charitable as I should be on occasion. Even worse, this has to be pointed out to me now and then. In person, I have a reputation for being very careful with my words, being considerate of others and never giving offense.

I often pray before logging in, but still I have difficulties now and then.

Judging by some of the conversations I have seen, I am not the only one.

Have you found that it is easier or more difficult to be remain charitable on Internet forums? What is it about Internet forums that have this affect?

More to the point, what do you do to help maintain your level of charity? What steps do you take to try to bring your real-life behavior to the artificial world of the Internet?

This thread, by the way, should in no way be interpreted as questioning or discussing forum policies or moderator actions. Rather I am trying to talk about what it is that leads us to act differently on the Internet than in real life. And, of course, what we can do to to help us behave consistently here when compared to the real world.

 

[TOP]

I tend to let things slide on the forums. In person , I would probably put some in a front choke. But I’m not a nice guy at times. On here, I tend to be pleasant as I can. Tim

 

[water]

The problem is do we really behave here like we do when speaking on the phone or in person? Many people, including myself, find they do seem to behave differently on forums than they do in real life.

Count me in.
Forums is not a real-time chatting. Because of this, It gives us chances to think many times before posting; it gives us a lot time “speaking” one word to the next; it gives us a “delete” button to delete what we have posted.

Unlike forums, in real life, it is hard to pause for 15 minutes and speak of the next word you think of. It is hard for us to control our temper when someone speaks of something we do not agree with. It is hard for us to say “I am sorry” when we already said something.

Using forums, it helps us be patient, be mindful, be generous, etc …If we take time in a real life conversion, we can accomplish the same thing as we do in forums.

 

[Servulus]

The increased time people have and take to formulate a response is clearly one of the characteristics of electronic written communication (i.e., forum participation, chat room, IM, or email exchange) that lead or encourage people to behave differently than they would in a face-to-face conversation. There are certainly others, and their effects can be positive or negative. Since the original poster highlights the frequent lack of charity seen in these communications, consider the following three attributes and their negative effects:

• Anonymity – Nobody knows with any certainty who the writer is or where he is (except, perhaps, the host/moderator and they’re not saying) so he can be as curt, abrupt, or rude as he likes with no particular concern that he’ll have to account for his behavior;
• Equality – In a personal conversation (especially in a group setting) a person has to wait his turn. If others are particularly assertive or vehement, that may not happen for a while. Sometimes it never happens. In a virtual discussion, there is no such thing as waiting for a turn. The writer lays it out when he wants and the reader reads it when he chooses.
• Selectivity – In an online environment the participant has the option of “listening to” only those respondents he chooses. Using the “Mute” or “Ignore” option enables him to avoid being rebuked for an inappropriate comment or “flamed” for a poorly-formed or crudely-worded position. He’d never get away with that in a physical conversation.
  There are undoubtedly other factors, but these seem to be the ones most frequently in evidence.

 

[gardenswithkids]

…Have you found that it is easier or more difficult to be remain charitable on Internet forums? What is it about Internet forums that have this affect?..

I find it easier on internet forums. I wish I had a “preview post” button over my mouth, along with an edit and delete button. Yep, give me twenty minutes to change or remove anything I say in real life, and my charity level would increase substantially. (For those who struggle with remaining charitable on the internet, I highly recommend they use these features.)

Here, I share my opinions/thoughts, but I usuallly remain objective. I get more emotional in real life as things hit closer to home. Here, I usually stick to the thread topic, but in real life discussions can meander all over the place. Conversations also move faster face-to-face or on the telephone; I sometimes find myself in discussions that I wouldn’t pursue on the internet.

 

[baltobetsy]

I may have all kinds of uncharitable thoughts in response to what I read on the forums, but I realize that what I post will last forever. Stuff never really disappears from the Internet, and I don’t want to look back and regret that I have posted something negative.

If I am really incensed by something and feel a strong need to respond negatively, sometimes I will type out a nasty reply, preview it, and then delete it. That way I have the satisfaction of seeing it on the screen without actually going public with it.

Online as in real life, I try to keep my words friendly and helpful.

Betsy

 

[Coreopisis]

Interesting…

I’ve been working in IT for about 8 years now. I’ve got my email, and AIM up in front of me 8 hours a day, 5 days a week and it is our primary source of communication. I’ve gotten so that I can sometimes type faster than I speak. Also because we are on such tight schedules I need to provide constructive criticism sometimes and I never have time to think about it.

Thus far on these forums I haven’t really found myself needing to edit to much. I guess for me it is pretty much the same thing I would say to a persons face although in person it might not be a complete sentence and I might throw some slang in and so forth. Sometimes what I say could be taken as harsh but I never am harsh just to be mean or defensive there are other reasons. I don’t take back anything I’ve said so far.

 

[puzzleannie]

Have you found that it is easier or more difficult to be remain charitable on Internet forums? What is it about Internet forums that have this affect?

.

is it just me or has this ever happened to you? as you know this site has had its technical problems in the past, including the meltdown, but thanks to gifted techies (and good donors) we always get back up and running.

I have found more than once having typed a particularly brilliant and scathing response, the send reply button does not work, the site shuts me out inexplicably, or a technical problem crops up, the site is very slow or down for a few hours.

either the techs and mods communicate by esp to prevent me fro embarrassing myself, or the saint of the internet (Francis de Sales? Isadore?) intervenes, or my guardian angel plays games with my computer. what do you think it is?

 

[Coreopisis]

is it just me or has this ever happened to you? as you know this site has had its technical problems in the past, including the meltdown, but thanks to gifted techies (and good donors) we always get back up and running.

I have found more than once having typed a particularly brilliant and scathing response, the send reply button does not work, the site shuts me out inexplicably, or a technical problem crops up, the site is very slow or down for a few hours.

either the techs and mods communicate by esp to prevent me fro embarrassing myself, or the saint of the internet (Francis de Sales? Isadore?) intervenes, or my guardian angel plays games with my computer. what do you think it is?

I have noticed that it well drop my responses. When they get particularly long I copy them into a word doc before I click on submit reply. That way if it doesn’t go through the first time I don’t loose it. I can just copy and paste it from the word doc when the site is running again.

 

[JRKH]

Interesting thread. It does get one to thinking…

I think I am probably more charitable here. I have a wierd and somewhat sarcastic sense of humor that can get me in trouble in the “real world”

In General the thing about the forums is that I am able to put thoughts down and reconsider them before posting. I mean - you can’t edit your speech once it has left your mouth and if you take too long to formulate your ideas in a conversation the other person may take the initiative.

The other thing is that here we are able to re-read posts and make sure we understand what was being said which is something else you can’t do in a face to face.

That being said, If I sense that someone is getting testy or taking things other than the way they were meant, I will usually try gently address the points made and try to ignore the “emotional sidetrack”. If things gets too personal I might need to address it, but will try to be careful to do so in a way that does not escelate the problem.

There is one thing that bothers me though and that is when a thread is detoured. Especially by a certain type of poster. (and I’ve seen this on several different boards I visit). They are the posters who will take a long post from someone and break it up sentence by sentence and comment on each point made. Then the other person feels obliged to do the same. This goes back and forth until, it seems, the only thing they are doing is debating for the sake of debating. I just drop out of those threads at that point.

Overall it takes all kinds to make up a forum community and this one seems pretty fine… …Think I’ll Hang around awhile.

James

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Certainly I strive to be on this Forum as I am in my ordinary daily living…although the richness for me of CAF is that I am in constant contact with people who share my deepest aspirations in life and this is sadly lacking in my daily life and living…hence CAF of God’s Mercy has given to me richness where there had been only vacuum in my life. All my friends and contacts in my daily life are either non practising Catholics or non Catholics.

I am totally convinced that the internet is only just beginning to be explored as a means of community within The Church and the rules of community as a religious dynamic can be applied.

We were undoubtedly made for face to face contact…but The Lord, in gifting us with the internet, has brought the world into our homes…this is a great gift that as I said is only just in the baby stages of discovering its full blessings.

Barb

 

[gardenswithkids]

I suspect that this topic would get different responses if posted in the different area of the forum. “Spirituality” threads probably attracts people prone to reflection, who also reflect on what they write before they post. Other areas of the forum attract people more prone to debate and/or defend, where controversial statements or questions may provoke curt responses and charity goes downhill from there. Occassionally I mention lack of charity on a thread, but some people even want to debate that.

---

I like this topic. As I said earlier and as some others also mentioned, charity is easier for me here. In reflecting about that, part of the reason is that I have periodic contact with someone who’d probably be banned from this board rather quickly.

Another reason is that I have little expectations and probably more in common with the people I choose to communicate with on the internet so I don’t deal with much personal disappointment. And you don’t have expectations from me–for instance none of you are now asking me to fix your breakfast. Gotta go.

 

[blessedstar]

I’m no different here than I am in my other parts of day to day life.

I don’t see why there should be a difference. Life is life and all that is in it is prayer.

In the Living Prayer of my life

 

[whatevergirl]

Great thread! I think that message boards, blogs and the like cause many to ‘say’ things they might not normally say to a person’s face, or over the phone.

Ever see that cyber-bullying commercial? Oh, it’s fantastic…captures it perfectly. There is one commercial where a high school girl starts badmouthing a girl to her face, and the other girl starts shrinking in her seat, looking like she is going to cry. The end of the commercial…the screen goes blank, with writing…‘if you wouldn’t say it in person, don’t say it online.’ So true!

 

[BarbaraTherese]

is it just me or has this ever happened to you? as you know this site has had its technical problems in the past, including the meltdown, but thanks to gifted techies (and good donors) we always get back up and running.

I have found more than once having typed a particularly brilliant and scathing response, the send reply button does not work, the site shuts me out inexplicably, or a technical problem crops up, the site is very slow or down for a few hours.

either the techs and mods communicate by esp to prevent me fro embarrassing myself, or the saint of the internet (Francis de Sales? Isadore?) intervenes, or my guardian angel plays games with my computer. what do you think it is?

Good questionl, Puzzleannie!..I go by the premise that not one single thing, the very smallest to the very greatest is outside The Will of God…hence when my post mysteriously disappears or (as rather often happens to me) I preview it but forget to actually post it…to me it means that it simply was not meant to be and I move on happily. Of course there are times when for some reason present I will redo the post. Common sense is always the guide of the virtues, St. Albert said.
But I tend to hang pretty loose over my lost posts, especially, with gratitude, the ones that disappear where I got exceptionally carried away

Blessings and regards…Barb

 

[BarbaraTherese]

I’m no different here than I am in my other parts of day to day life.

I don’t see why there should be a difference. Life is life and all that is in it is prayer.

In the Living Prayer of my life

Hi again BlessedStar…cathing up again with you as we do the rounds!
Your points above are very important I thought. Being on internet forums or anywhere else on the internet is a part of our life and we will be judged by God for good or ill for it as to how we ‘behave’…our written word, is simply another form of speech involving fingers and what we write has its origin in our heart and this is the same origin as all our thoughts, words and actions - no matter how expressed. Being on the internet is intrinsic to our life and living. Good points!!!

Blessings and regards…Barb