What is it like to have a spiritual director?

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You have two questions.
To the first: It’s very helpful if one is discerning a vocation or or trying to figure out how to live out that vocation.

To the second: No. At least not everyone at all times. But perhaps many people for periods of time. I wish I had one now but there are few people qualified to do fill that role. I want someone who is orthodox, has a healthy prayer life, has a clue what spiritual direction entails, including vocation discernment as well as discernment of any spiritual experiences. If I think I have a vision or hear Mary tell me something I want someone to help me discern the source and how I’m supposed to follow through. Since nothing like that is happening I don’t feel I have a need. I am struggling with some things but I’m not sure an SD is the way to go, I think an anam cara as well as a regular confessor is the best I can do for now.
 
Bruised_Reed said:
You have two questions.
To the first: It’s very helpful if one is discerning a vocation or or trying to figure out how to live out that vocation.

To the second: No. At least not everyone at all times. But perhaps many people for periods of time. I wish I had one now but there are few people qualified to do fill that role. I want someone who is orthodox, has a healthy prayer life, has a clue what spiritual direction entails, including vocation discernment as well as discernment of any spiritual experiences. If I think I have a vision or hear Mary tell me something I want someone to help me discern the source and how I’m supposed to follow through. Since nothing like that is happening I don’t feel I have a need. I am struggling with some things but I’m not sure an SD is the way to go, I think an anam cara as well as a regular confessor is the best I can do for now.
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What’s an Anam Cara?
 
It’s far easier to remain in a state of grace. It’s also work. They recommend reading, prayers, devotions. You don’t just sit and listen then walk away. It’s a period of personal and spiritual growth. I highly recommend it for you or anyone.
 
My parish priest is my spiritual director. The first time we met, we agreed a rule of life, which involved Divine Office, Rosary regular Mass attendance and confession, Bible reading and commentaries, texts to study and service in the church. The main point is to bring about some structure in your spiritual life and to get regular advice and (name removed by moderator)ut on this.
 
Joelle_M said:
What’s an Anam Cara?
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It’s Irish for “soul friend.” The way I’m using it I mean someone with whom I can talk about living the faith, particularly the day to day stuff, as well as my struggles. The relationship is mutual and balanced. But she is not my mentor and I’m not hers; some anam cara relationships are like that which works for some. In my case I have a possible anam cara and I’m just seeing how it goes. I’ve been praying for for more Catholic friends that I could really connect with but without any idea of how that was going to work since I know everyone where Iive. I needed someone new, someone who had lived life outside of this rural ghetto. A woman moved here from the east coast and we are one decree of separation from the other due to different friends and acquaintances. We never met or were even at the same event (or maybe the same event but different years) and she has interests that are similar to mine (we keep surprising each other that way :)) she’s also married and a mom and I think I prefer that as a single women w/o children. She does not take the place of my best friend and never could. I need both; we need different kinds of friends and I think I know what I’m bringing to the table for each.
 
In my experience with an Opus Dei spiritual director, they give spiritual direction in a confessional if you are female. You can mix spiritual direction with confessing your sins and he would end it with the absolution. He guided me, scolded me, told me I was doing or thinking wrong and told me how I should do this and that, and how to live. I trusted myself to Opus Dei and took every thing he said as if I was under vote of obedience. Spiritual Direction & confession was done weekly before the meditation. Meditation is done in the small sanctuary with a few pews and he sits in front of a desk besides the altar and read a part of Scripture, and then telling us how to live and be saints, do mortification, pray and how to do apostolate.

Basically, it is like having help on seriously trying to be a saint.
 
E_7 said:
In my experience with an Opus Dei spiritual director, they give spiritual direction in a confessional if you are female. You can mix spiritual direction with confessing your sins and he would end it with the absolution. He guided me, scolded me, told me I was doing or thinking wrong and told me how I should do this and that, and how to live. I trusted myself to Opus Dei and took every thing he said as if I was under vote of obedience. Spiritual Direction & confession was done weekly before the meditation. Meditation is done in the small sanctuary with a few pews and he sits in front of a desk besides the altar and read a part of Scripture, and then telling us how to live and be saints, do mortification, pray and how to do apostolate.

Basically, it is like having help on seriously trying to be a saint.
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What is it difficult to listen to the scoldings which were true and what you needed to hear? Spiritual direction must teach you a lot of humility. Why in a confessional for females?
 
The reprimands can be distressing, but if a spiritual director brings them up (s)he does so for a good reason.

As Clare said, spiritual direction makes it easier to remain in a state of grace. It also could help shed light on what is unclear to the directee (if, for example, one has questions about a spiritual experience one has had, or if one is having trouble determining the sinfulness of certain actions or situations) and provide support in spiritual difficulty. Any questions I have about God, the Church, the path to holiness, morality—anything that affects my relationship with the Lord—I bring to my SD.

It is work, sometimes hard work. I would even go further than saying “you don’t just sit and listen then walk away”—most of the time, I’m the one talking. My SD intervenes when I’m way off base about something, if he has a question, or if he has a recommendation to make (read a book, add a devotion to my prayer routine, take a devotion out of said routine [this has happened, in a brief period of overpraying], take up a charitable activity, etc.). All is designed to help me avoid sin and progress in my relationship with God.

Sessions last 45 minutes to an hour, though we have had longer sessions on occasion. The longest so far lasted almost an hour and a half.

Before I sought direction for the first time, I didn’t ask what it was like to have an SD. I already knew what it was like not to have one, and I understood that I needed guidance. Without it, there were countless moments when I asked, “Well, now what? I don’t understand. I don’t know what to do/think!” In his book Navigating the Interior Life (by the way, I recommend this to anyone but particularly those exploring spiritual direction for the first time), Daniel Burke devotes an entire chapter on the question of whether or not we all need an SD. The essence is that “without a guide we run the risk of losing our way or venturing down paths that can waste precious time as we seek our eternal destination.” Humans are great at deceiving themselves; direction is a tool for avoiding that.

I’m short on time right now (going to serve a Mass in a half hour) so I haven’t been able to elaborate on this as thoroughly as I would like…but hopefully you get the picture. Let me know if that’s not the case. :o God bless!
 
UpUpAndAway said:
The reprimands can be distressing, but if a spiritual director brings them up (s)he does so for a good reason.

As Clare said, spiritual direction makes it easier to remain in a state of grace. It also could help shed light on what is unclear to the directee (if, for example, one has questions about a spiritual experience one has had, or if one is having trouble determining the sinfulness of certain actions or situations) and provide support in spiritual difficulty. Any questions I have about God, the Church, the path to holiness, morality—anything that affects my relationship with the Lord—I bring to my SD.

It is work, sometimes hard work. I would even go further than saying “you don’t just sit and listen then walk away”—most of the time, I’m the one talking. My SD intervenes when I’m way off base about something, if he has a question, or if he has a recommendation to make (read a book, add a devotion to my prayer routine, take a devotion out of said routine [this has happened, in a brief period of overpraying], take up a charitable activity, etc.). All is designed to help me avoid sin and progress in my relationship with God.

Sessions last 45 minutes to an hour, though we have had longer sessions on occasion. The longest so far lasted almost an hour and a half.

Before I sought direction for the first time, I didn’t ask what it was like to have an SD. I already knew what it was like not to have one, and I understood that I needed guidance. Without it, there were countless moments when I asked, “Well, now what? I don’t understand. I don’t know what to do/think!” In his book Navigating the Interior Life (by the way, I recommend this to anyone but particularly those exploring spiritual direction for the first time), Daniel Burke devotes an entire chapter on the question of whether or not we all need an SD. The essence is that “without a guide we run the risk of losing our way or venturing down paths that can waste precious time as we seek our eternal destination.” Humans are great at deceiving themselves; direction is a tool for avoiding that.

I’m short on time right now (going to serve a Mass in a half hour) so I haven’t been able to elaborate on this as thoroughly as I would like…but hopefully you get the picture. Let me know if that’s not the case. :o God bless!
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Excellent post.
🙂
 
UpUpAndAway said:
The reprimands can be distressing, but if a spiritual director brings them up (s)he does so for a good reason.

As Clare said, spiritual direction makes it easier to remain in a state of grace. It also could help shed light on what is unclear to the directee (if, for example, one has questions about a spiritual experience one has had, or if one is having trouble determining the sinfulness of certain actions or situations) and provide support in spiritual difficulty. Any questions I have about God, the Church, the path to holiness, morality—anything that affects my relationship with the Lord—I bring to my SD.

It is work, sometimes hard work. I would even go further than saying “you don’t just sit and listen then walk away”—most of the time, I’m the one talking. My SD intervenes when I’m way off base about something, if he has a question, or if he has a recommendation to make (read a book, add a devotion to my prayer routine, take a devotion out of said routine [this has happened, in a brief period of overpraying], take up a charitable activity, etc.). All is designed to help me avoid sin and progress in my relationship with God.

Sessions last 45 minutes to an hour, though we have had longer sessions on occasion. The longest so far lasted almost an hour and a half.

Before I sought direction for the first time, I didn’t ask what it was like to have an SD. I already knew what it was like not to have one, and I understood that I needed guidance. Without it, there were countless moments when I asked, “Well, now what? I don’t understand. I don’t know what to do/think!” In his book Navigating the Interior Life (by the way, I recommend this to anyone but particularly those exploring spiritual direction for the first time), Daniel Burke devotes an entire chapter on the question of whether or not we all need an SD. The essence is that “without a guide we run the risk of losing our way or venturing down paths that can waste precious time as we seek our eternal destination.” Humans are great at deceiving themselves; direction is a tool for avoiding that.

I’m short on time right now (going to serve a Mass in a half hour) so I haven’t been able to elaborate on this as thoroughly as I would like…but hopefully you get the picture. Let me know if that’s not the case. :o God bless!
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I imagine the reprimands being distressing. Humans waste our precious time on Earth. Oh the ways we deceive ourselves. I wish the truth was much easier to swallow. We could always be more loving, honest, and more humble. There is always more to know about Christ and God. I wonder how the Pope does all that.
 
I’m in the market for a new one so this conversation is timely. The one I’ve had for 30 years is nearing the end of his life. I say his. I’m a male. So rule one is to have one of the same gender- unless one is afflicted with same sex attraction. My experience then is to find someone who is SSA but not attracted- (male-female or female-male) o.k. I asked a women thirty years older than me once for her phone number and she said “Honey I can’t. I don’t want no hanky panky” It took a while but I realized she was protecting herself and her own desires not mine.

AA has a pamphlet on Sponsorship which is a great resource. The director/sponsor above “fired” me once. He told me to call someone else because I wasn’t listening. The point is the relationship is two way- both need to be fulfilled by it.

ONE primary point is any sponsor/spiritual director must be under direction him/her self. I sponsor myself borrowed from AA is a recipe for disaster. So it is with spiritual direction.

When I work with people I tell them upfront “if if isn’t in AA literature” or in the CCC or church writings then call me on it. They want/need my experience, not my opinion. Why? We are all going to do what we are going to do regardless of direction. Direction helps though in direction all the decisions have to be ours and ours alone.
 
CRATUS said:
I imagine the reprimands being distressing. Humans waste our precious time on Earth. Oh the ways we deceive ourselves. I wish the truth was much easier to swallow. We could always be more loving, honest, and more humble. There is always more to know about Christ and God. I wonder how the Pope does all that.
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SDs should scold to correct, not to break. The distress comes from realizing how whatever we’re talking about has damaged my relationship with God.

Direction can help us overcome those aspects about the truth that make it difficult to accept.

The spiritual path is a process. In this life, we never stop learning. I imagine the Pope has a spiritual director himself (have yet to meet a priest who didn’t), and it’s one of the reasons why he can do “all that.” 🙂
decatholic said:
I’m in the market for a new one so this conversation is timely. The one I’ve had for 30 years is nearing the end of his life. I say his. I’m a male. So rule one is to have one of the same gender- unless one is afflicted with same sex attraction. My experience then is to find someone who is SSA but not attracted- (male-female or female-male) o.k. I asked a women thirty years older than me once for her phone number and she said “Honey I can’t. I don’t want no hanky panky” It took a while but I realized she was protecting herself and her own desires not mine.

AA has a pamphlet on Sponsorship which is a great resource. The director/sponsor above “fired” me once. He told me to call someone else because I wasn’t listening. The point is the relationship is two way- both need to be fulfilled by it.

ONE primary point is any sponsor/spiritual director must be under direction him/her self. I sponsor myself borrowed from AA is a recipe for disaster. So it is with spiritual direction.

When I work with people I tell them upfront “if if isn’t in AA literature” or in the CCC or church writings then call me on it. They want/need my experience, not my opinion. Why? We are all going to do what we are going to do regardless of direction. Direction helps though in direction all the decisions have to be ours and ours alone.
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One thing I would add for married people: do not have the same spiritual director as your spouse. I have been there, and I cannot stress this enough! :nope:

I’m not sure what you mean by “fulfilled”—I have difficulty believing my relationship with my own SD is “fulfilling” for him. However, the directee must be willing to listen to his/her director and open to following his/her advice. If not, it’s a waste of time for both and I would have to ask why such a person seeks direction in the first place.

That said, SDs are not infallible and the relationship does not require unfailing obedience. I don’t follow all my SDs advice, but I can usually explain to his satisfaction why I chose not to act on a given suggestion. If I can’t, that’s generally a sign I should at least give it a try.

I agree completely that directors should also be directed themselves. This was one of the first questions I asked in the search for my current SD.
pianistclare said:
Excellent post.
🙂
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Thanks, Clare http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y81/Pascal_S/smileys/kiss.gif This is a topic that’s dear to my heart…I sometimes get carried away talking about it :blushing:
 
I imagine there is a lot of exposure and vulnerability in spiritual direction. I hate being a human often. Spirituality there is never a moment where you are “ok.” Always something to change, fix or pay more attention to. Accepting the Lord’s will in your own life. Many things to ponder.
 
decatholic said:
I’m in the market for a new one so this conversation is timely. The one I’ve had for 30 years is nearing the end of his life. I say his. I’m a male. So rule one is to have one of the same gender- unless one is afflicted with same sex attraction. My experience then is to find someone who is SSA but not attracted- (male-female or female-male) o.k. I asked a women thirty years older than me once for her phone number and she said “Honey I can’t. I don’t want no hanky panky” It took a while but I realized she was protecting herself and her own desires not mine.

AA has a pamphlet on Sponsorship which is a great resource. The director/sponsor above “fired” me once. He told me to call someone else because I wasn’t listening. The point is the relationship is two way- both need to be fulfilled by it.

ONE primary point is any sponsor/spiritual director must be under direction him/her self. I sponsor myself borrowed from AA is a recipe for disaster. So it is with spiritual direction.

When I work with people I tell them upfront “if if isn’t in AA literature” or in the CCC or church writings then call me on it. They want/need my experience, not my opinion. Why? We are all going to do what we are going to do regardless of direction. Direction helps though in direction all the decisions have to be ours and ours alone.
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I’m sorry but much of this sounds really irregular to me. A booklet from AA isn’t the best resource. Something from Opus Dei or Fr. Thomas Dubay, would be more applicable since OD and Fr. Dubay were experts on spiritual direction. Also, I’m a woman and all my SDs were men, two priests and a deacon. I would rather work with someone I trust rather than choosing them by their gender alone. I was able to vet them through parish activities, their homilies, and the priests through confession. I don’t know how I would find the right person without doing so. And many of the women qualified near me are heterodox and another is…has other issues.

I do agree that an SD who is also under spiritual direction would be ideal.
 
CRATUS said:
I imagine there is a lot of exposure and vulnerability in spiritual direction. I hate being a human often. Spirituality there is never a moment where you are “ok.” Always something to change, fix or pay more attention to. Accepting the Lord’s will in your own life. Many things to ponder.
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There is a lot of exposure and vulnerability in spiritual direction. It’s an intimate relationship between three parties: the directee, the director, and the Holy Spirit. In my opinion, a person seeking direction should be prepared to hold nothing back from the one who ultimately directs him/her. The more the director knows about his/her directee, the better a position (s)he is in to assist in the spiritual journey.

Spirituality is not easy, nor is growing in it ever “complete.” There is indeed always something to work on. Most people I know, however, are “ok” with this the majority of the time. It’s a process without end, but even in its difficulties there is a certain joy. I came to understand this with the help of my SD, but I can’t really explain it.

Don’t ever hate being human. God created you that way, and He doesn’t make mistakes. 🙂
 
Is reaching high spirituality possible without a spiritual director?
 
Think of it this way:
A person can learn to play a piano on their own, but why not take lessons from a qualified instructor?
Having good leadership is always a boon.
 
CRATUS said:
Is reaching high spirituality possible without a spiritual director?
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Possible? Yes, I imagine so. But of all the ways to achieve spiritual growth, going it alone is probably the most difficult.
 
CRATUS said:
What is it difficult to listen to the scoldings which were true and what you needed to hear? Spiritual direction must teach you a lot of humility. Why in a confessional for females?
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It was difficult to listen, but I knew I deserved it. I always believed that God was speaking me through him and never doubted anything he said or taught.

It was done in a confessional because Opus Dei are so pious and strict and they are never alone with one female face to face no mater what. Opus Dei centers all either for women only or for men only. And if the Opus Dei center of women happens to be a house/mansion that belong to the celibate women that live there, when the priest arrives, two women must open the door and welcome the priest and he will just say hello and go directly to the confessional. It is improper to have one female lady to open the door. They have their ways to do things, very ordered and seriously strict. But they do have sense of humor. I say they all resemble St. Josemaria Escrivá in many ways. You can find the recordings of this new Saint in gloria.tv giving great advice.

Not many like Opus Dei, but that’s because they haven’t personally experienced it. People believe whatever is in the Internet and movies. There are even some priests who think they are too radical, but they just don’t know nor understand that spirituality well.
 
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