what is lust?

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RachelKH

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my husband says lust is only when you look at others and imagine doing sexual things with them.
i think there is a lot more that should be called lusting.
i think looking at others’ bodies and evaluating them for how sexy they are is lusting.
i think looking at others to get that tight sexual interest going is lusting.
i think looking at others w/o caring who they are but just what pleasure they bring to your eyes and mind due to their curves and exposed sexual parts is lusting.
any thoughts or better definitions or explanations to help me and him?
 
Lust is every single willed sexual action, desire, or thought outside of marriage. I basically just try to avoid even looking at girls anymore.
 
Are you saying that acknowledging the attractiveness of a member of the opposite sex is the same as lust?

I can’t agree with that.
 
srlucado said:
Are you saying that acknowledging the attractiveness of a member of the opposite sex is the same as lust?

I can’t agree with that.
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No, most people can do that normally. But, I just am too worried about doing wrong. I don’t even want to risk failing anymore, that I just think to myself, “Self, just don’t have any contact with any girl you might consider attractive.”
 
are you a male? what thoughts go through your mind when looking at attractive members of the opposite sex? what are appropriate thoughts and what are typical lustful thoughts? looking a a woman and seeing beauty is i hope not lust, but looking at her breasts and thinking about them i think is lust.
 
RachelKH said:
are you a male? what thoughts go through your mind when looking at attractive members of the opposite sex? what are appropriate thoughts and what are typical lustful thoughts? looking a a woman and seeing beauty is i hope not lust, but looking at her breasts and thinking about them i think is lust.
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I try to appreciate the beauty, and I try to not get sexual thoughts, but I just don’t even want to risk it anymore.
 
“Lust is disordered desire for, or inordinate enjoyment of, sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.”
Catechism of the Catholic Church, n. 2351.
 
ok, but what are the sexual thoughts and what are the ok thoughts? see, my husband hurts me so bad by looking and he says it is normal, but then he also says if he sees a woman lean over, he keeps looking so he can see as much of her breasts (hoping for the nipple to show) as can be. he says he likes looking at women’s bottoms. um, aren’t these lustful thoughts and actions?
 
“Lust is disordered desire for, or inordinate enjoyment of, sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.”
Catechism of the Catholic Church, n. 2351.
ok, but more understandable please?
 
RachelKH said:
ok, but what are the sexual thoughts and what are the ok thoughts? see, my husband hurts me so bad by looking and he says it is normal, but then he also says if he sees a woman lean over, he keeps looking so he can see as much of her breasts (hoping for the nipple to show) as can be. he says he likes looking at women’s bottoms. um, aren’t these lustful thoughts and actions?
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Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s wrong to do.

That’s why I try to avoid looking at all. Maybe I’m just taking it to an extreme.

I had always thought that I was doing good as a guy. I held doors for women, I chastized guys that referred to women as the word for female dogs, I promised to abstain from sex until marriage (a promise I still am keeping to this day), I was polite, respectful, and kind.

But I still lusted, along with a few other related sins that are common among guys my age.

Then I found out these things are wrong, and I was like, “I just…I can’t do right, it seems.” I believe God will always be willing to forgive me of sin, but I just don’t even want to risk anything anymore.

I mean, until this very day, I thought, “Well, you can appreciate the beauty of girls without being lustful.” And that’s true, for most guys.

But I don’t trust myself. I just figure now I should just avoid it all.
 
RachelKH said:
ok, but what are the sexual thoughts and what are the ok thoughts? see, my husband hurts me so bad by looking and he says it is normal, but then he also says if he sees a woman lean over, he keeps looking so he can see as much of her breasts (hoping for the nipple to show) as can be. he says he likes looking at women’s bottoms. um, aren’t these lustful thoughts and actions?
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I’m a guy who struggles with a past life of porn/masturbation/impure thoughts on a daily basis. so here is my thinking: taking lingering pleasure from the body/shape of a girl is sinful. I know when I cross that line. But also, I know that most of the time, it is a biological response to say ‘she’s hot’, but I have a choice, I can linger on the thought, or I can willfully cast it out and focus my mind on Jesus. That is what I do. And when the images won’t stop (which they usually do)…I then pray silently the Hail Mary over and over. If need be I close my eyes, and put some pious or serene music on the earphones. It always passes. then I go about my day.
 
RachelKH said:
ok, but what are the sexual thoughts and what are the ok thoughts? see, my husband hurts me so bad by looking and he says it is normal, but then he also says if he sees a woman lean over, he keeps looking so he can see as much of her breasts (hoping for the nipple to show) as can be. he says he likes looking at women’s bottoms. um, aren’t these lustful thoughts and actions?
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Don’t tell me, let me guess–one of his role models is Tim the Tool Man Taylor, right?

Not to make light of your situtation, but in addition to being immature, if your husband is doing these things in front of you, he’s being very rude.

If he’s behaving like this when he’s not with you, he’s being pretty juvenile.

It seems to me that the issue isn’t lust as much as it’s immaturity.
 
he hides his lusting most of the time, but seems to think my being hurt and offended makes me the juvenile. neither he nor i watch much tv so tim is not actually his hero role model, but his actions put him in the same category.
we are separated because i have seen his eyes go to our oldest daughter’s bottom and breasts in the same way he looks at all curvy, attractive women. he still maintains he is doing nothing wrong.
we were married 23 years ago, have 6 children aged 22 - 5yo, and he promised me while i was pregnant with our first he would stop looking at other women but then decided he would not keep that promise but just hide what he was doing from me.
i found out how badly he was keeping that promise 2 years ago when i saw him peering down the shirt of a woman handing out candy to our 2 youngest children during trick-or-treat.
i wish he had been mature enough to at least tell me he wasn’t going to keep his promise, since he was not mature enough to give up looking. then i would have left him and had our marriage annulled before 5 more children were involved. i am very grateful to God for giving me the blessings of 6 children, but feel very bad about losing all these years with a cheating husband and about raising them in a house with such an immature bad example of a father.
 
what is lust is not important, what matters is that its very commoen reaction and action that we human being have had.

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RachelKH said:
he hides his lusting most of the time, but seems to think my being hurt and offended makes me the juvenile. neither he nor i watch much tv so tim is not actually his hero role model, but his actions put him in the same category.
we are separated because i have seen his eyes go to our oldest daughter’s bottom and breasts in the same way he looks at all curvy, attractive women. he still maintains he is doing nothing wrong.
we were married 23 years ago, have 6 children aged 22 - 5yo, and he promised me while i was pregnant with our first he would stop looking at other women but then decided he would not keep that promise but just hide what he was doing from me.
i found out how badly he was keeping that promise 2 years ago when i saw him peering down the shirt of a woman handing out candy to our 2 youngest children during trick-or-treat.
i wish he had been mature enough to at least tell me he wasn’t going to keep his promise, since he was not mature enough to give up looking. then i would have left him and had our marriage annulled before 5 more children were involved. i am very grateful to God for giving me the blessings of 6 children, but feel very bad about losing all these years with a cheating husband and about raising them in a house with such an immature bad example of a father.
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And that is exactly what I fear I’ll become. I hope he learns the error of his ways.
 
RachelKH said:
“Lust is disordered desire for, or inordinate enjoyment of, sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.”
Catechism of the Catholic Church, n. 2351.
ok, but more understandable please?
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The sin of lust is an act whereby the human person interiorly consents to the disordered desire for a sexual act that he knows to be gravely immoral, such as adultery. In this sin, the person is truly willing to commit the exterior act, if there were an opportunity. But this interior act is substantially different from merely fantasizing about a sexual act. Lust is essentially consent to the sinful sexual act itself (though in desire), not merely consent to thoughts about the act.

Lust may occur by itself, with no exterior sinful sexual act, but with consent to the desire for any sexual act known to be gravely immoral. Or lust may occur along with an exterior sexual act. When the sin of lust occurs along with an exterior sexual sin, the two choices are two distinct sins, even if they occur at the same time. The knowing choice of the bodily sexual sin is a mortal sin. And the consent to the interior inordinate enjoyment of that sexual act is also a sin, the sin of lust.

Therefore, the interior sin of lust may occur in either of two ways: (1) the disordered desire for a sexual act, or (2) the inordinate enjoyment of a sexual act.
 
are you saying that looking at women’s bodies for a sexual thrill but not actually thinking about completing a sexual act with them is not lust???
 
RachelKH said:
are you saying that looking at women’s bodies for a sexual thrill but not actually thinking about completing a sexual act with them is not lust???
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That’s definitely lust.

One is not to willfully think about sex. One is also not to have any sex outside of marriage, and in marriage, one is not to have any sex that is not open to life.
 
presidentjlh said:
And that is exactly what I fear I’ll become. I hope he learns the error of his ways.
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I have made the same mistakes as you Pres, I sometimes take not lusting to an extreme. You must be comfortable being around the opposite sex and when you have impure thoughts randomly don;t over react. An unintentional thought is not sinfully if you do not seek them and try to ignore them. If you don’t look and talk to the opposite sex, how do you find a spouse?
 
that is not what he (Ron Conte ) seems to be saying. he seems to be saying my dh is fine with what sexual thrills he gets as long as he isn’t trying to complete an act or wishing to complete a sexual act with them. that seems very wrong and very untrue to how marriages should be. if men are allowed to think sexual thoughts and desires about women they are not married to, what good is marriage – it certainly won’t protect a woman’s heart.
 
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