what is lust?

[presidentjlh]

I have made the same mistakes as you Pres, I sometimes take not lusting to an extreme. You must be comfortable being around the opposite sex and when you have impure thoughts randomly don;t over react. An unintentional thought is not sinfully if you do not seek them and try to ignore them. If you don’t look and talk to the opposite sex, how do you find a spouse?

I know, but…apparently I’m not supposed to be interested in anyone who isn’t Catholic (Which apparently means my Catholic mom shouldn’t have married my then protestant Dad, who has since become Catholic) , but I don’t even know if people are Catholic or not. Apparently, one can only marry a Protestant if the bishop agrees to it (Which apparently the bishop did for my parents) and that’s a rare happening.

So why bother even talking to a girl if she might not be Catholic, or maybe she’s Catholic, but she doesn’t really follow it well?

All this research into my faith has not brought me any peace or greater faith. Instead, I’m just getting more and more depressed about it all. I understand the mortal sins are bad, I accept that as truth. I felt good knowing I was doing better. But now I’m not supposed to be interested in a relationship with anyone who isn’t Catholic, even if they are still Christian? What next, am I not even supposed to be friends with anyone who isn’t Catholic? I just feel so confused. I am trying my best to agree with the Church, but instead of feeling closer to God, I just feel this rigidity sometimes is making Him seem farther away.

I’m not saying I disagree with the Church, I just am finding her to be very cold and rigid at times.

 

[Lead_Me_Home]

I know, but…apparently I’m not supposed to be interested in anyone who isn’t Catholic (Which apparently means my Catholic mom shouldn’t have married my then protestant Dad, who has since become Catholic) , but I don’t even know if people are Catholic or not. Apparently, one can only marry a Protestant if the bishop agrees to it (Which apparently the bishop did for my parents) and that’s a rare happening.

So why bother even talking to a girl if she might not be Catholic, or maybe she’s Catholic, but she doesn’t really follow it well?

You are completely mislead and I’m so sorry. You can marry someone who is not Catholic, but it must be within the Church. This happens all the time, there are tons of people at my parish who married non-Catholics. You can and must have friends who aren’t Catholic. How else could you love your neighbor and the gospel?

I am so sad that were led to think this. I know you have sincere zeal and intentions, but you have been mislead. The priests in my diocese are friends with non-Catholics and work with them in social programs like soup kitchens, charities, and the urban league. I have a crush on a girl I don’t think is Catholic. Of course I’ll pray for her just as I would a Catholic girl.

Get sound teachings on the faith from EWT, Fr. Corapi, and apologists on this sight. I cant believe people would express their prejudices as part of our Catholic (universal) faith.

Jesus said in the Gospel of St. Mark that it is better for a stone to be tied to a man’s head and be casted into the sea than scandalize the faith of a child who believes in Him.

 

[presidentjlh]

So it is okay? I had assumed that always, but some rigid-traditionalists on some forums in this site (names will not be mentioned) made it sound as though most of those relationships were doomed, even though my mom’s parents are also a mixed marriage, and there are probably more throughout my family tree.

I feel a little more at peace now. This might have been one of the waves of anxiety that seem to attack me once a day or every few days. I am still battling it hard.

 

[shondrea]

Passion - romance = lust.

You SHOULD feel passion for your spouse. You should love them, you should look forward and eagerly anticipate their touch, and touching them, You should enjoy your sexuality with each other. You should see them as a wonderful, beautiful, smart and, yes, sexy person. You should want the very best for them, you should want them to enjoy the marital act with you. That’s passion.

It’s when you take out all the love and romance that you get lust, a carnal desire to have your spouse JUST to get your jollies.

When it comes to singles around the opposite sex, it’s GOOD to think they are attractive, to think they are good looking. There’s nothing wrong with that. But their beauty should make you think, Golly, if they’re that pretty on the outside, what are they like in their heart? But if you only think, man, I’d like to do her, that’s lust.

And when you get into a long term or steady relationship, i DO think it’s fine and not lust to have to ask yourself, can I make love to this person? Can I see myself being comfortable having sex with this person? You can’t NOT think about sex at all before marriage, you just have to be careful how and when you think about it

 

[Ron_Conte]

that is not what he (Ron Conte ) seems to be saying. he seems to be saying my dh is fine with what sexual thrills he gets as long as he isn’t trying to complete an act or wishing to complete a sexual act with them. that seems very wrong and very untrue to how marriages should be. if men are allowed to think sexual thoughts and desires about women they are not married to, what good is marriage – it certainly won’t protect a woman’s heart.

Lust is a mortal sin. Not every sin involving sexuality is lust, and not every sin involving sexuality is a mortal sin. Admiring attractive women, even excessively, is not necessarily lust, nor is it necessarily a mortal sin.

Lust is an interior sin, and so we cannot be certain whether another person is committing that sin, or a lesser sexual sin, in their mind and hearts. A husband who flirts with another woman, or who admires the attractiveness of another woman, does not necessarily also commit the sin of lust, and does not necessarily commit a mortal sin. He sins against his obligation to marital fidelity, but perhaps to a substantially limited extent, which would be venial sin.

You should not be using this discussion group to complain about your husband and to accuse him of the mortal sin of lust.

 

[RachelKH]

i am trying to see whether my view of his actions as wrong is out of line and his is right. i am not accusing him of anything he has not admitted to. he feels no obligation to marital fidelity. i am very hurt by what he says is normal and appropriate behavior, but sometimes he changes and says he knows what he does is wrong and he has changed, but then i see him doing the same looking at sexual parts on others or myself. i need to not ask him to not do what is ok, but i need him to not hurt me by doing wrong. i am asking for help, for clarification.

 

[RachelKH]

when i say he looks at my body parts like that, you have to realize we have been separated for 5 months and he has no intention of acting on his sexual thoughts – he enjoys thinking about sex and getting his sexual gratification that way much more than actually doing sexual acts because in his thoughts he doesn’t have to be considerate or pleasing to the other, and in real doing he feels it is a burden to please the other, as 23 years of me giving and not getting will attest.

 

[presidentjlh]

No, I’m really, really really sure that excessively admiring a woman’s body is lust.

 

[RachelKH]

thank you – i wish he could see that and care about it enough to change, but i’ve lost hope.

 

[Luke_K]

For myself, I know that my respect for a woman’s dignity and the mystery of her body immediately deteriorates whenever I start to focus on the “hot-spots.” I make an effort to always keep my eyes on a girl’s face, whoever she is, even if I notice how sexually attractive the rest of her body is.

Staring at those spots just makes me subconsciously view her as less than she really is.

 

[valient_Lucy]

I know, but…apparently I’m not supposed to be interested in anyone who isn’t Catholic (Which apparently means my Catholic mom shouldn’t have married my then protestant Dad, who has since become Catholic) , but I don’t even know if people are Catholic or not. Apparently, one can only marry a Protestant if the bishop agrees to it (Which apparently the bishop did for my parents) and that’s a rare happening.

So why bother even talking to a girl if she might not be Catholic, or maybe she’s Catholic, but she doesn’t really follow it well?

All this research into my faith has not brought me any peace or greater faith. Instead, I’m just getting more and more depressed about it all. I understand the mortal sins are bad, I accept that as truth. I felt good knowing I was doing better. But now I’m not supposed to be interested in a relationship with anyone who isn’t Catholic, even if they are still Christian? What next, am I not even supposed to be friends with anyone who isn’t Catholic? I just feel so confused. I am trying my best to agree with the Church, but instead of feeling closer to God, I just feel this rigidity sometimes is making Him seem farther away.

I’m not saying I disagree with the Church, I just am finding her to be very cold and rigid at times.

It is amazing how easily souls lose peace when it comes to this virtue of purity! However there is no temptation less dangerous than that one. The means of being freed from these temptations is to regard them with calm, not to be astonished, much less, to fear them…Be sure that one temptation of pride is far more dangerous-and God is much more offended when whe yeild to that-than when one commits a fault, even a grave one, against purity, because God has consideration for the fragility of our corruptible nature, whereas for a fault of pride there is no excuse. Pride, however, is a fault that souls commit often and easily, without being upset!
St. Therese of Liseaux.