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MercyMia
Guest
Rachel, it is okay, you didn’t start trouble. Message boards can be tough when people are picking up in different spots. We are here for you.
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Rascalking
Guest
Hey! I just said that! Knock it off MercyMia! What are you trying to say?!!
See? We’ll argue about everything!
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purplesunshine
Guest
You’re not causing trouble.
this is where Liberanmso should come in, she’s the resident expert on this kind of things. NOTHING he says fits into your situation. He has lost all credibility. Someone once said that it takes 8 times the duration of an incident before victim or perp can reasonably come to healing.
Also look on phatmass. There’s a young girl (16-19) suffering greatly becuase of the upheaval it caused when “looking” became touching and her worry that her mother will return to her father.
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kage_ar
Guest
One thing to remember, no person is 100% evil.
There is good in this man, he is made in the image and likeness of God. We are called to always look FOR the good. It is good and normal that he looks with attraction at his wife. That is a step in the right direction!
Keep working on overcoming the sin. One way we do that is by increasing the good.
There is good in this man, he is made in the image and likeness of God. We are called to always look FOR the good. It is good and normal that he looks with attraction at his wife. That is a step in the right direction!
Keep working on overcoming the sin. One way we do that is by increasing the good.
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MercyMia
Guest
Yea, its just that I said it better.Hey! I just said that! Knock it off MercyMia! What are you trying to say?!!
See? We’ll argue about everything!
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purplesunshine
Guest
Make that an angry JRT or German Shepard. They have brains!
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MercyMia
Guest
Kage, I agree with you. Everyone deserves a chance at redemption and fully realizing themselves in Christ. The issue here is that giving him a chance can lean to the victimization of young girls. I fully hope and pray that this man is reformed. I do. However, he is still justifying his actions and that is not a sign of reform. Even if he was on his way to improving, it is still dangerous for him to be around teenage girls. He is trying to break down the OP to have her let him back in the house. IF he truly realized how sinful he had been, he would banish himself from the house and work 24/7 to redeem himself and realize that his wife and daughters owe him nothing. Right now, he is acting like a man who is owed something.
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kage_ar
Guest
Unless we are sitting in on the counseling sessions, it is best to leave these pronouncments in the hands of the Priest and Counselor.
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MercyMia
Guest
But this isn’t a counseling session, this is a message board so we do the best with what we have. And when I hear a sister in Christ tell me that her young daughter says she feels violated by her dad I say run sister, run.
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MtnDwellar
Guest
Rachel posted an identical thread to this one yesterday morning on the Moral Theology forum. It is also currently active.
I looked up some of the previous threads started by the OP. The first on this subject was in Nov, 09. There was a previous thread started in July, 09. In that one she said that after 20 some years of marriage she just noticed that her husband likes large breasts and that she feels inadequate.
Since last November she has talked to priests.
Dec. 6: “We are starting with a priest on Tuesday evening, for marriage counseling, etc.”
Dec. 9: "Fr. said dh is safe to have back in our home
our meeting with a priest from another parish did not go well. fr. said a perfectly normal man can look at his daughters and suddenly realize he is feeling certain things he is shocked by. "
My thinking is that Rachel is looking for people who will agree with her instead of objectively looking for advice. The internet is not a good place to get advice of a such personal and subjective nature.
Rachel, if you cannot look into your own heart and make a clear decision, please find a trusted and knowledgeable source from which to obtain advice.
I looked up some of the previous threads started by the OP. The first on this subject was in Nov, 09. There was a previous thread started in July, 09. In that one she said that after 20 some years of marriage she just noticed that her husband likes large breasts and that she feels inadequate.
Since last November she has talked to priests.
Dec. 6: “We are starting with a priest on Tuesday evening, for marriage counseling, etc.”
Dec. 9: "Fr. said dh is safe to have back in our home
our meeting with a priest from another parish did not go well. fr. said a perfectly normal man can look at his daughters and suddenly realize he is feeling certain things he is shocked by. "
My thinking is that Rachel is looking for people who will agree with her instead of objectively looking for advice. The internet is not a good place to get advice of a such personal and subjective nature.
Rachel, if you cannot look into your own heart and make a clear decision, please find a trusted and knowledgeable source from which to obtain advice.
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chrisatam
Guest
Hello everybody, let’s all just be very careful not to jump to conclusions and judge somebody harshly. Is it possible to appreciate a flower simply for its beauty? If yes, couldn’t it also be possible to admire a humanbeing simply for their beauty without any lustful thoughts? I don’t know, but i have this lingering feeling that it could just be possible. Anyway, i think these are things we ought to pray over and implore God’s grace and mercy so that anytime our eyes admire beauty, our minds should not cross the apparently invisible line to lust.
Chris from Cameroon.
God bless!!
Chris from Cameroon.
God bless!!
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kage_ar
Guest
Quick question for the OP. Has your husband ever said that he is sexually attracted to his children?
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RachelKH
Guest
he says he is not and has never lusted about them. the problem is that his definition of lust is very narrow, involving desire to do sex acts with the person he is looking at. i find his eyes going to the breasts and bottom of all, indiscriminately – he looks for his own thrills, not in a giving way but a selfish way. he seems to have no line between his own children and other available women, in that his eyes focus on their parts w/o thought of the whole person and the appropriateness of such looking. he admits to his own definition of lusting with other women and says that thinking lustful thoughts about his own dds would be wrong – but i just don’t think he has the awareness that his looks are not as innocent as he pretends they are. habitually looking at others for selfish thrills is lust, isn’t it?
i see other fathers with preteen and teen dds interacting affectionately and appropriately, and know that that has never been possible or comfortable for our dds and my dh – from an early age they have felt a weirdness that put them off closeness w/ him. it breaks my heart that the man i married is not capable of warm, loving, empathetic, appropriate relationships with his own children. or me.
i see other fathers with preteen and teen dds interacting affectionately and appropriately, and know that that has never been possible or comfortable for our dds and my dh – from an early age they have felt a weirdness that put them off closeness w/ him. it breaks my heart that the man i married is not capable of warm, loving, empathetic, appropriate relationships with his own children. or me.
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shannyk
Guest
When I read things like this, I have to ask Rachel why does it matter what his definition of lust is? Why does it even matter if he is lusting per his or any other definition? This is WRONG period, call it what you want, it’s wrong. Fathers do not gaze at their daughters rear ends and breasts. Fathers do not make their daughters feel uncomfortable in their own home becasue of how he leers at them.
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