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Walking_Home
Guest
Well – that erroneous idea – that has been perpetuated and condoned – that men “have to have sex”-- needs to end. They need to be told – to keep it zipped in their pants.
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Well – that erroneous idea – that has been perpetuated and condoned – that men “have to have sex”-- needs to end. They need to be told – to keep it zipped in their pants.
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nickybr38
Guest
I agree. But I’ll let other men sort men out. I’ll focus on dealing with my fellow females.
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Walking_Home
Guest
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InigoMontoya
Guest
Honestly, there are a lot of devout men who would prefer to abstain before marriage. If you’re struggling to meet men of that calibre, try online dating at some Christian sites.
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JoeofCupertino
Guest
I don’t think sex drives have changed much over the past three generations. I don’t think men and women are inherently that much different. But there are a few things that I think play a big role in making marriage less attractive to men.
When men and women married younger than they do now, men had a stable source to satisfy his sexual needs. Still, men and women cheated on each other. Though, many men that are chronically single now would have been married as would women that are chronically single.
People previously couldn’t travel as much beyond their local area. Now, with cars and planes available to even the poorest of the poor in America and Europe the world isn’t as local anymore. Men and women compete with a global world for partners. On top of this, a cultural change towards less religion means more people have sex without the belief that marriage is needed to make sex a legitimate act.
I think even with changes in culture religiously, if men and women had the same smaller pool there once was and economically, women needed men like they used to, I think that marriage would be more attractive to men. The belief today for many is that instead of working out problems in a relationship, there are so many fish in the sea that it isn’t worth it to stay in a relationship that isn’t working well in the moment.
The internet is a great maker and destroyer of relationships. The internet makes cheating and finding a lover more easy than before. When marriage has its normal bumps in the road, many look for comfort in porn and internet sites that enable cheating spouses.
To make marriage better for men and also women, there needs to be greater resolve in riding out the bad times.
When men and women married younger than they do now, men had a stable source to satisfy his sexual needs. Still, men and women cheated on each other. Though, many men that are chronically single now would have been married as would women that are chronically single.
People previously couldn’t travel as much beyond their local area. Now, with cars and planes available to even the poorest of the poor in America and Europe the world isn’t as local anymore. Men and women compete with a global world for partners. On top of this, a cultural change towards less religion means more people have sex without the belief that marriage is needed to make sex a legitimate act.
I think even with changes in culture religiously, if men and women had the same smaller pool there once was and economically, women needed men like they used to, I think that marriage would be more attractive to men. The belief today for many is that instead of working out problems in a relationship, there are so many fish in the sea that it isn’t worth it to stay in a relationship that isn’t working well in the moment.
The internet is a great maker and destroyer of relationships. The internet makes cheating and finding a lover more easy than before. When marriage has its normal bumps in the road, many look for comfort in porn and internet sites that enable cheating spouses.
To make marriage better for men and also women, there needs to be greater resolve in riding out the bad times.
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AnneElizabeth
Guest
If there was a sign hanging around every single guy’s neck saying he doesn’t put out it would make all this a lot easier, but there is not. And not even among supposed “Christian” males can you tell whether or not he is going to act chastely. That is what causes me to despair a bit. I thought it would pretty well be understood with them.
I suppose what I said about males seems like a blanket statement. And for that I apologize, I know not every man is like that. Its just been my experience and even my father says it is true.
Oh, and I never said it would help her worth.… I said it doesn’t help her situation in finding a spouse… we do have a clock ya know. Men don’t have to worry about those things.
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Lorelei12
Guest
The benefits of marriage for men are the same as for women. Love, companionship, sex, procreation, stability, comfort, etc…and most importantly the grace to both deal with life’s problems as a united front and to lead each other to heaven.
Marriage is not meant to be solely a financial agreement. Your post seems centered on the monetary benefits of marriage and little else, so maybe that is why your question isn’t making a lot of sense to me. If a man OR a woman is so crippled by the fear of a spouse taking all “their” money, they aren’t ready for marriage in the first place.
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AnneElizabeth
Guest
35 year old here…
Yes I’d agree that I’m not missing out on anyone or anything grand if a guy passes me up because I don’t put out, but try doing this single bit when you are almost passed your prime for having children.
I said the same thing at 30. but I was hopeful then.
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AlTheCollegeGal
Guest
Thank you. I agree with this 100%. There are sooo many people who are so quick to say, “Garrrr feminism!!! Ugh, what is with women nowadays, no morals!!!” who don’t realize that A.) there is a plethora of pro-life feminists, and just because a person believes that women should be treated equally as men (a.k.a. women are not property, have rights to vote/own property/work, and deserve to have a say in life) does not in fact mean that the said person believes in pro-choice issues and B.) like you said, it takes two for things like this to happen. Believe it or not, there are pro-life feminists. Feminism has been taken out of its original context established by such prominent individuals as Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Susan B. Anthony, thus, it’s quite wearisome to see so many negative sentiments and comments directed towards feminists and women.
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Edmundus1581
Guest
An answer based on observation of myself and other men…
Men marry because they love a woman, and want to have her companionship as a wife, have sex with her, and raise a family with her.
There is often some tension in the second part, ie. companionship, between a man’s and a woman’s expectations. Most men prefer a woman who will run the house and support his career, while many women resist this and seek “fulfillment” in work and other ways (…
) outside the home.
My favourite romance saying is “Women crave intensity, men crave comfort”.
Men marry because they love a woman, and want to have her companionship as a wife, have sex with her, and raise a family with her.
There is often some tension in the second part, ie. companionship, between a man’s and a woman’s expectations. Most men prefer a woman who will run the house and support his career, while many women resist this and seek “fulfillment” in work and other ways (…
) outside the home.My favourite romance saying is “Women crave intensity, men crave comfort”.
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Walking_Home
Guest
Please – don’t see yourself as a woman – almost “pass your prime”. You are just as valuable a woman —as when you were 20.
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chevalier
Guest
I’ve considered wearing one but ultimately decided it could go down the wrong way.
I see, and I agree. Having a difference in limits can be quite a bit of a problem. For example, I get peeved when a practicing Catholic girl goes on about the eroticism in dance, how pleasant it is etc. ‘He-llo? Hudson calling.’ Not to judge anybody but rather describe how things feel from the other side. For some time, I’ve been under the impression that a man who doesn’t make sexually charged ouvertures is going to be friend-zoned for want of chemistry. Or, in other words, too controlled behaviour may lead a woman to presume, likely in a subconscious way, the absence of sufficient interest even if he has ‘infatuated’ written all over his forehead.
It tends to be that way. I’m just trying to offer a bit of a counter-cultural perspective. It’s distressing, it really is. But if you stop and think about it, there’s nothing really to regret, miss or despair over. In terms of potential marriage, little is lost in refusal to engage in premarital sex. Some potential relationships may be lost in having a tighter limit as to what is and what is not to be done but even then a sense of self-worth will never be found in going against one’s own conscience. Dying on the way without reaching the destination is better than straying from the path and getting hopelessly lost, let alone outright giving up.
Oh tell me more about that last one. In a couple of years I’ll be balding (says the barber, not I) and not in a particularly nice way (a coin-sized circle of naked skin would be my prediction). My movie star smile full of white even teeth is already long gone. Quick wit is not as quick, accent in languages far worse (if I actually still speak them) and the same sized bags of groceries are noticeably heavier, same scores of stairs cost more breath, same amount of alcohol could kill me that I’d once laugh at. Can’t be without effect on my “chances”, can it?
Cheer up!Depends. Some women have ‘clingy’ on their shortlist of doom. Diplay a soft side, show that you actually need her company, and you’ve got your death warrant. Evolutionary thinking.There is often some tension in the second part, ie. companionship, between a man’s and a woman’s expectations. Most men prefer a woman who will run the house and support his career, while many women resist this and seek “fulfillment” in work and other ways (…
My favourite romance saying is “Women crave intensity, men crave comfort”.
Passed down from my dad, possibly from my grandmother on his side, whom I’d never met, or maybe it was just popular in the parts she was from: ‘A woman is like a shadow. You chase, she runs. You run, she chases.’ At which point I’d honestly prefer a shot of whisky, as sad as this is to admit. Oh heck, I seem to be proving your point. This does tie into comfort, doesn’t it? But intensity is a scare to many.
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AnneElizabeth
Guest
I wasn’t talking about ‘benefits’, I was talking incentive. Incentive is what is going to drive a person to do such n’ such a thing. Right now I would agree that if a man is religious, his incentive to marry woudl be to do the right thing, honor God. Everyone can see these days that it is not always in a marriage one can find the benefits you speak of… AND furthermore in these modern times, most of those benefits one can get without marriage- with the freedom to leave at any time if things go bad. So, if one can get those benefits without marriage, why would a man marry? I say this because it seems lopsided to me as marriage seems to benefit the female more so than the man. (But really I know it is there to benefit the children) If a man is not religious, sees that women can handle themselves financially and raise the child without him, then why would he commit?.. Its like their very purpose for wanting to be a husband is taken away from them.
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JackieMom
Guest
I think just as many single women are down to have premarital sex as are men. The idea that women are virtuous, desire-free flowers and men are just the dirty dogs trying to get in their pants is erroneous. Most people are fine with having premarital sex and see literally nothing wrong with it. I got married at 22 and we were both virgins, raring to go. I think most people do have an instinctual urge to “settle down” eventually - but it’s been complicated by factors including the normalization of premarital sex and shacking up, long educations, the high cost of living, women who can make their own living, a lack of interest in religion, and the idea perpetrated by Hollywood that you can wait until your 40s to start a family.
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chevalier
Guest
There is a benefit to the man, rest assured. It’s enough that he’s actually infatuated with her, at which point she holds power like you wouldn’t imagine. And like I said before, she can just delete him from her phone book any moment of her choosing.
Evolutionary thinking makes a man want to spread his genes around. But it also makes a woman want to upgrade. Both parties gain security with the oath to forsake all others, forever.
So do I, but I also have no desire to be someone’s ‘eventually’. Possibly a pride thing. As in, if her thinking is that I’m good enough to have a house and kids with but little in terms of entertainment, then I won’t marry her even at gunpoint. Honestly, if I were to be someone’s designated final safe parking lot after having all the good fun with all the bad guys, then I might even be in love with her and she might be throwing herself at me, I’d still tell her to go away. At least I hope I would.
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Julia_Mae
Guest
About 15 years ago I read a story about a sociology class from one of the Univ of Ca. campuses that did an experiment. They all went out on the street and stopped passers-by and asked two questions: 1.) Are you married? 2.) On a scale of 1-10 how happy are you? Then they collated the answers.
Least happy were married women, followed by single men,
Happier were single women and the most happy were married men.
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Edmundus1581
Guest
I agree entirely with your perceptions about the non-benefits for men in modern marriages, and, like I said in my post, men do tend to marry “optimistically” for love and family, and are often disillusioned when the woman changes her mind.
I worry for my son. He does not practice his Catholic faith and has been in a steady relationship for 4 years. She is a lovely girl now, but I can see him marrying her, and then she “discovering herself” and leaving him in 10 years time. As far as I can see, only a Catholic faith and marriage evens the odds which are stacked against husbands these days.
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AnneElizabeth
Guest
Yes, I would agree with everything you have said here.
And I hope you were not talking about me saying some are thinking that women are virtuous and men are dirty dogs. I don’t see it all that way. . And I’m not really trying to say that with my question either, although, I guess what I am trying to say is that with all this premarital sex being OKed by everyone, then what would make a person stop and think about marrying? It would become just an emotional declaration on a piece of paper, with lots of financial strings attached, which is silly, It would not make sense to do it.
It just seems to me that the way women are today, men have no incentive to be a husband, or that their part of the equation has lessened in value.
Put another way… If I am called to do a certain job, but when I get there on the job I find that its already being taken care of by others… why in the world would I stay at that job? My fulfillment in that job has been taken away, therefore there is no fulfillment in it for me.
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AnneElizabeth
Guest
chuckles!
I wonder what that census would be if taken about 200 years ago though. ???
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AnneElizabeth
Guest
You make me chuckle with your responses so far. (Thanks for cheering me up some!)
I guess maybe my problem is that I am not thinking like a man does? Or maybe I am trying, but failing miserably?
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