What is man's incentive to marry?

[EasterJoy]

I remember hearing about a study that showed that men who had to live with a shrew lived longer than those who had an agreeable wife. Something in the range of 10 years. While I don’t mind a difficult personality in a great personality, I’d gladly give 10 years not to have to live with someone who’s plain mean.

Interesting. It makes me wonder: how did they define “shrew” and “agreeable”, and what were the other options? What other variables did they correct for? And where was this? After all, not everyone who disagrees with you makes your life He-double toothpicks.

 

[chevalier]

Interesting. It makes me wonder: how did they define “shrew” and “agreeable”, and what were the other options? What other variables did they correct for? And where was this? After all, not everyone who disagrees with you makes your life He-double toothpicks.

Can’t put my hand on it, just a curious tidbit that might as well be urban legend.

 

[Luvz2travel]

Really, I’m having a hard time wondering why any man would even enter into a marriage anymore- besides ‘love’. In the olden days, it was something expected, but these days, even if they do, if divorce happens, they loose quite a lot. Now that women can work and earn just as much as men and since they can do that AND apparently raise decent children by themselves, what is the reason for marriage? What would be the benefits of it for men, especially since there is such a high divorce rate?

I would love to hear the catholic response… especially from Catholic men.

Well folks are still getting married and I see of number of them that are actually happy and I know a large number of divorced folks as well but they all had to have married someone to be divorced. People have a instinct or need to have companionship and everyone when to feel known or understood and marriage as I understand is the closest you can come to being known and understood. I’ve never been married though so I’m just going by supposition.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

Well folks are still getting married and I see of number of them that are actually happy and I know a large number of divorced folks as well but they all had to have married someone to be divorced. People have a instinct or need to have companionship and everyone when to feel known or understood and marriage as I understand is the closest you can come to being known and understood. I’ve never been married though so I’m just going by supposition.

I see what you are saying and yes I would have to agree, however, my question is not so much about the feelings;/emotion aspect (although it sort of is) as it is about the institution of marriage. A person can not marry and still have that companionship that you talk about- they just live together, and many do. Others here have been posting common sense answers to my question- which I appreciate, but its not really what I was looking for because all of those reasons merely point towards the emotional bond and not so much the reasoning for the actual institute of marriage- which is, at a secular level, a social contract.

The reason why I asked the question- and I admit I probably did a bad job of communicating exactly what it is I’m looking for- is basically I see the institution of marriage at great risk because of many factors which seems to be converging and causing harm to it. Men are generally culturally the ones to be doing the asking, and before, when marriage was upheld culturally, both partners could feel a better sense of security going into it, that remaining chaste before and faithful during would be paramount.

Now a days, it seems as if it is becoming a joke, made so by divorce, or the fact that people will just decide to live together and have children out of wedlock.   Men's culture itself doesn't seem to promote it- rather it seems to promote premarital sex- and as much as one can find from as many women as they can find.   And with women also accepting premarital sex as ok,then really I see no incentive for a man to marry them so as long as that companionship is being given, especially at that intimate level.

What would be the point of marriage then? What would be the incentive for a man to actually marry? (Not talking so much about a man who believes in his religion as I mean men in general. Part of the problem is there are so few men who believe- and even among so-called believers I find men who think there is nothing wrong with fornication as long as you ‘love’ that person. That (men who are believers and who think nothing bad of fornicating) to me , is a huge punch to the gut and a spit in the face to everything that is holy and of true value.

 

[EasterJoy]

I see what you are saying and yes I would have to agree, however, my question is not so much about the feelings;/emotion aspect (although it sort of is) as it is about the institution of marriage. A person can not marry and still have that companionship that you talk about- they just live together, and many do. Others here have been posting common sense answers to my question- which I appreciate, but its not really what I was looking for because all of those reasons merely point towards the emotional bond and not so much the reasoning for the actual institute of marriage- which is, at a secular level, a social contract.

The reason why I asked the question- and I admit I probably did a bad job of communicating exactly what it is I’m looking for- is basically I see the institution of marriage at great risk because of many factors which seems to be converging and causing harm to it. Men are generally culturally the ones to be doing the asking, and before, when marriage was upheld culturally, both partners could feel a better sense of security going into it, that remaining chaste before and faithful during would be paramount.

Now a days, it seems as if it is becoming a joke, made so by divorce, or the fact that people will just decide to live together and have children out of wedlock.   Men's culture itself doesn't seem to promote it- rather it seems to promote premarital sex- and as much as one can find from as many women as they can find.   And with women also accepting premarital sex as ok,then really I see no incentive for a man to marry them so as long as that companionship is being given, especially at that intimate level.

What would be the point of marriage then? What would be the incentive for a man to actually marry? (Not talking so much about a man who believes in his religion as I mean men in general. Part of the problem is there are so few men who believe- and even among so-called believers I find men who think there is nothing wrong with fornication as long as you ‘love’ that person. That (men who are believers and who think nothing bad of fornicating) to me , is a huge punch to the gut and a spit in the face to everything that is holy and of true value.

From a totally secular self-centered view, from a view where people are self-interested animals out for to make themselves happy, from what I have been told by a man with that view: a man in that state of mind marries because he’s afraid that if he doesn’t he’ll be alone and nobody will want him when he’s older and less physically attractive. He marries out of fear of being alone if he doesn’t. Low reasons, to be sure, but those are the reasons some have.

 

[styrgwillidar]

I recommend you read George Gilder’s “Men and Marriage” (not his earlier “Sexual Suicide”).

Why would an individual man marry in today’s US culture? Because at heart men are the romantics of our species with a belief in true love and commitment. It is that area of our lives where men are most irrational vice analytical. Instead of looking at the reality of what marriage has become, we retain the notion of what it was or should be. The commitment to care for, provide for, raise a family with, and love a single individual our entire lives with the expectation they will be as equally committed to us and our children. Love as a choice, not a feeling. Its a permanent team to be a part of, and we’re raised as team players through sports.

As you’ve noted however, that is no longer what marriage is. In the US, it’s a temporary non-binding arrangement (not even a contract, as there is no penalty or repercussion in most states for violating the marriage oath. In fact, the person breaking that vow through adultery or other misconduct can still be expected to be supported “… in the style to which they had become accustomed to during marriage…” after the divorce. Weird- decide they no longer want the responsibilities of marriage, but still get the financial benefits as if they had.) Note, this is true regardless of whether the lower income spouse is male or female. Both male and female in the US have lost allegiance to the other and more importantly, the family. Both tend to put their own feelings ahead of what is best for their children.

I do take issue with your statement that “… Now that women can work and earn just as much as men and since they can do that AND apparently raise decent children by themselves, what is the reason for marriage” Actually, while women earn as much (well, actually more than men now…hotair.com/greenroom/archives/2010/09/04/so-the-wage-gap-is-true-only-it%e2%80%99s-men-who-earn-less/) odds are they can’t raise decent children by themselves. At least statistically; my father was the finest man I ever knew, raised by a single mother during the depression. However, he’s the outlier. Children raised by single mothers (there isn’t enough data about single fathers) are far more likely to be abused physically, emotionally, sexually, or to abuse drugs, alcohol, be involved in violence and be promiscuous. They suffer far more frequently from mental issues, and the greatest threat to a child’s life is mom’s boyfriend/new spouse. And that is regardless of demographic or income level. In the furor over the recent Newton and Colorado shootings many psychiatrists are again bringing up the single mom culture and the lack of male role models as a key contributing factor to the violence.

Note, if you read George Gilder’s book he predicted exactly that. He points out that throughout recorded human history, all cultures have had marriage as the basis. A binding agreement between the male and female, assuring the male that whatever children the female has are his own. That he has a vested interest in raising them, assuring their safety, and building a stable society/environment for them. It civilizes men, who without that bond tend to be more violent, more ‘tribal’, more ‘gang’ like as packs of young men impressing each other with who’s the toughest, the leaders.

My son plans on getting married because he wants kids. And he knows without having that formal legally recognized arrangement he will have far less say over the kids when his wife decides to call it quits. He’ll at least have standing to make a fight for them, and if he’s lucky and clever enough he may actually succeed at gaining full custody of them like I did, and ensure someone makes them feel like a priority vice an inconvenience. Even if he has to stay single to send them that message.

 

[Carina20]

Hmmmm… I don’t know how to answer you Lorelei12 or faithfully…

Perhaps I’m not sure what it means, and with all due respect, I don’t believe it means just means being faithful to God, and I don’t believe it simply means ‘bringing home the bacon’. I come from a lot of different church backgrounds- mostly Protestant-, so I’ve heard many things as to what it means. Leadership, yes, definitely. But leadership entails that one is over you… and if couples act like equal heads coming together, then I think something is off. ?? It should be clear who is the leader by the way people act and behave around that person. There should be actual submission. I don’t see that with a lot of married women these days. It may be nice, but I’m not sure its what Christ meant.

Yes I know I sound very old fashioned. I will probably get ripped for that.

Perhaps I ought to start another thread and ask men what it means to be “head of the household” in a Christian Scriptural sense. I think women tend to stretch things a bit too far in its meaning these days- even if they are well meaning in doing so… and that has me concerned. I’m just not sure, that’s all, so go easy on me!!!

I understood what you meant. But, then again I come from a Protestant background as well. If women are taking over the male role by either not listening if their husband asks them to do something or don’t ask their husband or tell him things, then he may not feel appreciated or that their opinion matters. Also, men can be sensitive, too so they want to feel important and valued.
Maybe that’s why the divorce rate is high and people live together before marriage, thinking it will make marriage ‘better’ when it makes it worse. They don’t know how to talk to each other and use examples from media about how marriage should be. Where the wife calls in meals every night and if the husband asks why she never cooks, she looks at him like he’s crazy.
Or using marital relations as a bargaining chip because the main reason they were having sex before marriage was because they only wanted pleasure and had less responsibilities but after marriage it becomes an afterthought and the husband then abuses pornography to deal with urges and the wives don’t seem to mind.

 

[Carina20]

Hmm… not sure you understood what I was trying to say correctly, or that i was not conveying correctly what I wanted to say. I realize a woman does not stop being a person in her own right. That’s what I meant by the statemtn taht women are not to worship men as if they were God. But I do think that we are supposed to submit to our husbands as the head of the house, that is, he is the leader… not two ‘equals’… but I may be errouneous in stating it that way…

I think its just a difference in definition. Using the word ‘equal’ I think confuses some. We are all equal to God, but husbands and wives have different roles. Doesn’t mean that the husband couldn’t stay with the kids or the wife couldn’t ‘bring home the bacon’ but the Scriptures give different information to each spouse on how to care for one another.

 

[severus68]

I understood what you meant. But, then again I come from a Protestant background as well. If women are taking over the male role by either not listening if their husband asks them to do something or don’t ask their husband or tell him things, then he may not feel appreciated or that their opinion matters. Also, men can be sensitive, too so they want to feel important and valued.
Maybe that’s why the divorce rate is high and people live together before marriage, thinking it will make marriage ‘better’ when it makes it worse. They don’t know how to talk to each other and use examples from media about how marriage should be. Where the wife calls in meals every night and if the husband asks why she never cooks, she looks at him like he’s crazy.
Or using marital relations as a bargaining chip because the main reason they were having sex before marriage was because they only wanted pleasure and had less responsibilities but after marriage it becomes an afterthought and the husband then abuses pornography to deal with urges and the wives don’t seem to mind.

With respect, it is not the role of a female to listen and obey all men, especially her husband and it is not the role of men to boss and be the master of women. Obedience to her husband is not a vow a Catholic bride makes to her husband, it is not in the CCC.

Women are sensitive and want to be valued. Neither men nor women should want to feel important. That is arrogance and the opposite of the trait Christ practised and taught.
So their husbands did not have sex before they were married because they wanted pleasure? Strange. Strange too that you would think wives don’t mind their husbands using porn. BTW I do not think porn can be abused. Porn is about the abuse of women for the main.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

…

Women are sensitive and want to be valued. Neither men nor women should want to feel important. That is arrogance and the opposite of the trait Christ practiced and taught.
So their husbands did not have sex before they were married because they wanted pleasure? Strange. Strange too that you would think wives don’t mind their husbands using porn. BTW I do not think porn can be abused. Porn is about the abuse of women for the main.

Hey severus68, I appreciate your post, but I’m totally lost and confused as to what you are trying to say. I bold-ed the statements I don’t understand. I think you also came across as harsh to Carina… and I’m not sure why also.

 

[AnneElizabeth]

I recommend you read George Gilder’s “Men and Marriage” (not his earlier “Sexual Suicide”).

Why would an individual man marry in today’s US culture? Because at heart men are the romantics of our species with a belief in true love and commitment. It is that area of our lives where men are most irrational vice analytical. Instead of looking at the reality of what marriage has become, we retain the notion of what it was or should be. The commitment to care for, provide for, raise a family with, and love a single individual our entire lives with the expectation they will be as equally committed to us and our children. Love as a choice, not a feeling. Its a permanent team to be a part of, and we’re raised as team players through sports.

As you’ve noted however, that is no longer what marriage is. In the US, it’s a temporary non-binding arrangement (not even a contract, as there is no penalty or repercussion in most states for violating the marriage oath. In fact, the person breaking that vow through adultery or other misconduct can still be expected to be supported “… in the style to which they had become accustomed to during marriage…” after the divorce. Weird- decide they no longer want the responsibilities of marriage, but still get the financial benefits as if they had.) Note, this is true regardless of whether the lower income spouse is male or female. Both male and female in the US have lost allegiance to the other and more importantly, the family. Both tend to put their own feelings ahead of what is best for their children.

I do take issue with your statement that “… Now that women can work and earn just as much as men and since they can do that AND apparently raise decent children by themselves, what is the reason for marriage” Actually, while women earn as much (well, actually more than men now…hotair.com/greenroom/archives/2010/09/04/so-the-wage-gap-is-true-only-it%e2%80%99s-men-who-earn-less/) odds are they can’t raise decent children by themselves. At least statistically; my father was the finest man I ever knew, raised by a single mother during the depression. However, he’s the outlier. Children raised by single mothers (there isn’t enough data about single fathers) are far more likely to be abused physically, emotionally, sexually, or to abuse drugs, alcohol, be involved in violence and be promiscuous. They suffer far more frequently from mental issues, and the greatest threat to a child’s life is mom’s boyfriend/new spouse. And that is regardless of demographic or income level. In the furor over the recent Newton and Colorado shootings many psychiatrists are again bringing up the single mom culture and the lack of male role models as a key contributing factor to the violence.

Note, if you read George Gilder’s book he predicted exactly that. He points out that throughout recorded human history, all cultures have had marriage as the basis. A binding agreement between the male and female, assuring the male that whatever children the female has are his own. That he has a vested interest in raising them, assuring their safety, and building a stable society/environment for them. It civilizes men, who without that bond tend to be more violent, more ‘tribal’, more ‘gang’ like as packs of young men impressing each other with who’s the toughest, the leaders.

My son plans on getting married because he wants kids. And he knows without having that formal legally recognized arrangement he will have far less say over the kids when his wife decides to call it quits. He’ll at least have standing to make a fight for them, and if he’s lucky and clever enough he may actually succeed at gaining full custody of them like I did, and ensure someone makes them feel like a priority vice an inconvenience. Even if he has to stay single to send them that message.

Thanks for the recommendation… I will look into it. Thank you also for your post.

I think I should clear something up… when I said in the OP “… Now that women can work and earn just as much as men and since they can do that AND apparently raise decent children by themselves, what is the reason for marriage” I should have said, “Now *that people seem to think *that women can work and earn…ect” as I’m really in agreement with what you said. I think I was just trying to put emphasis on it because that is what it seems like everyone believes.

 

[PaulGH]

Really, I’m having a hard time wondering why any man would even enter into a marriage anymore- besides ‘love’. In the olden days, it was something expected, but these days, even if they do, if divorce happens, they loose quite a lot. Now that women can work and earn just as much as men and since they can do that AND apparently raise decent children by themselves, what is the reason for marriage? What would be the benefits of it for men, especially since there is such a high divorce rate?

I would love to hear the catholic response… especially from Catholic men.

Here are a few reasons to marry, from a Catholic man (me):

• My wife and I have four wonderful children. And I know that those children have the best situation that they can have, being raised in a home with a mother and father who are married and committed to each other. If I weren’t married, I probably wouldn’t have children. Or if I did, they would be raised in a broken home.
• My wife and I know that we can count on each other to be there always, no matter what troubles come our way. I know that she won’t leave me, and she knows that I won’t leave her. There is great peace and joy that comes with that knowledge.
• I’m a nerdy, introverted 40-something guy with four kids, and I probably have better quantity and quality in my intimate life with my wife than most 20-something single guys who sleep around, hook up, or whatever.

Now, I doubt that I would have listed these same reasons in exactly this same way before I got married, but this reflects my point of view now.

 

[severus68]

Hey severus68, I appreciate your post, but I’m totally lost and confused as to what you are trying to say. I bold-ed the statements I don’t understand. I think you also came across as harsh to Carina… and I’m not sure why also.

I was responding point by point to what the poster said.

 

[severus68]

I think its just a difference in definition. Using the word ‘equal’ I think confuses some. We are all equal to God, but husbands and wives have different roles. Doesn’t mean that the husband couldn’t stay with the kids or the wife couldn’t ‘bring home the bacon’ but the Scriptures give different information to each spouse on how to care for one another.

I for one, am not confused.

 

[severus68]

I recommend you read George Gilder’s “Men and Marriage” (not his earlier “Sexual Suicide”).

Why would an individual man marry in today’s US culture? Because at heart men are the romantics of our species with a belief in true love and commitment. It is that area of our lives where men are most irrational vice analytical. Instead of looking at the reality of what marriage has become, we retain the notion of what it was or should be. The commitment to care for, provide for, raise a family with, and love a single individual our entire lives with the expectation they will be as equally committed to us and our children. Love as a choice, not a feeling. Its a permanent team to be a part of, and we’re raised as team players through sports.

As you’ve noted however, that is no longer what marriage is. In the US, it’s a temporary non-binding arrangement (not even a contract, as there is no penalty or repercussion in most states for violating the marriage oath. In fact, the person breaking that vow through adultery or other misconduct can still be expected to be supported “… in the style to which they had become accustomed to during marriage…” after the divorce. Weird- decide they no longer want the responsibilities of marriage, but still get the financial benefits as if they had.) Note, this is true regardless of whether the lower income spouse is male or female. Both male and female in the US have lost allegiance to the other and more importantly, the family. Both tend to put their own feelings ahead of what is best for their children.

I do take issue with your statement that “… Now that women can work and earn just as much as men and since they can do that AND apparently raise decent children by themselves, what is the reason for marriage” Actually, while women earn as much (well, actually more than men now…hotair.com/greenroom/archives/2010/09/04/so-the-wage-gap-is-true-only-it%e2%80%99s-men-who-earn-less/) odds are they can’t raise decent children by themselves. At least statistically; my father was the finest man I ever knew, raised by a single mother during the depression. However, he’s the outlier. Children raised by single mothers (there isn’t enough data about single fathers) are far more likely to be abused physically, emotionally, sexually, or to abuse drugs, alcohol, be involved in violence and be promiscuous. They suffer far more frequently from mental issues, and the greatest threat to a child’s life is mom’s boyfriend/new spouse. And that is regardless of demographic or income level. In the furor over the recent Newton and Colorado shootings many psychiatrists are again bringing up the single mom culture and the lack of male role models as a key contributing factor to the violence.

Note, if you read George Gilder’s book he predicted exactly that. He points out that throughout recorded human history, all cultures have had marriage as the basis. A binding agreement between the male and female, assuring the male that whatever children the female has are his own. That he has a vested interest in raising them, assuring their safety, and building a stable society/environment for them. It civilizes men, who without that bond tend to be more violent, more ‘tribal’, more ‘gang’ like as packs of young men impressing each other with who’s the toughest, the leaders.

My son plans on getting married because he wants kids. And he knows without having that formal legally recognized arrangement he will have far less say over the kids when his wife decides to call it quits. He’ll at least have standing to make a fight for them, and if he’s lucky and clever enough he may actually succeed at gaining full custody of them like I did, and ensure someone makes them feel like a priority vice an inconvenience. Even if he has to stay single to send them that message.

I know your experience has been bad and I sympathise. However, I think you are making rather unfair generalisations about women. I have placed in bold one.

There is also your statement about your son. Why would your son think like that? That is very sad.

 

[Carina20]

With respect, it is not the role of a female to listen and obey all men, especially her husband and it is not the role of men to boss and be the master of women

.
Not what I said, at all. Women should listen to her husband, not ALL men. They’re not married to ALL men.

Obedience to her husband is not a vow a Catholic bride makes to her husband, it is not in the CCC.

If everything a man and a woman was supposed to do in marriage was in the vows, it would last all day. We also find what we are supposed to be studying the Scripture as well.

Women are sensitive and want to be valued.

Of course. That’s why I said men are sensitive, too. I already implied that women were sensitive.

Neither men nor women should want to feel important. That is arrogance and the opposite of t have the trait Christ practised and taught.

So, a husband shouldn’t think his wife is important to him? Or vice versa? I only was talking about feeling important to your spouse.

So their husbands did not have sex before they were married because they wanted pleasure? Strange.

Again, not what I said. I was only talking about women in this part. Is it not obvious that both parties enjoy sex? How else would it happen?

Strange too that you would think wives don’t mind their husbands using porn. BTW I do not think porn can be abused. Porn is about the abuse of women for the main.

I wasn’t talking about ALL wives. I was talking about what the media says we’re supposed to think about porn. That it is harmless and that men need sexual outlet if their wife isn’t giving it to them. But that this is not the truth and the reason so many have bad marriages.

 

[JaneGrey]

---

What about men’s responsibility — to keep his pants zipped. It takes two willing partners to have sex – the man and the woman. Yet – it seems the men’s responsibility for his participation – "gets overlooked " — and the finger pointing goes towards the women.

Neither women nor men share a hive mind. Neither gender are the ‘gatekeepers’ of sexuality. People need to learn that they have all the free will to make their own decisions,which they should not then blame on another person, much less an entire gender.

 

[JaneGrey]

I don’t think sex drives have changed much over the past three generations. I don’t think men and women are inherently that much different. But there are a few things that I think play a big role in making marriage less attractive to men.

When men and women married younger than they do now, men had a stable source to satisfy his sexual needs. Still, men and women cheated on each other. Though, many men that are chronically single now would have been married as would women that are chronically single.

People previously couldn’t travel as much beyond their local area. Now, with cars and planes available to even the poorest of the poor in America and Europe the world isn’t as local anymore. Men and women compete with a global world for partners. On top of this, a cultural change towards less religion means more people have sex without the belief that marriage is needed to make sex a legitimate act.

I think even with changes in culture religiously, if men and women had the same smaller pool there once was and economically, women needed men like they used to, I think that marriage would be more attractive to men. The belief today for many is that instead of working out problems in a relationship, there are so many fish in the sea that it isn’t worth it to stay in a relationship that isn’t working well in the moment.

The internet is a great maker and destroyer of relationships. The internet makes cheating and finding a lover more easy than before. When marriage has its normal bumps in the road, many look for comfort in porn and internet sites that enable cheating spouses.

To make marriage better for men and also women, there needs to be greater resolve in riding out the bad times.

I may not necessarily agree with all of your points, but I have to say it is so refreshing seeing a post which does not seek to blame a gender. I think its true to an extent, that the internet and the global economy have complicated things.

 

[JaneGrey]

Because it is often men who are pressuring women to have sex. Just this past week I had a fellow tell me: “I respect your choice to be chaste but honestly us guys have sexual urges and I just couldn’t live that life.”

The responsibility is placed on women because too many women feel they HAVE to have sex or they will be passed up for another woman who WILL have sex.

But mostly the focus of my comment was on women because I AM a woman and I know far too many females who put out because they think no guy will ever want them if they don’t.

I am really annoyed on your behalf that that was said to you. That guy sounds like a nasty piece of work. Please know that there are plenty of decent men out there who, even, if they can’t live a completely chaste life, are sincerely committed to bettering themselves instead of making excuses about their ‘urges’. Sick.

I am glad you are wise enough to know you would be way better off single than with someone like that.

 

[steph410]

Really, I’m having a hard time wondering why any man would even enter into a marriage anymore- besides ‘love’. In the olden days, it was something expected, but these days, even if they do, if divorce happens, they loose quite a lot. Now that women can work and earn just as much as men and since they can do that AND apparently raise decent children by themselves, what is the reason for marriage? What would be the benefits of it for men, especially since there is such a high divorce rate?

I would love to hear the catholic response… especially from Catholic men.

the bolded point is debatable in my opinion. I don’t think a single woman can raise children just as well as if they were in a family with a mother and father. God designed marriage specifically the way it is- between a man and woman- in order to create the optimal environment for raising children- they need a mother and a father both to be raised in the best possible God-designed way. Not to say a single mom can’t do her best, but it’s not optimal.

The incentive for a man to marry would be to have a lifelong faithful partner, as well as biological children that can carry on his name and legacy after he dies.