Never gave that thought a chance after I realized it had popped it and i ended my prayer with Lord Let your will be done.
It sounds like you rejected the thought, immediately, which is about all we can do. Didn’t sound like a sin.
“Despair”, to me is “to lose hope”, “give up”, “lose faith in God”.
I hope these thoughts for you aren’t too frequent. If they are, might be good to talk to a counselor is see about the possibility of getting an antidepressant, (even if it’s only temporary) or look for ways to change whatever it is that is the stressor here, to lessen it, if possible.
Depression has been known to also accompany other things…probably most mental illnesses…OCD, whatever. They go together, which is why it’s best to talk to an expert to see what’s really underlying the depression. Depression can be alone or be sort of like a symptom of other things.
Depression often can even have a hereditary component, run in families, be genetic. So, although suicidal ideations can be sinful, there can be illnesses which push a person in that direction. If that’s the case, that’s where things need to start, the depression, which can often have a physical cause.
There are people, say, even going through menopause, for example, might go into depression. There are a bunch of reasons. I had a thyroid hormone deficiency for years before I realized it! That, alone, can cause depression.
Lack of light also doesn’t help.
Circumstances can affect depression, but if suicidal thoughts keep popping up, I hope you would consider mentioning that to a doctor or counselor.
