What is more ethical/moral?

[petlamb83]

Hi
I’m new. I’m planning to go to confession after almost 16 years. Its this Saturday (24 h vigil service at my church) I’m hiding a terrible thing and I’m scared what the prist is going to advise me. I don’t want to tell my life story so will try to keep it as short as possible.
I ended up married to a guy and had 2 kids with him. I can honestly say that I had never loved him but he never and still doesnt know. At the time,I was away from God and was thinking mostly about myself. I married him out of fear of not being able to have children if I left it any longer. He really loves me. Its because of his 2 children from first marriage I went searching for God again. I know I did wrong to him, what would be a more noble thing to do? Just keep quiet and stay with him ,look after him and the kids till death do us apart or tell him how I feel and deal with consequences? If i do the first thing,will my confession be valid? I just dont know what to do for the best

 

[underacloud]

Sounds like a difficult situation, sorry to hear.

You mention his first marriage. Given he was previously married, do you know whether your marriage to him is valid? This will be an important factor in any advice a priest might offer.

Given you have children together, any course of action will need to place their concerns as a priority. The Church generally favours keeping families together as much as possible.

You will have a lot to talk about with your priest. It may be better to make an appointment rather than try to cover it all in the confessional. Give yourself the time you need to work through this with a trusted priest.

God bless.

 

[Lou2U]

Yes, talk to a Priest. You’ll get a clear, cohesive answer on what is best for you and your family.

I hope you get the answers you need :console:

Lou

 

[Irishmom2]

One more vote for making an appointment with a priest. Tell him the whole story. See where you stand as to whether your marriage is valid. Then decide what you want to do. However, I am not sure the charitable thing is to tell your husband you never loved him.

 

[styrgwillidar]

Hi
I’m new. I’m planning to go to confession after almost 16 years. Its this Saturday (24 h vigil service at my church) I’m hiding a terrible thing and I’m scared what the prist is going to advise me. I don’t want to tell my life story so will try to keep it as short as possible.
I ended up married to a guy and had 2 kids with him. I can honestly say that I had never loved him but he never and still doesnt know. At the time,I was away from God and was thinking mostly about myself. I married him out of fear of not being able to have children if I left it any longer. He really loves me. Its because of his 2 children from first marriage I went searching for God again. I know I did wrong to him, what would be a more noble thing to do? Just keep quiet and stay with him ,look after him and the kids till death do us apart or tell him how I feel and deal with consequences? If i do the first thing,will my confession be valid? I just dont know what to do for the best

When you got married, did you take a vow?

Then keep to your word. Love is a choice, love is the actions we take, not a feeling outside of our contral. Otherwise Jesus could not have commanded us to love even our enemies.

 

[CatholicRaven]

I agree, talk to a priest about your situation. All of it.

Also, you say you don’t, and never have, “loved him” (meaning your husband). I assume that what you actually mean is that you do not feel romantic, warm, or passionate feelings towards him–that you never felt “in love” with him.

But you need to realize that is not the same as real love, and those “romantic” feelings are not required for a valid, strong and healthy marriage. Feelings are just feelings–not facts, not choices, not love. Just feelings. And feelings can, and do, change.

Despite society’s false understanding, marriage is often about choosing your spouse, even (or especially!) when you don’t feel “in love” with them.

I also suspect that part of the reason you don’t have those feelings for him is that you’ve been afraid to be open and vulnerable, to share yourself with him on a truly intimate level. But I may be wrong; that’s just speculation, and another topic for another day.

 

[Irishmom2]

When you got married, did you take a vow?

Then keep to your word. Love is a choice, love is the actions we take, not a feeling outside of our contral. Otherwise Jesus could not have commanded us to love even our enemies.

Yes, this. It is a choice, not a feeling. We choose to love our children when we don’t like them sometimes. We choose to love in-laws sometimes when they really are unloveable. We choose to love mankind sometimes even where they do something that is undeserving, or when they are total strangers to us.

Surely, you can make the choice to love your husband.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I sense from your post that there is a part of you that wants to leave him. Is that correct? And I am wondering why you would want to leave?

If your marriage is valid (the priest will be able to tell you that), again, why leave? It doesn’t sound like he has ever done anything wrong to you

Angie

 

[pianistclare]

Sounds like a difficult situation, sorry to hear.

You mention his first marriage. Given he was previously married, do you know whether your marriage to him is valid? This will be an important factor in any advice a priest might offer.

Given you have children together, any course of action will need to place their concerns as a priority. The Church generally favours keeping families together as much as possible.

You will have a lot to talk about with your priest. It may be better to make an appointment rather than try to cover it all in the confessional. Give yourself the time you need to work through this with a trusted priest.

God bless.

Yes. Definitely. Don’t be afraid. They’ve heard everything umpteen times before,
Trust your priest.