What is more important.... God or Family?

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Hi everyone, I need some help. My family and I are very active in an amazing Parrish in an amazing and vibrant diocese in a town with outstanding public schools. Have been there 14 years. Three of four children born here, friends since preschool. In general, we are all pretty happy BUT I commute for work out of state and my commute is starting to get to me. It takes a great deal of time away from my time with my family and has become very stressful. I am also turning down a great deal of money in order to keep family life stable for the children.

My job is transferable to another state whereby my commute would become a driving vs. flying commute thus giving me much more time at home with my family. We have a chance to move near family and put the kids in the same school system with their cousins. Although they would be leaving life-long friends, they would at least not be going into a school cold because they would be with their cousins. The cost of living is 13% higher in the new state and housing is more expensive as well so some of my additional earning power will be eaten up but not all.

I feel as though I am being asked to chose between God (my Parrish and Parrish Community which I am greatly attached) and going “back home” to be near and with extended family. One kid is currently going into sophomore year and two will be freshman. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. This is the biggest decision I have ever made, as it will also dictate where the children go to college, where they eventually work, and maybe even who they go on to marry so I am stressed about it.

Thx!

HollowGhost
 
You wouldn’t be leaving God. God and the Church are Universal. One parish vs. another is just personal preference. Your kids go where you and your wife go. You moved, you survived, and so can your kids.
 
God. The biggest problem in the First World today are people who put their family (and their on-line “friends”) before God.
 
Why is it a choice between God and family? Aren’t there parishes back home?
 
I don’t see it as a choice between God and your family. Wherever you go, you’ll have a parish. It seems like you should weigh the pros/cons of the other factors for your family (i.e. cost of living, schools… ) and base your decision on that.

Good luck! 🙂
 
DeniseNY said:
I don’t see it as a choice between God and your family. Wherever you go, you’ll have a parish. It seems like you should weigh the pros/cons of the other factors for your family (i.e. cost of living, schools… ) and base your decision on that.

Good luck! 🙂
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I agree with this. Prayers for you and your wife as you discern this decision.

Mary.
 
God, of course is the most important, but you are not choosing between Him or your family. You are choosing where to work and provide for your family. My father was faced with same choice about 50 years ago; he chose to move us to another part of the state and never looked back. We all eventually adjusted and life moved on. Since your children all seem a bit older, have you called some kind of family meeting to discuss it?
 
That sort of parish isn’t something you can take for granted so I understand your doubts. Parishes can vary quite a lot in that respect. Is there any way you could all spend some time at the proposed place to help with the decision?
 
The Apostles Creed used to say it all…it!'s ONE, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church. It!s the same everywhere. you are still keeping God first! Don’t know why they removed the obe, it was important!
 
The choice is not between God and family, but between staying at your current parish and moving away from it.

There is a lot to be said for having stability at a good parish, but let me ask you this: when your children are grown, where do you think you and your wife will live? If you think you two will go to the new town, I would move there now, and then your children will have friends there for when they come to visit you and your wife, and they will be able to show their children places where they have memories. Otherwise, it will just be the place where relatives are.

Given what you have told us, it seems like either decision would be a good one: each has good things going for it. For your oldest, if you decide to move, moving sooner rather than later would be better, tbh.

ETA: if you do move, try to encourage maintaining these friendships. For a while, it might be difficult, as the children will be out of the loop, but if you can visit from time to time, and keep in touch, in the future those will be nice friendships for your children to have maintained.
 
The answer is “yes.” Taking care of your family IS loving God. Loving and serving God means taking care of your family. It is your vocation. Be obedient and diligent in your vocation and you will be serving God well.

God is not your parish. Don’t get confused.
 
Is there someone at your current parish trying to lay a manipulative guilt trip on you?
 
ConfusedLucy said:
That sort of parish isn’t something you can take for granted so I understand your doubts. Parishes can vary quite a lot in that respect. Is there any way you could all spend some time at the proposed place to help with the decision?
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True but… If everyone at that parish got a great job offer in another town, they would jump at it and all move away and the OP would have given up a good opportunity for a bunch of people who did not return the courtesy.

Dynamics in a parish can change (sometimes overnight). I think it would be foolish to give up a great opportunity for a parish. Not to meniton, the new location could have a better parish

Angie
 
I had a job that kept me away from home until about 9 PM most nights. I kept thinking the hours would change, and they did eventually, but it was too late for my kids. I really wish I had changed jobs so I could have spent more time with them during the important teen years.

Please take that into consideration. You would not be giving up God, you would just be changing parishes. And if the new parish were not so active, maybe you could be a catalyst.

.
 
Anglewannabe said:
True but… If everyone at that parish got a great job offer in another town, they would jump at it and all move away and the OP would have given up a good opportunity for a bunch of people who did not return the courtesy.

Dynamics in a parish can change (sometimes overnight). I think it would be foolish to give up a great opportunity for a parish. Not to meniton, the new location could have a better parish

Angie
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That’s definitely true, things can change faster than you’d think. I would also add that you can still serve God without being in a supportive parish.
 
Your question really is parish community and familiarity versus time with family.

You serve God by being lovingly being present to others, especially nuclear family, which places higher then extended family and community of course.

You cannot effectively parent if you are burnt out, stressed out and not around. If this is the case here…then the decision should be clear.

Money has no bearing in this decision either… If it does not free up time, it should never be a motivating force in decisions if all needs are met…Most people i know would agree. Time with loved ones, both family and friends is priceless. True success is measured by your positive impact on those you love…

Praying God blesses your decision.
 
SuperLuigi said:
God. The biggest problem in the First World today are people who put their family (and their on-line “friends”) before God.
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Very interesting take SuperLuigi. Tongue in cheek or honest opinion?
 
Catholic1954 said:
God, of course is the most important, but you are not choosing between Him or your family. You are choosing where to work and provide for your family. My father was faced with same choice about 50 years ago; he chose to move us to another part of the state and never looked back. We all eventually adjusted and life moved on. Since your children all seem a bit older, have you called some kind of family meeting to discuss it?
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Hello! Yes we have and they all seem to want to move. It is I who am the one going “hey wait, this all sounds great now… until you look your childhood friends in the eye and tell them goodbye!”
 
ConfusedLucy said:
That sort of parish isn’t something you can take for granted so I understand your doubts. Parishes can vary quite a lot in that respect. Is there any way you could all spend some time at the proposed place to help with the decision?
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That is a great idea! Maybe just head there for a few weeks and live in the local area, attend Mass, find the grocery store, gym, hardware store, etc.
 
Garyjohn2 said:
The answer is “yes.” Taking care of your family IS loving God. Loving and serving God means taking care of your family. It is your vocation. Be obedient and diligent in your vocation and you will be serving God well.

God is not your parish. Don’t get confused.
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Very profound answer, thank you. We kind of learned this when our priest of over twenty years left (he was there for our first 8 years). People were openly crying, if not balling. His farewell Mass was brutal. BUT the Parish went on and is as good if not better than before. I think I have allowed myself to become confused. My faith means everything to me so I am trying to not take anything for granted or leave anything unconsidered.
 
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