What is more important: Stay at home mom or Catholic school?

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I have a big decision to make regarding my children. We have two kids 8 and 10. I have been a stay at home mom there whole lives. Been there for every scraped knee, I love you mommy, or a new discovery about God!

My Children have attended a small parish school since kindergarten. However our Archdiocese have decided to combine several small schools together and starting next year they are almost doubling our tuition. I am not upset with anyone. It has been along time coming and the bishop had to do something. My little 2nd grader only has 7 kids in her class and i know that you can not run a school with those numbers. However we can not afford the new tuition.

My husband and I have looked into homeschooling and love the idea. My husband is so excited, and wants to do it for sure. But I also love the little school they are attending now. So is it more important to be a stay at home mom and always be there for my kids, or should I get a job outside the home to pay for the tuition at our private school?

How important is mom compared to a private catholic education? Are my kids old enough now and don’t need me as much.? I could get a job during the day while the kids are in school. However, we have 33 days off of school next year. Not including sick days throughout the year. So I would have to find childcare for those days. But My kids have never seen the inside of a daycare. My heart tells me that having a parent home is more important. But my head tells me that I am being selfish and that they will get much more out of Catholic school. (Public school is NOT an option.)

Would love some direction on the subject. I want to do what is right for my kids.

Thanks and God Bless
 
Honestly, it’s something you’re just going to have to pray about… a lot.
Every Catholic School is unique and every family has a unique situation… there’s no “right” or “wrong” answer here. 🤷

I had to go through a similar decision several years ago… it’s something I had to pray about a lot.

Prayers for your discernment! 🙂
 
I’d keep the kids in school by finding a job. Your kids are used to this structure, have friends etc… Is it really in their best interest to take them out of what sounds like a good, nurturing school? Look for something part-time and flexible.
 
lovecollies said:
My husband and I have looked into homeschooling and love the idea. My husband is so excited, and wants to do it for sure. **But I also love the little school they are attending now. ** So is it more important to be a stay at home mom and always be there for my kids, or should I get a job outside the home to pay for the tuition at our private school?
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Keep in mind their school won’t be the “little school” that you remember. They are combining a number of schools together. You may not know the new school.

That said, I agree with Em_in_FL. This decision will require lots of prayer.
 
The solution of many parents I know is for the mother to work off part of the children’s tuition by working at the school or at the parish office. The balance of the needed tuition is made up via scholarship. Talk to the children’s school about financial aid, at any rate. This is a particularly good option if your husband already has health insurance through his work.

As for whether to homeschool or to opt for a parish school, the answer lies partly in the quality of the parish school to which you have access and partly in the quality of education you can provide. Being a wonderful mother is not the same as being a wonderful teacher, and not even every wonderful teacher is the best fit as the teacher of her own child.

I would think a driving reason for a stay-at-home parent to get employment outside the home in our times, other than simple financial necessity, is if the employed spouse’s job, and therefore the family’s access fully-funded health care, is in question. It is not prudent to leave access to health care to chance, not if there are other options. I say “stay-at-home parent” because more and more families that I know have come to the conclusion that while it was best for Mom to be as accessible as possible while the children were small, they have come to feel that the presence of Dad is particularly important when their children are teens and pre-teens. They feel that a young man and a young woman with a strong presence of their father in their daily lives are at a distinct advantage, even to the point that it is better for Mom to be working and Dad to be doing fewer hours or working a flexible job from home during that phase of the children’s lives–that is their thinking. (In a farm family, this would correspond to the younger children staying at the house with Mom while the older children went afield, so to speak, with Dad.)
 
It really does depend on the mother and the needs of her family.
It also depends on the quality of the parish school.
I was a private Episcopal school teacher before I had kids.
We have tried the Catholic parish school TWICE for our oldest. It simply is not a good arrangement for her or for the rest of us. We pulled her out to homeschool in the middle of kindergarten. So we did 5K and 1st grade homeschool. Then we enrolled her for 2nd grade at the parish school. By the halfway point of the year, it was obviously not gonna work now either. We are trying to make it to the end of the year, but with a lot of tears and struggling (despite her being top of the class).
We won’t even attempt parish schooling for the rest of our kids. We are making the choice to be a homeschooling family starting this fall. I would have been content to transition to being a working mom, probably returning to teaching, if the quality of the parish school experience was better for our family. But I would have had to stop having children now in order to make that happen. Now that we have made the choice to just homeschool, I will be staying home and we might be able to have more children in the future.
Other people might have very different perspectives and needs.

So just think and pray about what your children’s needs are, what your inclinations and talents are, and what you can manage. If your kids are old enough, get their (name removed by moderator)ut as well. My 8yo daughter’s preferences and personality factored greatly into our decision.

Good luck! 🙂
 
Look into the “bigger” school to see whhat areas would b most affected. Getting a part-time job during school hours would allow you to still be there for them at the end of the day while allowing you to have more income to pay for the school. If that’s an option. Homeschooling will also have a cost. And it would require a lot of planning. The state, and school district, you live in may require testing to make sure the kids keep up with their age group.
 
Oh wow! Thanks for all your good ideas. I do work currently at the school (volunteer) and we are such a poor school that there are no opportunities for me to work there. Also my husband makes over what the limit for financial aid. Of course it is just over by a less than $5,000. Go figure.

We have researched homeschooling and we can handle all the requirements. Also it would be about $3,000 less per year. We have involved the kids in the conversations and they are on the fence as well. I do have one problem with the school and that is that the teachers are soooo hard on the kids. My 2nd grader cries if she is sick and can’t go to school because she does not want to miss work the teacher gives her. I have had my concerns over the years. But i thought that structure was good for kids. But know that I look into homeschooling and realize that learning can be fun. It does not have to be “jail time” I don’t know. Being a parent is so hard!!!
 
lovecollies said:
Oh wow! Thanks for all your good ideas. I do work currently at the school (volunteer) and we are such a poor school that there are no opportunities for me to work there. Also my husband makes over what the limit for financial aid. Of course it is just over by a less than $5,000. Go figure.

We have researched homeschooling and we can handle all the requirements. Also it would be about $3,000 less per year. We have involved the kids in the conversations and they are on the fence as well. I do have one problem with the school and that is that the teachers are soooo hard on the kids. My 2nd grader cries if she is sick and can’t go to school because she does not want to miss work the teacher gives her. I have had my concerns over the years. But i thought that structure was good for kids. But know that I look into homeschooling and realize that learning can be fun. It does not have to be “jail time” I don’t know. Being a parent is so hard!!!
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Then, if I were you, I would try homeschooling for one year and then reevaluate. Homeschooling is fun. I enjoy it far more than the experience of a parish school. There are a lot of homeschooling families on CAF so plenty of people to answer questions and give ideas and advice on more specific details if you decide to go for it. 👍
 
lovecollies said:
I have a big decision to make regarding my children. We have two kids 8 and 10. I have been a stay at home mom there whole lives. Been there for every scraped knee, I love you mommy, or a new discovery about God!

My Children have attended a small parish school since kindergarten. However our Archdiocese have decided to combine several small schools together and starting next year they are almost doubling our tuition. I am not upset with anyone. It has been along time coming and the bishop had to do something. My little 2nd grader only has 7 kids in her class and i know that you can not run a school with those numbers. However we can not afford the new tuition.

My husband and I have looked into homeschooling and love the idea. My husband is so excited, and wants to do it for sure. But I also love the little school they are attending now. So is it more important to be a stay at home mom and always be there for my kids, or should I get a job outside the home to pay for the tuition at our private school?

How important is mom compared to a private catholic education? Are my kids old enough now and don’t need me as much.? I could get a job during the day while the kids are in school. However, we have 33 days off of school next year. Not including sick days throughout the year. So I would have to find childcare for those days. But My kids have never seen the inside of a daycare. My heart tells me that having a parent home is more important. But my head tells me that I am being selfish and that they will get much more out of Catholic school. (Public school is NOT an option.)

Would love some direction on the subject. I want to do what is right for my kids.

Thanks and God Bless
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Does the school have a before and after school program? I worked at a Catholic school that had one. It was either that or about 150 kids would not be getting a Catholic education.
 
I want you to know that the best students I ever had, and this is a generalization, were those who had been homeschooled then sent on to high school because the parents didn’t feel like they could keep up with the high school curriculum. I was privileged to teach many of them and from what I could tell being home schooled looked great to me. However, if you possibly can I would try to arrange some time with a home schooling parent and watch a day or two of what they do. It is hard to decide about things when you have never experienced them. I will be praying for you to hear God’s plan for you and your children.
 
Looks like everyone else has given advice here…prayer, yes.

I’ll just straight up say SAHM is better than the choice of catholic schools. My opinion.
 
I think that homeschooling is best for children, if you can manage it.
 
You know its funny, The more I pray about it the more I think that what I am feeling is guilt for betraying my parish.
All the advice is wonderful. I think that taking one year to try this and see if we all like it. After the year is over, if we are not all happy then we could put them back into school. The worst that will happen is that we will spend a lot of time together and the kids will not like me as a teacher!
My husband I will be leaving in good graces with the church. We are already paid up for this last school year in full. I know our school is suffering and the bishop is trying to solve the problem. But that does not mean that I am obligated to send my kids there just to support the cause. We can help the church in other ways. There is more than one way to skin a cat!

Thank all of you so much. Never been on a chat site before. But this is a wonderful. Getting feedback, prayers and advise from fellow Catholics. This is GREAT!
God Bless!
 
Certainly it would depend on the family and the school.

For us, it would have to be one heck of a Catholic school.
  1. It would have to have the ability to instruct the children in the faith better than I could. And do it in the manner I think would be most age approriate and beneficial to my child. That would be hard for a school to do. But if they had frequent Mass and adoration that would be an advantage I could not offer.
  2. The quality of academic education would have to be better than the one on one style my children currently get. That would also be hard for a school to do.
  3. The school would have to be affordable. Homeschooling for us is extremely cheap.
I know that some Catholic schools are free, orthodox and academically superior. Unfortuantely none of those exist in my area.

So, it would depend on the school and the family!
 
I would not get a job to pay for private school. I’d either make it work somehow by making other sacrifices (this is what we do), use the local public school, or homeschool if you feel like you and the kids have the right temperament for that.
 
lovecollies said:
Oh wow! Thanks for all your good ideas. I do work currently at the school (volunteer) and we are such a poor school that there are no opportunities for me to work there. Also my husband makes over what the limit for financial aid. Of course it is just over by a less than $5,000. Go figure.

We have researched homeschooling and we can handle all the requirements. Also it would be about $3,000 less per year. We have involved the kids in the conversations and they are on the fence as well. I do have one problem with the school and that is that the teachers are soooo hard on the kids. My 2nd grader cries if she is sick and can’t go to school because she does not want to miss work the teacher gives her. I have had my concerns over the years. But i thought that structure was good for kids. But know that I look into homeschooling and realize that learning can be fun. It does not have to be “jail time” I don’t know. Being a parent is so hard!!!
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You and your children might also not mind so much missing the kinks that will come from consolidating schools. If you have reason to believe you will do well as a home-schooler, go for it. Start your research right now, though. The ones who’ve been at it can save you from some painful re-discoveries of common mistakes, for which you will be very thankful. They can also point out some advantages and options in homeschooling that you might not have thought of. You may as well learn from their experience!
 
Personally, I believe continuing as a SAHM would be of a greater benefit for your children. Homeschooling can be done in a way which will have structure and rekindle a love for learning. This year is our first year homeschooling using a Catholic homeschool program and we are so very impressed with the results. The lesson plans and schedules have simplified my life. The kids are loving learning and the structure.If your husband is on board give it a try for a year. Keep your kids involved in the extracurricalar events. They may still be able to participate with the parish school for some of those happens sometimes. Pray pray pray for direction and peace in your decision. Also know the first year of homeschooling is normally the most difficult year.
 
Just throwing my thoughts in, as well. If it were me I would homeschool. I like your idea of giving it a year to see how it goes. Worse case scenario, you can put them back in school if it just isn’t working out. But you may find it is wonderful, and want to continue!! I have a feeling that’s what will happen.

Will say a prayer for you and your hubby as you discern!
 
lovecollies said:
You know its funny, The more I pray about it the more I think that what I am feeling is guilt for betraying my parish.
All the advice is wonderful. I think that taking one year to try this and see if we all like it. After the year is over, if we are not all happy then we could put them back into school. The worst that will happen is that we will spend a lot of time together and the kids will not like me as a teacher!
My husband I will be leaving in good graces with the church. We are already paid up for this last school year in full. I know our school is suffering and the bishop is trying to solve the problem. But that does not mean that I am obligated to send my kids there just to support the cause. We can help the church in other ways. There is more than one way to skin a cat!

Thank all of you so much. Never been on a chat site before. But this is a wonderful. Getting feedback, prayers and advise from fellow Catholics. This is GREAT!
God Bless!
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The key is whether your children are willing to be homeschooled. I know as their parents, you and your husband can always pull rank on them, but by those ages, they are beginning to have opinions about their lives and if they balked, it would make things really, really difficult.

One of the key facts that most people don’t realize is that a normal school day is not normal. By having your kids at home, you can do more than a school day’s worth of work in one morning, thus, leaving the afternoons for other pursuits, such as music, athletics, chores at home, or just private thinking time. A good portion of every institutionalized school day is spent getting ready to learn and changing subjects, which frustrates both the students and the teachers. Then you add in getting to PE, going to recess, going to music class, lunch, etc. and the day is gone before you know it.

If your children have interests that they never have time to pursue, that’s one way to get them excited about homeschooling.

Less is more when it comes to homeschooling. Don’t get all crazy with curricula and overwhelm your kids! The basics that they really need to master, and master well, are reading, writing, and math. With those 3 main subjects, they will be prepared for higher learning. All the other stuff is extra, including “science,” which is not true science until you get into higher math. It’s fun exploration, but not true science. That can be done as personal reading and recreation.

There is NO WAY any school including parochial school can tailor a program to suit your children, and no way that your kids will ever get the kind of spiritual program that YOU can give them, through a school of any kind including Catholic.

Can you tell I’m a big homeschooling advocate?? If I could go back and do it again, I’d homeschool from the start. I got so fed up with my kids coming home exhausted, burnt out and still having to do homework…And having NO interest in any other learning activity that I might encourage them in! 😦 Very sad.
 
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