I’m a cradle Catholic who was away from the Church for many years. I’ve recently returned and am studying my faith, but I have a lot of catching up to do. My cousin and I are very close. She considers herself a good Catholic. She was in a convent for several years, right up until she was to take her final vows. However, her politics are very liberal. She agrees with legalized abortion. She said she would rather see poor women get abortions performed by a doctor in a clean medical clinic instead of going to a butcher in a back alley and risking death. I think she also approves of homosexual relationships. Don’t these beliefs excommunicate her from the Church? What is my responsibility towards her? Should I tell her she can’t be a practicing Catholic and hold these views? Am I committing a sin if I say nothing?
It seems to me that our FIRST responsibility toward anyone we think is holding wrong views is the
PRAY FOR AN INCREASE IN WISDOM. Our’s and their’s. More facts, better understanding, and right judgment are part of Wisdom. There are tons of excellent Catholic sources on the subjects of concern.
Our SECOND responsibility is to
PRAY FOR AN INCREASE IN FAITH. Our’s and their’s. It is possible to know something and still not believe it. Faith is a gift from God. It can increase or decrease depending on our personal attachment to it. The Devil is always at work here. But God never denies well intended prayer. He will answer in due time.
Our THIRD responsibility is the
SPEAK THE TRUTH IN THE SPIRIT OF LOVE. We are often told to not speak about religion or politics because one or all get too emotional and basic relationships are damaged or destroyed. I believe that given the above we can speak about religion in the spirit of love and control the conversation keeping it on a postive track.
Our FOURTH responsibility is to
USE THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS WISELY. Too often we find ourselves stepping on the other person’s statement before they finish expressing their view.
The first step is to
LISTEN. It takes patience. “Tell me more.” “How do you feel about that?” “Why is that important to you?” “Interesting.” These and other very short responses draw the other person’s thinking out in a non-threatening, non-judgmental way. It is very important we understand their reasoning and not just their position on the subject. Sometimes they answer their own concern just by talking out loud.
The second step is to
REPEAT THEIR STATEMENT- paraphrasing is OK. It is important that they know you actually understood them. And it helps you to understand them better too. If they disagree, let them restate and then you restate until you both know you have what they meant to say. Note that in step one and two, you have not agreed or disagreed yet. You just have a better understanding of their concern. Understanding is part of Wisdom.
The third step is where you finally get to
MAKE YOUR POINT IN THE SPIRIT OF LOVE. You often do not need to make every point you have in great detail as quickly as you can. Usually one or two points will result in progress. There will be other conversations if the relationship is maintained. Conversion is a process that does take time. Always let time be your ally.
So, yes. Say something. In the spirit of love without being judgmental. Saying, “You can’t be a practicing Catholic if you hold these views,” is judgmental and not very loving in my view. If you get to the point where you want to say that, try to connect them with a good book on the subject and a good priest. At least ask them to pray for an increase in Wisdom and Faith.
Practice patience and prayer while persistently plodding the path to perfection.
