What is next?

[Judie]

Please bear with me as I write this post. I am sure I am not totally unusual for this forum but it will feel to me like I am for a while.

My Story in as close to a nutshell as I can get it, is as follows. I was born and Baptized Catholic. Soon after, my parents stopped going to church, and thus, as did I. In my early 20’s, I married a non-practicing Catholic. We were not married in the Church. A few years later, and at that point 3 children later, we became members of a local Lutheran church because it was close, and the closest Catholic Church was too far away. The three children we had at the time where then Baptized in the Lutheran church as infants (and a young child.) Then another child graced us, but we got “too busy” for church of any kind.

About three years ago, we moved to a town in TN that has a local Catholic Church, soon after finding out that the blessing of TWINS was on the way. Unfortunately, it took the unexpected loss of one of the six month old twin babies due to SIDS to bring us to Mass. A funeral Mass. Burring the days before the funeral Mass, the Priest heard my first confession, and I was able to receive First Communion. It was a very uplifting moment in what was otherwise a truly difficult time.

However, I was still mad at God even though I didn’t know it. My husband and I decided not to go back. That is until a month or so ago. Us, and the 5 living children really enjoy it. My two girls are getting involved, and I am doing the best to reach out to the Parish. So that brings me to my several questions. I will also speak to the preist as he seems very open and approachable.

1. My marriage was not done in the Church. Do we need to have or 16 year marrige blessed for Sacrament?
2. My older children were Baptized in the Lutheran church, do they need anything else?
3. I have NEVER attended a confirmation class, do I look for Adult Confirmation or RICO (SP?) I also have never had the advantage of a Catholic upbringing as my parents left the Church and never spoke of it again.
4. During my one and only confession, I know I didn’t do it properly or thoroughly, but at the time I was “on the spot” and grieving, do I need to confess what accidently I left out from before and not receive Communion until I do?
5. I feel a bit foolish not knowing what I am doing, how do I get over that?

 

[Seatuck]

Please bear with me as I write this post. I am sure I am not totally unusual for this forum but it will feel to me like I am for a while.

My Story in as close to a nutshell as I can get it, is as follows. I was born and Baptized Catholic. Soon after, my parents stopped going to church, and thus, as did I. In my early 20’s, I married a non-practicing Catholic. We were not married in the Church. A few years later, and at that point 3 children later, we became members of a local Lutheran church because it was close, and the closest Catholic Church was too far away. The three children we had at the time where then Baptized in the Lutheran church as infants (and a young child.) Then another child graced us, but we got “too busy” for church of any kind.

About three years ago, we moved to a town in TN that has a local Catholic Church, soon after finding out that the blessing of TWINS was on the way. Unfortunately, it took the unexpected loss of one of the six month old twin babies due to SIDS to bring us to Mass. A funeral Mass. Burring the days before the funeral Mass, the Priest heard my first confession, and I was able to receive First Communion. It was a very uplifting moment in what was otherwise a truly difficult time.

However, I was still mad at God even though I didn’t know it. My husband and I decided not to go back. That is until a month or so ago. Us, and the 5 living children really enjoy it. My two girls are getting involved, and I am doing the best to reach out to the Parish. So that brings me to my several questions. I will also speak to the preist as he seems very open and approachable.

Yes please do go speak with the priest as he will advise you step by step.

1. My marriage was not done in the Church. Do we need to have or 16 year marrige blessed for Sacrament?

Yes, you do need to have your marriage convalidated in the church. As of right now the church does not consider you married. You were required to follow Catholic law on marriage. You should not be going to the Sacrament of Communion or Reconcilliation until this is taken care of. When you speak to the priest about this he will help you figure out when you can have the convalidation done. You can go to reconcilliation right before. You might be told to live as brother and sister with your husband because to do otherwise is pretty much a sin at this point for you.
2. My older children were Baptized in the Lutheran church, do they need anything else?

If you want your children to be Catholic they will have to be educated and brought into the church. This process varies depending upon age of the child and the parish circumstances.
3. I have NEVER attended a confirmation class, do I look for Adult Confirmation or RICO (SP?) I also have never had the advantage of a Catholic upbringing as my parents left the Church and never spoke of it again.

Yes! So glad you are thinking about this. You should take some classes. Your parish may offer RCIA for people in your situation or they may have a separate class. I feel your pain. I was not educated very well and felt like a dummy for a long time with a methodist mother and a non practicing father.
4. During my one and only confession, I know I didn’t do it properly or thoroughly, but at the time I was “on the spot” and grieving, do I need to confess what accidently I left out from before and not receive Communion until I do?

Don’t worry about this.It happens and it wasn’t your fault. You will need to do this confession over after you have been educated either from classes or by a priest. You could not have recieved absolution because of the state of your marriage. The priest probably did not want to press the issue with you because of your situation. BTW, I’m so very sorry for your loss. The beautiful part is that your suffering brought you back to the church. That’s quite a silver lining in that cloud. You most likely have a little saint praying for you from heaven. What a blessing. When you have that official done well confession you will feel soooo much better, I bet.
5. I feel a bit foolish not knowing what I am doing, how do I get over that?

Please don’t stress over what you do or don’t know. Try not to let that foolish feeling stop you or get in the way. The main thing is you want to know. You will be educated. Hey, a lot of us have been in this place of realizing how much we don’t know . Over time things will get better. You will grow in confidence and knowledge. Ask questions here and I’m sure you can get tons of book recommendations.

I like Catholicism for Dummies ( not intended as an insult I assure you . I refer to this all the time) Of course you will want the Catechism of the Catholic Church and/ or the Compendium of the Cathechism of the Catholic Church. Both can be found online for free. Since you are married I will also suggest the Good News About Sex and Marriage by Christopher West.

I will pray for you as will others on this board. Please ask any questions you need to. Please make that appointment with your priest as soon as possible.

 

[Spirithound]

1. My marriage was not done in the Church. Do we need to have or 16 year marrige blessed for Sacrament?
2. My older children were Baptized in the Lutheran church, do they need anything else?
3. I have NEVER attended a confirmation class, do I look for Adult Confirmation or RICO (SP?) I also have never had the advantage of a Catholic upbringing as my parents left the Church and never spoke of it again.
4. During my one and only confession, I know I didn’t do it properly or thoroughly, but at the time I was “on the spot” and grieving, do I need to confess what accidently I left out from before and not receive Communion until I do?
5. I feel a bit foolish not knowing what I am doing, how do I get over that?

1-3. Yes, your priest will advise you on the process.
4. Any sins you forgot to confess in that confession were forgiven with that absolution. If they were mortal sins, then you do need to confess them in your next confession. You do not need to refrain from Communion until your next confession.
5. Welcome home! We’re here to help you, and soon you’ll be the one knowledgeable enough to help another person coming home to Rome

 

[Seatuck]

1-3. Yes, your priest will advise you on the process.
4. Any sins you forgot to confess in that confession were forgiven with that absolution. If they were mortal sins, then you do need to confess them in your next confession. You do not need to refrain from Communion until your next confession.
5. Welcome home! We’re here to help you, and soon you’ll be the one knowledgeable enough to help another person coming home to Rome

You aren’t quite right on number 4. You cannot receive absolution when living in an invalid marriage. Unless you plan to not live in that invalid marriage. Or you make plans with the priest for spiritual direction and promise to live as brother and sister under his guidance. I’m pretty sure this did not happen to our dear sister Judie , in the original post. If it did then great. Absolution granted.

 

[Judie]

I thank you all for taking the time to answer. My husband does not remember is the Priest at the time convalidated our marriage. There is a possibility he did, it was a very confusing time, and I do recall telling him with my husband we were not married in the Church. However, I would think that the Sacrament would come with documentation for records, and we do not have that. Our dealings with that Priest was at the funeral home, so you can imagine that many details in my memory are lost and shuffled.

If he didn’t, and my first (thought) Communion didn’t count that day, what do I do? I assume I do not need to ask forgivness for that, as I thought and was directed it was the right thing to do.

Tonight, me and my two daughters are headed to a Church Social, our first there, so I am sure I will be able to get a few questions answered.

Again, thank you so much for your kind and supportive thoughtful replies.

 

[Judie]

You aren’t quite right on number 4. You cannot receive absolution when living in an invalid marriage. Unless you plan to not live in that invalid marriage. Or you make plans with the priest for spiritual direction and promise to live as brother and sister under his guidance. I’m pretty sure this did not happen to our dear sister Judie , in the original post. If it did then great. Absolution granted.

Our marriage is very important to both of us. I will make an appointment with Father ASAP so we can have a resolution to this. This will be a different journey for me than my husband who was raised in the Church, but he agrees, it is very important to us and our family.

I would like to say that I am slightly heartbroken if I wasn’t supposed to recieve Communion that day, but I think I can get over that.

Off to Christmas Play rehearsals and the first social. Pray I ask the right questions, and meet the right people. Thank you everyone.

 

[FrDavid96]

1. My marriage was not done in the Church. Do we need to have or 16 year marrige blessed for Sacrament?
2. My older children were Baptized in the Lutheran church, do they need anything else?
3. I have NEVER attended a confirmation class, do I look for Adult Confirmation or RICO (SP?) I also have never had the advantage of a Catholic upbringing as my parents left the Church and never spoke of it again.
4. During my one and only confession, I know I didn’t do it properly or thoroughly, but at the time I was “on the spot” and grieving, do I need to confess what accidently I left out from before and not receive Communion until I do?
5. I feel a bit foolish not knowing what I am doing, how do I get over that?

Judie,
All of us here are so glad that you are coming back to the Church. Welcome home.

1. Yes, you do need to have the marriage blessed (convalidated). If you can’t remember having this done, then it’s safe to say that you didn’t do it yet. Don’t worry, the priest will help you through the process. Also, given the circumstances you described, it’s not likely that there was a convalidation at the time. A convalidation ceremony “sounds” just like a wedding (although it’s usually a little more simple with less flowers and “pomp and circumstance”) The words are the same words used in a regular wedding, so if you don’t remember making your wedding vows with your husband in front of the priest, there wasn’t a convalidation. It’s not something that’s done on paper either.
2. Yes. They do need to be received into the Church.

If they’re under 7, they need to be either baptised, or if they were baptised in a non-Catholic parish, received in a brief ceremony (but not re-baptised).

If they are 7 or over, the RCIA program is most likely appropriate. Your pastor will guide you through this as well.

1. Yes. RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) is the way to go here. You’re on the right track.
2. The next time you go to confession, you should confess any serious sins that you forgot the first time. That doesn’t mean you weren’t forgiven for the sins you did confess. Since you forgot the sins (or forgot to mention them), you aren’t “responsible” for intentionally and knowingly holding-back anything.
   Communion is a different matter, though. Any Catholic who is in a marriage not recognized by the Church (and not to judge, but it appears that’s your case) should not receive Communion. Since you did already, simply mention that the next time you go to confession and trust the guidance of the priest. In the meantime, the best thing to do is not receive Communion until the priest advises you that you can.
3. You should not feel at all foolish. Feel instead that a loving, forgiving God is welcoming you back to His Church, and His priest is there to guide you in that. Christ gave us the Sacrament of Confession to remind us that God doesn’t care about your past anymore, He cares about your future.

One last thing, you said that you were “directed” that receiving Communion was the right thing to do (did I understand that correctly?). Please, whatever you do, don’t answer this next question here, but ask yourself, who told you that? Again, please don’t answer that on this public forum. You should always follow the spiritual guidance of your priest as he’s the only one who truly knows your situation and is in a position to guide you here. Trust what he tells you. He won’t lead you astray.

 

[Seatuck]

Our marriage is very important to both of us. I will make an appointment with Father ASAP so we can have a resolution to this. This will be a different journey for me than my husband who was raised in the Church, but he agrees, it is very important to us and our family.

I would like to say that I am slightly heartbroken if I wasn’t supposed to recieve Communion that day, but I think I can get over that.

Off to Christmas Play rehearsals and the first social. Pray I ask the right questions, and meet the right people. Thank you everyone.

Father is right. You are not responsible for anything that you were directed to do . So don’t sweat it. The day when you are able to receive in good conscience is going to be so beautiful.

 

[Judie]

Father is right. You are not responsible for anything that you were directed to do . So don’t sweat it. The day when you are able to receive in good conscience is going to be so beautiful.

Again, thanks for the taking the time to answer. In a way I feel bad about receiving Communion, but after talking to someone it was just a misunderstand on my part, so it wasn’t an intentional doing.

For the most part I am pretty much starting “brand new”, so the terms are a bit beyond me. My husband, after 12 years of Chicago Catholic schools is obviously going to be a big help to me in that regard. I hope I am also free to ask “very basic” questions here as well. I am still going to refer to my husband as my husband even though we haven’t done the entire process as of yet, but we most certainly will be working on that.

I wanted to mention that the Church social was a very nice time. I was able to meet 2 other families who are new to the Parish, and several regular members. It was small and intimate, so it wasn’t awkward or overwhelming. Unfortunately, our Parish Priest was away due to a death in his family.

I am glad I found this message board, thank you for making me feel welcome.

 

[Seatuck]

Again, thanks for the taking the time to answer. In a way I feel bad about receiving Communion, but after talking to someone it was just a misunderstand on my part, so it wasn’t an intentional doing.

For the most part I am pretty much starting “brand new”, so the terms are a bit beyond me. My husband, after 12 years of Chicago Catholic schools is obviously going to be a big help to me in that regard. I hope I am also free to ask “very basic” questions here as well. I am still going to refer to my husband as my husband even though we haven’t done the entire process as of yet, but we most certainly will be working on that.

I wanted to mention that the Church social was a very nice time. I was able to meet 2 other families who are new to the Parish, and several regular members. It was small and intimate, so it wasn’t awkward or overwhelming. Unfortunately, our Parish Priest was away due to a death in his family.

I am glad I found this message board, thank you for making me feel welcome.

Glad to have helped a bit. Glad you fell welcome. You should. I’m glad you had a good experience at the social. Catholics aren’t always known for thier friendliness.
Just try not to get overwhelmed by it all. A little bit of guilt is not a bad thing. It’s how we develop our properly informed consicience. Don’t let it get you so down you doubt yourself or Christ’s mercy.

The other thing that helped me a lot was to listen to the Catholic Answers radio programs as well as read the articles in the Library when I had a question. EWTN is very helpful too. If you have EWTN on your tv schedule you should check that out. Otherwise they have radio and access from the website. I tend to download programs from both CA and EWTN to my computer or mp3 player.

 

[Judie]

We now have an informal appointment on Sunday after Mass to get the “ball rolling”. Naturally, neither of us know what to expect, except that we will likely be asked to live a bit differently until we receive the Sacrament. With 5 children, I do not expect to be asked to live in different households. From what I gather, this is a “case by case” process, decided by the parish priest. We both expect to be asked to refrain from sexual activities, and are in agreement with that. We do need to raise our children as one family in the meantime. Are there any questions, other than the ones I have presented here, that I should think about asking? I would greatly appreciate advice on things I may not have though of.

 

[Ruthie]

With 5 children, I do not expect to be asked to live in different households. From what I gather, this is a “case by case” process, decided by the parish priest.

DH and I were not asked to live separately, and we don’t have any children. Finances did not allow us to live apart. We lived “as brother and sister” until our convalidation.

We had to wait on my first “marriage” to be declared null. So, if either of you was married before, you need to bring that up.

Welcome home, and God bless you.

Ruthie

 

[Judie]

DH and I were not asked to live separately, and we don’t have any children. Finances did not allow us to live apart. We lived “as brother and sister” until our convalidation.

We had to wait on my first “marriage” to be declared null. So, if either of you was married before, you need to bring that up.

Welcome home, and God bless you.

Ruthie

neither of us have a prior marriage, so I think this should be fairly simple.

 

[Judie]

I have another question I am hopeful you can help with before Sunday Mass. Because I am not in a state of Grace, and can not receive communion, can I still get a blessing from father? If I can, do I just quietly whisper “not in a State of Grace”? I am not too worried about unintentionally doing the wrong thing, but it is something on my mind right now. I am sure every experienced priest has seen “everything” and will be able to guide me through my amateur mistakes.

I have a real desire to learn, and become close to God. It looks as if I am on the right path, with the right people. At this point they all seem very understanding of my ignorance.

 

[George14]

It is appropriate that you get in the line for communion like everyone else, but when it is your turn, place your two arms across your chest in the shape of an “X”, and the eucharistic minister or priest will recognize that you want the blessing, not communion itself. It’s the next best thing.

It is quite beautiful that way: it shows respect for the sacredness of the sacrament AND the good faith and intention you bring to God. I cannot imagine anything happier for Him OR you.

As for doubts and concerns, I also feel that they are pleasing to God on the one hand, because of your desire to make things right, and that you should not worry about details, on the other hand. – In other words, calm your spirit and expect only a smile from God with no recriminations. Period, period, period.

ONLY if you are intentionally withholding information or deliberately omitting the confession of serious sins is that of concern; so in your case, it seems to be out of the question. YOU MUST TRUST YOURSELF about that point. I uster be scrupulous and know of the pitfalls and anxieties, and now that it is many years later, I have learned what now seems obvious but was then excruciating.

 

[Aramis]

The only appropriate purpose for being in the communion line is to receive communion.

The GIRM makes no mention of other purpose for approaching than to receive.

 

[FrDavid96]

The only appropriate purpose for being in the communion line is to receive communion.

The GIRM makes no mention of other purpose for approaching than to receive.

I second that. Asking for a blessing is an addition to the Mass that some have taken it upon themselves to add. This often causes confusion, and realy serves no purpose. One who is not receiving Communion (whatever the reason might be) should likewise not “get in line” but rather remain in the pew. It’s no one else’s business to question why this is being done.

 

[Judie]

Interesting points made gentlemen. Thank you for your responses. I am not afraid of the appearance of sitting in the Pew (or folding chair in this case) as I have 5 kids with me, two under the age of 4. Even trough mistakes, I do want to do this right, or as right as I can, thus the appointment with the parish priest and my questions here. I appreciate your kind tolerance and gentle instruction.

 

[George14]

I opt for getting in line. For the blessing. For the gesture, and for honoring Christ in the most holy sacrament,

In catholic school children are taught to get in line, fold their arms, and get the blessing.

I wonder why anyone would have a problem with this practice!

 

[Aramis]

I opt for getting in line. For the blessing. For the gesture, and for honoring Christ in the most holy sacrament,

In catholic school children are taught to get in line, fold their arms, and get the blessing.

I wonder why anyone would have a problem with this practice!

1. Because it is an illicit accretion to the mass
2. because you will receive a blessing at the same time as everyone else, when the priest gives it to all (“Bow your heads and pray for God’s blessing…”)
3. Because it slows down the reception, leading people to feel a need for more ministers of holy communion.
4. Because it rejects the purpose of communion: the visible sign of union to the church by reception.*

• the only exception really is when one goes forward to have their pyx filled for valid and licit purpose, either for approved religious community adoration, for taking to the sick or shut in, or for taking to remote communion services. In these cases, the priest should already be aware, and also the bishop in the case of the religious or the remote communion service. Also, usually, these individuals have already received when they approach again to fill their pyx, or are communed immediately prior to their pyx being filled.