What is ok to ask of the priest for confession?

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Cabin4

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I have a very good friend that was abused by her parish priest two years ago. She has been in trauma therapy and has worked very hard to get her foot back in the church. She is doing very good considering the trauma.

She is seeking reconciliation (after two years! I am so proud of her!) and hopes to have this happen soon. She has a big hurdle yet, which is related to the initial trauma. She would like to have confession away from the confessional— out in the open. Which she knows is permitted. However, she would need Father not to wear the alb or dress as a cleric. She is wondering, as am I, if this would be an insult to the priest or not permitted for some reason before she asks.

Has eveyone ever dealt with this situation before, or know if Father can be “dressed” in street clothes rather than his clerical dress?

Thank you for answering.

Cabin4
 
I don’t think the priest would be offended at all. She might do well to ask a friend who is close to a priest to accompany her when asking. As well, there are often Confession services (especially around Easter and Christmas) inside the church where the priests go to corners of the church and everyone makes a line out in the open. They are in appropriate clothing (although certain clothing is not mandatory for a valid confession).
 
I’m not sure but I think the only required thing the priest has to have is his stole. I’ve seen them in a sick call kit. Just a piece of cloth about 2 1/2 to 3 feet long usually purple that he will lay around his neck and down the front of his chest.

We should all pray for victims of abuse of all kinds and for her strength to come back. Good for her. Let her know that we are praying for her.

Paul
 
Oh, I ment stole…not alb. Thank you. Does the priest have to wear the stole? That was a huge trigger for her and that is what she is wondering. I don’t want to even ask Father if it is upsetting to him or insulting? I also would not want to ask if he would be breaking the rules to do such a thing.

Have any of the Fathers that post here know what the requirements are?

Thank you. I know it is a sour topic but it will make a HUGE difference in someones life!!

Cabin4

(And yes, I will let her know that I asked people here about this, and that you are praying for her. She has worked very hard to get to this point!)
 
From the Rite of Penance:
“LITURGICAL VESTMENTS
14. With respect to liturgical vestmetns in the celebration of penance, the norms laid down by the local Ordinaries are to be followed.”

So there is no universal law requiring vestments. It depends on whether the local bishop has required something. It would be surprising if a bishop required the wearing of vestments “no matter what the circumstances”.

Regarding place, from the Code of Canon Law, canon 964 §3 “Except for a just reason, confessions are not to be heard elsewhere than a confessional.”
 
Wow…thanks!!!

I will write a letter and pull the sources from what you have found, and go with her when she is able to speak to Father. That way, Father can feel that he is supported in Canon and can make his decision with good information.
 
I will write a letter and pull the sources from what you have found, and go with her when she is able to speak to Father. That way, Father can feel that he is supported in Canon and can make his decision with good information.
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And I’m sure that the priest will appreciate laymen who come in telling him how to exercise his ministry.
 
John_Lilburne said:
Regarding place, from the Code of Canon Law, canon 964 §3 “Except for a just reason, confessions are not to be heard elsewhere than a confessional.”
Click to expand...
I would call this a just reason. Charity to what this soul has experienced would justify acquiescing to the request.
 
John_Lilburne said:
From the Rite of Penance:
“LITURGICAL VESTMENTS
14. With respect to liturgical vestmetns in the celebration of penance, the norms laid down by the local Ordinaries are to be followed.”

So there is no universal law requiring vestments. It depends on whether the local bishop has required something. It would be surprising if a bishop required the wearing of vestments “no matter what the circumstances”.

Regarding place, from the Code of Canon Law, canon 964 §3 “Except for a just reason, confessions are not to be heard elsewhere than a confessional.”
Click to expand...
Huh!
I thought at least the stole was required. Once I asked a priest friend of the family for an impromptu confession when he was in civilian clothes and he took a small stole out of his backpack.

He didn’t ask me for a “just reason” to confess away from the confessional.
 
bpbasilphx said:
I will write a letter and pull the sources from what you have found, and go with her when she is able to speak to Father. That way, Father can feel that he is supported in Canon and can make his decision with good information.
Reply With Quote

And I’m sure that the priest will appreciate laymen who come in telling him how to exercise his ministry.
Click to expand...
May I point out that this friend has been abused - traumatized by a Priest (may God forgive him) and with her therapy she is ready to come back to the Church - this letter that our OP will write is going to be more supportive for her than anything else. The Priest they do approach about this may not need this information but may be glad someone has it at their fingertips for his perusal as well so he can make an immediate judgment on the issue (something our OP’s friend will need). He may even be able to hear her confession then and there with the OP leaving the office and him on his side of the desk and she on the other side.

I can definitely see this “letter” as a problem if our OP was going in all confrontational about this but it doesn’t sound like this is the case, he/she just wants to give support to a lost soul and wants things to go as smoothly as possible.

I would suggest the OP talk to the Priest first though, prepare him for what he might encounter with your friend - she may still go into a panic attack and he needs to know this so he knows it is not him she is panicking from but his Office, his being a Priest and if he can be the one to slowly help her out of that to move from “it was a Priest” who did this to me to “it was Fr. XYZ” who did this to me so much the better.

Please add my prayers for your friend and the Priest to whom you will ultimately go,may God give him the compassion that is needed in this situation.

Brenda V.
 
I usually confess outside of the confessional and there have ben times when my confessor was in street clothes and without a stole. As a matter of fact he usually never wears a stole when I go to him for confession since we never do it in a usual place or at a usual time.
 
Oh, my. I read where someone thought I would tell Father what to do. I would never tell father WAHT to do, but be supportive with information, if need be. This matter would be discussed prior to bringing in my friend.

And just so you know, it was a PRIEST that abused her, not just Fr. So and So. He was a priest, first, foremost and always.

Thanks you all for your kind comments and prayers. I think she will do great no matter what—she is ready and (God willing), it has long coming.

Cabin4
 
I think she may want to set up a time outside the normal confession time(s) to discuss this with a priest.

I have heard about strange places where people have confessed - airports, cars, drive-thru’s, etc. I think if a priest did not have access to a stole or a confessional, it doesn’t really matter, compared to the state of one’s soul. I remember one expierence at WYD where one priest made a confessional with sheets.
 
Your friend could also check with the priest at a local college/university Catholic center. The Catholic center at my university is staffed by Franciscan priests, and they are typically dressed in casual street clothes when not saying mass. These priests especially have probably heard it all and are more accustomed to ministering to the needs of a more…reluctant population.

I pray that anyone who heard your friend’s story would be sympathetic and do anything in their power to grant her access to this sacrament in a way that would not cause her more emotional harm and pain.
 
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