What is proper reading material for a married man?

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Mary41874

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Hi,
I have been married for a little over a year now and my husband despite is long hours in front of the television has the need to read MAXXIM Magazine? Is anyone familiar. I’ts pretty trashy, not as bad as some but nontheless I don’t want these magazines in my home. I am a devout Catholic, my husband is not Catholic.

My mother came over one evening and found the magazine in the magazine rack and was very disappointed and disapproving …as am I…I began thowing the magazines away and my husband was so upset and insisted that I never do that again.
Please tell me I’m not over reacting.
Mary
 
no you’re not. Maxim is a trashy magazine - I certainly wouldn’t want my husband reading it. If it makes you uncomfortable to have in the house, he should be more sensitive to you and get rid of it. Have you two talked about this? HOpe everything works out OK.
 
YOU ARE NOT WRONG!

Tell your husband this:

“I love you honey, but magazines like “MAXXIM” ofends me. I am embarassed that it is in our house. If you must keep reading that magazine, please keep it in a place where my mother will not find it when she comes over.”
 
Or, instead of telling him things, try asking questions. And then more questions, and then more…

1st rule if you use this: the question has to be non-emotional; don’t load it with emotional baggage (“why do you read that trash when you know it upsets me”).

2nd rule: no questions which can be answered in “yes” or “no”; in law, that is called a leading question. It is not a question, it is a statement pretending to be a question.

What you need to do is draw him out, help him to think through and be honest with himself why he is reading soft pornography. Below the issue of soft porn is his idea or image of what sex is all about.

And just as a guess: are you as a couple contracepting? Contraception innately has an attitude about sex that it is for self-pleasure. So does porn…

Contraception at its heart denies the reality of the sexual relationship as being completely open to God and to life, and to the cooperation with God in creting new life. It puts that issue on the back burner “if and when we get around to it”. It reduces sex to the physical pleasure alone, and subtly reduces the wife to an animated sex toy. Soft porn treats women as being there primarily as sex toy; interesting how they coincide in results.
 
My wife would kill me if I read Maxim. If I ever had the desire to read it (which I doubt), I certainly would have the respect not to parade it in front of her.

That being said, I do subscribe to Men’s Health. Its not trashy like Maxim is, but it is definitely not a Christian magazine. It contains how-to sex articles a lot of **** about things like birth control, etc. But it has a lot of informative articles on health-related issues. Every once in a while there is a gem. For example, they picked JP II as one of the worlds toughest men. They promote religion as being good for mental well-being.
 
I’ve never read the magazine, so I’ll have to take your word for it. Why don’t you subscribe to several Catholic magazines? Perhaps he will begin reading them instead.
 
I suppose it might depend upon why he is reading it. Maxxim is pretty trashy, but it does have some “lifestyle” content (food, entertainment, grooming, health, clothes, etc.). If he is interested in that sort of thing, Men’s Health would be a less obnoxious alternative. Esquire might also be something to try if you are trying to wean him off of Maxxim rather than have him go cold turkey.

I would suggest talking with him to find out what appeals to him about the magazine. I wouldn’t think it’s just the pictures. If those were the motivation, there are a lot more intense options out there. Some guys just develop a taste for a magazine that’s hard to describe. It may not be a dark motive. He might just like the mix of content or the general tone of the magazine. If that’s the case, maybe if he understood your feelings he could find an alternative that didn’t offend you, or at least offended you less. At least he could start making progress.

Just my two cents. Good luck.
 
I’ve been married 13 years and my wife would not tolerate any such behavior, nor should you. It seems you are obviously upset with it and you have to let him know your displeasure, he might not know otherwise. Sometimes young men (as I was) have thick skulls and don’t know any better. Pray for Gods grace and strength and with hope you can put an end to this. 🙂
 
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dhgray:
If you must keep reading that magazine, please keep it in a place where my mother will not find it when she comes over."
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I don’t know that I would advocate that. He could take it to mean you don’t want to see it either (which he knows, right?) and that could set up, in his mind, that you gave him permission to “hide” this (and possibly other stuff) from you. I agree with otm, a contraceptive mentality can corrode even the best of marriages.
 
Did you know he read it before you got married? Did you address it before you got married? He shouldn’t be “reading” magazines like that, but if you married him knowing he was into them… well, your complaints are well founded, but not exactly timely.

You should sit down and have a talk about exactly what is wrong with that sort of magazine. It objectifies women, encourages a selfish attitude toward sex, is insensitive to you, leads to sinful thoughts, etc. Then after you have had that talk, drop it and don’t bring it up again, except in prayer. Nagging will not solve the problem. Be firm and don’t back down, and he’ll know where you stand. Once he knows that, prayer will do more than words. You, a mere mortal, can’t do as much as God, so do what you can, and let God do the rest.

Doug
 
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happybrew:
Did you know he read it before you got married? Did you address it before you got married? He shouldn’t be “reading” magazines like that, but if you married him knowing he was into them… well, your complaints are well founded, but not exactly timely.

You should sit down and have a talk about exactly what is wrong with that sort of magazine. It objectifies women, encourages a selfish attitude toward sex, is insensitive to you, leads to sinful thoughts, etc. Then after you have had that talk, drop it and don’t bring it up again, except in prayer. Nagging will not solve the problem. Be firm and don’t back down, and he’ll know where you stand. Once he knows that, prayer will do more than words. You, a mere mortal, can’t do as much as God, so do what you can, and let God do the rest.

Doug
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And I will add one more: You might seriously consider a Marriage Encounter. I suspect that this is not the only issue in which you are fairly at odds, and not making any headway.

Granted that there will always be differences of opinion, for some reason I have a hard time believing that this is an isolated issue, and that he is a model husband in all other areas.

You can either keep doing what you have aways been doing, or change. And if you don’t change, don’t expect different results…
 
Golf Digest, Bassmaster, National Geographic, PC Today, Baseball weekly, various computer techie manuals, currently instruction manual for the new DVD player, just glancing around the room here, there is also a bio of Mickey Mantle he got for Christmas. He doesn’t get SI anymore but when he did he knew enough to get rid of the swimsuit issue before I saw it.
 
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Bride_of_Christ:
Somtimes I think Satan tempts men with trashy mags…
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Not just men.

When was the last time Cosmo didn’t have a sex article in it?

For some reason women’s trashy magazines are “acceptable” enough to be put on the end caps of all the supermarket registers.
 
There is no nudity in Maxim magazine, so you have that going for you. I do agree he should put the magazine in a more covert place, if your mother really objects to it that strongly. Other then that, I read Maxim from time to time. It has some great electronics articles.
 
Satan? Undoubtedly, Satan is trying to destroy purity in men (and women, but more so in men). You see, we men are largely responsible for raising the next generation of men in addition to being good models for our little girls. Thus, you bring down the men, you bring down the boys and you corrupt the girls. My dad looked at trashy magazines. I, then, was exposed to trashy magazines. Hence, I became a porn addict and an awful boyfriend (womanizer actually) to many young women. Thankfully, Our Lady got a hold of me before I got married. The Rosary changed me 👍 If your husband won’t pray the Rosary, pray it for him, pray for purity in mind and body. And pray for all the men in the world because we are being attacked by the enemy in this way SEVERELY and CONSTANTLY. And pray too for all the little girls growing up in this world that they will be blessed with strong minds and hearts devoted to Our Lord and Lady. I will pray for you 🙂
 
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Mac6yver:
There is no nudity in Maxim magazine, so you have that going for you. I do agree he should put the magazine in a more covert place, if your mother really objects to it that strongly. Other then that, I read Maxim from time to time. It has some great electronics articles.
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Right! It is only soft porn; that certainly makes it much more acceptable! And most definitely we should put it somewhere Mother doesn’t see!

Doesn’t that say something? Is anyone listening? Why would we even have something in the house we had to hide?

Great electronics articles? Sounds like the old phrase "I only read Playboy for the (articles) (interviews) (jokes [that is telling…!]). Right. And I have a bridge for sale…

It is soft porn. It is more than likely that the soft porn is important enough that no shift is made to something cleaner with “great electronic articles”. Let’s try some honesty. Soft porn is attractive, especially if you like to fantasize about sex; which in turn, if we are really honest, means that we degrade women to the level of sex objects (oh, but I’m only degrading them a little bit…).

Why is self honesty so hard? Why do we persist in living the “little” lies? Why is chastity so downgraded? Do you really want your daughter dressing like that and posing like that?
 
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otm:
Right! It is only soft porn; that certainly makes it much more acceptable! And most definitely we should put it somewhere Mother doesn’t see!

Doesn’t that say something? Is anyone listening? Why would we even have something in the house we had to hide?

Great electronics articles? Sounds like the old phrase "I only read Playboy for the (articles) (interviews) (jokes [that is telling…!]). Right. And I have a bridge for sale…

It is soft porn. It is more than likely that the soft porn is important enough that no shift is made to something cleaner with “great electronic articles”. Let’s try some honesty. Soft porn is attractive, especially if you like to fantasize about sex; which in turn, if we are really honest, means that we degrade women to the level of sex objects (oh, but I’m only degrading them a little bit…).

Why is self honesty so hard? Why do we persist in living the “little” lies? Why is chastity so downgraded? Do you really want your daughter dressing like that and posing like that?
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If the only thing I was interested in was porn, then why would I not just buy a Penthouse or even something stronger? I do admit, I enjoy looking at some of the pictures, but if I really wanted porn I would just buy porn.
 
Go Irish:
Satan? Undoubtedly, Satan is trying to destroy purity in men (and women, but more so in men).
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I saw (heard of?) a recent study that said due to the perceived anonimity of the Internet the percentage of woman that regularly view pornography has sharply increased.

On a personal level, of those women I know close enough that they would feel free sharing their experiences, about 60% regular use(d) porn, but my sample size might be skewed. One to the point that I think it was a porn addiction.

But I’m starting to drift the topic…

To answer the title question:
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Mary41874:
What is proper reading material for a married man?
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Here’s some excellent choices I can think of: 🙂
  • The Holy Bible
  • The Catechism of the Catholic Church
  • Catholic Answers forums
 
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