What is proper reading material for a married man?

[Randell]

Mary41874:

Hi,
I have been married for a little over a year now and my husband despite is long hours in front of the television has the need to read MAXXIM Magazine? Is anyone familiar. I’ts pretty trashy, not as bad as some but nontheless I don’t want these magazines in my home. I am a devout Catholic, my husband is not Catholic.

My mother came over one evening and found the magazine in the magazine rack and was very disappointed and disapproving …as am I…I began thowing the magazines away and my husband was so upset and insisted that I never do that again.
Please tell me I’m not over reacting.
Mary

I have been married for 9 years now and 5 of them I got Playboy. I never seen much wrong with it. But One day at a homily our priest said that we should take a step back and look at what we have in our homes. If anything that we have offends God then when we ask him to be appart of our lives he would be disappointed when he seen these things. That hit me, plus we had just had our first son. The next day my wife got home an came back into our yard to find me sitting next to our firepit. She asked what I was burning and I said 8 years of playboys. From then on our relationship has been great. I think your husband may just need to grow up a little.

 

[Black_Jaque]

If the only thing I was interested in was porn, then why would I not just buy a Penthouse or even something stronger? I do admit, I enjoy looking at some of the pictures, but if I really wanted porn I would just buy porn.

Ah, to satisfy your lust and placate your conscience at the same time, maybe?

Maxxim is a horrible magazine. Satan is not above putting something of value in something in order to get you to take his poison.

As for how to handle it. I would want my wife to challenge my identity - hold me to a high standard.

“You are my husband, the head of this house - how can you wreak such damage on me and our marriage?” Challenge his decisionmaking - don’t challenge his authority to make the decision. Never, ever cover for him. Don’t hide the magazines from your mom or his.

Next, accentuating the positive will eliminate the negative. There’s a photographer who takes pictures of babies, and women, and women with babies. I forget her name, but my wife brought home a big album and I found it intriguing. Yes, some of the women were nude, but never were the poses suggestive. Often the nudes were caressing, maybe nursing a baby. It drew the connection between a woman’s curves and her fertility. Set that album atop his Maxxim pile. You might even get pictures from medical albums showing pregnent nudes, or deliveries, lots of babies anyway. Slip them in the pages of his magazine.

Also, get several books by Christopher West. Read 'em. Lay them around the house. If he won’t read 'em, get his friends to read 'em.

Practice NFP. This will work. It will create a huge tension between the way he has learned to view sex and the way God views sex. The tension will be too great and something will snap - in the long run, trust God that everything will be for the better.

Invite a good priest over for dinner regularly (monthly, weekly)- dinners that your husband will also be present at. Let the priest develop a relationship with your husband. Don’t need to say anything - just let the Holy Spirit work.

Start making friendships with couples who you estimate to be very holy. Hanging with good people will bring you up. Beware of commiserating with couples - if you catch yourself griping about your husband and the other wife roles her eyes as if she goes through the same thing - BEWARE. What you want is a friend who nods their head and says “Yep, we’ve been there too”. A couple who has gotten PAST the problems you’re facing.

Become holy. And pray unceasingly for your husband. I think the mistake of many people is to please their spouse in order to get their spouse to return love. I suspect that the right avenue is to love your spouse in order for your spouse to learn to love God. Spend time in front of the Blessed Sacrament, fervently pleading God what you need to do next.

 

[char34]

Mac6yver:

There is no nudity in Maxim magazine, so you have that going for you. I do agree he should put the magazine in a more covert place, if your mother really objects to it that strongly. Other then that, I read Maxim from time to time. It has some great electronics articles.

I have certainly seen nudity on the cover of Maxim (in the checkout aisle, of course!). The girl was covering herself with her hands or hair, yet was certainly provocative!

I’m surprised that some men seem to think it would bother their wives less if they’re looking at magazines with women posing half nude as opposed to fully nude. Speaking for myself, it doesn’t make a difference. I have the feeling it makes little difference to the majority of other women too (even if they don’t admit it). Unfortunately I know too many wives who accept this because they were taught, or given the example of their own dads, that men just have to check out women because that’s just they way they are and can’t help it. I feel so sorry for women AND men who are brainwashed this way. My own mother in law believes this, so does DH’s sister who would often casually mention her (EX) husband went to strip clubs.

Mary41874, sorry you have to go through this!

 

[Black_Jaque]

Char,

I know what you mean. I guess I kind of discovered it myself recently. My own father evidently set a good example of keeping custody of his eyes - thus I kind of assumed this was the norm.

On another forum - about shooting rifles - I posted a lament about a company who uses women dressed immodestly in their product catalogues.

Of course, due to the topic, the members of that forum are largely male. A couple of moderators are even ordained non-Catholic ministers.

I was astounded to see the response! So many men act as if it is their God-given right to ogle women. Some went so far as to really get vicious with their response towards me. Most, fortunately, disagreed with my opinion but could see the inappropriateness of the other’s responses. A few agreed with me. Interestingly, the ordained moderators took no sides - except to slap the vicious people back in line.

At first I tried to make my arguement. But now I’ve been just following it as it seems to be a very hot topic, occasionally asking a question.

 

[char34]

Black Jaque, my father is like yours too! I imagine because of his example I would never have considered marrying someone who would ogle women in front of me, it’s just not something I could tolerate. I’m not saying I never expect my husband to be tempted, I just don’t want him to be proud of it! I still can’t figure out what causes men to ogle women they cannot have, especially in front of their spouse. I realize I would have to be a man to understand There can be several reasons of course, but I read once from a porn addict some men either consciously or unconciously do it as a type of revenge against women who frequently reject them both physically and emotionally.

 

[SDA2RC]

I read this whole thread to my wife… she would kill me if I ever tried to buy or bring home a magazine like that. My suggestion, while not as gentle or maybe even as Christian as some others is this:

Keep throwing them away as soon as you see them!!!

You cannot keep him from getting them, but he cannot keep you from throwing them away, show him that your resolve and stand for your morality and feelings are just as strong as his desire to see other half naked women.

Let him know that… he is welcome to buy them if they are that important, however, if you see them, you will throw them away, until he grows up!

Harsh maybe… but… If you feel strongly, dont be afraid act on it. It is your house and enviroment too and you are also responsible for creating a Christian home.

Brandon