NoName -
Thank you for sharing the above. After the experiences you have had I can see why you are confused. I don’t know how long ago this was but obviously it has wounded you terrifly.
I’m glad you are here. :hug3:
Please let me assure you of one thing dear heart. If you feel a, “pull back to the Catholic church”, do not be afraid. Under church Law you are still Catholic and always will be.
Like me, indeed like many of us, you fell away from The Church.
Also, like many, you feel a “tug” to come home. This is perfectly natural.
As John Paul II said - “Be Not Afraid”.
Since you are already Catholic returning to the sacraments could be as simple as going, and making a good confession.
I believe that you will find your return to the sacraments to be the most healing thing you can do. At least that is what is was for me - and for many others who have posted here.
P.S. If you are stuggling to understand Church teachings before “coming home”, don’t worry. I still struggle with some of them.

Not understanding something is not an impediment to your returning. Heck if understanding all of the teachings was necessary there would be NO catholics at all, since no one can really understand the trinity.
Keep in touch.
Peace
James