What Is So Bad About Sex?

[LittleOne1]

To be honest a video of yourselves just sounds gross. If you are trying to relive your wedding night or other “special night” the way you do it is coming together as a couple intimately, not watching some video of yourselves. Like mass is reliving calvary, sex is the reliving of the vows you made to each other.

As for outside stuff like erotic poetry or porn, you have to ask yourselves does this help me to love my spouse more and does this help me transcend to a heavenly experience of sex? I have not watched a porn video or read these books, but the focus of these is objectification. Plus it basically says I need someone else’s outside emotions or view someone’s outside actions to become aroused and enjoy sex. Let your own words and actions speak of that. If others do that instead of your spouse, it is not an exclusive union anymore. Its a union with your spouse and whatever words or actions someone else is doing.

As for the other issue about transcending to heaven, these things focus soley on achieving pleasure. It makes the person so flat in appearance. Sex is deeper than that. If you want reading material about love, read song of songs together because you are having God speak in your relationship (which is the third party that should be in the room, not some sleazy author, or porn star). Raise your thoughts to the beauty of the person before you, the spouse who you are completely open to, the spouse who is the parent of your children. Think about how your life in daily tasks and selfless service all meet at this point in this intimate union. So many couples think their marriage is fine because of their sex lives, when outside of that they are very distant (more open to friends about themselves than their own spouse and they lack trust) and less willing to serve. Sex truly is only as good as the selfless sacrifices that build it up.

 

[rlg94086]

Thanks for the quote from The Catechism Robert. It certainly clarified things quite a bit.

You are very welcome. There is a common misconception from “both sides of the aisle” about the Church and sexuality in a marital context.

There is nothing sinful about sexual arousal and enjoyment. Despite the protests of some who try to say that arousal and lust are the same thing, they are not. If you look at your spouse (or anyone, for that matter) and think of ways you can pleasure yourself with them, then that is lust. If you look at your spouse, find them physically and emotionally attractive, and have the God-given desire to unite with them in sexual splendor…that’s not lust.

What the book I recommended and you ordered talks about is expanding “sex” into your total relationship. Yes, it discusses foreplay, positions and playfulness that some of the more “sex is only for procreation <period!>” crowd will find objectionable, but more importantly it discusses relationship - the everyday interaction that helps build the marriage bond and leads to enjoyable “mind-blowing, toe-curling, holy sex.”

 

[Matthias123]

The protestants on this board must think all us Catholics talk about is sex sex sex. Considering the vast amount of threads on the subject.

 

[thomfra]

I find it interesting, thom, that you’d say you’d never watch yourself having sex on camera simply because you’re not photogenic. You right there have shown the MAIN problem with porn - that it gives totally unrealistic depictions of the sex act, so that those who use it end up becoming dissatisfied with sex how God intended sex to be and think they have to do ‘one better’ by way of ‘spicing things up’.

Well I wouldn’t read too much into it was just a flippant comment…anyway… even if I looked great on camera I wouldn’t do it. It’s just tacky.

RE porn: I don’t advocate the use of porn. I should imagine apart from a few extreme exceptions, the “industry” as it is called is very exploitative.

Erotic poetry/stories ect are something entirely different. It is also a somewhat subjective what is considered an erotic film.

 

[thomfra]

The protestants on this board must think all us Catholics talk about is sex sex sex. Considering the vast amount of threads on the subject.

Ha! This is true. It comes up even on other threads that have nothing to do with sex. somebody always manages to throw in “the sin of lust” somewhere.

 

[maria_rose]

You are very welcome. There is a common misconception from “both sides of the aisle” about the Church and sexuality in a marital context.

There is nothing sinful about sexual arousal and enjoyment. Despite the protests of some who try to say that arousal and lust are the same thing, they are not. If you look at your spouse (or anyone, for that matter) and think of ways you can pleasure yourself with them, then that is lust. If you look at your spouse, find them physically and emotionally attractive, and have the God-given desire to unite with them in sexual splendor…that’s not lust.

That is exactly the way I feel. I find my DH delicious and yes I want to be intimate more for that reason. Thanks for the good point.

 

[maria_rose]

I did not say that. I said that lust and sexual arousal/sexual attraction are one and the same. I do realise that the chuch doesn’t see it that way. But I see this as an artificial construct.

No matter how hard you protest. Sex can not be classified in such a nuansed way (IMHO). We don’t think in technicalities when we are aroused.

The point is that you have sex with somebody you love. To then say at you can be a sinner whilst loving and “becoming one” with that person because you may or may not have come up with the idea to make love after reading a saucy poem is just ridiculous in the extreme.

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

 

[fix]

I did not say that. I said that lust and sexual arousal/sexual attraction are one and the same. I do realise that the chuch doesn’t see it that way. But I see this as an artificial construct.

Artificial? Lust is disordered as in not ordered toward the good. Using one’s spouse as a means to an end is not good. Lust is not the same as attraction. That you cannot accept that does not mean the distinction does not exist.

No matter how hard you protest. Sex can not be classified in such a nuansed way (IMHO). We don’t think in technicalities when we are aroused.

But, that is not the issue. Simply being aroused by your spouse is not a sin. See, pleasure is not good or bad it is the antecedent action that makes it good or bad.

As an example, taking pleasure in pornography as a means to arousal is bad.

The point is that you have sex with somebody you love. To then say at you can be a sinner whilst loving and “becoming one” with that person because you may or may not have come up with the idea to make love after reading a saucy poem is just ridiculous in the extreme.

That is not the point either.

 

[Veritas248]

Urrrgh, there are obviously some disordered priorities here.
The meaning of life is to love and serve God and each other.
Where in that statement is there the word “fun”? Fun is not as important as living a good life. Why risk sin and death just for a little fun? To quote Christ: “If your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. It is better to enter the kingdom of Heaven blind than to be thrown into Gehenna with both eyes.”
Translation: If “fun” causes you to sin, stop having it! It is better to have lived a boring life and enter Heaven, than to have had a “fun” life and be thrown into Hell.

 

[thomfra]

It is better to have lived a boring life and enter Heaven, than to have had a “fun” life and be thrown into Hell.

Good luck with that.

 

[LilyM]

Good luck with that.

Yes because we all know Jesus was all about hedonistic fun

 

[thomfra]

Yes because we all know Jesus was all about hedonistic fun

So LilyM, trying to out-sarcasm me again… you’ll never win.

 

[Janee]

There is nothing bad or wrong about sex, if only you are having it with your spouses or as couples and provided no more is been hurt or violated.

Just as Mother Theresa of Calcutta understood it so well that when she was addressing young people in Calcutta in 1992 she thus said

You are the future of family life
You are the future of joy, of loving
You are the future of making your life something beautiful for God…. a pure love.
That you love a girl or that you love a boy is beautiful, but don’t spoil it, don’t destroy it,
Keep it pure. Keep your heart virgin, keep your love virgin so that on the day of your marriage,
You can give something beautiful to each other… the joy of a pure love.

Jane.

 

[rlg94086]

There is nothing bad or wrong about sex, if only you are having it with your spouses or as couples and provided no more is been hurt or violated.

Should be…“with your spouse” for clarity’s (and chastity’s) sake.

 

[LJN21]

Good luck with that.

So do you think the CCC and the Ten commandments are just some ruff guidelines that are optional?

 

[Veritas248]

I stand by my statement. The fun and pleasures of this life are a mere shadow of what is to come. Better to wait for the feast than to settle for garbage.

 

[thomfra]

I stand by my statement. The fun and pleasures of this life are a mere shadow of what is to come. Better to wait for the feast than to settle for garbage.

Veritas248…so you are saying depravity is fun now are you…?.. .deary me.

 

[thomfra]

So do you think the CCC and the Ten commandments are just some ruff guidelines that are optional?

Well there is certainly nothing in there about not having fun. If you people find your lives boring you should find something to make it fun.

Find a hobby. Fly a kite. Whatever flicks your switch. Just don’t spend your life being bored.

 

[LJN21]

Well there is certainly nothing in there about not having fun. If you people find your lives boring you should find something to make it fun. Find a hobby or, go tenpin bowling or whatever it is that you Americans do.

No one said anything about not having fun. However, your idea of fun seems to be lust and you seem justify your dissent of the Catholic Teaching because its no fun and hard…

 

[Veritas248]

Hilarious. You seem to have missed the meaning of the statement entirely. I’m not saying fun is wrong. Only fun that** tempts you to sin** is wrong. Flying kites and the like won’t have any impact on your eternal destiny, as they hold no moral weight. Therefore it is irrelevant to the statement.
When I say hold out for the feast, rather than settle for garbage, I simply mean that fun but sinful practices are garbage compared to the fun and pleasures in Heaven. Therefore, they are to be avoided in favor of Heaven. It was about patience.