What is the best age to have children?

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There is no correct age. But, if you are waiting for something to happen in your lives (better job, certain amount of savings, getting to know each other) that event might never happen and you will suddenly find yourself unable to conceive.
 
We are 33 years old and just celebrated our 10th anniversary. We had the same attitude as you did, expecting to wait, but being open to life. Personally, I think that’s the perfect attitude to have; it’s a balance between the two extremes of thinking you can “plan” children like you pick up a new TV at Wal-Mart and the opposite extreme that you can “avoid” children like you avoid the flu. The reality is that children are a gift, like a warm sunny day in March or a phone call from a long lost friend.

My wife did get pregnant one month after our honeymoon and chose to give up her career. We ended up having a total of four children in the first seven years, to the point where we pretty much couldn’t take any more blessings. There is no such thing as being financially ready (although I will say we have very much appreciated the huge tax break). At that point, we could have started being more strict in our use of NFP, but we continued to be “open to life”. For the next three years after that, we had a miscarriage each year. I don’t know whether it’s because of turning 30, or because she was diagnosed with diabetes, or her body is just showing signs of stress, or something on my part, but it doesn’t matter. It’s a clear sign from God that he wants us to be happy with the four children we have and start being more strict with the NFP rules, which we have successfully done since last summer.

Looking back on our marriage, I am so glad we made the choices we did. Who knows what would’ve happened if we had waited; perhaps we wouldn’t have been able to have children at all. There were several times when our relationship was stressed to the breaking point, and we would not still be together today if it weren’t for our children. Yes, my wife does miss her career, but we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Our youngest starts Kindergarten next year, and my wife is eager to get back out into the world with a whole new perspective on life after her 10 year sabbatical.

Every couple’s story is different. But I have seen a consistent pattern that those who trust God and let things happen as they happen are happy, and those who try to control their future are not happy. God bless you as you embark on this new adventure.
 
we recently had a discussion on this very topic in Pregnant! Or not.😉
And it came out that it’s just different for everyone : some (and this was our situation) really needed the time as just husband and wife to learn functioning and communicating as a couple. A baby right away would have been very, very difficult to manage because we needed our whole energy to just adjust to each other. After the first few months of rushing into many “couples project” (such as : being open to family and friends, engage in politics,…) we realized the first “couple project” was to be OUR couple, and nothing else. The time we had just the two of us enabled us to grow soooo much, and it was great bonding time. Now we’re currently discerning wether the time has come to switch from TTA to TTC.
Yet for other couples it seems a baby does not represent an obstacle to adjusting to each other, but even entices both people to make the moves necessary.
Everybody’s different. The main thing is communicating with one’s (future) spouse about one’s needs and expectations, and be prepared to revise one’s opinions often…😛
 
abraham said:
. We ended up having a total of four children in the first seven years, … For the next three years after that, we had a miscarriage each year. I don’t know whether it’s because of turning 30, or because she was diagnosed with diabetes, or her body is just showing signs of stress, …
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Just want to add that I have seen this many many times. A woman was designed by God to be mature and ready (physically) to have children at puberty. For some, that’s about age 12, or earlier? True, women today are not *‘emotionally’ *ready at that age, and, of course by today’s expectations, she must keep getting “educated” well into her 20s. In the end, that means that a woman has put off nature’s design by very many years. I have often questioned that, -on many levels-. Add to that all the stress of today’s world, and I must say that my gut feeling wonders if women should NOT be waiting too long.

Of all our friends that began having children earlier, and having large families, -well, they don’t seem to have these same problems, even having pregnancies into their late 30s-mid 40s. It’s not scientific, but just an observation on my part. Anyway, just some thoughts to ponder.
 
glb517 said:
My fiance and I are 22 and will be getting married next year. We are both graduating college with degrees that will ensure us jobs (his is already lined up and mine is very promising.)

People are always asking when we are going to start a family and I feel like to be responsible we should wait a few year and save some money and get settled first. However, I really wouldn’t mind if I got pregnant on the honeymoon and he has said that while waiting would be good he would be very excited if it happened earlier than planned. (We are planning on using NFP.)

I’m really excited to be married and to spend time just being a wife but is it bad that I want to start the mother role right away too?

In your opinion, what is the best time to get married?
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Best time to get married? As young as possible, after you can support yourselfs and are mature enough to almost understand what marriage is all about (no one understands until a few years into it). The older you wait, the more set in your ways you become, the more difficult it is for one or both of the partners to not be adaptable.

When to have children? If you are married, you might as well have kids. They are not as expensive as you think. Most people don’t save money for a future kids, they might save money for a kid they already have. A young couple’s living expenses are likely to drop after the first kid is born. The “going out” they do before they have a kid costs more than the diapers.

I would say, if both of you are saying you wouldn’t mind doing it now, go for it. The idiotic idea that “it is more responsible to wait a few years” is our corrupted culture talking through you.
 
Joseph629 said:
I can’t answer your question, but someday this one will enter your thoughts: “Till what age should you have children?” Speaking for ourselves only; - I am 62, my wife is 57, and our youngest has just turned 13. What joy for us (at our age) to still have 3 kids at home. AND, we have many friends in the same situation. Hope this helps you, and many others here.
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That’s another question my wife and I never bothered with. But then again, we flunked our NFP class 🙂

Here is my general advice for a newlywed couple. Way to much planning going on in this world. Just pick a few rules to live by and trust in God.
  1. Love each other (don’t forget, thats a decision, not a feeling)
  2. Pray together
  3. Work hard
  4. have kids and love them
  5. don’t borrow money, always save money
  6. be generous to charities
I might have missed a couple, but you get the idea. Don’t worry so much. Figure out how you are going to live your lives and keep things simple. Planning doesn’t help much. Notice how Jesus told us to pray for “today’s daily bread”.
 
said:
I just realized that I wrote get married instead of have children I definitely am getting married this year and that is not the question.

so the question is:
In your opinion, what is the best time to have children?
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tafan said:
That’s another question my wife and I never bothered with. But then again, we flunked our NFP class 🙂

Here is my general advice for a newlywed couple. Way to much planning going on in this world. Just pick a few rules to live by and trust in God.
  1. Love each other (don’t forget, thats a decision, not a feeling)
  2. Pray together
  3. Work hard
  4. have kids and love them
  5. don’t borrow money, always save money
  6. be generous to charities
I might have missed a couple, but you get the idea. Don’t worry so much. Figure out how you are going to live your lives and keep things simple. Planning doesn’t help much. Notice how Jesus told us to pray for “today’s daily bread”.
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I like your thinking Tafan. Padre Pio’s main motto: Pray and don’t worry. Personally, I’ve never met anyone who has told me that they had “too” many kids. God will always be there for us.
 
I’ve been thinking more about this. I don’t want to have children in my mid-30s. I’m the youngest by 10 years (I was “unwanted” according to my father, and my mom finally warmed up to me, mom was 36 and dad was 38). And I hated the generational gap that existed, plus my only siblings were 10 and 14 years older, so I was alone most of the time. So yeah, times a tickin’ (I’m 28).
 
CountrySinger said:
I’ve been thinking more about this. I don’t want to have children in my mid-30s. I’m the youngest by 10 years (I was “unwanted” according to my father, and my mom finally warmed up to me, mom was 36 and dad was 38). And I hated the generational gap that existed, plus my only siblings were 10 and 14 years older, so I was alone most of the time. So yeah, times a tickin’ (I’m 28).
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I don’t mean to be mean but your parents are mean or were, are they nice now?
My sisterinlaw was unplanned and unwanted at the time and it left a lasting effect on her. My MIL did not want her and cried the entire pregnancy. Parents don’t realize how much they can harm their children.
I think the generational gap was worse years ago. I have 3 kids and my last at 37. I grew up in the 80’s which is not soo far removed as growing up in like the 50’s or 60’s.
 
dashso40 said:
I don’t mean to be mean but your parents are mean or were, are they nice now?
My sisterinlaw was unplanned and unwanted at the time and it left a lasting effect on her. My MIL did not want her and cried the entire pregnancy. Parents don’t realize how much they can harm their children.
I think the generational gap was worse years ago. I have 3 kids and my last at 37. I grew up in the 80’s which is not soo far removed as growing up in like the 50’s or 60’s.
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My father was abusive (especially since I wasn’t the boy he wanted), but my mom came around and was the best mom, she even was my best friend (both parents are deceased).
 
We got pregnant on our wedding night, best I can figure. Very romantic, IMHO! Nine months later we had a bouncing baby boy. Then quickly had three more children. Loved every minute of it (and still do!).
 
MomaMary8 said:
There is no “best age” that works for everyone. You know if the time is right, and shouldn’t listen to what society tells you is the “best age.” Goodness knows, society is a bit narcissistic, and tells everyone to think of themselves first! :rolleyes:

for us? Dh and I were married in college at the age of 22 and had our first baby that first year. Its 18 years later and we just had baby no. 9. I’d say 22 yrs was the perfect age for us. 😃
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That’s a really awesome story!!!
 
My wife and I had our first child at 18. 28 years later, we’re on our tenth child (we have a four year old and two two year olds as our youngest). It was hard being so young; we had a lot of pressure to be good parents or hear about being so young. I remember still being the youngest father in our church as I held my third child.

I will say I had more energy at a young age, but I’m crafty and wiley now. I can report that giving yourself the gift of a new child in your forties is a wonderful thing. I’m so much more patient and willing to just have fun with them now.

Each age has its advantages and disadvantages. Don’t expect to be perfect and learn from your mistakes. Be willing to laugh at yourself and forgive yourself when you blow it. Also, remember that there are two of you, so if you start to feel like you’re overwhelmed, have your spouse take over and leave the room to get yourself together. Age isn’t really an issue in the long run. A child doesn’t have expectations about what their mother or father look like, does for a living or how old they are. Shoot, our 4 year old is (adopted) bi-racial and we don’t look anything like her. She is loved and knows it, so the fact that our skin and hair is different is just something we talk about, not something to fret over.

Just be open to life - when and how ever it arrives.
 
ChosenAndCalled said:
My wife and I had our first child at 18. 28 years later, we’re on our tenth child (we have a four year old and two two year olds as our youngest). It was hard being so young; we had a lot of pressure to be good parents or hear about being so young. I remember still being the youngest father in our church as I held my third child.

I will say I had more energy at a young age, but I’m crafty and wiley now. I can report that giving yourself the gift of a new child in your forties is a wonderful thing. I’m so much more patient and willing to just have fun with them now.

Each age has its advantages and disadvantages. Don’t expect to be perfect and learn from your mistakes. Be willing to laugh at yourself and forgive yourself when you blow it. Also, remember that there are two of you, so if you start to feel like you’re overwhelmed, have your spouse take over and leave the room to get yourself together. Age isn’t really an issue in the long run. A child doesn’t have expectations about what their mother or father look like, does for a living or how old they are. Shoot, our 4 year old is (adopted) bi-racial and we don’t look anything like her. She is loved and knows it, so the fact that our skin and hair is different is just something we talk about, not something to fret over.

Just be open to life - when and how ever it arrives.
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👍👍
 
I think DNA-wise, it’s as early as you can before 30… that’s when the children conceived would have the best genes
on the other hand, you will want to have some financial security, so I see no wrong in trying to postpone parenthood a bit

but afterall, children are God’s blessings, and I think all married couples should be open for it.
 
I’m 42 and expecting my first, but only because it took me so much longer than I ever thought to find Mr. Right. So I’m happy and excited, but get nothing but doom and gloom from the medical establishment. i.e. I’m automatically “high-risk” because of my age.

I think, health-wise and energy-wise, your early 20s are probably the best. You and your fiance sound like you’re on the same page, and are mature and responsible enough to be great parents.

God bless your marriage and future family. 🙂
 
glb517 said:
My fiance and I are 22 and will be getting married next year. We are both graduating college with degrees that will ensure us jobs (his is already lined up and mine is very promising.)

People are always asking when we are going to start a family and I feel like to be responsible we should wait a few year and save some money and get settled first. However, I really wouldn’t mind if I got pregnant on the honeymoon and he has said that while waiting would be good he would be very excited if it happened earlier than planned. (We are planning on using NFP.)

I’m really excited to be married and to spend time just being a wife but is it bad that I want to start the mother role right away too?

In your opinion, what is the best time to get married?
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When you are Mature enough to know when you want them. My Son is 34, he only got married last year, they cannot afford kids just now, My other Son has 2 children, he is 29 so no-one can tell you when is the right - wrong time, it is a personal decision.
 
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