What is the Godly thing to do

[erazo]

During the summer months I allowed my husband to help a “new friend” in need. Her husband was going to be away for a year and she needed someone to watch her 3 boys during the summer. Since my husband works evening and the boys are really good friends with my son. It worked out well.

Once school started…we continued to help one another with picking up the boys, taking them to after school activities, etc. My husband would even go to help on her call…put the pool away, assisted with bug problems, helped put up decorations.

In October my husband told me he was confused…did not want to leave home until the holidays. Holidays came and went and he still does not want to leave.

Just last week I discovered that my “new friend” and my husband…have become very close. Talking on the phone every day for more that just the kids. I think God brought doubt in me right before things got ugly.

I confronted my “new friend” and mentioned how I felt betrayed. She seemed defensive…her applogies did not seem real.

What do I do? I have forgiven her…but do I keep part of my circle. Knowing what I know know?

What would Jesus do?

 

[whatevergirl]

During the summer months I allowed my husband to help a “new friend” in need. Her husband was going to be away for a year and she needed someone to watch her 3 boys during the summer. Since my husband works evening and the boys are really good friends with my son. It worked out well.

Once school started…we continued to help one another with picking up the boys, taking them to after school activities, etc. My husband would even go to help on her call…put the pool away, assisted with bug problems, helped put up decorations.

In October my husband told me he was confused…did not want to leave home until the holidays. Holidays came and went and he still does not want to leave.

Just last week I discovered that my “new friend” and my husband…have become very close. Talking on the phone every day for more that just the kids. I think God brought doubt in me right before things got ugly.

I confronted my “new friend” and mentioned how I felt betrayed. She seemed defensive…her applogies did not seem real.

What do I do? I have forgiven her…but do I keep part of my circle. Knowing what I know know?

What would Jesus do?

hi erazo;

I would like to give some advice…but could you clarify what you mean by…“he didn’t want to leave home?”

 

[MCGar]

The Godly thing to do is to protect you marriage. I don’t know all the details so I can only advise based on what you’ve written and it sounds like your husband is having an emotional affair.
Get the both of you to a priest and find a marriage counselor quick.
Look up ‘emotional affair’ and put your foot DOWN. Be serious and don’t let anybody try to gaslight you.

You are not doing her, your husband, or your family any favors by keeping a relationship with this lady.

 

[puzzleannie]

What do I do? I have forgiven her…but do I keep part of my circle. Knowing what I know know?

What would Jesus do?

forgiven her?
who is the guy playing fast and loose with his marriage vows?
you better get him away from this family and into marriage counselling pronto before it is too late.

 

[deb1]

Forgiving her does not mean that you have to be stupid. It would be cruel to yourself and your children to allow your husband to have any contact with this woman. I would tell her that you no longer wish her for a friend, but do pray for her. The Christian thing to do is listen to your gut instinct. That might very well be God telling you to protect your marriage.

As a general rule of thumb, don’t send your husband to help a female friend unless you are in attendance. I know that many posters will disagree with me, but why put your husband in a situation that he can be tempted.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Forgiving her does not mean that you have to be stupid. It would be cruel to yourself and your children to allow your husband to have any contact with this woman. I would tell her that you no longer wish her for a friend, but do pray for her. The Christian thing to do is listen to your gut instinct. That might very well be God telling you to protect your marriage.

As a general rule of thumb, don’t send your husband to help a female friend unless you are in attendance. I know that many posters will disagree with me, but why put your husband in a situation that he can be tempted.

deb is right, and so is puzzleannie. This lack of action based on being somehow “Godly” is not what the Church teaches!!

 

[kage_ar]

Forgive them and get her the number of a good handyman service.

Send a card at Christmas.

Smile and pray for her.

You do not have to invite her over for dinner.

 

[Sierrah]

Sounds like she was trying to use your husband as a part time husband for herself…that’s no friend. I would forgive her but drop all contact with her and let them both know such behavior is unacceptable. I wouldn’t put up with such antics but then I’m not married. Being Christian doesn’t mean you should let yourself be a doormat.

 

[surfinpure]

I strongly recommend the book Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud. It will help you understand what part of caring for others is your responsibility, and what is not.

And sharing your husband with another woman is not. Giving to the point that it causes problems in your marriage is not. We Christians are sometimes afraid that if we hold anything back, we’re being selfish and uncharitable. The truth is, if you gave her everything she seems to want, you would be allowing the destruction of your family. This is the time to say “no.” There is nothing wrong with forgiving and saying “no” at the same time. It is not contradictory.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I strongly recommend the book Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud. It will help you understand what part of caring for others is your responsibility, and what is not.

An excellent book for the situation. Run out and get it right after you make it clear to your DH that he is *your *DH- and she will not be a part of your lives.

 

[Maritsa]

I would be concerned about saying that you are putting your foot down to your husband right now while he is in love with this woman. You do need to put your foot down right now and I’m not arguing that. What I’m thinking about is the way to do it.

It doesn’t seem like he is facing how far things have gone and is making excuses. It is the textbook case of how affairs start. I am fearful that you telling him this ends today will make him defensive and resentful and push him toward her. What I am thinking is other ways you could get him to face this pronto without you being the bad guy.

Could you tell him that you are hurt and fearful, so you want to go to counseling to address your issues which are keeping you from having the marriage you deserve? If you can get him in a counselor’s office this week, the counselor will be the bad guy who says that all contact with this woman must immediately cease while you both get to be hurt and confused together. He’ll still feel for this woman, but it gives you a better opportunity to meet his emotional needs and rebuild your relationship without her.

Other people might have better advice, but I wanted to get you thinking about how to put your foot down in a way that would help him to move forward.

 

[erazo]

Thank you so much. Your thoughts and advice have really cleared things up for me.

Like I mentioned before my husband and my “new friend” initiated their emotional affair; my husband was already struggling with thoughts of living a single life. With that said he will be leaving my home…I do not feel there is a foundation to keep this marriage running. The good thing about this “emotional affair” is that it has helped me to set him free. God knows the type of relationship I pray for and the peace a cry for. I will leave this in God’s hands…

As for my friend…I will separate myself and son from her family. Slowly but surely. (My son loves his friends so much…he cries to spend time with them). I will make arrangements to have sleepovers with his cousins and other friends.

After reading this blog…I talked to my husband…told him that although he may be leaving to find himself. I am allowing it because as a husband I feel he betrayed me. That is my reason for his freedom.

Thank you all,