What is the Godly thing to do?

[erazo]

You are all wonderful. Thank you again and again.

I do not belive he is currently involve in extra marital affairs. He states he wants to be true to himself and leave for the right reasons. (The two previous times I caught him…he felt too guilty). This time he does not want to suffer from the guilt. Has even mentioned “I wish you find someone that can make you happy, that will be so much easier”.

He is however a very charming man. Goes out of his way to help others. He has accomplished so much (has been blessed tremendously-however does not like to give God too much credit). He is the favorite cousin, nephew, grandson of the family. He is embarrased of what his family would say. However is it right for him to stay because he does not want to disappoint anyone?

I honestly think I have lost him. He is definately seeking to go.

I just pray that it be God’s Will and not ours. I will continue to pray. If the Holy Spirit opens the possibility of suggesting the marriage retreat, I will. I hope this is enough, because I am afraid to give it my all and be disappointed again.

 

[erazo]

One last thing…I just need some reassurance.

Last night…we talked. At one time during my crazy moments, I proposed that he leave or stay in the spare bedroom. Well, he has decided to stay in the spare bedroom. He painted a pretty picture of how our separation will end up. It really hurts to know he is not seeing the bigger picture.

I gave it one last try. I prayed that the Holy Spirit guide me in our conversation. I mentioned that I belive we are making a big mistake. That we are forgetting our true commitment to our son and our Lord God. I asked if he would see a Priest. Like expected he resisted and said he only talks to God. So I asked, “Does God talk back to you?” He said “No”. I told him, that I have seen how God is trying to talk to him but his heart is not open to hear or see him. I mentioned how I have seen God come through others…he asked me to stop.

Is this enough? Can I surrender, and let God take over? I would like to work on myself and stop being so depressed for my son’s sake.

I love you all, may God be with you!

 

[homewardangel]

Whenever I hear about people feeling empty or restless, it always reminds me of St. Augustine’s prayer – “Our hearts are restless until they rest in Thee, O God.”

And Psalm 63 – “O God, Thou art my God, I seek Thee, my soul thirsts for Thee.”

I wish it were as simple as St Augustine’s prayer - but I’m sure it wasn’t cut and dry for him either. Even if I feel like I am throwing myself at God I still don’t grasp any peace.

Maybe that is wrong of me to say–but, as much as I think we have a responsibility to our marriages–to help our spouses to Heaven…they have a responsibility to us, as well.

I agree with the wonderful thought of spouses helping eachother to heaven - I have never experienced it though. In my marriage I came to the realization of the question: Can I even get to heaven and save my marriage??..I don’t believe that I could have done both. I can help my kids and myself, but at some point the weight becomes too much to carry. The fighting, the neglect and depression really makes it hard to focus on what’s important in life. I still may not make it to heaven, but my struggles are completely different now…I feel like I have a fighting chance.

This is just my opinion. We are either married or we are single - we can’t be both. That is when things get confusing. The seriousness of your struggle may not be fully understood. I would need to have a commitment that the marriage will be worked on, or I would not live with them. They would have to leave - if not I would leave. Do you have family or friends that you could stay with temporarily? When it comes down to it - the home is the kids and whoever has custody of the kids will get the house.

 

[whatevergirl]

One last thing…I just need some reassurance.

Last night…we talked. At one time during my crazy moments, I proposed that he leave or stay in the spare bedroom. Well, he has decided to stay in the spare bedroom. He painted a pretty picture of how our separation will end up. It really hurts to know he is not seeing the bigger picture.

I gave it one last try. I prayed that the Holy Spirit guide me in our conversation. I mentioned that I belive we are making a big mistake. That we are forgetting our true commitment to our son and our Lord God. I asked if he would see a Priest. Like expected he resisted and said he only talks to God. So I asked, “Does God talk back to you?” He said “No”. I told him, that I have seen how God is trying to talk to him but his heart is not open to hear or see him. I mentioned how I have seen God come through others…he asked me to stop.

Is this enough? Can I surrender, and let God take over? I would like to work on myself and stop being so depressed for my son’s sake.

I love you all, may God be with you!

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I think that you have lived out your own vows…unfortunately, we cannot live out our spouse’s vows. Your husband is making a choice and you have tried. I think that you have tried to help him get to Heaven, but he is rejecting you…rejecting God. But, something to think about, which may seem a little ‘out there,’ but bear with me…is that your husband, in these actions, is also helping you to get to Heaven. Not that we need to go through such things–but like Job, you have shown great strength, holiness and compassion to someone who has not shown you that in return. God sees this …and He rejoices that you have lived as a faithful and compassionate spouse. I think the ball is in your husband’s court. You can’t force him to change his mind, see a priest, or wish to stay in the marriage. I absolutely think your husband is in a fog–the fog of sin. I have been there–I asked my husband for a separation about 8 years ago…and it was very sad. Looking back, I can hardly recognize the person I was…and yet, he waited for me to come around. I got back into the faith, and stopped being selfish, and looked at what God had put in front of me–a wonderful husband and two great kids…and I realized that I had marriage all wrong. I viewed marriage as something to help me…to wipe away the pain of my childhood. And you know what? Marriage is not designed to do that…a spouse is given to us to walk thorugh life with us, but can’t be expected to erase the pain from our pasts. I’d be curous to know if your husband has had a difficult childhood…and if he, too, looks to you (as he will look to all women following you as well) as someone to wipe away the pain of his past. Since you are not designed to do that–he wants out. I pray pray pray that your husband sees the light. What a blessing you are as a wife to this man–you, like my husband, are very patient people. I might not have been so patient with ‘me’ back then.

But, I just wanted to share this, because as much as I think you need to walk away–for your own preservation, I remember that my husband did not walk away. (I did not want to live the single life, but I also had a fear of commitment) I look at my husband as he helped me to become holier, because of the steadfastness he showed as a compassionate husband. I want to be that wife to him, now. He tells me that I helped him to become holier, because he clung to God during our separation–despite people telling him to leave me. I am grateful he didn’t leave me. I see it all from all angles, I guess.

God bless you and I pray that God leads you and he to the holy and right decision.

 

[CatholicSam]

I will be praying for the healing of your marriage and the conversion of your husband.

 

[SilenceISgolden]

They only thing I feel I can do at this time is pray the Holy Rosary, pray to St. Monica, and support his decision to live a single life.

I’m not sure if maybe this is just a misuse of words and maybe I’m overreacting so please forgive me if it is the case. I have no intention of attacking you while you are down.

But, personally I think that you should IN NO WAY SUPPORT him in living a single life. You should not in ANY way make it easy for him to go. Personally, I’d be talking to his family and telling them what is going on. If they are involved in his life, maybe they will be able to reason with this guy and help him to see beyond his own selfish views.

This is simply my 2 cents, take if for what it is worth coming from a stranger who isn’t intimately involved but I was raised to FIGHT for what was mine!

I’ll definietly keep you in my prayers. You are doing the right thing in continuing to pray and keeping your eyes turned to God. Bless you!