What is the meaning of Honor thy Mother and thy Father?

[tankthedog]

My previous thread brought me to think of this question which I’ve had for a while.
Does the 4th Commandment - Honor your father and your mother, that you may have a long life in the land which the LORD, your God, is giving you (Exodus 20:12) mean that we are to obey what our parents tell us to, or does it simply mean that we are to show respect and care for them.

I’ve thought of this question because I often see parents using this Commandment to make their kids do their chores, but those same people will consistently ignore their own parents. I’ve always seen this as an extremely hypocritical way of thinking considering I’ve always looked at it in the former way I mentioned, but I was wondering what the Church has said about the meaning?

 

[CapIV]

Well obviously you are not obliged to obey your parents if commanded to do something immoral.

I have always taken it to mean, respect and care for your parents. And obey them when possible.

 

[drafdog]

The priests at the Temple in Jerusalem one day discovered that one of the fine jewels woven into the High Priest’s robes had been lost. They went to a merchant in the city who dealt in such fine gems and asked if he had a gem suitable to replace the one that was missing.
He replied that he had just the thing, it was locked in his strong box. The cost of the gem would be a hundred shekels. The priests agreed to the price and the merchant went into the next room to fetch the key. He found his father sleeping with the key under his pillow.
When he returned without the key, he told the priests that he could not sell them the jewel. The priests offered him two hundred, three hundred, five hundred shekels. Each time the merchant said simply that he couldn’t sell them the stone.
Finally the priests left to return to the Temple. Later the man’s father awoke. He retrieved the key and opened the strong box. He ran and caught up to the priests. Now I can sell you the jewel. They offered him the five hundred shekels.
But we agreed on one hundred.
Why, then, did you not sell it to us before? You kept saying you could not sell it.
How would it honor my aged father should I wake him just to make a sale?

Matthew

 

[Deacon_Ed_B]

The CCC answers this beautifully. Read it.
Deacon Ed B

 

[MarieVeronica]

Obey them when you’re a child. Respect them when you’re an adult. Care for them when they’re elderly. Love them always.

 

[Maynoothman]

Obey them when you’re a child. Respect them when you’re an adult. Care for them when they’re elderly. Love them always.

now THATS a good answer!

 

[justinthemartyr]

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a4.htm

This link will take you to the church’s official teaching on the fourth commandment and loving your father and mother.

No one can say it like our Lord through His church

 

[lwatro]

What do you do when your mother is barely speaking to you because she feels you haven’t done enough for her? My father became ill when I was only 10 years old. I went to college and married a college graduate. We were able to take care of my parents when they almost lost their home. We bought them a condo near the beach. I offered to buy my parents a family burial plot and was yelled at by mother, who told me I didn’t give her enough moral support while my father was ill and they were living in their beach condo ten to 14 hours away from me, which was her choice of location. Instead she cremated my father and had no memorial service for him. I guess I didn’t honor her because I didn’t know what she needed. I gave her what I thought she wanted and yet I failed. It is difficult for me to take her wrath at times. I always tried to take care of my parents so that they had everything they needed. Yet at the death of my father, I found out, I never have done enough for my mother. I don’t know what more I can do for her. She has every comfort, except the comfort of her children, because she has driven us away by her discontent toward us. Some of my family have given up on her. Yet my husband and I still take care of her worldy needs. We just don’t communicate with her all that much anymore because we are afraid to get too close. I have been hurt by her too many times. It is hard for me to try again.

 

[goyasgekko]

Yup, I’m also interested in an explanation to the Commandment as it refers to an abusive parent. Although I understand that caritas in this instance should be given freely, there are obvious difficulties in interpretation in a relationship where child, adult child/parent has physically, emotionally or psychologically abused the other. I’m not actually thinking of the more radical abuse cases, but rather parent/child emotional abuse which makes this commandment a big challenge for the victim.
I care for my 90 year old mother who consistently emotionally and physically abused me as a child, and into my 20’s. She still tries. I could never do enough for her, to the degree that I spent the first week of my married life with my mother to pacify her feelings of neglect. She has recently been diagnosed with chronic Paranoid Personality Disorder which she has suffered all her adult life.
There are natural and human limits to the issue of respect. Did Christ “honour” or respect those who scourged Him? I don’t think so, but they weren’t his parents. We have a natural and a faith bound duty to love and care for our parents - but I’ve come across a huge amount of adult victims of parent abuse who ask for my advice and I’m usually pretty vague.

 

[apple1]

My previous thread brought me to think of this question which I’ve had for a while.
Does the 4th Commandment - Honor your father and your mother, that you may have a long life in the land which the LORD, your God, is giving you (Exodus 20:12) mean that we are to obey what our parents tell us to, or does it simply mean that we are to show respect and care for them.

I’ve thought of this question because I often see parents using this Commandment to make their kids do their chores, but those same people will consistently ignore their own parents. I’ve always seen this as an extremely hypocritical way of thinking considering I’ve always looked at it in the former way I mentioned, but I was wondering what the Church has said about the meaning?

The fourth commandment is keep holy the sabbath day, six days may you labor and rest on the seventh day. The Fifth commandment is Honor your mother and father that thy days may be long upon the land which the lord thy God giveth thee.

 

[adrift]

The fourth commandment is keep holy the sabbath day, six days may you labor and rest on the seventh day. The Fifth commandment is Honor your mother and father that thy days may be long upon the land which the lord thy God giveth thee.

Please show me where in the Bible they are numbered?

 

[TimothyH]

The fourth commandment is keep holy the sabbath day, six days may you labor and rest on the seventh day. The Fifth commandment is Honor your mother and father that thy days may be long upon the land which the lord thy God giveth thee.

Catholics combine “No other God’s before me” and the prohibtion against idolatry into one commandment and therefor count the commandment about honoring your mother and father as number four.

Please show me where in the Bible they are numbered?

The Holy Catholic Church was established by Jesus Christ and has been granted singluar authority to interpret scripture and teach on matters of faith and morals based on that interpretation. As God’s instrument of salvation in the world, the Church has done just that when it interpreted Leviticus 20 and Deuteronomy 5 and so numbered the commandments. That numbering can be easily found in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

***PART THREE
LIFE IN CHRIST

SECTION TWO
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

CHAPTER TWO
“YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF”

ARTICLE 4
THE FOURTH COMMANDMENT

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you.***

Please referrence vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a4.htm.

-Tim-

 

[trogiah]

Here are two scripture quotes that I think are relevant

His mother and his brothers arrived. Standing outside they sent word to him and called him. 32 A crowd seated around him told him, “Your mother and your brothers 12 (and your sisters) are outside asking for you.” 33 But he said to them in reply, “Who are my mother and (my) brothers?” 34 And looking around at those seated in the circle he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. 35 (For) whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother.”

and another quote

For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and ‘Whoever curses father or mother shall die.’ 11 Yet you say, ‘If a person says to father or mother, “Any support you might have had from me is qorban”’ 4 (meaning, dedicated to God), 12 you allow him to do nothing more for his father or mother. 13 You nullify the word of God in favor of your tradition that you have handed on. And you do many such things."

These words indicate to me that it should be a high priority for an adult with a parent with genuine needs to meet those needs in whatever way they can. But they also indicate that the highest priority for anyone is to seek to do God’s will before they seek to do their parent’s will.

Jim

 

[ilovenonny]

Actualy the true meaning taken from the Hebrews requires children to grow to be the best people they can be themselves. What good is it to respect anyone if you do not respect yourself, or the true and living God, Of what use is it to obey your parents and not the laws of your land or of God himself. the steps of a righteous man are ordered.

 

[jcrichton]

My previous thread brought me to think of this question which I’ve had for a while.
Does the 4th Commandment - Honor your father and your mother, that you may have a long life in the land which the LORD, your God, is giving you (Exodus 20:12) mean that we are to obey what our parents tell us to, or does it simply mean that we are to show respect and care for them.

I’ve thought of this question because I often see parents using this Commandment to make their kids do their chores, but those same people will consistently ignore their own parents. I’ve always seen this as an extremely hypocritical way of thinking considering I’ve always looked at it in the former way I mentioned, but I was wondering what the Church has said about the meaning?

…other then a command to do evil… this Commandment is exact!

Does it mean that a father can call on his children to commit acts against God? No. This is comparable to the “obey” when St. Paul speaks to the husband and wife; not a single act of evil can be attributed to a Commandment or a command from Scriptures…

Does that mean that children have no obligations to their parents if they were bad/evil parents? This, of course, is on a case per case situation–the fact remains that if there is something that a Christian (Catholic or non-Catholic) can do to assist another person (St. Matthew 5:43-48) we must do it… in the case of abusive/neglectful parents, the debt is not with them but with Christ–'course, you will not subject yourself to manipulation or allow others to come into harm in order to appease the wickedness of a parent!

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[jcrichton]

What do you do when your mother is barely speaking to you because she feels you haven’t done enough for her? My father became ill when I was only 10 years old. I went to college and married a college graduate. We were able to take care of my parents when they almost lost their home. We bought them a condo near the beach. I offered to buy my parents a family burial plot and was yelled at by mother, who told me I didn’t give her enough moral support while my father was ill and they were living in their beach condo ten to 14 hours away from me, which was her choice of location. Instead she cremated my father and had no memorial service for him. I guess I didn’t honor her because I didn’t know what she needed. I gave her what I thought she wanted and yet I failed. It is difficult for me to take her wrath at times. I always tried to take care of my parents so that they had everything they needed. Yet at the death of my father, I found out, I never have done enough for my mother. I don’t know what more I can do for her. She has every comfort, except the comfort of her children, because she has driven us away by her discontent toward us. Some of my family have given up on her. Yet my husband and I still take care of her worldy needs. We just don’t communicate with her all that much anymore because we are afraid to get too close. I have been hurt by her too many times. It is hard for me to try again.

…ever heard of the word “malcontent?”

I do not know the exact experience but from your description I cannot tell where you have failed… to fulfill that Commandment does not mean that you must grant every whim; sadly, I’ve known at least one person who have received nothing from her children and has never complained about it; your mother reminds me of people who have everything and choose to engage in acts that are detremental to themselves and others… just because they can get away with it (till that day when they wont be able to, that is)…

Remember that your obligation is not with the actual parent/s but with God; it is He who will determine if we have obeyed His Commandment–so fulfill your obligations to please Him not the eternal sour-puss (I say this in jest)

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[jcrichton]

Here are two scripture quotes that I think are relevant

His mother and his brothers arrived. Standing outside they sent word to him and called him. 32 A crowd seated around him told him, “Your mother and your brothers 12 (and your sisters) are outside asking for you.” 33 But he said to them in reply, “Who are my mother and (my) brothers?” 34 And looking around at those seated in the circle he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. 35 (For) whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother.”

and another quote

For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and ‘Whoever curses father or mother shall die.’ 11 Yet you say, ‘If a person says to father or mother, “Any support you might have had from me is qorban”’ 4 (meaning, dedicated to God), 12 you allow him to do nothing more for his father or mother. 13 You nullify the word of God in favor of your tradition that you have handed on. And you do many such things."

These words indicate to me that it should be a high priority for an adult with a parent with genuine needs to meet those needs in whatever way they can. But they also indicate that the highest priority for anyone is to seek to do God’s will before they seek to do their parent’s will.

Jim

…Jim, but does that not mean that Jesus is obliged to honor all who do the Will of His Father?

Maran atha!

Angel

 

[apple1]

You better reread the 10 commandments, its 10 not 9.
Jesus Christ did not give sole authority to the catholic church as the sole interpreter.
Jesus stated that the Holy Spirit is our intersessor and would teach us what Jesus had taught us in the bible.
I read the bible and there are alot of man made doctrine in the catholic church as well as the other man made church organizations.
Anyone who can read and understand the bible can interpret the Word of God. I understood it at age 10 and realized the church was lying to me.
I don’t submit to man made doctrine, But I do submit to the will of God through Jesus Christ.
I mean no offense, just to teach truth

Catholics combine “No other God’s before me” and the prohibtion against idolatry into one commandment and therefor count the commandment about honoring your mother and father as number four.

The Holy Catholic Church was established by Jesus Christ and has been granted singluar authority to interpret scripture and teach on matters of faith and morals based on that interpretation. As God’s instrument of salvation in the world, the Church has done just that when it interpreted Leviticus 20 and Deuteronomy 5 and so numbered the commandments. That numbering can be easily found in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

***PART THREE
LIFE IN CHRIST

SECTION TWO
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

CHAPTER TWO
“YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF”

ARTICLE 4
THE FOURTH COMMANDMENT

Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the Lord your God gives you.***

Please referrence vatican.va/archive/ccc_css/archive/catechism/p3s2c2a4.htm.

-Tim-

 

[centurionguard]

When it comes to God’s Commandment of Honoring Thy Father and Mother; one particular scripture reading has always had a profound impact on me. And it doesn’t matter how old you or your parents are.

Ecclesiasticus/Sirach Chapter 3 verses 1-34
drbo.org/chapter/26003.htm

**Lessons concerning the honour of parents, and humility, and avoiding curiosity.

[1] The sons of wisdom are the church of the just: and their generation, obedience and love. [2] Children, hear the judgment of your father, and so do that you may be saved. [3] For God hath made the father honourable to the children: and seeking the judgment of the mothers, hath confirmed it upon the children. [4] He that loveth God, shall obtain pardon for his sins by prayer, and shall refrain himself from them, and shall be heard in the prayer of days. [5] And he that honoureth his mother is as one that layeth up a treasure.

[6] He that honoureth his father shall have joy in his own children, and in the day of his prayer he shall be heard. [7] He that honoureth his father shall enjoy a long life: and he that obeyeth the father, shall be a comfort to his mother. [8] He that feareth the Lord, honoureth his parents, and will serve them as his masters that brought him into the world. [9] Honour thy father, in work and word, and all patience, [10] That a blessing may come upon thee from him, and his blessing may remain in the latter end.

[11] The father’s blessing establisheth the houses of the children: but the mother’s curse rooteth up the foundation. [12] Glory not in the dishonour of thy father: for his shame is no glory to thee. [13] For the glory of a man is from the honour of his father, and a father without honour is the disgrace of the son. [14] Son, support the old age of thy father, and grieve him not in his life; [15] And if his understanding fail, have patience with him, and despise him not when thou art in thy strength: for the relieving of the father shall not be forgotten.

[16] For good shall be repaid to thee for the sin of thy mother. [17] And in justice thou shalt be built up, and in the day of affliction thou shalt be remembered: and thy sins shall melt away as the ice in the fair warm weather. [18] Of what an evil fame is he that forsaketh his father: and he is cursed of God that angereth his mother. [19] My son, do thy works in meekness, and thou shalt be beloved above the glory of men. [20] The greater thou art, the more humble thyself in all things, and thou shalt find grace before God:

[21] For great is the power of God alone, and he is honoured by the humble. [22] Seek not the things that are too high for thee, and search not into things above thy ability: but the things that God hath commanded thee, think on them always, and in many of his works be not curious. [23] For it is not necessary for thee to see with thy eyes those things that are hid. [24] In unnecessary matters be not over curious, and in many of his works thou shalt not be inquisitive. [25] For many things are shewn to thee above the understanding of men.

[26] And the suspicion of them hath deceived many, and hath detained their minds in vanity. [27] A hard heart shall fear evil at the last: and he that loveth danger shall perish in it. [28] A heart that goeth two ways shall not have success, and the perverse of heart shall be scandalized therein. [29] A wicked heart shall be laden with sorrows, and the sinner will add sin to sin. [30] The congregation of the proud shall not be healed: for the plant of wickedness shall take root in them, and it shall not be perceived.

[31] The heart of the wise is understood in wisdom, and a good ear will hear wisdom with all desire. [32] A wise heart, and which hath understanding, will abstain from sins, and in the works of justice shall have success. [33] Water quencheth a flaming fire, and alms resisteth sins: [34] And God provideth for him that sheweth favour: he remembereth him afterwards, and in the time of his fall he shall find a sure stay. **

Here’s another good read: orthodoxytoday.org/articles7/AndrewsParents.php

 

[San_Gabriel]

I am happy to have found this post. Last night I read, in the book of Mark, a passage that confused me. Mark 7: 10 - 13

*For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.’ 11 But you say that if a man says to his father or mother: ‘Whatever help you might otherwise have received from me is Corban’ (that is, a gift devoted to God), 12 then you no longer let him do anything for his father or mother. 13 Thus you nullify the word of God by your tradition that you have handed down. And you do many things like that." *

Some of the earlier posters have questioned how to honor someone (parents in this case) who do not honor them. God is a just God. I truly believe this. So, how can it be ok for children to honor parents but it not be the other way around (parents respecting their children). Honor and respect may hold different meanings for some and be similar for others but all in all, I feel that the feelings should be mutual all around.

How can Mark’s words be interpreted then? ‘Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death’ (NIV). Wow! I even looked up the other translations and all mention death of some sort. I’m really confused on how to interpret this and also confused on the ‘fairness’ of it all. How can it be justified that ‘this group of people can dishonor/disrespect their kids’ but Lord help those youths who disobey their parents in return, they will die at the hands of death.

Thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut and God bless~