What is the "outward sign" of matrimony?

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Chortle

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I’ve been told that sacraments are the outward sign of an inward grace. For example the outward sign of baptism is water, of confirmation it is oil, and of the eucharist it is bread and wine.

That said…what is the outward sign of the sacrament of matrimony?
 
My guess would be the saying of the vows before witnesses, and the wedding bands. Oh, and kids, eventually. 👍 (No offence meant to infertile couples, of course)
 
Along the lines of what you present, the old Baltimore Catechism offers a place to start: “The outward sign in the Sacrament of matrimony is the mutual consent of the persons, expressed by words or signs in accordance with the laws of the Church.”

It would be correct to the extent that the consent of the parties, legitimately manifested between persons qualified by law* makes marriage (c. 1057 §1). * i.e., free from divine and ecclesiastical impediments]

But since marriage is only a sacrament when both parties are baptized (c. 1055 §1), we’d have to read “baptized persons” above.

Baptized non Catholics are capable of establishing marriage among themselves by mutual consent in accord with the legal manifestation required by their religious group and / or civil law. Catholics, as we know, have other requirements for legal manifestation, and some impediments of Church law (never divine law) that bind them but not the baptized non Catholics who marry among themselves. So perhaps we could replace “expressed by words or signs in accordance with the laws of the Church” with just “legally” or “properly” “expressed.”

Children are the fruit of marriage. Although terribly wonderful symbols or “signs” in a different sense of the word, wedding rings are not essential to the giving and receiving of marital consent, and not signs in the proper sense.
 
What is the outward sign of the sacrament of matrimony?
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A completed honey-do list.

-]take out trash
wash dog
fix fence
clean garage
fix garage door you broke while cleaning the garage
wash wife’s car and put in cleaned garage
tell wife her meatloaf is better than your mom’s even if it’s burnt
have seconds of burnt meatloaf
put new roll of T.P. on the springy tube thing in the bathroom
put the toilet seat down
make wife smile by telling her she’s even prettier than when you first met her
give her a big ol’ smootch and go no farther/-]
 
ljprevo

I guess that I will never have an outward sign unless a miracle occurs.
 
b_justb said:
And for those of us unfortunate to have fertility woes that cannot be overcome by methods inline with Catholic teaching? 😦
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Just like not-eating overcomes all weight gaining woes due to eating, abstinence overcomes all fertility woes.:rolleyes:

There are other ways to say “I love you”😉 or “hello” or “goodbye” or “boy, you sure look good tonight honey” 👍 or “I sure am glad our visitors finally left” or “what a beautiful sunset” … than the fertility weighted 😛 option.

A side effect of abstinence is it opens the channels of communication. :console: And it allows us to honestly tell our teenagers that they can try to wait. 😃 Though, we fail … we at least try. Heck most of life is in the thought. And it is the thought that counts, even if we fail in practice.:getholy:

But of course abstinence is not as attractive as the wide road without any bumps or potholes.
 
klossg said:
Just like not-eating overcomes all weight gaining woes due to eating, abstinence overcomes all fertility woes.:rolleyes:

There are other ways to say “I love you”😉 or “hello” or “goodbye” or “boy, you sure look good tonight honey” 👍 or “I sure am glad our visitors finally left” or “what a beautiful sunset” … than the fertility weighted 😛 option.

A side effect of abstinence is it opens the channels of communication. :console: And it allows us to honestly tell our teenagers that they can try to wait. 😃 Though, we fail … we at least try. Heck most of life is in the thought. And it is the thought that counts, even if we fail in practice.:getholy:

But of course abstinence is not as attractive as the wide road without any bumps or potholes.
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I’m not sure, but I read it as b_justb has the opposite problem - they can’t have children naturally.

Maybe I misunderstood, though. 🤷
 
hilde_the_dog said:
ljprevo

I guess that I will never have an outward sign unless a miracle occurs.
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Ahh, adoption.

Just because you can’t actually “have” a child there is adoption. And the way you raise your children is still an outward sign.
 
5 kids, 2 mortgages, perpetual milk stains down the back of your best clothes, carrying wipies, juicy boxes and crayons in your briefcase, driving a van.
 
b_justb said:
You did not misunderstand, you got it perfectly 🙂
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:o Oh, I am so sorry. 😊 I am such a dolt! My wife is so right!

My bad!!!

Have you tried using NFP to get pregnant? Or is it beyond that? Some doctors are starting to realize this and are recommending NFP. NFP helps a couple target the fertile days. That way you can build up sperm count and have intercourse on the most likely of days.

Also, the Creighton method uses NaPro technology with NFP to help couples who cannot concieve or carry a baby to term. They good sucess rates. If you are in the NJ area I know of a doctor that practices with NaPro and Creighton.

Sorry if this is repeat information for you. I only offer it because I teach NFP and am aware of these things. I cannot imagine the weight of the cross that you and your spouse carry. 😦 😦

I will pray for you.
 
Just in case some of you missed it, the good deacon pointed out what the actual “outward sign” of the “inward grace” is for the sacrament - the exchange of consent. I just wanted to put minds at ease for those who are burdened with the inability to conceive.
 
klossg said:
:o Oh, I am so sorry. 😊 I am such a dolt! My wife is so right!

I will pray for you.
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It’s cool, no harm no foul 🙂 Do not let your heart be troubled. But I will take all the prayers I can get 😉
 
andreas is right of course.
acceptance of children and all that comes with them–as well as acceptance of the heavy cross of being unable to conceive–and welcoming whatever circumstance God sends into the marriage as means of his grace, is the day to day outward sign of that consent, renewed constantly. The physical expression of that consent and self-giving begins in the bedroom but is continued through all the thoughts words and actions of the day (and night) that express that self-giving.

it may not be inappropriate here to share a discussion we had recently at our family reunion. 3 of our 6 siblings are unable to have children for various reasons, but enjoy their nieces and nephews and grands hugely. anyway our conclusion was that in a marriage open to life, God will decide how to bless that couple, and it may not be in the way they desire most, with their own baby. But in some way He will provide them with children whom they are called to care for in some way and at some point, make very clear how they are being called.

It may be adoption or fostering the children of strangers, it may be by caring for children of a dead or ill relative, it may be in one’s profession, like teaching or medicine, it may be by avocation–scout leader or coach, or any number of ways. But God will always put a child in the path of that couple in the expectation that they will respond to that childs’ need in true parental love, and so share in the grace of parenthood. It may be a brief encounter, or a lifetime commitment, but in some way shape or form God will allow a child or children to be a means of grace in that marriage.

this is not of course a Church teaching but I think our conclusion based on our experience is sound.
 
b_justb said:
A completed honey-do list.

-]take out trash
wash dog
fix fence
clean garage
fix garage door you broke while cleaning the garage
wash wife’s car and put in cleaned garage
tell wife her meatloaf is better than your mom’s even if it’s burnt
have seconds of burnt meatloaf
put new roll of T.P. on the springy tube thing in the bathroom
put the toilet seat down
make wife smile by telling her she’s even prettier than when you first met her
give her a big ol’ smootch and go no farther/-]
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Okay, I am sending this to my hubby! 🙂
 
To answer the OP’s question - the outward sign of matrimony is how you live your married life in front of others. Are you setting a good example of keeping Christ and His Church first in your marriage? Are you bringing up your children, or guiding other children, according to the morals and teachings of the Church? Are you loving and respectful to one another? Husband, do you love your wife as Christ loves His Church? Wife, do you obey your husband and live according to God’s Will?

THIS is the outward sign of matrimony. How you present your living sacrament to the world.

~Liza
 
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