After all, no matter how good you might be, you cannot “earn” your way to heaven. Good works, proper decisions, virtuous life are all insufficient. It would be much better to be a “mindless” robot, to be predestined to heaven. To have free will, which allows one to make incorrect decisions is a burden or a curse.
I think it would help if we see free will as just part and partial of our everyday life and activity. Free will is just the expression of what we choose in every thing we do. It is so common and ordinary that most of us overlook it or feel that it is just what we do and think nothing of it. That is … unless we put it under the microscope.
For example, we choose to:
set our alarm clock to get up
what kind of car we are going to drive
the kind of cereal we eat
the school our kids will go to
make love or not
what to do in life
the size of our family
to hold a grudge or forgive
to open the front door or not
where to go on vacation
whether to smoke or not
where to live
who we want as friends
the church we go to
the pew we sit in
how much time to spend with the family
the color scheme of our home
when to cut the grass
what street/highway to use
the drugstore to use
to exorcise
what to eat and drink
the sport to follow
the books to read
the shows on TV
the pages on the internet
the golf course to play on
our own set of rules
who we like
who to elect
No need to go on … and on … and on …
The point is …free will is us. We are nothing with it. We must always choose. We are walking/talking “choice” machines.
And those bad decisions … are made every day because the choice is there and must be made. Otherwise we are nothing but rocks in a box.
I believe what you are thinking is “I don’t want to go thru life long effort” because it is too hard and I’m not sure I’m going to make it.
I believe one of the psalms says that life is hard and it is hard to keep one’s spirits up for the whole course. And looking back on mine, I would be dishonest if I said I would want to do it again. And if you asked the seniors, they would probably tell you the same thing.
But here is the thing. I always had Jesus/Mary there with me even in my darkest moments to help me. I never felt alone in that sense. And He made it so much more worthwhile and easier for me. Because I always knew his encouragement and forgiveness. And I seriously doubt if I had not had Him with me, today I probably would be in some prison. But He has sustained me just as he will sustain you if you give him the chance. He will not let you down if you just let him do his work in you. So don’t be so frightened … you are not alone.