What is the purpose of the single state

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Anglewannabe said:
It just hit me lately, that I really don’t know what the deeper purpose of being single is for me. I know that I am to try and imitate Christ and be more wholly and eventually get to heaven, but being 46, it wouldn’t surprise me if I lived another 40 years and I really don’t know for what really. Don’t get me wrong I am happy and want to live but there really isn’t a strong point.

Right now, the only family member I keep I touch with is my mom, who won’t be around forever. I have no kids to care for which means never will there be grandkids. I have no nieces or nephews and my brother is too abusive to associate with. So after my mom is gone, what is there really? Even if I do marry, it would seem like an empty marriage since at my age, the chances of having kids is pretty much null. And please no one mention Sarah who conceived at 80 because I really hope that is NOT God’s will for me:p

I know in my heart I do not have a calling to be a nun so that is out.

I have been trying to reduce my carbon footprint and I am concern about the future economy of the world. But lately I have been thinking, since I have no kids as long as the world remains livable for the next 40 years that is all that matters

In the past, I would take friends kid’s place and I do believe I was a good example for them. But the kids have grown up and I really don’t have the desire to become an ‘adopted aunt’ again. So now what?

I don’t mean for this to be a depressing post because I do have a lot of hobbies like working out and volunteering and reading good books. Nonetheless, I do search for a deeper purpose.

How do other older singles without kids feel?

Angie
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I know where you are coming from I’ve been thinking something of the same the last few years. I’m somewhat close with my sister but suspect once my dad passes I will rarely if ever hear from my brother. We have vastly different points of views on almost everything. My sister is busy with her new son and husband. My mom passed 16 years ago. When dad passes he’ll be the last person I can really talk to. It makes me sad. Lately I’ve also been depressed about being alone on the holidays. That’s the worse part. I have debt issues which adds to my problems. If I didn’t have to work all the time just to make ends meat I could volunteer and maybe do something productive but as it is I’m left work for my debts because of a decision I once made to buy a house which ruined my life basically. So it can always be worse for now I have my health and I guess that is something. 🤷
 
I guess I’m confused.

The religious life as we know it did not exist in the early Church. As for married life, St. Paul saw it primarily as a safeguard on chastity that was necessary for those who did not have the particular gift from God necessary to practice continence while serving the Lord without distraction. It is not marriage that is the “default” life of the baptized person, but rather the single life that is to be pursued, when that is possible. When that is not possible, however, God grants many ways of being fruitful to married couples, as well. To each one, their own gift. How can either be preferred, when what is most to be preferred is to serve God in the vocation God has called us to follow? Our Lady had the life that was entirely hidden, Our Lord the life that was in public ministry, and since then countless saints in countless variations of every kind, in forms of fruitfulness both public and hidden in secret gardens known only to God.

This is the passage I’m referring to:
*Now in regard to virgins, I have no commandment from the Lord, but I give my opinion as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. So this is what I think best because of the present distress: that it is a good thing for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek a separation. Are you free of a wife? Then do not look for a wife. If you marry, however, you do not sin, nor does an unmarried woman sin if she marries; but such people will experience affliction in their earthly life, and I would like to spare you that.

I tell you, brothers, the time is running out. From now on, let those having wives act as not having them, those weeping as not weeping, those rejoicing as not rejoicing, those buying as not owning, those using the world as not using it fully. For the world in its present form is passing away I should like you to be free of anxieties. An unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. But a married man is anxious about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and he is divided. An unmarried woman or a virgin is anxious about the things of the Lord, so that she may be holy in both body and spirit. A married woman, on the other hand, is anxious about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. I am telling you this for your own benefit, not to impose a restraint upon you, but for the sake of propriety and adherence to the Lord without distraction*. 1 Cor. 7:25-35

What should you do with your life? You should seek to know the Lord better–not to know about the Lord, but to know the Lord personally. Your freedom from a husband allows you to do this without the distractions that a married woman has to contend with.

We know prayer and the life of the Church is the path to finding our particular path to fruitful sanctity. I think if you read the epistles of St. Paul, you will deepen your understanding of this question, for he, too, both wrestled with it and counselled others he had left in this city and that how to proceed in the Christian life as they awaited the coming of Christ. It is an age-old question; I think it speaks well of you that you are anxious to answer it well. Go to the Lord often with this question, and I do not think you’ll be left in the dark. 👍
 
Anglewannabe said:
It just hit me lately, that I really don’t know what the deeper purpose of being single is for me. I know that I am to try and imitate Christ and be more wholly and eventually get to heaven, but being 46, it wouldn’t surprise me if I lived another 40 years and I really don’t know for what really. Don’t get me wrong I am happy and want to live but there really isn’t a strong point.

Right now, the only family member I keep I touch with is my mom, who won’t be around forever. I have no kids to care for which means never will there be grandkids. I have no nieces or nephews and my brother is too abusive to associate with. So after my mom is gone, what is there really? Even if I do marry, it would seem like an empty marriage since at my age, the chances of having kids is pretty much null. And please no one mention Sarah who conceived at 80 because I really hope that is NOT God’s will for me:p

I know in my heart I do not have a calling to be a nun so that is out.

I have been trying to reduce my carbon footprint and I am concern about the future economy of the world. But lately I have been thinking, since I have no kids as long as the world remains livable for the next 40 years that is all that matters

In the past, I would take friends kid’s place and I do believe I was a good example for them. But the kids have grown up and I really don’t have the desire to become an ‘adopted aunt’ again. So now what?

I don’t mean for this to be a depressing post because I do have a lot of hobbies like working out and volunteering and reading good books. Nonetheless, I do search for a deeper purpose.

How do other older singles without kids feel?

Angie
Click to expand...
I am in your shoes and I AM married. Marriage does not guarantee kids or happiness. Unlike yourself I can’t work or volunteer due to health. I also attend all things church related alone since my husband is Protestant and doesn’t feel comfortable coming with most of the time. I’m permanently sterile (medical reasons and not what I wanted) so no-chance-at-all. Our only child is dead.😦 I live far away from family and I have had a lot of deaths lately, most all of my family is gone. I’m stuck at home often, due to seemingly incurrable chronic health issues and I’m only 34. I feel that I really and truly have no real purpose being here. 🤷

We just have to keep on living because God has not taken us home yet. Sometimes it really sucks and we feel so alone. We are asked to grow as close to Him as we can and help your church financially or lending a helping hand through volunteering if you can. Pray often for our world and even our Church and its clergy who are in such turmoil lately. That’s about it. 😉
 
See I am a little uncomfortable around other peoples children and it makes me sad thinking that I may never have that life. My experience of church is very child centric and I just feel like an outsider with nothing to offer. I think my Christian life will be insular and prayer based with maybe some appropriate behind the scenes service.
 
ConfusedLucy said:
See I am a little uncomfortable around other peoples children and it makes me sad thinking that I may never have that life. My experience of church is very child centric and I just feel like an outsider with nothing to offer. I think my Christian life will be insular and prayer based with maybe some appropriate behind the scenes service.
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I used to be in this kind of parish when I lived in the Midwest. I was always very uncomfortable around children even when I was a child myself. I was and still am comfortable around teenagers and young adults.

I did participate in that parish but more behind the scenes work or mentoring high school and college students.

Not all single women need to be directed to working in the nursery.
 
To be fair I think it’s hard for a parish to be everything to everybody, my student parish was probably a very lonely place for a young mother. It’s hard to be marginalised even when it’s not deliberate. I’ve always been uncomfortable with the "church shopping? approach that a lot of my friends take but now I’m wondering if it does make sense to try and find a parish you can actually feel useful in if one is available.
 
ConfusedLucy said:
See I am a little uncomfortable around other peoples children and it makes me sad thinking that I may never have that life. My experience of church is very child centric and I just feel like an outsider with nothing to offer. I think my Christian life will be insular and prayer based with maybe some appropriate behind the scenes service.
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That’s sad. Children bring a lot of joy into people’s lives. They are witty, fun, and sweet. You shoudl give them a chance. It’s about them, not you so much.
That’s the point of serving others. It’s difficult to visit the sick in hospitals or the bedridden in those awful homes, but people do it out of love.
Approach it with love in your heart, and don’t worry about your own discomfort. You’ll soon find that the blessings far outweigh the moments of uneasiness.
 
ConfusedLucy said:
To be fair I think it’s hard for a parish to be everything to everybody, my student parish was probably a very lonely place for a young mother. It’s hard to be marginalised even when it’s not deliberate. I’ve always been uncomfortable with the "church shopping? approach that a lot of my friends take but now I’m wondering if it does make sense to try and find a parish you can actually feel useful in if one is available.
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Not really, A parish has to serve the needs of many.
Those who miscarry
Those who grieve in other ways
The sick
The hungry
Welcome the stranger
The Social committees
The Finance people
The church cleaners
The groundspeople
The musicians
The readers
The EMHC
The prayer chain
Those in Formation
The Adoration and & rosary group
The people who climb the ladders to change the lightbulbs annually
The liturgical decorators
The Altar society that wash albs, linens, purificators
The floral arrangers
The St Vincent dePaul
The Divorced ministry
Mother’s Morning out
Those seeking annulment and their supporters/Advocates
Child care during Mass
Catechists!!!
Reception prep
The ladies that stuff and fold the bulletins
The recycling committee
The liaison to the Catholic Schools
The Sacristans
oh man…does anyone need more?
Join something! Start something! Do something! You parish is just that, YOUR parish.
Take ownership. Serve Him! Don’t wait for an engraved invitation, make yourself and your skill-set known.
There’s always a prayer chain, or the people who man the night emergency cell phone.
Anyone can do that.

Best wishes!
 
When I was unable to have children, working at an elementary school made me want to curl up and die some days. If the pain of not having children is still fresh or you just don’t enjoy working with them, what about getting involved with at risk teens and older children in your area? Victims of human trafficking, teen moms, and those in other bad situations can use help and/or mentoring. Katie Schuermann is a Lutheran, but her writing, both fiction and about her struggle with infertility, has really shown me all the many ways women can be mothers to those who need it, even if they have no children of their own and are single.
 
AClaire11 said:
When I was unable to have children, working at an elementary school made me want to curl up and die some days. If the pain of not having children is still fresh or you just don’t enjoy working with them, what about getting involved with at risk teens and older children in your area? Victims of human trafficking, teen moms, and those in other bad situations can use help and/or mentoring. Katie Schuermann is a Lutheran, but her writing, both fiction and about her struggle with infertility, has really shown me all the many ways women can be mothers to those who need it, even if they have no children of their own and are single.
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Yes. In fact, when our Pastor recognizes mothers, he always asks for those to stand who have been like a mother to someone.
These people are angels on earth.
 
I’m not saying I’ll never ever want to work with kids but sometimes it can make people feel raw. I just no longer expect to be served by my parish as there are not enough single/childless to form a group, sometimes that’s how it is.

Back to the original question, if the volunteering is going well then I would focus on that. Maybe look at mentoring new volunteers so the skills get passed on.
 
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