What is the significance and importance of being male? Why am I male?

[ethereality]

When God institutes the Passover (Exodus 12.1-28), he instructs a male lamb a year old to be sacrificed; Jesus is likewise the perfect sacrifice as a male (and elected only male apostles), and God reveals himself to us as masculine and feminine, but male in image – thus the God-Man Jesus instructs us to pray the “Our Father”. The priesthood has always been male. Angels are depicted as masculine (such that [ angelsfemale (http://forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=286400)). Man is head of the family as Christ is head of the Church. In Genesis, God creates Adam and Eve, and while Adam also represents humanity, God specifically made man first, from whom woman was formed (as St. Paul writes).

Yet all of these facts are lost on me; they appear meaningless or insignificant: I struggle daily with the godless, modernist, feminist agenda gaining ground since the 1960’s sexual rebellion. I have felt bad for a few years now about my maleness, wishing I were female, feeling inferior. Any additional strength or muscles are superfluous and useless in our Western machine-driven world: the female body appears utterly superior with the ability to hold and sustain life. I understand that the man serves as the instigator and first cause, imaging God the Father, but this instance (typically lasting fifteen minutes) seems insignificant since the man appears to only “tag along” keeping the woman company while she “does all the work” for nine months – this has led some to scorn the idea of men saying “We’re pregnant” (as in “We’re expecting…”): “no, I am pregnant; you don’t have the back pain or the morning sickness or the …”

Men seem as superfluous as their supposed “strength”, with women holding in society every job a man can do – including the military, police, fire-fighting, etc. (I would have thought that at least these roles belonged to men – as I was taught in kindergarten – but I have not seen a single outcry from anyone within the Church.) Finally, the Catholic priesthood, appearing to me as “the last bastion of masculinity”, is being contested by this same feminist agenda and is actively undermined in Western culture by the “priestess” in certain sects of Protestantism. In essence, every male stereotype or masculine “feature” appears contradicted by women in the workplace doing precisely the same things (or at least appearing to do them with equal efficiency). To summarize at the mundane level: Women may wear pants, but men cannot wear skirts.

I identify more with feminine characteristics, and I am pained by our society, for example, as Michelle Arnold writes:

In [the case of preferring a single woman over a single man for adoption], a single woman is preferable to a single father because a child – particularly one who has been rescued from an abusive or otherwise unsuitable home – has critical need of the nurturing that is the special gift of women. Such a child, especially a boy, does also need strong male role models and a single woman adopting a child would need to make finding such a male role model a priority.

I do not see the corresponding “special gift of men” that women would lack – which must presumably exist, if men and women are equal in God-given dignity and complementary in sexual difference. Rather, it seems another example of “women are better than men”: with this statement Arnold says, “In this situation, the woman makes the better parent”, seemingly implying that nurturing is a female gift which is preemptively better than any male gift when it comes to parenting.

I have been asking God for a long time now, “God, why did you make me male?” (“And why didn’t you make me female?”)

I have read the following works searching for this answer:

• Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christopher West
• Good News about Sex and Marriage: Answers to Your Honest Questions About Catholic Teaching by Christopher West
• The Catholic Youth Bible Revised

I have the following works on my reading list:

• “Humanae Vitae” by Pope Paul VI
• Boys To Men: The Transforming Power Of Virtue by Tim Gray & Curtis Martin
• The Church Impotent: The Feminization of Christianity by Leon J. Podles
• Man and Woman He Created Them: A Theology of the Body by Pope John Paul II
• Beyond Gay by David Morrison, Rene Voillaume
• Every Young Man’s Battle by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker
• Pure Manhood by Jason Evert
• Wild at Heart by John Eldredge

I hope the truth is there somewhere. Can you guide me in the right direction to healing and an understanding of why I am male?

 

[Hopeful23]

I highly suggest that you move Wild at Heart by John Elderidge to the top of your list. I have read the corresponding book for women and realized that much of what I as a woman take for granted today, job equality and all that, is not in truth equality it is an attempt by women to be more masculine in ways that we were never meant to be. By being everywhere and trying to do everything we get worn down and lose a sense of what we are. We were meant to be helpmates, to help and support and nurture, but we fell by stepping out of that role and becoming the instigator while man just stood by and did not protect. Man’s essential role is just that to protect and to love while protecting. In today’s “freedom for all” agenda we lose sight of what we were created to do. It’s hard for me to explain what I really mean but I hope I helped a bit. God bless you in your quest and know that you are just as He wants you to be for a reason.

 

[Elizabeth502]

I do not see the corresponding “special gift of men” that women would lack

Wow.

Your perceptoin, your spirituality, the way your brain thinks & receives, the way you communicate – verbally and in your body language – are hugely dfiferent from what corresponds in a female. Way before we begin to talk about physical stuff (and trust me: female upper body strength does not equal that of the male – firefighting & police work included) you as a male are radically different in your vision from a female.

Do not buy the feminist propaganda that there is “no difference” between men and women. An occupation is not a gender, not even close. Should, by some evolutionary charge, women develop equivalent back strength to men (ain’t gonna happen any time soon), there would still be the unalterable brain differences separating males from females.

God made you male because he wanted you to witness to maleness in the unique way your inborn personality is inclined to – not in the ways that other men show their maleness. Every man has a unique contribution to the male aspect of the divine, just as every woman similarly has on her side.

That said, I’m not sure what you mean by your poll question. I don’t know why God created me, Elizabeth, female (though I’m perfectly happy being female & never questioned it), but I do know why he created me: so that he could prove to me (lovingly) who’s boss and so that he could demonstrate how, although it will apparently take a lifetime for me to learn humility, eventually he’ll triumph.

 

[beffer19050]

I have limited knowledge on this but enjoy learning about the nature of men and women. It frusterates me also that there always has to be this power struggle between the genders. That’s not how it was intended to be and it really has bad repercussions for everyone.

Lately, I’ve had this awareness in prayer about how the man of the household sets the rules and enforces them, just like the Father gave us the ten commandments. He keeps order because it prevents the evil of chaos. He keeps order out of love for his family. He knows its whats best for them. They can forge a path of safety for others and protect them from the evil encroaching all around.
Men have a gift for reacting quickly and with strength.
Its one of the ways a man is made to be protector and defender.
They carry on the mission and work of Christ in a way that only men can.

I have this chart that shows a few of Edith Stein’s differentiations of feminine and masculine charactieristics:

Positive- Masculine
Tendency towards detachment
Dedication to a discipline (task oriented)
Orientation towards specialization
Special capacity for objectivity (not getting caught up in emotions and let them rule you)

I know that the last one listed was especially important for my parents recently. When my grandpa died, my dad really helped us (there are five women in my family) to be more healthy with our grieving. He saw how unhealthy it was how some of us just overlooked the painful feeling of loss and projected the image of celebrating grandpa’s life. Both are good, but my dad was detached enough to see that we needed to recognize the pain and loss while people were around for the funeral to support us, and later celebrate his life by moving on with everything grandpa taught us. Dad knew that my mom and gramma had to find things to do so that they wouldn’t let despair rule their lives. He was detached enough to see that there was still a life full of great things for them to live. He tried to give them hope and strength to keep going.

p.s. if you’d like me to post the rest of the chart, I can

 

[ahollars]

Any additional strength or muscles are superfluous and useless in our Western machine-driven world:

What machine-driven world? Do you earn your paycheck sitting at a desk in the city? You must be if you think that every job that men do now is done by machine and not by hand anymore. You are missing the point that the only thing machines have done is replace work animals in most cases. Get outside and get a dirty job. You’ll remember why you were made strong. FTR, I used to work in IT renovation. I don’t see unemployed women lining up to take those jobs.

Men seem as superfluous as their supposed “strength”, with women holding in society every job a man can do – including the military, police, fire-fighting, etc. (I would have thought that at least these roles belonged to men…

Not true. Combat arms of the military, special operations units of military and police, and emergency air rescue of firefighters are still strictly for men only. Women are not built for the rigors of these jobs, and many men cannot make the grade.

Women may wear pants, but men cannot wear skirts.

You need to realize that the difference between men and women is more than physical. It is our mental logic, our emotional response, and prioritizing differences that make us compliment each other. Women may wear pants, but they cannot wear ours. They wouldn’t fit.

This is why children need their fathers. Single mothers will never raise children as well as two parents without outside help, contrary to popular belief. Single fathers are just as burdened. It takes two, and they are not interchangeable. Gay couples are no better than single-parent families.

Start by asking your father, or another man that you look up to, what the definition of a man is. Our annoying ticks that bother our wives and children have their uses.

 

[Luke_K]

I think Mother Angelica joked that women can’t be priests because they wouldn’t be able to keep confessions a secret.

 

[St_Francis]

There is a huge difference between men and women, and it is observable from a very early age. When my daughter was 15 months old, she let me know in no uncertain terms that she wanted to wear the shoes with the flowers on them, not those black sneakers! My son, at the same age, was fascinated whenever he saw men working. Not only can we see the differences: they *know *the difference!

Yes, women nurture better, but men are the ones who challenge and keep children in line. My children obey me… yeah, but when their father speaks, they hop to it!

I remember watching a show many years ago about Africa. In one place, the park officials were worried because they were finding animals just killed. They didn’t think it was poachers, because poachers would have taken parts of the animals, but they couldn’t figure out who or what could be doing this, so they set up a camera.

It was elephants, and very unusual behavior for elephants. What had happened was that their elephants had been depleted, so they had imported some extras from a neighboring country. But they had imported only young elephants, and the young bull elephants had formed into a destructive gang. After some thought, they went back and got some older male elephants and brought them in, and that solved the problem. The older male elephants brought those young ones into line and taught them to behave.

 

[budgie2]

I do not know if you’ve had strong male role models at home and that is why you’re unsure of your identity. I’m a woman and glad that I’m a woman. I would be a different person if I was a man. There’s a masculinization of women in today’s society and not all women are happy with their sex either. So don’t look up to women either. Sometimes a gentle man might think that’s he has more feminine characteristics. Christ was a gentle man and non-aggressive and aggression is a sign of male weakness, not male strength. Skirts and trousers are gender related.

 

[JaneGrey]

What machine-driven world? Do you earn your paycheck sitting at a desk in the city? You must be if you think that every job that men do now is done by machine and not by hand anymore. You are missing the point that the only thing machines have done is replace work animals in most cases. Get outside and get a dirty job. You’ll remember why you were made strong. FTR, I used to work in IT renovation. I don’t see unemployed women lining up to take those jobs.

Not true. Combat arms of the military, special operations units of military and police, and emergency air rescue of firefighters are still strictly for men only. Women are not built for the rigors of these jobs, and many men cannot make the grade.

You need to realize that the difference between men and women is more than physical. It is our mental logic, our emotional response, and prioritizing differences that make us compliment each other. Women may wear pants, but they cannot wear ours. They wouldn’t fit.

This is why children need their fathers. Single mothers will never raise children as well as two parents without outside help, contrary to popular belief. Single fathers are just as burdened. It takes two, and they are not interchangeable. Gay couples are no better than single-parent families.

Start by asking your father, or another man that you look up to, what the definition of a man is. Our annoying ticks that bother our wives and children have their uses.

While I was more than just a little offended by your statement that single mothers NEVER raise children as well as two parents, I will try not to let this get in the way of my response. Before you chalk my feeling emotional about this to my being female, well who wouldnt be angry if someone indirectly insulted their parent? I know you did not insult my mother, you do not know her and probably do not know women like her to have views like yours. That is why I am taking the time to hopefully educate you. Please do not feel like I am preaching or putting you down.
Firstly I am proud to have been raised by a single mother. I know my father but have a more friend-like relationship with him. While a generally likable guy, he has little if any leadership qualities or parenting skills, and is more soft and more emotional than my mother. He lacks the drive my mother has, the result of this being that my mother is more successful in life and carreer than he will ever be. Its just not him. However I do not disrespect him because of this, i accept that many men are just the way he is. I have no regrets and am happy to have known someone like him.

Now anyone who says women are driven my emotions, slow to respond, soft etc etc has clearly not met my mother. She has both masculine and feminine qualities and I am so proud to see that in her. She has raised me well. Due to the self-discipline she instilled in me as well as her success as a lawyer she could afford to give me a good tertiary education. I realise things would be differnt with single mothers on a lower socio-economic scale, but more middle class single mothers raise their children well,(shock horror) than society would like to admit. My mother and I live apart but live alone, because we are independant and prefer it this way. I am happy that she has given me the skills to do this. For example, I can do most everything around the house that people think you need men to do e.g. hang a picture, fix the gutter, carpentry.

About men being better protectors. There have been two instances where I, a mere female, have risen to the occasion and saved the day. One was a fire where my presence of mind helped me herd everyone out in time and the other case involved burglars. What I am trying to say is, despite men being physically stronger, the emotional side of it is not always clear cut.
How convenient it would be if that was the case though. You would know a person’s tendencies and personality as soon as you know what is between their legs (sorry if i sound crude). I feel from my own life experience, that women can have masculine characterisiticS and they should be encouraged, because i can see how it has benefited me in life. I am not against being with men, iam just happy that I dont NEED to be with one or ill die. Similarly, many men show mostly “feminine characteristics” and they should not be put down either.
Traditional male characteristics and traditional female ones should be honoured yes, I am just saying that they can in turn occur in either sex. My life experience (not as isolated as you might think) is proof that balnket statements about “women’s nature” are not accurate.

 

[sawman]

It seems to me that you could use some good mentoring. I see from your profile that you’ve very limited experience. Your entire life so far has been spent inside a feminist domain. You have been absorbing straight feminism, if you’ve been in the public school system, for quite a few years. You are the intentional product of modern education theory. You seem to be emasculated. You might benefit from taking off a semester or two and go get a manual labor job. You are navel gazing. You need to break out of the box you’ve constructed for yourself, put down the books for a while, and get into a different environment. do some" man’s work". Hang out with some men you admire for their christian qualities, some Godly men.

Good luck to you. Peace, Tom

 

[Proletarian]

Your right, all these occupations are composed of females as well as males, but have you actually looked at the statistics? Do know what percentages of females there are compared to males within these occupations?

Let’s look at the military. Here in Australia we have the highest percentage of women in the defence forces compared with any other military in the world, this includes Israel that conscripts women along with men. Yet despite this perceived victory of feminism within the military only 13% of our total armed forces are women. It’s obvious that defence through strength, one of the primary roles of men, is clearly not superfluous in today’s "Western machine-driven world”

 

[ahollars]

While I was more than just a little offended by your statement that single mothers NEVER raise children as well as two parents, I will try not to let this get in the way of my response. Before you chalk my feeling emotional about this to my being female, well who wouldnt be angry if someone indirectly insulted their parent? I know you did not insult my mother, you do not know her and probably do not know women like her to have views like yours. That is why I am taking the time to hopefully educate you. Please do not feel like I am preaching or putting you down.
Firstly I am proud to have been raised by a single mother. I know my father but have a more friend-like relationship with him. While a generally likable guy, he has little if any leadership qualities or parenting skills, and is more soft and more emotional than my mother. He lacks the drive my mother has, the result of this being that my mother is more successful in life and carreer than he will ever be. Its just not him. However I do not disrespect him because of this, i accept that many men are just the way he is. I have no regrets and am happy to have known someone like him.

Now anyone who says women are driven my emotions, slow to respond, soft etc etc has clearly not met my mother. She has both masculine and feminine qualities and I am so proud to see that in her. She has raised me well. Due to the self-discipline she instilled in me as well as her success as a lawyer she could afford to give me a good tertiary education. I realise things would be differnt with single mothers on a lower socio-economic scale, but more middle class single mothers raise their children well,(shock horror) than society would like to admit. My mother and I live apart but live alone, because we are independant and prefer it this way. I am happy that she has given me the skills to do this. For example, I can do most everything around the house that people think you need men to do e.g. hang a picture, fix the gutter, carpentry.

About men being better protectors. There have been two instances where I, a mere female, have risen to the occasion and saved the day. One was a fire where my presence of mind helped me herd everyone out in time and the other case involved burglars. What I am trying to say is, despite men being physically stronger, the emotional side of it is not always clear cut.
How convenient it would be if that was the case though. You would know a person’s tendencies and personality as soon as you know what is between their legs (sorry if i sound crude). I feel from my own life experience, that women can have masculine characterisiticS and they should be encouraged, because i can see how it has benefited me in life. I am not against being with men, iam just happy that I dont NEED to be with one or ill die. Similarly, many men show mostly “feminine characteristics” and they should not be put down either.
Traditional male characteristics and traditional female ones should be honoured yes, I am just saying that they can in turn occur in either sex. My life experience (not as isolated as you might think) is proof that balnket statements about “women’s nature” are not accurate.

Okay, I deserved that.

While I do like this post, there’s one tiny, little detail I think should be mentioned when comparing responses. You’re not a man. The end result of you being raised by a single mother is likely going to be different than a single mother who raises a boy into a man. Sorry, I should have mentioned that in my post. If you’re going to tell me that you have a brother, please, feel free.

Boys need their fathers, just as girls need their mothers. The experience of some like you has led to the belief that one can do it on their own without the other, and that has led to the majority trying it on their own rather than trying it together. It does not necessarily have to be the biological father. If someone more mature comes along and accepts the job, great. That was the case with my wife and I. For every success story I’ve met, I have seen two who are struggling. My wife and her sister were raised by their father without their mother in the important teen years, and it shows. :banghead: But, that’s a long story for another day.

Just to clarify, the odds are far better with two parents than with only one. Some can do it, but some cannot, and many of those who can’t are in denial about it.

My :twocents: Sorry for the lazy word choice before. No offense intended, and none taken.

 

[Ridgerunner]

At the most obvious level, I am male because God made me so, and obviously intended it. He didn’t make me female or a monkey or a rock. He made me a human male, for His purposes.

Now, as to its significance. I can’t say I know that for sure any more than I know exactly why God made me. Likely, a fair amount of it is beyond my ken. Still, having lived awhile, I think maybe I have figured a few things out.

I will join with the lady who talked about how her daughter wanted the shoes with the flowers on them from the first, and how her son was interested in construction or whatever it was. There really are innate differences from the start. Like all politically correct parents, I bought my son and my daughters toy trucks. My daughters’ trucks are pristine to this day. My son’s are all gone because he wore them down to total junk from overuse. There are differences.

But why? Again, I don’t know all the answers, but I think a know a few. I have come to the conclusion that the journeys of girls are different from those of boys, and so are the goals of those journeys. Girls are innately defined in role and function. That’s not to say girls can’t be lawyers (my daughter is one). Their physiognomy defines their identities and ultimate roles in families. Boys are not so defined. Boys must “self-define”. Virtually all boys must undergo a transition from being, in effect, a miniature Hun to being a Knight. They must remake themselves from something almost innately roughshod and tending toward savagery into something benign and helpful, but without losing the essential attributes of “maleness” in the process. How many women rode with the Huns to rapine and slaughter? How many with the Comanche warrior societies? But for the transition from Hun to Knight, all men would be like that. How many women would? And how many female knights have there ever been? How many Samurai warriors?

I recall reading fasinating accounts of Polish men in Michener’s “Poland”, and think some of them captured quite well what it is to be a man at all, properly speaking. It has been a tradition there for men to see themselves as the saviors of women, children, religion and nation from the onslaughts of savagery, and Poland’s history gave them plenty of opportunity to be that. He gave accounts of the recklessness with which it was traditional for them to charge into the very center of, say, a troop of Tatars, having virtually no chance of survival but intending to do their part in saving others, hang the cost to themselves.

We men are usually not called upon to charge into a troop of Tatars, though some do equivalent things. We are, however, called upon to charge pellmell into a not-entirely-friendly world and, rather than do it for the “rapine and looting” that our basest instincts and abilities might otherwise incline us as “Huns”, but to do it as “Knights”, bringing all fruits back to wife, children, the old and the infirm; the contemplative nun and the neighbor who lost his job.

We die earlier than women, and we know that. But we learn not to resent that fact, or even to pay it particular heed, if we know what it truly is to be men. After all, we’re “Knights” and Knights always die early. And if we die as a consequence of overdoing our duties, so much the better, as Knights aspired to death on the battlefield rather than in bed.

And let’s face it, sometimes we are, or can be, the imperturbable face of courage (even if we don’t feel it inside) that encourages others and helps them buck up as well. That’s part of our duty as men. Did no Polish lancer ever fear? Did no knight ever fear? Of course they did, but they knew they could not show it, because to show it would be to cause distress to others.

And we’re foolish, often authoritarian and lack proper caution, and women chide us for those things. But yet, they know, and children know, that it’s sometimes the right thing to be foolish, firm and even reckless in pursuit of the good of others.

But at the same time, we are called to be tender. Tender toward wives and mothers and children. But that tenderness must be accompanied by the outward appearance of tenderness coming forth through strength. And as such, it is to some degree remarkable, as it is clear that we need not be tender by force of instinct, but by voluntary wish, by desire and by regard for the other. It is for that reason that the knight asked the lady to bless his sword by kissing it. It was to honor her, notwithstanding that he could kill her with that very sword in an instant if he did not treasure her so. That it was his sword she kissed showed how precious to him she truly was.

Thus, a real man changes diapers, not notwithstanding that it’s not too pleasant, but BECAUSE it’s not pleasant, and is therefore an act of love of a particularly male sort. He could almost certainly shrink from it and his wife would do it instead, but he actively seeks it out. He spends what would otherwise be his ATV money on his child’s education BECAUSE it’s a sacrifice. As with Indian warriors of old, it is an invisible feather in the headdress that every man wears on his head. It’s the dings on the Knight’s shield; the dents in his helmet that proves he was truly a knight, not some prancing fop.

That’s as good as I can do. Now someone else can express it as they see it.

 

[sawman]

Ridgerunner,
Well, well done. Very well done. Thank you.
Peace, Tom

 

[Kaninchen]

I’ve often heard my husband argue that the ultimate expression of male ‘acculturation’ was the old craft system where a boy left home for an artisan’s workshop, where his youth was spent, in the company of other boys, young men, journeymen craftsmen and a master craftsman, learning to be both a man amongst older boys and men and a master of a craft – the eventual production his ‘masterpiece’ marking both the acquisition of high skill and the transition to self-sufficient adulthood. That boys needed not so much fathers (not that they didn’t need fathers but fathers could take them only so far) as much as a company of men – of various ages, talents and dispositions – engaged towards some common end, a common end, moreover, that was a mark of ‘civilization’ both in terms of product and in the skills and behavior necessary to produce it.

Might it not be that what is missing from boys’ lives nowadays is this kind of acculturation? Aren’t modern gangs (and their popularity) a kind of distorted mirror-image of how boys once grew to manhood, for example? Might it not be that much of the problem is not so much lack of a father, in and of itself, but the loss of engagement of ‘men in general’ in the raising of boys - that boys are being raised in isolation, even where they have fathers and male teachers?

 

[TheQuestioner]

I’ve often heard my husband argue that the ultimate expression of male ‘acculturation’ was the old craft system where a boy left home for an artisan’s workshop, where his youth was spent, in the company of other boys, young men, journeymen craftsmen and a master craftsman, learning to be both a man amongst older boys and men and a master of a craft – the eventual production his ‘masterpiece’ marking both the acquisition of high skill and the transition to self-sufficient adulthood. That boys needed not so much fathers (not that they didn’t need fathers but fathers could take them only so far) as much as a company of men – of various ages, talents and dispositions – engaged towards some common end, a common end, moreover, that was a mark of ‘civilization’ both in terms of product and in the skills and behavior necessary to produce it.

Might it not be that what is missing from boys’ lives nowadays is this kind of acculturation? Aren’t modern gangs (and their popularity) a kind of distorted mirror-image of how boys once grew to manhood, for example? Might it not be that much of the problem is not so much lack of a father, in and of itself, but the loss of engagement of ‘men in general’ in the raising of boys - that boys are being raised in isolation, even where they have fathers and male teachers?

Hmmm that would explain why so many boys who are part of sports teams develop much better and stay away from activities such as crime. This may be a lesson to all the mothers out there who would rather have their son stay home and be with them all the time and become their best friends…as much as it hurts your son needs to go out and hang with his friends for hours on end

 

[Kaninchen]

Hmmm that would explain why so many boys who are part of sports teams develop much better and stay away from activities such as crime. This may be a lesson to all the mothers out there who would rather have their son stay home and be with them all the time and become their best friends…as much as it hurts your son needs to go out and hang with his friends for hours on end

I think the argument was that the craft apprentice was surrounded by males of various ages and skill levels rather than just peers - not that I think sports teams aren’t a good thing, I think they’re a wonderful thing for both sexes!

 

[JaneGrey]

Okay, I deserved that.

While I do like this post, there’s one tiny, little detail I think should be mentioned when comparing responses. You’re not a man. The end result of you being raised by a single mother is likely going to be different than a single mother who raises a boy into a man. Sorry, I should have mentioned that in my post. If you’re going to tell me that you have a brother, please, feel free.

Boys need their fathers, just as girls need their mothers. The experience of some like you has led to the belief that one can do it on their own without the other, and that has led to the majority trying it on their own rather than trying it together. It does not necessarily have to be the biological father. If someone more mature comes along and accepts the job, great. That was the case with my wife and I. For every success story I’ve met, I have seen two who are struggling. My wife and her sister were raised by their father without their mother in the important teen years, and it shows. :banghead: But, that’s a long story for another day.

Just to clarify, the odds are far better with two parents than with only one. Some can do it, but some cannot, and many of those who can’t are in denial about it.

My :twocents: Sorry for the lazy word choice before. No offense intended, and none taken.

Thank you for your response. I appreciate how mature it was. Was honestly expecting something aggressive or vitriolic, as I have experienced in the past whenever I ve been on this topic. Pleasantly surprised.

Anyway, yes I do have a brother. His response would have been similar to mine not because we have been raised in a feminist environment as some would say, but because our own success in life tells us so. I d say he is well adjusted enough, not a macho man who goes hunting and whatever, but I prefer him the way he is. What did you mean when you said that the end result would be different with a single mother raising a boy? I think people worry about a boy not having a good male role model. Sorry but I think this is ridiculous, as our mother did the job of ‘’‘father’'really well.However I suppose I cant blame people if they havent seen this themselves. I can say it is out there though. I could go into more detail but there is nt space here for that. Then again, we didnt grow up (i dont think anyone does anyway) in an isolated women-only place devoid of men. Whether through freinds or family, we had access to a variety of male role models. They didnt to be living in our house helping my mum raise us.
I cant argue with you when you say I am not a man but I can say that my life has been closer to that of a man s than a typical woman s. I was given dolls as well as toy soldiers to play with as a child, in my family we are expected to excel in academics no matter our sex. The girls are discouraged from waiting for a man to ‘rescue’ us. In fact I would be a disgrace to my family if I were to do this myself. Not complaining though. Now I am not insulting housewives, Im just trying to convey the kind of expectations those closest to me have of me.

Now you said that my experience has led people to believe that many can do this. Well I have to say, in all honesty, that I do not consider single parenthood a social ill, as many do. To do so would invalidate my childhood and life. I do not regret my upbringing, my mother makes no apologies nor do I think she has to. I have friends from two parent households, they ve had happy lives and I m happy for them. However though my life was different it was equally filled with joy. Im happy with the cards God dealt me.

I agree with you that the odds are stacked against single parent families. It is people’s pre conceived notions im fighting against. The ones which make them feel they have the right to put down single mothers and fathers. I understand that you were not doing that but many do.The difficulties faced are an excuse for people to go on about the deficiencies of either gender while distracting from the real issues and preventing a solution from being reached. And I do not believe the solution is preaching, ‘well you should get married/should have gotten married/serves you right’. Im aware of what Catholics believe on this and I know it is a sensitive issue. Bottom line I just dont think a mother and father complete family unit solves all the problems. Like im sure you ve seen or heard of problems within single parent families, I d be rich if I had a dollar for every incident I ve heard of something less than ideal going on in a two parent household.

Again, thank you for your respectful response.
Peace

 

[Ridgerunner]

I’ve often heard my husband argue that the ultimate expression of male ‘acculturation’ was the old craft system where a boy left home for an artisan’s workshop, where his youth was spent, in the company of other boys, young men, journeymen craftsmen and a master craftsman, learning to be both a man amongst older boys and men and a master of a craft – the eventual production his ‘masterpiece’ marking both the acquisition of high skill and the transition to self-sufficient adulthood. That boys needed not so much fathers (not that they didn’t need fathers but fathers could take them only so far) as much as a company of men – of various ages, talents and dispositions – engaged towards some common end, a common end, moreover, that was a mark of ‘civilization’ both in terms of product and in the skills and behavior necessary to produce it.

Might it not be that what is missing from boys’ lives nowadays is this kind of acculturation? Aren’t modern gangs (and their popularity) a kind of distorted mirror-image of how boys once grew to manhood, for example? Might it not be that much of the problem is not so much lack of a father, in and of itself, but the loss of engagement of ‘men in general’ in the raising of boys - that boys are being raised in isolation, even where they have fathers and male teachers?

Modern gangs reflect the fact that boys, without apprenticeship, squire training, call it whatever you want, remain as Huns.

I think that acculturation (borrowing your term) is missing in many ways. I realize you are not Catholic whereas I am, and we do not share those things that are peculiarly Catholic. I mean you no offense in saying the following. You simply provided the catalyst for my saying it.

I have long thought the introduction of girl altar servers eliminated one of those “acculturation rites” that helped turn potential Huns into knights. I believe there are many other things as well that have contributed to the confusion presently attending manhood in western society.