What is this considered

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whatsthetruth

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Hey everyone, my girlfriend and I have quit having sex for quite a few months now! Anyways, she just got back from a 9 day trip and we missed each other a lot so when we finally saw each other we made out and basically dry humped some. We never took our clothes off or touched each others genitals though. I know our actions should be frowned upon but is this kind of behavior considered mortal sin or venial?
 
whatsthetruth said:
Hey everyone, my girlfriend and I have quit having sex for quite a few months now! Anyways, she just got back from a 9 day trip and we missed each other a lot so when we finally saw each other we made out and basically dry humped some. We never took our clothes off or touched each others genitals though. I know our actions should be frowned upon but is this kind of behavior considered mortal sin or venial?
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Personal Opinion. That distinction not even the Pope could see.

A deer who was born in Chicago is a USA citizen and a deer born in Mexico city is Mexican. And there was this deer going from Mexico to the USA who was pregnant and … helas, gave birth to the baby deer with one rear leg in the USA and another in Mexico. Should this baby deer be considered a USA citizen or a Mexican.

When you make such fine distinctions, you end up like that. You see, those actions, we would need to distinguish between you going or not to hell. Boy, it is too much.

I think we the question cannot be seen that way.
 
whatsthetruth said:
Hey everyone, my girlfriend and I have quit having sex for quite a few months now! Anyways, she just got back from a 9 day trip and we missed each other a lot so when we finally saw each other we made out and basically dry humped some. We never took our clothes off or touched each others genitals though. I know our actions should be frowned upon but is this kind of behavior considered mortal sin or venial?
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Depends on how you look at it. Making out is a mortal sin. Strike One. Humping, Strike Two.

“Frowned upon”? Seriously? Quit f*ing around, Whatsthe.
 
whatsthetruth said:
Hey everyone, my girlfriend and I have quit having sex for quite a few months now! Anyways, she just got back from a 9 day trip and we missed each other a lot so when we finally saw each other we made out and basically dry humped some. We never took our clothes off or touched each others genitals though. I know our actions should be frowned upon but is this kind of behavior considered mortal sin or venial?
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No matter what you have, it still is an pernicious action.
Of course you didn’t take off your clothes, but the prepense and temptation were their.
In other words, if that was your stated intent, YES, this is considered a mortal sin
Besides if you are single, you should be living a chaste life,
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whatsthetruth said:
Hey everyone, my girlfriend and I have quit having sex for quite a few months now! Anyways, she just got back from a 9 day trip and we missed each other a lot so when we finally saw each other we made out and basically dry humped some. We never took our clothes off or touched each others genitals though. I know our actions should be frowned upon but is this kind of behavior considered mortal sin or venial?
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Jesus said that if you LOOK lustfully at a woman you have already committed adultery. This demonstrates that the actions you describe are only secondary to what was in your heart.

The fact that you had been chaste for several months demonstrates that you know this is serious matter.

The fact that you are asking this question demonstrates that - - - I think you already know the answer…
YES this is a mortal sin. You knew it was serious, and you chose to do it anyway.
Get to confession as soon as you are able.

I cast no stones here - so do not despair.
Sexual sin can be the most difficult to overcome.
You slipped up and God recognizes this.
Turn back to him in prayer, repentance and confession.

Peace
James
 
Quit F*ing around? Making out is a mortal sin? God invented hormones and I’m sure he knows how my girlfriend and I feel for each other and knows we are to get married one day. I know that does not justify anything, but I don’t see the seriousness in making out. How can this be a mortal sin, because it ignites temptation? There is temptation around us everyday and it depends on what we do with that temptation. Especially since we are trying to live a chaste life and we fought our temptations and did not continue past what we did. It’s not an instant or easy process to adjust to but we are doing it anyway.

And I don’t see how this could have been a mortal sin as of yesterday I did not KNOW if these kinds of actions were serious or not (having had our clothes on), which is why I ASKED. The way I see it NOW after reading all of this I am going to try my best as for us not to rub against each other anymore. I see it as even though we still had clothes on it was still sexual activity before marriage. I UNDERSTAND this now.

AS for making out can someone please enlighten me on this because God couldn’t have expected someone in a relationship with the opposite sex and all of the hormones he put into us not to even want to kiss each other. We might as well just be FRIENDS. I know there are boundaries, but seriously?
 
“Making out” is too broad a term to try and address.

If the “intent” of the activity is to arouse passion - avoid it.

If the result of an activity is arousal (even though unintended) - Stop the activity.

That’s about the best advice I can give on the subject of “making out” and what might be sinful…

Peace
James
 
Okay, and I can’t believe I was so blind. I’ve been thinking about it all day today at work and I was so focused on what we have been stopping (sex) that I was not noticing that even though we are toning down our sex life dramatically, that includes all things sexual with or without clothes!

I’m still unsure if I am in mortal sin now though since I didn’t know what we we’re doing was considered a mortal sin…since I thought if our clothes were on it would be okay… which was stupid. is that still considered full consent? I was only confused
 
whatsthetruth said:
Okay, and I can’t believe I was so blind.
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I know, Whatsthe. Growing up in this culture makes it hard to see these things clearly. If it’s any consolation, imagine what Lot had to deal with raising his girls in Sodom of all places. And in the end they ended up becoming mothers-through-incest of two nations of child-sacrificers.Now [after Sodom was destroyed] Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the hills with his two daughters, for he was afraid to dwell in Zoar; so he dwelt in a cave with his two daughters.

And the first-born said to the younger, “Our father is old, and there is not a man on earth to come in to us after the manner of all the earth. Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve offspring through our father.”

So they made their father drink wine that night; and the first-born went in, and lay with her father; he did not know when she lay down or when she arose. And on the next day, the first-born said to the younger, “Behold, I lay last night with my father; let us make him drink wine tonight also; then you go in and lie with him, that we may preserve offspring through our father.” So they made their father drink wine that night also; and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he did not know when she lay down or when she arose. Thus both the daughters of Lot were with child by their father.

The first-born bore a son, and called his name Moab; he is the father of the Moabites to this day. The younger also bore a son, and called his name Ben-ammi; he is the father of the Ammonites to this day.
 
whatsthetruth said:
Okay, and I can’t believe I was so blind. I’ve been thinking about it all day today at work and I was so focused on what we have been stopping (sex) that I was not noticing that even though we are toning down our sex life dramatically, that includes all things sexual with or without clothes!

I’m still unsure if I am in mortal sin now though since I didn’t know what we we’re doing was considered a mortal sin…since I thought if our clothes were on it would be okay… which was stupid. is that still considered full consent? I was only confused
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Take this to your confessor - be guided by his advice.

Peace
James
 
whatsthetruth said:
Okay, and I can’t believe I was so blind. I’ve been thinking about it all day today at work and I was so focused on what we have been stopping (sex) that I was not noticing that even though we are toning down our sex life dramatically, that includes all things sexual with or without clothes!

I’m still unsure if I am in mortal sin now though since I didn’t know what we we’re doing was considered a mortal sin…since I thought if our clothes were on it would be okay… which was stupid. is that still considered full consent? I was only confused
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Well now you know its a sin of grave matter so if you do it again its a mortal sin!!!
Get real. Do you honestly expect anyone here to tell you what you did was okay!! You can’t be that naive.
 
whatsthetruth said:
Hey everyone, my girlfriend and I have quit having sex for quite a few months now! Anyways, she just got back from a 9 day trip and we missed each other a lot so when we finally saw each other we made out and basically dry humped some. We never took our clothes off or touched each others genitals though. I know our actions should be frowned upon but is this kind of behavior considered mortal sin or venial?
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You intentionally stimulated the genitals whether you took your clothes off or not.
That’s where you went wrong. I’d consider it mortal. Keep working at this . Now you can refine your understanding of moral actions even further than you have. It is a good thing that you didn’t continue. Be encouraged by that.
 
JRKH said:
Take this to your confessor - be guided by his advice.

Peace
James
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I think this is the best advice. Take it to prayer and take it to Confession. The priest will be in a much better position to advise you on the matter than any of us.

Plus, frequent Confession is the best help in the fight for personal chastity. The Sacrament not only forgives our sins but also gives us special graces in overcoming those sins we confess. We do not have to wait to be in a state of mortal sin to go to Confession. We should go as often as we can.
 
whatsthetruth said:
Hey everyone, my girlfriend and I have quit having sex for quite a few months now! Anyways, she just got back from a 9 day trip and we missed each other a lot so when we finally saw each other we made out and basically dry humped some. We never took our clothes off or touched each others genitals though. I know our actions should be frowned upon but is this kind of behavior considered mortal sin or venial?
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Hi whatsthetruth,

It is given to man to use and enjoy his sexual faculty only in conformity with its end – that is, in marriage and without any kind of contraception. It is a grave sin to have sex before marriage, so naturally, any kind of sexually stimulating activity outside of marriage is just as sinful. You should reevaluate your relationship with your girlfriend and bring it down to a more honorable, chaste, and restrained level.

I understand this is highly difficult for a young person; when I was younger, even catching a whiff of my beloved’s hair could sometimes be enough to arouse me. Until you’re married, I recommend you limit yourself to relatively benign expressions of affection: hugging, light kissing, and handholding, for instance.

You should definitely take advantage of the advice given here to seek out confession.
 
I’ll go to confession, this will be the many time I’ve gone to confession for the past 2 or 3 month now every week. I even did face to face last time which I liked a lot better, took a lot of courage but I tell myself if I really sorry then I will do face to face. Now I am in same predicament, I feel very ashamed. I hope he understands I am really trying to stop. My girlfriend and I even swore on the bible today after I cried to her that this has to stop, that we are completely done with everything that goes beyond kissing and holding hands until marriage. This took me a while to do this but I told myself if I am serious about stopping it stop here and now on this bible. She understand me and is glad we have come to this decision. There is no way I’m ever going back to sex especially now that we did that. I am always going to carry that bible everywhere with me wherever I go, and never forget that we swore on it. I feel the power in the bible and am going to read everyday now even if just a little bit. I hope my priest understand me and forgive me again for I am sure he is tired of hearing my same sin over and over. I have overcome a lot of bad sin, but this is hardest. I feel like it finally behind me now, I am ready to move on with my life. Thank everyone for being so hard on criticism toward me, especially DianaCC. Without all you I have no one else to talk to
 
whatsthetruth said:
I’ll go to confession, this will be the many time I’ve gone to confession for the past 2 or 3 month now every week. I even did face to face last time which I liked a lot better, took a lot of courage but I tell myself if I really sorry then I will do face to face. Now I am in same predicament, I feel very ashamed. I hope he understands I am really trying to stop. My girlfriend and I even swore on the bible today after I cried to her that this has to stop, that we are completely done with everything that goes beyond kissing and holding hands until marriage. This took me a while to do this but I told myself if I am serious about stopping it stop here and now on this bible. She understand me and is glad we have come to this decision. There is no way I’m ever going back to sex especially now that we did that. I am always going to carry that bible everywhere with me wherever I go, and never forget that we swore on it. I feel the power in the bible and am going to read everyday now even if just a little bit. I hope my priest understand me and forgive me again for I am sure he is tired of hearing my same sin over and over. I have overcome a lot of bad sin, but this is hardest. I feel like it finally behind me now, I am ready to move on with my life. Thank everyone for being so hard on criticism toward me, especially DianaCC. Without all you I have no one else to talk to
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I have never heard a priest ever say that they look down on someone who came to Confession for confessing the same sins over and over. Priests are only too keenly aware that you could easily not come to Confession at all. They have great respect for the people who show the humilty and contrition it takes to go to Confession. So don’t worry about that aspect.

I think confessing face-to-face does promote humility, which is a powerful weapon in the fight against temptation.

God bless!
 
From my knowledge of mortal sin, none of us can truly make this judgement for you because we do not know what is in your heart. You know your conscience better than any of us and from what I’ve been taught by priests, if you have a doubt that it is a mortal sin than you must not have been fully aware that what you were doing was a serious matter. However, mortal sin or not, the only thing you can do now is go to Confession and try to do better next time. I’ve honestly struggled with this very same issue, but I am not going to take anyone’s word for it on this forum until I talk directly with a priest. These are just opinions and not judgements on your soul. In my opinion, people have been extremely uncharitable towards you on their post and you do NOT deserve that. People need to examine the planks in their own eyes instead of condemning someone, especially in a very rude and hostile manner as many of them have. It makes me very angry to see some of these comments because just the fact that you are trying to turn your life around by not having sex is an amazing gift from God and we should be encouraging and loving as you try to live a more pure life. Just the fact that you had sex is going to make it much much harder to resist smaller sexual acts, but I assure you (coming from someone whose been in your shoes) that you mustn’t give up is it so worth it in the end. Every time your mess up and go farther than you wanted to, don’t condemn yourself or fall into despair but calmly make the decision that you are going to do everything possible to try not to let that happen again (namely by avoiding specific situations that always lead you to the same sin) and ask the Holy Spirit to guide you and give you strength against temptation.

God Bless,
Caroline
 
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