What is your cross?

[distracted]

Dieing. Desperatly seeking shelter in Christ Jesus. Tim

You may not feel too blessed, but in a way, you are better off than those who go through life feeling they have forever…
I used to be so afraid of death… and sometimes, when i think about it, i still am, yet frankly, lately, i have gone so far as to ask the Lord to take my life since my crosses sometimes seem absolutely unbearable…
Self-preservation is the first law of nature as they say… so part of me doesn’t want God to answer that prayer… and when i am with Jesus at the Blessed Sacrament, i don’t feel my crosses are unbearable… I try to go there a lot.
Most people fear death because of fear of the unknown. Yet we Christians know (or should know) that it means we are going to be with God, who SHOULD be the love of our lives…
Anyway, you are in my prayers. I don’t know what is wrong but will pray that God heals you. He is big enough to do that…
We have to accept His will,but there is nothing wrong with asking for a miracle.
God bless…

 

[distracted]

My biggest cross would have to be not being able to relate to people socially. .forming friendships is nearly impossible. It’s made my life pretty difficult at times but I accept it as a sort of mental stigmata.

I have the same cross and its interesting you use the term “mental stigmata” because i have come to the same conclusion about my… situation, only i call it an emotional stigmata…

I am always and forever saying to Jesus (sometimes as i look at his image in the Shroud of Turin): “I KNOW how you felt, Jesus…”

Maybe thats the whole reason we suffer - so that we will be able to relate to the sufferings Christ endured… and in so doing, grow more intimate with him. After all, how can you ever really know someone unless you have walked in his footsteps? Those Christians who think we should never have to suffer much just don’t have much of a close-ness to Jesus, i feel…
There is that scripture passage about how some try to get to Heaven… and Jesus says “I never knew you…”
It may be because of our seemingly unbearable crosses in life that we will be blessed in never having to hear Jesus utter those terrible words to us…
God bless…

 

[CB_Catholic]

You are wise to realize that it will never go away completely (not in this life anyway). I have come to realize the same thing in my own life…
You are far from alone. I used to think i was the only one who suffered from this low self-esteem thing but you’d be surprised how many people have this (some are just good at hiding it… They over-compensate by acting like everything’s OK…) but some people (me) can’t seem to hide it…
Spending time with Jesus at the Blessed Sacrament is the best antedote for this (and every other) problem. I pray you have the time to do that - or that you make the time…
Also, I’ve found it very helpful to go somewhere where you can be totally alone with God and nature… When i do that, my whole perspective changes. I don’t feel “less than” when i am with my Creator…
Praying for you. God bless.

Thank you for sharing this and your kind advice and prayers.

 

[distracted]

Forgiving people… very tuff getting over the times someone has done me wrong, especially when it seems they don’t have God in their lives. I would rather knock them out and then help them up and share the love of the Lord with them. Hey, maybe that would work.

When people hurt you, do you think about/ meditate on the ways in which Jesus was hurt/victimized/mistreated, etc…? That is the way i endure evil… though i don’t always remember to do that (especially when the hurt is fresh in my mind/heart…).
Also, when i get so angry at evil-doers that i don’t want to even think of forgiving them, i try to remind myself that they are going to pay for their sins, whether in this life and/or in the next. God is perfectly just and will not let anyone get away with anything (though they may get away with it in this life…).
Gee - I am glad i read to and responded to your Post… I needed to hear - or re-hear all this…
Anyway… praying for you…

 

[distracted]

My cross has always been my anxiety problem. I have struggled
with it for as long as I can remember.

Wondering what you are anxious about?

 

[distracted]

I have a medical condition… My family always lets me know what a burden my medical problems are to them. .

i can relate. My family doesn’t care one bit about my problems (except they want to know all about them, yet offer to do nothing to help - not even give me much encourgement). Then, when i distance myself from them, refuse to tell them things about my life, they get angry about that, talk about me behind hteir backs, etc. I know they talk about me behind their backs because they talk about EVERYONE behind their backs… Or used to. I don’t “hang with” them anymore so don’t really know. For all i know, they are all living saints by now. That would be nice… highly unlikely… but o well… with God all things are possible…
In any case, I understand your pain. But just remember: no human being ever REALLY loves another human being the way he/she should/could…
but God does (Jesus ).
Praying for you…

 

[distracted]

*“When we draw close to Chirst we must also embrace the Cross.” *

My cross is so bitter-sweet. I hate it, yet love it because I know it only strengthens me, drawing me ever close to Christ.

I could say the exact same thing…

missing even one night of speaking with Him, being strengthened by Him- I lose almost all faith. I lose all desire to pray, to go to Mass, to grow closer to Christ.

I could say the same thing about that also. If i miss prayer (and sometimes we need it and don’t realize it), i become depressed, think things that aren’t true (like that God doesn’t care, etc.) and just generally “lose faith” in some way or another.

It is not so much that you are weak (though it is that. You are human). It is the nature of the beast. The world, the flesh and the devil are much stronger than we humans are. We have to stay in constant prayer. In Thessalonians, we are told to pray without ceasing… If we don’t do that, the devil gets a foot hold.

The devil wants us to be depressed, to think that God doesn’t care, to give up… Lately, i have been feeling i don’t want to live anymore. Again, that’s what the devil wants… Why should he want me to live? I tell people about Jesus and His Church… Of course the so-and-so wants me out of the way… Why am i always surprised at how things turn out… knowing that the devil is “in my life”, trying to cause me to fall…
I thank you for your post because in responding to it, i have clarified the reality of all this…

Have to go, but am praying for you…

 

[blueskiesrgs]

Mine seems so small compared to many of the crosses that you carry. I had a boy who was my best friend. Eventually, I fell in love with him… to make a long story short, he liked another girl and would ask me advice about her. Eventually, he of course realized that I was in love with him and also that he was in love with me. By that time he was dating this other girl, and he was also in love with her. I tried to back out of our friendship, but he wouldn’t let me. I was foolish, but I would talk to him and we would talk and cry about the questions of “how do you know who you should marry.” The entire segment lasted about 4 months and during those months I prayed a lot, spent lots of time in adoration, and made myself get out of bed every morning even when I would have rather died. Towards the end of it, we both said a novena to St. Joseph, and I actually started to pray that he would go with her, because I could survive without him and it would have devastated her to lose him to another girl because she really did love him. Now, what can I say, I am engaged to the man of my dreams (he suddenly appeared on the night when I knew that the other guy would end up with her) and I am still friends (though clearly not best friends) with the other guy. God is incredibly good and pulling through was well worth it, though I never thought that I would make it!

 

[Donna_Mc]

Wondering what you are anxious about?

Most of the time it is worry about family members and friends
(their health, their salvation), but there are other things as well.
We just went through a bad stretch with my husband being out
of work so money is sometimes a worry. I am concerned about
my children as they get older with the world the way it is that
they will be drawn away from the church. I know these are things
to keep in prayer and I shouldn’t let them get to me but I have
suffered panic attacks, depression and generalized anxiety at
different times throughout the years. I am fortunate that despite
this I have also had long stretches of time when the anxiety is
very mild. It is hard for me because I am the one in the family
that is the “most religious one” so to speak. I have been the one
who has always been more into learning about the faith. I have
gone on retreats throughout the years and when I discovered
EWTN and catholic radio, I became even more in love with the
church. I had attended Catholic school for 12 years and thought
I knew alot until I found EWTN and Catholic radio! That is a great
thing but the down side is everyone else not understanding
why I feel the way I do.

 

[Chickamauga]

Whoa! You are the first one i’ve ever heard say that. Please, could you elaborate?? Thanks. Praying for you.

Don’t give up all the good things the Church has just because of - let me guess??? People in the Church???

The reason I have moved so rapidly from convert to (now) lapsed Catholic in a little over two years can be summed up as “Way too much, way too soon.”

 

[dranzal]

Until last year I would have said being overweight and a skin condition (and laundry-hey I have several kids). I have been so blessed. I have 5 children from 1 yr to 10 years old. DH has a good job so I can stay home and homeschool. We don’t like our location, but that’s where God put us. Still, by most standards we are doing pretty well.

Then last March my fourth child, Gabriel Isaac, drowned in our pool. He was 2 years old and was still nursing. Many of you prayed fervently for us and we are eternally grateful.
This is one cross that you think you can never bear before you receive it and desparately want to give back once you have it.

God has been so good. In His wisdom, He had already planned for our healing and hope. At the time of Gabriel’s death, I was 6 months pregnant with now 1 year old Cecilia Therese. She was born on Father’s Day last year which was also Corpus Christi. She looks just like him.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=103882&highlight=gabriel+anzalone

gabrielanzalone.tributeforyou.com

i109.photobucket.com/albums/n50/dranzal/Gabriel/Gabrielsstone.jpg

 

[yessisan]

My cross is dealing with my JW husband and the fact that we cannot have children because we cannot come to an agreement on how our children will be raised (I want them to be Catholic, he wants them to be JW)

 

[b_justb]

My parents are devout Jehovah’s Witnesses. We have had a very poor relationship ever since I left the organization. We are still not reconciled after nearly 20 years. I find it most difficult to balance honoring them as my parents and at the same time not honoring their belief system.

A man I trust that I have spoken to about this has said that Christ abandoned is love. That my parents and my relationship is a picture of Christ abandoned and that I need to see the love of Christ in it. I don’t see it, I don’t get it. But I am trying too see what he is saying.

 

[distracted]

I think my cross is the memory of my ex. It’s been 3 years since we broke up, and 9 months since I last saw her (where she reaffirmed that she hated me - twice), but I still have hope. I still think of her every day, but if I ever shake this, then I think I will join the clergy.

Not out of love of God per se, but out of a sense of duty. If that’s the wrong reason, well then so be it. I’ll be weeded out eventually…

i had this thought once, that every young male child should be allowed to enter training for the priesthood. Some would choose to go on to become a priest, some wouldn’t, but it would always make him a better person… better spouse, better father, more “saintly”…

 

[distracted]

My parents are devout Jehovah’s Witnesses. We have had a very poor relationship ever since I left the organization. We are still not reconciled after nearly 20 years. I find it most difficult to balance honoring them as my parents and at the same time not honoring their belief system.

.

i understand. My parents are Catholic, and yet they are not “Catholic” the same way i am (very long story), but i feel more alone with family members than with virtual strangers… But Jesus said that we are to HATE (yes, he used that word) our parents, siblings, even our very lives… In other words, we are to love Him more than them…

That is a lonely road… but since when is doing the right thing profitable?

 

[distracted]

My cross is dealing with my JW husband and the fact that we cannot have children because we cannot come to an agreement on how our children will be raised (I want them to be Catholic, he wants them to be JW)

That is a terrible cross…Was he JW and you Catholic when you married?

If it was me, well, i love children too much to let that get in the way… and yet i can understand the reluctance.

I am now probably too old to have children… and that finality… well, that’s one of my crosses… Just pray you don’t hold off too long…

 

[TOP]

Until last year I would have said being overweight and a skin condition (and laundry-hey I have several kids). I have been so blessed. I have 5 children from 1 yr to 10 years old. DH has a good job so I can stay home and homeschool. We don’t like our location, but that’s where God put us. Still, by most standards we are doing pretty well.

Then last March my fourth child, Gabriel Isaac, drowned in our pool. He was 2 years old and was still nursing. Many of you prayed fervently for us and we are eternally grateful.
This is one cross that you think you can never bear before you receive it and desparately want to give back once you have it.

God has been so good. In His wisdom, He had already planned for our healing and hope. At the time of Gabriel’s death, I was 6 months pregnant with now 1 year old Cecilia Therese. She was born on Father’s Day last year which was also Corpus Christi. She looks just like him.
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=103882&highlight=gabriel+anzalone

gabrielanzalone.tributeforyou.com

i109.photobucket.com/albums/n50/dranzal/Gabriel/Gabrielsstone.jpg

What a beautiful child.

 

[TOP]

I have over a thousand posts. Some of you may have been able to piece my story together, but I fear telling it straight out as to not cause discomfort. I’ve been told to write a book, but whenever I start to, I just don’t feel it. It doesn’t seem inspired. Right now , I feel inspired. I was a cradle Catholic that practiced up to my first communion. These are the seeds, the saftey net that brought me mercy when I needed it most. As a teen, I grow up close to the city during the 80’s and was pretty streetwise. I lost some friends to violence and myself became obsessed with self defense. I carried a gun, was self trained hand to hand, knife and stick fighting. I was very militant. I had always wanted to join the military, but wife and family came first. I had befriended an older guy I met through mutual contacts. He was a special forces vietnam veteran who had served with MAV- SOG, CCC and was currently an E-8 master sgt with the 20th special forces out of AP Hill, VA. He became my hero,mentor and friend. As a civilian, he was able to get me involved in his teams feild training exercise’s (FTX), as a opp 4 leader and g4 “chieftain”. I would camp out with his team at night. Soon they started asking me if I wanted to go to SFAS and become part of their team. After a long talk with my wife and the doubt of having housing for my family for the year and a half of training, I had to decline. I still hung out with them. Then 9/11 happened. We invaded Afganistan then Iraq. The axis of evil speech and the possibility of a conflict with N. Korea convinced me to enlist. With help from my friend, I was “fasttracking” my way as an enlisted in a LRS ranger unit out of MD. I was on top of the world. I was so proud. At 32, I was smoking the 18 y.o.'s and they looked up to me. I told my wife it would take an act of God for me to fail this. Then I started having back pains and was misdiagnosed with a lower lumbar strain. The day I was to go to an occupational therapist, the pain was so intense, I went to the emergancy room instead. It was cancer. In my lungs and lympths and it was bad. I took it on like a soldier. I would were my boonie hat as my hair fell out from the chemo. Then I got nerve damage in my feet and hands, lost alot of weight and could not train with my unit anymore. My fledgling career was over. I felt disgraced. I started to beg God to give me more time with my family. I was dieing and one night after eating a handful of pain killers, I passed out and had a terrible experience. It was the most horrific experience that I had ever been through. It took everything I had to “wake up” from what I thought was a nightmare. As I woke, the nightmare lingered on for hours, but diminishing in intensity. As everyone was bracing for my death, my dad unexpectingly choked and died. I got there ten minutes later to find him lying dead on the floor. He was gone. My brother bought a couple of extra cemetery spaces “just in case”. I started to recover and went back to civilian work. It was a long and slow recovery. Then my friend called and ask if me and my wife if we would come to his DSC medal ceremony at Ft. Meade. This was a big deal. The speaker called it “the who’s who of who’s left”. I was surrounded by heroes, people you hear about on the History channel. But I was in a suit. I felt like an outsider. The Sf guys didn’t talk to me and I left embarrassed. I started drinking a fifth of vodka a night. I prayed for God to show me the truth and for St. Micheal to help me. The disgrace and the thought of the cancer coming back combined with the booze, I quickly crashed and became suicidal. cont.

 

[TOP]

(cont) On the eve of Easter 2005, I decided to end it. Right before I did, I started to feel the same terrible feeling I had during the “nightmare” I had when doing chemo. It grew more and more intense. It was the edge of hell. I screamed out “I don’t want to know the truth, God help me” and He came. Every bad thing vanished. He had to purge me before He came. I was engulfed in pure love. It was God. I understood why I went through the cancer. It was just. Alot happened in that first couple of minutes. I saw others in the Spirit that night. It was an Easter sunrise Mass. I felt this grace slowly leave over the next couple of days, but it will always be with me in a way. The enemy was furious. He had me and I went through some tough times. I got into a fatal car accident that was my fault. I never saw the car coming. I held the womans hand as she died and said the Lord’s prayer. It was aweful. Then three weeks later I found my own mom dead in her house from a heart attack. She had been dead for a couple of days. I knew immediatly that the Lord had taken her. Now two years later, the lawsuits are starting about the accident. They want a civil trial by jury. I don’t have the strength to go through this by myself. I have to stay close to the Lord on this one. I may loose everything. When I first came back to Church, I asked Jesus if I could be one of His soldiers since I couldn’t be a US soldier anymore. I was confirmed and married by the Church. The Lord’s training is tougher then I thought, but it’s tough love. Tim

 

[mommyof4]

Tim, you continue to be in my prayers. I’m taking your worries to mass with me today, and you will be in my intentions.