What it I have a miscarriage?

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Chauncey:
My husband and I are expecting our first child - I am about 3 weeks pregnant. When is the best time to tell others? We know that once we start telling people the news will spread fast. This is a good thing - but we don’t want to miscarry and have everyone and their brother calling us to congratulate us and have to tell them that we lost the baby.

How long did you wait to tell people that you were pregnant?
For those who waited a long time was it difficult to keep it a secret?
For those who told people early, and then miscarried, did you regret not waiting to tell people?

Thanks!
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My husband and I have been blessed with 5 beautiful children. However, I have been pregnant 13 times. Without alot of medical detail my body seems to fight pregnancy. I have no trouble, as you can tell, with conception.
The reason I told you this is that I wanted you to know the warmth that you get when your family and friends are able to mourn the loss with you. Though each loss has been painful, having the love and support of another is a wonderful growing expirience.
I suggest that you tell every one now. 😃
I understand your conceern about having to tell people that call to congradulate you. I’ll share an expirience with you: I was 20 weeks and 2 days when we lost our first son. (5days away, the Dr.s told me, from a viable fetus) When I returned to church most every one knew what had happened and all of my freinds were very loving. A woman that didn’t really know me came up all exited and wanted to know where the baby was. I obviously started to ball and ran to the bathroom. She followed me and apologised. (apparently some one had explained what had happened.) After that, we became the best of friends and still are to that day. I know it sounds like some kind of after school special but it really happened.
I lived through the expirence and gained a new friend in the process. I think you should give others the chance to rejoice with you, and if need be, sorrow with you to.
lovingly,
leschornmom
 
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Catholic4aReasn:
The first time I got pregnant I called my family right away. Then I miscarried. In retrospect I’m glad that I told them. There’s only one first time to tell people that you’re pregnant. It’s so exciting!! Even if I hadn’t told them, telling them the next time just wouldn’t have been the same having had a miscarriage. If I had it to do over again I’d tell right away.

In Christ,
Nancy 🙂
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The same happened to us. Then the next time I got pregnant we waited until we heard a strong heartbeat. Got a question …if the doctor says that my pregnancy was a blighted ovum…is it still a baby? I believe in my heart that is one of our children. We knew in our hearts it was a baby so i guess that is what counts.
adrienne
 
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crazyage3:
The same happened to us. Then the next time I got pregnant we waited until we heard a strong heartbeat. Got a question …if the doctor says that my pregnancy was a blighted ovum…is it still a baby? I believe in my heart that is one of our children. We knew in our hearts it was a baby so i guess that is what counts.
adrienne
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What’s a blighted ovum?

In Christ,
Nancy 🙂
 
Yes, a blighted ovum is one of your children, just one who stopped growing VERY early on. I am sorry for your loss!

A blighted ovum is a fertilized egg that has ceased development at a very early stage. On ultrasound examination there is a gestational sac (2.5 cc or more) in which no fetal pole can be identified. Because the egg’s supporting tissue (trophoblast) may continue to function for some time after the death of the embryo the sac may reach considerable size.

A blighted ovum is an example of a spontaneous abortion. Spontaneous abortion occurs in 15% of human pregnancies with most occurring during the first trimester. More than half of spontaneous abortions have abnormal chromosomes [1]. Although small studies suggest that enzyme deficiencies in placental tissues [2], or abnormal expression of genes on particular chromosomes may be responsible for some cases of blighted-ovum abortion [3] the causes of a blighted ovum are likely to be similar to the causes of spontaneous abortion in general.
 
I thought that I should let everyone know that I started to miscarry last night. My husband and I named the baby Gabriel.

After it started we prayed the rosary, it really helped. I just thought of our baby in heaven with Mary and Jesus and all the saints. The glorious mysteries are so beautiful.

I am grateful that I can lay this suffering at the foot of Jesus’ Cross, and take comfort in Mary’s suffering as well.

I am grateful that our future family will always have our own little saint praying for us.

My husband and I are newlyweds (married less than six months) in our early twenties and already we see so clearly how our Vocation of Marriage is our path to holiness - through the amazing joys and the little sufferings.

Our faith has grown stronger and all we can do is Know that God loves us and has a beautiful plan for us and little Gabriel.

So we never did tell anyone that we were pregnant - we wanted to tell our parents first and both sets just happened to be on vacation this whole time. My husband and I haven’t talked yet about whether are are going to tell them now or not.

We are really hoping that I will continue to miscarry normally and that I won’t have to have a D&C.

My husband and I love our little baby so much. I didn’t know that I could miss someone so much.

—sorry that this post is very disjointed. I just can’t seem to make it flow any better. My heart is just so sad.
 
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Chauncey:
I thought that I should let everyone know that I started to miscarry last night. My husband and I named the baby Gabriel.

After it started we prayed the rosary, it really helped. I just thought of our baby in heaven with Mary and Jesus and all the saints. The glorious mysteries are so beautiful.

I am grateful that I can lay this suffering at the foot of Jesus’ Cross, and take comfort in Mary’s suffering as well.

I am grateful that our future family will always have our own little saint praying for us.

My husband and I are newlyweds (married less than six months) in our early twenties and already we see so clearly how our Vocation of Marriage is our path to holiness - through the amazing joys and the little sufferings.

Our faith has grown stronger and all we can do is Know that God loves us and has a beautiful plan for us and little Gabriel.

So we never did tell anyone that we were pregnant - we wanted to tell our parents first and both sets just happened to be on vacation this whole time. My husband and I haven’t talked yet about whether are are going to tell them now or not.

We are really hoping that I will continue to miscarry normally and that I won’t have to have a D&C.

My husband and I love our little baby so much. I didn’t know that I could miss someone so much.

—sorry that this post is very disjointed. I just can’t seem to make it flow any better. My heart is just so sad.
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Hi Chauncey!

I’m so sorry for your loss. Were you at risk for having a miscarriage? It seems an odd coincidence that you should have just started this thread about miscarriage. I can’t help but think you suspected something.

My prayers are with you and your husband in this difficult time. Many of us here truly sympathize!!

In Christ,
Nancy 🙂
 
I am deeply sorry for the loss of your precious Gabriel. If I may give advice…please do tell the grandparents…they will want to mourn too! Not to mention support YOU!
(P.S. We too live in the Archdiocese of Seattle, on the Olympic Peninsula)

For Gabriel:
My eyes long to see you
Now you behold Him

My arms ache for you
Now you know perfect love

My ears yearn for your voice
Now you sing His praises.

I desire to feed you
Now you will never know hunger.

I anticipated the pitter-patter of your feet
Now you play at His pierced ones.

I dreamed of years of love and laughter
Now you will never know pain.

I longed to watch you grow and develop
Now you are perfect.

This isn’t how I planned
but I know He loves you
and me.

By Monique Stam

and for Gabriel’s Mom and Dad:

Morning Will Come

Brokenhearted…
How can I bear the pain?
So many plans… permanently interrupted.
So many dreams…shattered.
Hopes…dashed.
All gone.
Why?
Why this?
Why us? Why me?
Helplessness… hopelessness…
Life will never be the same again.
Is it even worth living?
Where are you, God?

I’m right here beside you, my child.
Even though you may not feel my presence,
I’m holding you close under the shadow of my wings.
I will walk with you through this dark night.

Do not shrink from weeping.
I gave you tears for emotional release.
Don’t try to hide your grief.
Let it become for you a source of healing,
A process of restoration,
For I have planned it so.
Those who mourn shall be blessed.
I’ll be holding on to you,
Even when you feel you can’t hold on to me.

Seek my face, child of mine.
Receive my promise, impossible as it may seem now,
That joy will come in the morning.
It may take much time,
But I will heal your broken heart.
I know the night seems endless,
But MORNING WILL COME.
I have promised.
 
Oh, Chauncey, I am so sorry. I will keep you, your husband & little Gabriel in my prayers & light my “special intention” candle for you tonight, All Souls Day. Those were beautiful poems from Spatulate. Isn’t it odd…although you haven’t told your family, or the people close to you, you have told this small cyber-community, and we will pray for you. Please let us know if there are any particular intentions that surface that you would like us to pray for on your behalf. May God bless you; May Our Lady console you!
 
Chauncey, my heart is breaking for you! Please know that my husband and I will keep you, your husband and tiny Gabriel in our prayers. Please feel free to PM me or to post here if you need support, someone to listen or pray for you.

Abby
 
Chauncey,

I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your precious child. Please know that before your child was known and loved by you, he was loved by God. I will remember you and your husband in my prayers.
A big hug to you, CM
 
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Chauncey:
How long did you wait to tell people that you were pregnant?
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I waited to announce it @ four months, but close friends and family knew before.
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Chauncey:
For those who waited a long time was it difficult to keep it a secret?
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yes, I was so happy I wanted to scream it to the whole world
 
I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jamie
 
Chauncy & hubby,

I am so sorry. Please be aware that your little family is in my prayer jar. :bowdown: I, too, lost my first just before Christmas but within a couple of months conceived. My hubby saw me so distressed that he took me to Disneyworld (the place of the conception). Now, my ‘children’ are 26 and 25 with a grandchild of 8.

Blessings,
Shoshana
 
Dear Chauncy,
I am so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage when I was 8 wks pregnant (6 wks from conception) during my first pregnancy. We hadn’t told anyone about the pregnancy and didn’t tell anyone about the miscarriage at the time (although I did eventually tell people). While I would’ve liked the support of my mom, she has a “loose tongue” and I just didn’t want everyone to know. It can be so hard to go through this alone. I know what it feels like to pretend you are just under the weather, to avoid all the sympathetic gazes that you might want to avoid. I know what it is like to be terribly sad for the loss of a child, or the hopes and dreams that go along with having a baby, especially when you keep it to yourself. I know what it feels like to be afraid for your fertility because you are miscarrying your first child, and haven’t yet had a healthy baby. I also know the feeling of gradually feeling better, gradually becoming less fearful, and of never forgetting this loss but eventually knowing the joy of bringing forth life again. I pray for all these for you.

I also know that if your husband is not able to be with you for the next few days, you may really need to have someone else close who can help you - either for a shoulder to cry on, to let you take it easy on the couch, or just to go to the pharmacy for you. May God bless you and little Gabriel. You’re in my prayers.
TKC
 
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