What kind of rules do priests have to abide by?

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vylanthan

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Hello guys!
I have a problem. :confused: :mad: There is this priest that my family has been known for many years. He is especially close to my aunt and uncle who recently just got married, God Bless Them. Before they had gotten married, he was a fine priest - respectful and kind, just as a priest should be. After they had gotten married, he had became very demanding, mean, and rude! My aunt takes care of me and my little brother and she would come over and cook for us everyday after school. The priest now is always marching into our home and demanding food. He yells at my aunt because she didn’t prepare him a bowl of food. He would yell at her because her daughter is crying. He would yell at her because she is always out grocery shopping and not watching her kid! What really makes me upset is that he is always taking my uncle’s side. They watch football together, bet together, they both yell at my aunt and my mom. Because both of my baby’s parents go to work in the morning, they drop her off to my mom to watch her. Then in the afternoon, the priest would walk into our home like it was his and yell at my mom for not giving her a bath!! I don’t know about you but I don’t think priests are suppose to treat their people like this! The sad part about this is that my whole family is scared of him [edited], we do not talk back to priests! Also, my brother and I own two dogs. These dogs are always barking when he comes over. About a week ago my mom and my brother went on vacation for the weekend and I had ask my other cousin to watch our dogs. She gladly agreed and we were on our way. The first day she came over to feed them, the priest also came over. The priest and my aunt were cutting up fruit and the dogs barked. This made him mad and he chased them with a knife and attempted to kick them!! The next day my cousin was over, my uncle was over. He saw that my cousin was pouring out food for them and pushed her out and told her not to feed them! Before the marriage he was never like this. He would alwasy call my aunt honey and all those stuff, now he just calls her You. She is always cooking for him, cleaning, and taking care of their kid. Whenever he wants to go anywhere, he assumes that my mom will watch his kid. My mom works a night shift and she needs her sleep in the afternoon. Another problem is that my uncle is always looking up to that Darn priest! Whatever he says he will do. I really want to report him to the archdiocese but I am afraid because I am only 17. What should I do?? I do not want to see my mom and aunt go through this anymore. I am tired of everyone not defending themselves. This priest has attempted to kick and slash my dogs. Yell at my mom and aunt. And, he gambles, curses, and do not treat anyone with respect! Please Help Me. Thanks and God Bless
 
[Edited]

Canon law says that you have a right to privacy and to property; this priest appears to be violating both.

Further, the diocese is supposed to see to his support; he should not be commandeering food.

Canon Law is available online at vatican.va in a number of languages.

You can, and should, report him to the archdiocese.

He might be ill, he might have an injury to his brain, or he might just have been waiting for a victim. You don’t know, so don’t judge; but by the same token, the actions are over the top. So let the bishop do the judging.

Report him, pray for him.
 
You do not say what country you live in or if you are a young man or woman so it is difficult to give advice. The priest should not treat you and your family in this way. It seems to me that, since the priest is a friend of your uncle, your uncle should be the one to tell the priest to act more politely to the women in your family and not to try to hurt your pets. But you said the uncle looks up to the priest and they are friends. You probably cannot change what the priest does in your uncle’s house. But he should not act that way in your house.

Is there an older man in your family who can help?

Would it be possible for you and your mom to write a polite letter to the priest telling him he is welcome to visit you, but when he does he must be kind in how he speaks to your mom and aunt and must not make threats to your dogs. Tell him you used to like it when he visited you but now he acts differently and not like a priest. Ask him to please visit you only when he can be kind because it makes you and your family sad and angry when he acts this way to them.

Sometimes priests don’t think that what they say and do can hurt people. Also, since your uncle is his friend and the uncle isn’t acting nice to your aunt, the priest may feel that it is OK to act the same.

If you can’t deal with the problem any other way, I agree with Aramis. Ask the bishop to help.
 
The abuse is not tolerable, and even apart from it, the priest’s change in behavior is worrisome. Assuming that this priest is not your pastor, too, talk to the priest who is your pastor, and tell him about this severe change in personality you have witnessed. See if he can offer some help. You might also choose to contact a different priest from your ethnic group that you trust. As priests, one of them may be in a position to do something that you or your relatives cannot. If those avenues don’t help, then yes, the bishop would want to hear of this from you, if necessary.

Good luck!
 
Claire_from_DE said:
You do not say what country you live in or if you are a young man or woman so it is difficult to give advice. The priest should not treat you and your family in this way. It seems to me that, since the priest is a friend of your uncle, your uncle should be the one to tell the priest to act more politely to the women in your family and not to try to hurt your pets. But you said the uncle looks up to the priest and they are friends. You probably cannot change what the priest does in your uncle’s house. But he should not act that way in your house.

Is there an older man in your family who can help?

Would it be possible for you and your mom to write a polite letter to the priest telling him he is welcome to visit you, but when he does he must be kind in how he speaks to your mom and aunt and must not make threats to your dogs. Tell him you used to like it when he visited you but now he acts differently and not like a priest. Ask him to please visit you only when he can be kind because it makes you and your family sad and angry when he acts this way to them.

Sometimes priests don’t think that what they say and do can hurt people. Also, since your uncle is his friend and the uncle isn’t acting nice to your aunt, the priest may feel that it is OK to act the same.

If you can’t deal with the problem any other way, I agree with Aramis. Ask the bishop to help.
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Claire,
I live in Denver, Co and I am a teenager who cares about my mom and aunt a lot. Because my little brother is the only “man” in the house, it is very hard to defend my mom in any way. Also recently, the priest has been telling my aunt not to come over and help my mom out anymore. He is constantly making her bring food for him at his parish/house. Please give me some advice. Thanks
 
Pray for this priest-a sudden change in behavior may signal a mental or neurological disorder.

May God Bless you and your family always.
 
vylanthan said:
Claire,
I live in Denver, Co and I am a teenager who cares about my mom and aunt a lot. Because my little brother is the only “man” in the house, it is very hard to defend my mom in any way. Also recently, the priest has been telling my aunt not to come over and help my mom out anymore. He is constantly making her bring food for him at his parish/house. Please give me some advice. Thanks
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You can contact the vicar of clergy for Denver and tell him what you told us. Dealing with this kind of issues is his job. I found his contact information for you online, from the archdiocesan web site:

Vicar for Clergy, Archdiocese of Denver
Father Bernard Schmitz
303-715-3197
Father.Schmitz@archden.org
 
I totally agree with EasterJoy’s suggestion.

This priest feels like he is a member of your family because he is such a good friend of your uncle. He sees how your uncle treats your family and he thinks he can do the same thing. Actually, the priest should tell your uncle to act nicer to your family. Instead, he is following your uncle’s bad example.

Maybe your uncle has told the priest it is OK to go to your house. Do you live beside each other or does your uncle own your house? Your uncle might even have asked him to check on the baby. If this is the case, your mother should tell your aunt that if she trusts her enough to leave the baby with her, she does not want the priest to check on her. If not, she should get another babysitter.

I think your uncle isn’t treating you right either. You will have to talk to you mother about what to do about this. But at least you can do something about how the priest acts in your house.

The pastor in your parish (or, if this priest is the pastor, the vicar of clergy) should tell the priest to stop visiting you even if your uncle tells him it is ok. The pastor or vicar of clergy should make clear to the priest that this isn’t right.
 
Claire_from_DE said:
I totally agree with EasterJoy’s suggestion.

This priest feels like he is a member of your family because he is such a good friend of your uncle. He sees how your uncle treats your family and he thinks he can do the same thing. Actually, the priest should tell your uncle to act nicer to your family. Instead, he is following your uncle’s bad example.

Maybe your uncle has told the priest it is OK to go to your house. Your uncle might even have asked him to check on the baby. If this is the case, your mother should tell your aunt that if she trusts her enough to leave the baby with her, she does not want the priest to check on her. If not, she should get another babysitter.

I think your uncle isn’t treating you right either. You will have to talk to you mother about what to do about this. But at least you can do something about how the priest acts in your house.

The pastor in your parish (or, if this priest is the pastor, the vicar of clergy) should tell the priest to stop visiting you unless he is invited by your mother even if your uncle tells him it is ok. The pastor or vicar of clergy should make clear to the priest that this isn’t right.
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I hear what you’re saying, but I’d leave what the vicar of clergy “should” do up to the archbishop and his vicar. I would expect he would want to know about this. If there are other problems with this priest, he is the one who will have been made aware of them.

If the vicar is notified and nothing happens, it is not out of place for a 17-year-old to tell him again about any priest continues to act in a menacing manner, for as many times as it takes for the problem to be addressed. How that is done is up to the chancery office. That changes do happen are the business of the people in whose homes these violations are happening.
 
True. He has to act as a priest in this case, not as the uncle’s buddy.
 
Claire_from_DE said:
True. He has to act as a priest in this case, not as the uncle’s buddy.
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Well, and one would hope that this priest will be able to see that there is nothing better for one’s friends than being as faithful as possible to one’s God-given vocation, particularly if it is a vocation to the priesthood. He’s given his life to that, after all.

The suddenness and severity of the change in behavior will surely concern the priest’s bishop, too: it would cause concern no matter who it was or what their age or station in life, for that matter. I would not venture to even guess what might have caused it, except to say some of the possibilities are very serious. To notify a priest’s bishop when such a sudden change takes place is the most charitable thing to do for the priest, and not just the family being affected.
 
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