What makes a priest "a good confessor"?

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This came up not that long ago when I asked a fellow at work if he’d met the new priest at the parish I attend and where he drops in on occasion. “Yes”, he said, “and he’s a really good confessor”. I didn’t have anything to compare this to so asked my one older brother (who converted to Catholicism nearly 40 years ago) what would make a priest a “bad” confessor. He mentioned one he had known who was very abrupt and always seemed in a hurry; "what did you do? how many times?.. three days fasting!" and you could practically hear the gavel banging down in dismissal.

So in the experiences of the many Catholic folks here, what have you had in the way of good or bad confessions?
 
Being to-the-point doesn’t make a bad confessor.

Some people need that kind of confessor. I would of loved that type of confession in high school. I had good spiritual advice from other sources and I need to confess quickly. We had a half-deaf priest and he was know as Fr. Forgive (behind his back, unfortunately). Everyone knew that he wouldn’t make you repeat something he couldn’t hear so you could confess anything you wanted. He gave pretty good penances. Once he had admitted he couldn’t hear well his line was aways several times longer than the priest known for his good advice. I would call him a very, very good confessor! Everyone wanted him for confession!

A good confessor is very subjective.
 
For me, it would be one that gives me short advice or encouragement after. Enough to make the process more personal, but short enough so it isn’t counseling.
 
My favorite confessor was the former director of the theology department at a local college.

Despite having a PHD, he wanted to serve on the parish level, so he left the college and became the pastor.

I loved going to confession with him because he was compassionate and understanding, but also gave good counseling that was short and spot on.

My worse confessor, currently is my pastor.

When he replaced my good confessor, he grilled me to the point where I had to ask if he was going to give me absolution or not ? He said of course, and gave me absolution. That was five years ago.

He became pastor at my church and although he’s improved as a confessor, he still has flaws.

The major one, is repeating to me what my wife spoke to him about in the confessional. It was after she received absolution, so it wasn’t her sins he was revealing, but he broke the confidence she had in asking him about an issue, while in the confessional.

Anyway, as St Teresa of Avila said, “if you find a good confessor, hang onto him for dear life.”

My favorite confessor retired and moved far away, so I have to live with what I have now.

Jim
 
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Thanks, Jim.
JimR-OCDS said:
The major one, is repeating to me what my wife spoke to him about in the confessional
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This reminds me of a program where Father Mitch was recounting a time when he wanted to encourage the men of his then-parish to come to confession more often. It finally worked when he said, “I’m tired of getting only your wife’s side of the story” 🙂
 
If, after 5 years, you still don’t like/feel comfortable with your Confessor, and you know that he is “breaking confidences,” why do you continue to use him? Do you think he will suddenly improve by year 10, or does your cruise control stop at your parish refusing to move until after your penance?

Please try another Confessor. Your goal is to get to heaven. Why make the journey more difficult than it has to be? I think 5 years is giving a person a fair chance.

Unless, of course, I am misreading it from the peanut gallery.
 
I would kindly ask you to modify your post so as not to selectively quote what was written about this priest. I skimmed this and read your quote, and as it is quoted, it sounds so scandalous as to be sacrilegious. Taken out of context, your quote makes it sound like the priest broke the seal. When I read the full quote in context, it’s clear that’s not the case. While imprudent, repeating something said in confidence is not a violation of the seal, which is a sin reserved to the apostolic see. Please include the whole quote for the sake of context and protection of the priest.

And as to what makes a good confessor? A validly ordained Catholic priest who pronounces the words of absolution.
 
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I appreciate a confessor who forgives my sins and keeps the line moving.
 
buc_fan33 said:
I would kindly ask you to modify your post so as not to selectively quote what was written about this priest. I skimmed this and read your quote, and as it is quoted, it sounds so scandalous as to be sacrilegious. Taken out of context, your quote makes it sound like the priest broke the seal. When I read the full quote in context, it’s clear that’s not the case. While imprudent, repeating something said in confidence is not a violation of the seal, which is a sin reserved to the apostolic see. Please include the whole quote for the sake of context and protection of the priest.

And as to what makes a good confessor? A validly ordained Catholic priest who pronounces the words of absolution.
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He is repeating a story that Father Mitch has probably told 100 times. I’ve heard it more than once. It is a joke.
 
buc_fan33 said:
I would kindly ask you to modify your post so as not to selectively quote what was written about this priest. I skimmed this and read your quote, and as it is quoted, it sounds so scandalous as to be sacrilegious. Taken out of context, your quote makes it sound like the priest broke the seal. When I read the full quote in context, it’s clear that’s not the case. While imprudent, repeating something said in confidence is not a violation of the seal, which is a sin reserved to the apostolic see. Please include the whole quote for the sake of context and protection of the priest.

And as to what makes a good confessor? A validly ordained Catholic priest who pronounces the words of absolution.
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LOL it’s a well known quote. Kinda like the, “hearing a nun’s confession is like being stoned to death with popcorn”
 
I don’t have a regular confessor. I go to confession every two weeks and kind of church hop to wherever it is convenient.
My sins are typically petty, repetitive, and boring. I can imagine the priest being bored to death. I keep to the adage: be brief, be bold, be gone.
What makes a good confessor? I think any priest who actually takes a moment to follow up on something you’ve said. For example, “how are you working on x?” “What are you doing to get closer to God right now?” “What is the major thing keeping you from God right now?” So many don’t even ask one question. That’s ok; I’m not really complaining. But a slight touch of seeing you as an individual can go a long way.
I also appreciate a good sense of humor.
 
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Whether it’s a story or not, whether it’s well-known or not, this quote,
The major one, is repeating to me what my wife spoke to him about in the confessional
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independent of any other context, is scandalous. I’m a priest and I’ve never head this story.
 
I didn’t explain correctly.

He hasn’t been my confessor for five years, but I went to him once, five years ago when he was at a different parish.

He recently became administrator of my parish.

Lastly, we don’t have a lot of options on whom we go to Confession to.

Jim
 
Not the same thing.

The priest repeated to me on an issue he spoke with my wife about when she was in the confessional.

I won’t get into details, but it was inappropriate.

Jim
 
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There are several types of good Confessor. Some are very wise. Some are very patient and kind and reassuring. Some might be just right for you as an individual.

Since I am scrupulous, I have been seeing one main Confessor who advises me and instructs me and corrects me on errors or having an overly legalistic view, and places limits on me. He knows scrupulosity is a very dangerous condition both mentally and spiritually, and he wants me to be able to function as a normal Catholic, and not have constant nagging doubts that, if left untreated, can lead a person to despair.

He also stresses, very importantly, the God is not waiting to “get me” on some technicality and my sins are nothing in comparison to the Mercy of the Lord and I have to believe that and trust that.
 
My favorite kind is the patient, calm, and kind one who doesn’t ask me questions (I don’t mean clarity wise). I don’t really like advice in the confessional either as I’d rather have that outside it…plus I like to know what to expect. Maybe that makes me an outlier, not wanting advice, but I’m always really anxious before confession no matter what and it helps to have a sort of formula
 
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  • Not letting you get away with BS excuses
  • Getting one to better self-knowledge about motives.
  • Getting you to smile, and want to begin again
  • Helping us to realize again that God is our loving Father.
 
Are you required to go to certain confessors? I don’t know a lot about third orders.
 
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