What makes a wife clingy?

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Hi all,

I’m interested to hear others opinion on what makes a wife clingy, and how does the husband feels about it.

I think that being clingy before marriage is taken differently than being clingy to the spouse.

Is it a bad thing for the husband?

My husband, in particular, doesn’t say it bothers him. Instead, he said today in a tone of remembrance and smiling: “You have been attached to me.” I’m really very clingy when we are physically apart. Before pregnancy, I used to cling to him a lot when he was more in the computer working than with me. During whole pregnancy, we showered together, not a day missed. After childbirth, I’m not and don’t even wish to be clingy. But now he is going away in a business trip and I’m being clingy again. 😊
 
Define what you mean by “clingy,” and describe why it is a problem. There are lots of couples who like to shower together whenever they can and who don’t spend a night apart if they can help it. They’re both fine with it, they interact with the world appropriately, and it is not a problem. It is merely one way on a continuum of ways that couples are with each other. It is not unusual for one spouse of a couple to want to be together more than the other feels a need to be together, but as long as they find an amount of togetherness that is OK for both, that is also OK.

What are you doing that you should not do? What feelings are you coping with that are adversely affecting your quality of life or that of anyone else? In what way do you think your behavior, self-talk, talk towards others, outlook or emotional skills need to change?
 
EasterJoy said:
Define what you mean by “clingy,” and describe why it is a problem. There are lots of couples who like to shower together whenever they can and who don’t spend a night apart if they can help it. They’re both fine with it, they interact with the world appropriately, and it is not a problem. It is merely one way on a continuum of ways that couples are with each other. It is not unusual for one spouse of a couple to want to be together more than the other feels a need to be together, but as long as they find an amount of togetherness that is OK for both, that is also OK.

What are you doing that you should not do? What feelings are you coping with that are adversely affecting your quality of life or that of anyone else? In what way do you think your behavior, self-talk, talk towards others, outlook or emotional skills need to change?
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This post is good to reflect upon. 👍
 
I guess I was coming from the secular view of being clingy. Which is often viewed as something not good.
 
Clingy? Or do you mean attached and bonded?

It is good to be attached and bonded to your husband. He is the closest person in the world to you. It is normal to miss him if he will be away.

To me the word clingy means to be attached to someone who doesn’t really want to be attached… Sort of like static cling, when a stray stock clings to your pants out of the dryer, it’s annoying. People who are clingy are insecure . They worry that if they don’t cling, the person won’t stay. Does that make sense?

If I remember, you’ve only been married a short while, it’s normal to be in that very close, “honeymoon” phase. Don’t worry.
 
Yes, there’s a difference between simply really liking to spend time together and what I would call “clingy.” To me, clingy behavior is about insecurity and trying to exert control over the other person (have to stay close so his eyes don’t wander/have to be helpless so he takes care of me.) The clingy person acts more like a dependent than an equal.

(IME the clingy person is usually a woman, hence my examples, but men can do it too. I just think it’s often considered more socially acceptable for women to use those kind of tactics rather than men.)
 
Depends on the kind of marriage you have.

I’m much more independent. I’ve never been clingy or, what I’d consider helpless.

Sure, my husband is the breadwinner and he makes the money but I still take care of myself and my kids on my own.

I have to because my husbands job means he is away a lot.

I’ve spent the vast majority of our marriage not seeing my husband or see very, very little of him for days at a time.
It’s normal for us.

We enjoy our space and independence.

My sister has been with her husband for 10 years and I don’t think they’ve ever been separated for more then a night and they don’t like being separated either and I don’t think it’s clingy.
 
My husband thinks I’m too clingy :o, and so do most people. Mine stems from my mental health issues I’m sure, and the way I was raised. My mom was clingy, she indirectly conditioned me to be clingy too. With my mental health issues it felt natural/normal, though now I’m considered somewhat disfunctional in adult society. Socially immature, probably?

My husband knows it’s because of my mental illness, combined with how I was raised. My severe health issues making me dependent on others for the basic necessities of life doesn’t help matters at all. I’m made up of a toxic loose-loose combination! :o
 
Kelfa28 said:
Depends on the kind of marriage you have.

I’m much more independent. I’ve never been clingy or, what I’d consider helpless.

Sure, my husband is the breadwinner and he makes the money but I still take care of myself and my kids on my own.

I have to because my husbands job means he is away a lot.

I’ve spent the vast majority of our marriage not seeing my husband or see very, very little of him for days at a time.
It’s normal for us.

We enjoy our space and independence.

My sister has been with her husband for 10 years and I don’t think they’ve ever been separated for more then a night and they don’t like being separated either and I don’t think it’s clingy.
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Either of these would be considered a good place to be for most healthy couples. 👍
 
My husband has to go away for work every now and then. I don’t like it, and I am not at all a clingy person. I love my own space. But I like having him near. There’s nothing wrong with missing your traveling spouse.

I make the best of it- I eat food he normally won’t eat with me, spend time reading, and typically take advantage of the time that he is not underfoot to deep-clean. He has not gone away since we’ve had our son, however, so I imagine being home with a baby goes by much faster than when you’re alone.

If your husband isn’t bothered, I don’t think it matters how clingy you’re being. If he’s feeling a little suffocated, though, you might want to give him a little breathing room.
 
In my opinion, clingy means that one is dependent on the other for all social interaction, reassurance, validation, and makes the other person their sole communicator, sole source of self-esteem and outlook on life. That makes for a stifling existence and backfires in that the other person avoids you.

Being appropriately close to your husband is another thing entirely. The posters here are talking about appropriate relationships with spouses.
Clinginess means one person can’t begin to cope without the other one around, or can’t make a simply decision by oneself.

Being clingy is unhealthy dependency. It’s disordered, not like a good marriage where people are appropriately “together”.
 
It certainly is healthy to want to spend time with a spouse and miss the person when gone.
But the word clingy usually has a negative connotation that means the person is insecure. Being clingy means you can’t make decisions on your own, have to be around the person every moment like you’re joined at the hip like at a social gathering instead of interacting with people on your own, won’t explore or do any activity on your own, or like you act like you have no identity without the other person.
 
pianistclare said:
In my opinion, clingy means that one is dependent on the other for all social interaction, reassurance, validation, and makes the other person their sole communicator, sole source of self-esteem and outlook on life. That makes for a stifling existence and backfires in that the other person avoids you.

Being appropriately close to your husband is another thing entirely. The posters here are talking about appropriate relationships with spouses.
Clinginess means one person can’t begin to cope without the other one around, or can’t make a simply decision by oneself.

Being clingy is unhealthy dependency. It’s disordered, not like a good marriage where people are appropriately “together”.
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Sunbreak said:
It certainly is healthy to want to spend time with a spouse and miss the person when gone.
But the word clingy usually has a negative connotation that means the person is insecure. Being clingy means you can’t make decisions on your own, have to be around the person every moment like you’re joined at the hip like at a social gathering instead of interacting with people on your own, won’t explore or do any activity on your own, or like you act like you have no identity without the other person.
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Well I’m certainly not affected to this point anymore (thanks to therapy and medicines :o), but I definitely like to be around/spend time with my husband far more often than he does with me. Also I’m far more talkative and affectionate than him. I miss him when he’s at work or on business trips, but then again I’m home alone without being able to work and I’m also childless which doesn’t help the loneliness.

So anyhow he takes this as clingy, while others may just see it as severe personality clashes. Whatever. 🤷 He didn’t used to be this way (very withdrawn and not wanting to be around others) before we married. :rolleyes: He’s kind of become a “grumpy old man” (but he’s only in his late 30’s :p). Oh and I also am totally financially dependent due to poor health, but I can exist on my own otherwise for the most part. Unless I’m having a super bad mental health spell.
 
pianistclare said:
In my opinion, clingy means that one is dependent on the other for all social interaction, reassurance, validation, and makes the other person their sole communicator, sole source of self-esteem and outlook on life. That makes for a stifling existence and backfires in that the other person avoids you.

Being appropriately close to your husband is another thing entirely. The posters here are talking about appropriate relationships with spouses.
Clinginess means one person can’t begin to cope without the other one around, or can’t make a simply decision by oneself.

Being clingy is unhealthy dependency. It’s disordered, not like a good marriage where people are appropriately “together”.
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👍 I agree with this ^ completely!

Reading the OP’s questions brought to mind a young neighbor I knew several years ago, who was also clingy. Very early in the marriage she would almost badger her new husband when he was home, needing his reassurance. She would call him a couple times a day while he was working, inquiring about his work day and who he’d associated with.

Her situation was more of a trust issue due to past betrayals of trust by other boyfriends and people in general, she had some insecurity as well. They were able to work through it though. She had several hobbies and interests, so once she focused on things she enjoyed it helped her tremendously. She also slowly made new girl friends and adapted to her new city. They made plans early on in the marriage to have a date night, which both said made a big difference and years later they still stuck to their dates together.

New marriages can be a challenge, so can a new baby! Praying the OP finds a way to work it out, be comfortable and secure in her marriage.
 
Sometimes a person is not “clingy”; they are “needy”. They can’t do anything for themselves and need their husband or wife to “help” them.

I know a lady who could not put coins in a laundromat washer correctly “or so she said.” She would load the machines and then get her husband to help her put in the quarters.

Of course, she did not want him going to the pub next door.
 
Convert_in_99 said:
My husband thinks I’m too clingy :o, and so do most people. Mine stems from my mental health issues I’m sure, and the way I was raised. My mom was clingy, she indirectly conditioned me to be clingy too. With my mental health issues it felt natural/normal, though now I’m considered somewhat disfunctional in adult society. Socially immature, probably?

My husband knows it’s because of my mental illness, combined with how I was raised. My severe health issues making me dependent on others for the basic necessities of life doesn’t help matters at all. I’m made up of a toxic loose-loose combination! :o
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Convert_in_99 said:
Well I’m certainly not affected to this point anymore (thanks to therapy and medicines :o), but I definitely like to be around/spend time with my husband far more often than he does with me. Also I’m far more talkative and affectionate than him. I miss him when he’s at work or on business trips, but then again I’m home alone without being able to work and I’m also childless which doesn’t help the loneliness.

So anyhow he takes this as clingy, while others may just see it as severe personality clashes. Whatever. 🤷 He didn’t used to be this way (very withdrawn and not wanting to be around others) before we married. :rolleyes: He’s kind of become a “grumpy old man” (but he’s only in his late 30’s :p). Oh and I also am totally financially dependent due to poor health, but I can exist on my own otherwise for the most part. Unless I’m having a super bad mental health spell.
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We can be best friends! 😃
 
E_7 said:
I guess I was coming from the secular view of being clingy. Which is often viewed as something not good.
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Would you mind telling me what you mean by “secular view of clingy” and explain how it’s viewed as not good?

You mentioned physical touch when you spoke of clingy as well so I’m unsure how you mean ‘clingy’. Can you tell us what your interpretation of clingy is?
Thanks!
 
Arizona_Fat_Gir said:
Sometimes a person is not “clingy”; they are “needy”. They can’t do anything for themselves and need their husband or wife to “help” them.

I know a lady who could not put coins in a laundromat washer correctly “or so she said.” She would load the machines and then get her husband to help her put in the quarters.

Of course, she did not want him going to the pub next door.
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LOL… Funny!! 😃 But I agree, yes some are needy! Too much so.
 
Faithful_Seeker said:
Would you mind telling me what you mean by “secular view of clingy” and explain how it’s viewed as not good?

You mentioned physical touch when you spoke of clingy as well so I’m unsure how you mean ‘clingy’. Can you tell us what your interpretation of clingy is?
Thanks!
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Well, I’m not sure about the secular definition. But I have heard from single people the lines “I broke up with her because she was too clingy.” So I personally took clingy as something bad the first time I heard of it.
 
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