What mishaps have you seen in church?

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A lady with Parkinson’s Disease once tore two pages out of her Missal while trying to turn the page, her tremor was so bad. Luckily, her daughter had some tape in her purse and spent a good ten minutes during the homily putting it back together. I assure you, she didn’t miss much either.
 
I suggest you impose strict discipline. Uniforms, rank, duty rosters and pop inspections. And, those who make mistakes must be punished. That always worked for me.
 
Brilliant! We are almost to the week where we lock them in a room and make them swear allegiance to the Virgin Mary. 😆
 
You should inform them that from now until Easter, they will be required to assemble promptly at 0500 Hours in front of the church for the ceremonial raising of the Vatican Flag and the firing of the canon.
 
We have a priest at my parish from Peru who begins every other sentence with "My brothers and sisters. One parishioner counted 157 “My brothers and sisters…” at one of his masses. There are less and less brothers and sisters attending his masses because of this.
 
You might consider modeling your talk at Easter Vigil practice on this…

 
Fortunately I don’t have anything terribly unusual to report. There was an EMHC that was shaking so bad that he nearly spilled the Precious Blood and a young lector who began with the second reading instead of the first.

As an altar server I’ve served a number of funerals. They’re always interesting as we get a lot of folks in church who obviously haven’t spent a lot of time in church and the ones who do seem to forget what they’ve been there before.
 
If you had ever met Mother Superior (she isn’t a nun, but that is her nickname) that runs our rehearsal, you would be weirded out by how accurate that video is.
 
The worst I can say I’ve seen is having the priest lose his place multiple times. One day he read the wrong gospel, caught himself afterward and said, “Well, this puts me in the company of a number of bishops I know.” My brother, on the other hand, when I posed this question to him said he once saw a girl’s hair catch fire during a procession. The candle behind her was following a little too closely. He did not deem it to have been deliberate.
 
Serving at a wedding once I saw a very nervous best man approach the lectern for a reading. He stood there in silence for quite some time before turning to the priest and asking if we had a Bible (someone forgot to put the lectionary out). The priest replied, ‘I think we’ve got one somewhere,’ then turned to me and said, ‘can you go and try to find one?’

I’ve also managed to burn a hole in the sacristy carpet after a charcoal flew out of the thurible. Mea culpa!
 
Recently, a brand new altar server was serving at his very first Mass. He must have dribbled some water on the marble steps up to the altar as he was pouring the water over the priest’s hands prior to the consecration. As he turned to take the cruet of water away, he slipped, lost his footing, dropped the crystal wine bottle holding the wine, and knocked over the other two servers, as well as the unconsecrated hosts. They went flying everywhere and the crystal wine bottle shattered, sending pieces of glass all over the floor. To make matters worse, the poor kid tumbled face first onto the floor and was mortified. The priest had to stop the mass and we all had to pick all the hosts that we cold find and sweep up the tiny pieces of glass. After about 20 minutes, the mass continued without the poor kid who was having his cuts and bruises bandaged in the sacristy.
 
My son backed into the Easter candle at his brother’s baptism and set his hair on fire. I missed that but saw my daughter hitting him on the head to put out the fire.
 
Sounds like he may have a calling. To what, I don’t know.
 
He is a case manager for several adult group homes. You know the guy the resident director goes to when she can’t handle the residents. He has a unique type of patience.
 
I would never report any mishaps at my church. The Diocesan auditors may be scanning this thread looking for reasons to make the parish buy more insurance.😯
 
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