What mishaps have you seen in church?

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I actually googled before I posted and it brought up a bunch of pictures called “Holy Water Sprinkler” so since it was early morning and snowing I decided to just roll with it. I knew there was some other word, I just couldn’t think of it.
 
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I forgot one. When I was a teenager, I was at Easter morning Mass with my parents and part of the high plaster ceiling of the church fell down on my head during the closing hymn. Fortunately it wasn’t a large part and I felt a little something but didn’t really notice until my mom looked at me and saw plaster in my hair and all over the shoulder of my dress. We joked that the choir really brought the house down that day.
 
Once when I was small we had visiting missionary priest who started mass by blessing the congregation with holy water. Some of the cold holy water hit one of the lights hanging from the ceiling and it exploded; glass everywhere. People moved from under the glass. The priest took it all in stride; he told us that this reminded him of the missions. The locals would set off fireworks.
 
Oh, I know He does. It just felt sacreligious is all… shrug
 
Monsignor went to lay on the alter (I forget what the official term for this was) during a high mass at Easter and as he did, he broke wind loud enough for 4 pews back to hear it. One of my friends at the time (we were in 5th grade) and his brother were serving and heard it and started laughing and then I started laughing two pews back with several others. I really got yelled at after mass. LOL.
 
I backed into a lady in a wheelchair while incensing the Blessed Sacrament during the transfer of the Eucharist to the tabernacle of repose at the Mass of the Lords Supper. Pope Francis had recently tripped over a person in a wheelchair as well so I felt like I was in good company.
 
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At a Christmas Eve Mass a decoration at the side of the church that included candles caught fire. Fortunately, someone rushed over and was able to put it out. I don’t remember how because it was over 15 years ago. No call to the fire department was necessary.
 
There was a time where my former priest ended an hour mass, thirty minutes in to go play Pokémon Go.
 
#1 I don’t remember the occasion for this concelebrated Mass, but the church was packed. To really jazz it up, the parish had large censer, like they have at the main Basilica in DC. Well, the had a bonfire in it and loaded it up with incense. Within a few minutes of incensing everything, the small sanctuary area was disappearing in the smoke.

There was no ventilation.

The organist eventually noticed the situation and pointed a personal fan to move the cloud. I believe the priests were close to death from smoke inhalation – incense smoke is really not that healthy for anybody.

#2 a coworker told the story about his wedding mishap in church. He and his bride were processing someplace and I thin the groom hooked his foot on the credence table in the main aisle, sending it toppling over with all the usuals on top of it. He loudly uttered a blasphemous phrase which cannot be reproduced here.

#3 another coworker was getting married and the wedding party had individual kneelers in the sanctuary facing the altar. Under the rules of fasting at the time, the groom was unexpectedly crashing with low blood sugar, He toppled over HOLDING THE KNEELER even when he had landed on the floor. People had to pry his fingers off the kneeler.

#4 it was not obvious to the general congregation, but all the votive candles that had been lit near what I later learned was a beautifully carved wooden and painted statue of the Virgin Mary, caused the statue to crack, at the base. There’s no absolutely dry wood, and the moisture in the wood combined with the heat caused it to crack.

#5. There were no obvious consequences to this situation. I was serving the 12 noon Sunday Mass, the last of 5 Masses that day. My partner observed the left over altar wine in the cruets from the previous masses (that day, the cruets were filled with wine, which was not usual). Suddenly I looked and he was chugging down all the left over wine. Many years later he served in the Army in Viet Nam. After his discharge, he was speeding along with his girl friend on a motorcycle and was killed, running in the back of a truck at night that had no visible tail lights.
 
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#6. the rock star Madonna was born here. She was baptized in this church across town from where I lived. A guy who was replacing the roofing, had no “fall protection” and he rolled down the 45 foot gable of the roof and then dropped some 50 feet to the ground. RIP

#7 Again the fasting rules, on Good Friday, no less. A fellow altar boy was “losing it” and had the sense to walk out of the sanctuary. I thought “that’s normal” until while exiting, he genuflected to the sacristy door where he was headed, instead of towards the tabernacle.

#8. infant baptism during Sunday Mass. The script called for the baptism in a special garment – OK – but thence the mother disappeared into the sacristy to dress up the baby and left the priest “hanging” out there for about 8 minutes until things were “just so.” until he could conclude the rites.

#9. not a real mishap, but always distracted me. This one priest preferred this wireless microphone with the metal strap that goes over the head, from ear to ear, and the microphone itselfwas on a wire that wrapped around to the mouth area – similar to those mikes the head coach uses at NFL games. Well, there was a miscue. The young servers missed the cue to bring the chalices over to the altar at the offertory – the pries stomped over, obviously impatient, to the side table and got them himself.

#10 Who would think of this? A particular lady was the official server at the weekday Masses. It was her preference to bring the chalices over to the altar in an unusual way – she always brought one of them over by inserting her thumb deep into the chalice, and thus grasping the chalice with the rest of her fingers on the outside. My sister was grossed out by her mother in law who got her cereal from the box NOT by pouring it out, but by sticking her hand IN the box and taking out an apparently measured handful.
 
I told this story on another thread but perhaps it’s worth repeating.

When we were kids, my brother was an altar server at our school’s church. At the time, there was a young family that had twin boys my brother’s age, both on the autism spectrum. Since the boys couldn’t be unsupervised for any length of time, they always joined their parents on the Communion line but didn’t receive.

One time, the parents went up with the two boys on my brother’s line. As the priest gave the dad Communion, my brother held out that circular tray thing (I’m sure it has a name I don’t know about) - and one of the twins grabbed it. My brother tried to pull back gently but the other boy wouldn’t let go and before you knew it, the two of them were having a tug of war over the Communion tray. The twins’ dad looked horrified and the priest started laughing. Then my brother yanked hard and the boy suddenly let go. My brother stumbled, his arm swung back, and wouldn’t you know it, the Communion tray hit Father right in the - ahem, well, it cut his laughter rather short.
 
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