What options are available for me, given my specific circumstances?

[Catholic_Texan]

For a while now, I have been trying to determine what my calling is. Just today, I was reading an article about consecrated virginity. Having done some additional preliminary research on the topic, it is clear that to be a consecrated virgin, you must first be a true virgin, not someone who is living a celibate life.

I would be the latter person. I am not a virgin, having engaged in sexual relations over the years. I also have a child (now 18). However, for approximately 4 years now, I have lived a life of celibacy due to a personal vow made to God that I would do so (and I was celibate for an additional 2 years before that, although I had not made the specific vow at that point).

For a while now, I have in some fashion wanted to “formalize” my vow of celibacy. Because of the previous type of life I led, it is important to me that this vow of mine be “blessed” in some fashion. I guess I want it to be more than just a personal statement I have made to myself and God privately. I’ve considered something as simple as buying a gold band and having it blessed by a priest, just so I know in my heart that I’m wearing something that, at least to me, has now committed me to this type of life, to this path.

I was just wondering what all the options are that may be available to me, if any? Should I be looking to join a religious order (I’ve thought about it, but I’m just not sure if that’s the type of life I want to lead…being part of a community and all, since I have a child.)? Should I be looking to be a part of a lay religious organization? Are there any other types of options I’m not aware of?

If anyone has any (name removed by moderator)ut, it would be very much appreciated.

thanks!

 

[Aaron_I]

I applaud you for your vow of celibacy. I agree that it does seem that a consecrated virgin must be a virgin in the true sense, so that option isn’t open to you. I do think your idea of having an object blessed by a priest is a good one. Also, perhaps the idea of a Third Order Secular would appeal to you? I’m not entirely familiar with it, but from what I understand it’s a way of being united with a religious order while still being a member of the laity. Either way, this may be a good subject to discuss with a priest.

 

[Catholic_Texan]

Aaron I.,

Thank you very much for your support, and for your (name removed by moderator)ut. I will definitely look into the Third Order…I’m actually not very familiar with it myself, so some additional research is definitely in order.

Your suggestion to talk to a priest is a good one…hopefully, he may be able to provide me with some guidance on this issue, because it is really important to me to do something.

Thanks again for taking the time to reply to my post

 

[skallal]

Hey CT,

Thank you so much for being open and honest. I am not aware of any restrictions on taking a vow of chastity that involves being a virgin. The vow refers to your future, not your past. Look at St. Augustine. He lived with a woman 14 years and fathered a child before wanting to be a monk, and eventually becoming a priest and bishop. St. Rita of Cascia and St. Jean de Chantal also were both mothers before consecrating their lives to God in the religious state. As you mentioned there are many options available to you… Our own community in fact is beginning to attract some interest from laywomen who want to consecrate themselves while pursuing a career in the world (apostlesofil.org). May God guide you on your journey…

 

[puzzleannie]

as long as you have a child to support you would probably not be a candidate for any religious order, and your role as mother is your vocation at this time. You should get a spiritual director in any case if you are discerning such a path, but most likely a bishop would not accept a vow of celibacy (intent not to marry) from someone who is supporting a child, since the Church would be in support of that person marrying for the good of the child. Ask these questions of a trusted confessor or spiritual director who can speak to your individual situation. The suggestion to join a secular order or association in the meanwhile is a good one, search on the spirituality forum, there are also stickies there, on such organizations. Some are Secular Franciscans, Benedictine Oblates, Dominican tertiaries, Carmelites and other orders also have lay associates and the formation for all these leads lay people to ways they can live out the charism and spirituality of that order in their worldly life. None of them involve vows, but there are non-binding promises.

here is link to the sticky above this forum
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=179983