What Qualities Define a desirable Husband?

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One who practices his faith (and loves God even more than his wife, as someone previously posted…). Also humble, patient, kind, faithful, with a good work ethic (SO important in this economy). One who doesn’t look at other women as if he might be missing something. Especially one who doesn’t look at porn - either softcore or hardcore. And that prior post about short memories help for both spouses is a gem, too!
The fact that you’re asking for suggestions is a very good start. No mere humans are perfect, but it sounds like you’re already on your way to finding a good life partner just by contemplating all of these recommendations!
Have a blessed Lent.
 
Be kind. Listen to what she has to say - in other words be sympathetic with her problems instead of immediately doing the intellectual problem solve type of thing. Be faithful. Don’t have addictions. Show her affection in little ways and not just when you want sex. Be a hard worker. Be a grown up - that means you will pick up after yourself and go look for something yourself instead of always asking “where’s the …” - you can look for whatever it is just as easily as she can. Be well groomed. Don’t make major plans without including her.
 
Sunbreak said:
Be kind. Listen to what she has to say - in other words be sympathetic with her problems instead of immediately doing the intellectual problem solve type of thing. Be faithful. Don’t have addictions. Show her affection in little ways and not just when you want sex. Be a hard worker. Be a grown up - that means you will pick up after yourself and go look for something yourself instead of always asking “where’s the …” - you can look for whatever it is just as easily as she can. Be well groomed. Don’t make major plans without including her.
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Yes.

It’s very important not to be yet another child to take care of.
 
Another thing–you totally do know how to make a sandwich. So you’re a big boy–make yourself a sandwich.
 
Listen to women on this one.

But my two cents are as follows.
  1. Develop a quality of love. Love your wife and children more than anything.
  2. Don’t aspire to be a authoritarian or a weakling. You need to be a good team mate.
  3. Always be on your wife’s team. Always, even when she is wrong.
  4. Be loving to children. Your quantities need to be loving and joyous at the idea of having children. This is something that a good woman will think of when she is considering a husband. What kind of father will he be.?
  5. Know yourself enough to be comfortable with being yourself all the time. Don’t have some kind of ego the size of a giant, and on the flipside don’t be so low on self esteem that you magnetize pity.
  6. Love with eternity in mind. You need to help your future wife be a saint. She will in turn help you to achieve heaven as well.
  7. Go all in. Dedicate your life to your wife and family.
  8. Leave your family (parents) to become one with your wife. Some women find a mama’s boy cute for dating, but you will most likely have to choose loyalty some day on some issue. And it better be your wife’s.
  9. Take a look at E5 men. It is a website helping men to take Ephesians 5 to heart. Lay down your life for your wife like Christ laid down his life for the Church. And that means sacrificing.
  10. Treat a lady like she deserves. Any woman who chides you for letting her go first for Communion or scoffs at a door being opened for her is going to be a tough match.
Notice that anything that has to do with work or a paycheck was left off my list.

Precisely because a sacramental marriage has nothing to do with what job you have or your earning potential. If it did, the Church (The Church of the Poor) would not marry poor people…
 
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I consider myself a good husband. So does my wife. I am a stay at home, homeschooling dad to four. soon to be five kids. So of course your 1 and only quality is a little offensive to someone who puts every bit as much work at providing as my working wife…
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👍👍
 
Mickey_Finn said:
Healthy, wealthy, and absent…
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I would say, rather, that it is preferred that if a man is going to be absent anyway, he might as well make enough money that his wife can hire help for the things her husband would be likely to do if he were home - things like yard maintenance, home and auto repair, etc. Assistance with “deep” housecleaning tasks and the ability to eat conveniently once in a while are also very helpful for the woman who spends her time with little ones 24/7 without much in the way of backup.

But I am much more willing to overlook those conveniences if I have a husband who earns less, but is able to be home. Because after all, I should have married him hoping we’d spend some time together now and again!
 
I think the one most important quality that both spouses can bring to a marriage is a sense of forgiveness. Forgiveness because it is a given that at some point in the marriage, your spouse is going to drive you crazy. And if your spouse isn’t driving you crazy, you can be sure you’re driving your spouse crazy 😃

Forgiveness allows a couple to cross those periods relatively unscathed.

Forgiveness is also a quality that can best be learned by having a loving relationship with… Christ. Therefore it goes without saying that a marriage that is under the watchful eye of God because the couple allows God to occupy the biggest part of their lives on a daily, hourly basis, has the best chance at success.

I’ve lost count of the number of couples I’ve seen couples split up over petty squabbles or a loss of romantic feelings because he leaves his clothes in a pile beside the bed or she’s too harried with child care to feel “in the mood”. People confuse romantic feelings with love. Love isn’t about romantic feelings. Those come and go in a marriage, it’s normal, but some folks can’t get over it (or themselves) when this invariably happens. That can only come through forgiveness. If you can get over the hump the first time that happens, there’s hope. A woman who yells at her husband for leaving his dirty wet clothes in a pile after he’s spent the afternoon on the roof in the cold and rain patching a leak needs to forgive him and be thankful he was there and maybe pour him a hot bath. A man who complains his wife is too tired for sex because of child care should be thankful for her devotion to the kids, and instead of complain (or worse look at porn), forgive her and lend a hand.

The rest is simply whether two individuals have enough compatible interests to found a life in common, but also enough differences so that one spouse can still have an aura of mystery.
 
A man who is focused on getting his one special woman to heaven.

Heaven is to be lived here and now. We can think of heaven as a journey from their current state of separation from God. Many people have traveled far from he heavenly path God has planned for them. Some have been set back by bad acts from others and others are clingy to God. Hence, there is a large degree of relativism for determining how the man can best get his soul mate to heaven.

For example, if a woman were discerning a vocation as a nun and decided a married life was her calling, her needs for getting to heaven would probably require a very religious man desiring to focus the marriage close to God. She might also be compelled to find a man who has experienced spiritual separation from God so that she may use her charisms to direct him to heaven.

Now a woman who has lived a life of sexual slavery/prostitution will have different needs to journey back to God. She would need a merciful man who is not judgementL but firm in moral actions. She probably needs someone who can abstain and also physically brin her to heaven.

Then, once committed through the vows of matrimony the journey continues and eAch couple needs to constantly review if they are leading each other toheaven and God, or moving away. Often, the man will find his gifts in working to provide security and stability. However, good this is, he may be blinded by his pride and accomplishments and value his work over his marriage. Flip side, he could loose his job and fall into despair and slothiness. The woman too can fall into a mans career and mistake security and stability with materialism and social status (husbands, kids, and selfs). It’s a perpetual dance the couple must maintain to get each other to heaven.
 
I tell my single friends to look for a guy with a job and morals who makes them laugh. That covers it pretty well.
 
FrenzyJen said:
I tell my single friends to look for a guy with a job and morals who makes them laugh. That covers it pretty well.
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I agree with this, and pretty much everything everbody else has said.

I’ll add this, though, and while it seems a very odd thing to say, I mean it wholeheartedly.

One needs to read Chaucer’s “The Wife of Bath’s Prologue” to really, really know the most important thing. It summarizes everything else.

(I’m not kidding, but you have to understand it :))
 
ChainBreaker said:
I want to be a husband; what is required of me to be desirable?
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I don’t think you are focused on quite the right question. I think your question should be: “What is required of me to be a virtuous husband?”

There are many things that might make you a desirable husband to one person or another, but which would send you to Hell, because they are sinful.

You need to focus on developing the virtues which will make you a good husband, and then you must rely on God’s will to bring a wife to you. Consider that you are not called to seek after what you want, but what God’s will is for you; if His will is for you to marry, then great, happiness to you, but if not, you need to not shut out God’s will.
 
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