What Qualities Define a desirable Husband?

[underacloud]

I’ll ask my wife what makes me desirable.

So the answers given, in this order:

kind
funny
good cook
good with the kids

I’m a little surprised by what was said and what wasn’t said, but I guess it’s a good thing if the first thing someone describes you as is kind.

A sense of humour is important. If spouses can laugh at themselves, their children, and all sorts of other things in life, then dealing with challenges can be less stressful than otherwise. It took a while for my wife to understand my sense of humour, because it is very dry, but clearly she values it.

 

[Xantippe]

So the answers given, in this order:

kind
funny
good cook
good with the kids

I’m a little surprised by what was said and what wasn’t said, but I guess it’s a good thing if the first thing someone describes you as is kind.

A sense of humour is important. If spouses can laugh at themselves, their children, and all sorts of other things in life, then dealing with challenges can be less stressful than otherwise. It took a while for my wife to understand my sense of humour, because it is very dry, but clearly she values it.

Awww.

I think that sort of very basic stuff looms more and more important as the years go by.

 

[mariemargaret]

You have gotten advice that runs the gamut from the specific to the very general!

My advice is general; apply your faith to your life to try to be the best ‘you’ that you can be. If part of your purpose in life is to be married, you will find a mate who is desirable to you and who will find you desirable.

Sounds simple, right?

 

[StSentry83]

My wife said the thing about me that stood out the most to her was how much I made her laugh and how I never stopped making her laugh.

She also said that I was perfect for her because my personality helped her grow as a person. She’s the highly motivated, assertive, strung out workaholic and my easy-going, diplomatic and optimistic personality is the right counterpart to hers.

Every woman (and man) is different. Just figured I’d offer that up.

 

[Cat]

I definitely think that the most “desirable” trait in a husband is the ability to support his wife.

Hoosier Daddy, I admire you for staying home to homeschool your children. But I think that in the majority of marriages, it is the woman who stays home (if either parent stays home) because she is the source of food for babies. Pumping is a pain and it gets harder and harder once a woman returns to a workplace.

Also, most women don’t have the earning potential of men. Of course there are many exceptions, but it’s true for most women’s careers.

Also, there is temperament. Yes, that’s a controversial thing, and yes, both men and women can and must learn to rear their children well. But women are usually more suited in temperament to deal with the “sameness” of childrearing routines.

A woman’s major need is SECURITY. Many women will do almost anything to feel “secure”.

So many women think that a “nice” man will make them happy forever, and they don’t realize that it’s hard to be happy when there is not enough money to pay bills, and the family is in constant fear of losing their home, has no insurance, and drives a car that is being held together by duct tape and prayer.

And although many families are way over-booked on children’s activities, it is really really hard to keep telling children, “No, honey, you can’t join the soccer team. No, honey, you can’t have piano lessons. No, honey, we can’t go to McDonald’s.”

And it’s hard to streeee–tch every penny, and re-use everything and never waste anything, even the bones, and buy everything from thrift stores and never have anything new. Yes, it can be done, and most of us should probably do it more, because we are all so wasteful and materialistic. But it is very nice to be able to afford to buy at least the basics, and at least get the kids (or the parents) a few of the latest “fad” toys that every child longs for.

Again, it sounds nice to live a “simple” lifestyle (or whatever euphemism you use for “poverty”). But it’s very very hard, and many women who end up in these marriages come to realize that they really do want security more than “love.”

I think that many women are getting a little wiser about this, and they are looking for men who have good jobs and a good work ethic. I’m not just talking about doctors and lawyers. My brother is a welder and makes more money than I make (I’m a medical technologist in a hospital lab.)

And as I said, many women who end up in a marriage where the husband can’t provide an adequate income for the basic needs will do ANYTHING to try to gain security. I’ve seen some awful actions by women who were desperate to pay their bills and become secure.

 

[Xantippe]

I definitely think that the most “desirable” trait in a husband is the ability to support his wife.

Hoosier Daddy, I admire you for staying home to homeschool your children. But I think that in the majority of marriages, it is the woman who stays home (if either parent stays home) because she is the source of food for babies. Pumping is a pain and it gets harder and harder once a woman returns to a workplace.

Also, most women don’t have the earning potential of men. Of course there are many exceptions, but it’s true for most women’s careers.

Also, there is temperament. Yes, that’s a controversial thing, and yes, both men and women can and must learn to rear their children well. But women are usually more suited in temperament to deal with the “sameness” of childrearing routines.

A woman’s major need is SECURITY. Many women will do almost anything to feel “secure”.

So many women think that a “nice” man will make them happy forever, and they don’t realize that it’s hard to be happy when there is not enough money to pay bills, and the family is in constant fear of losing their home, has no insurance, and drives a car that is being held together by duct tape and prayer.

And although many families are way over-booked on children’s activities, it is really really hard to keep telling children, “No, honey, you can’t join the soccer team. No, honey, you can’t have piano lessons. No, honey, we can’t go to McDonald’s.”

And it’s hard to streeee–tch every penny, and re-use everything and never waste anything, even the bones, and buy everything from thrift stores and never have anything new. Yes, it can be done, and most of us should probably do it more, because we are all so wasteful and materialistic. But it is very nice to be able to afford to buy at least the basics, and at least get the kids (or the parents) a few of the latest “fad” toys that every child longs for.

Again, it sounds nice to live a “simple” lifestyle (or whatever euphemism you use for “poverty”). But it’s very very hard, and many women who end up in these marriages come to realize that they really do want security more than “love.”

I think that many women are getting a little wiser about this, and they are looking for men who have good jobs and a good work ethic. I’m not just talking about doctors and lawyers. My brother is a welder and makes more money than I make (I’m a medical technologist in a hospital lab.)

And as I said, many women who end up in a marriage where the husband can’t provide an adequate income for the basic needs will do ANYTHING to try to gain security. I’ve seen some awful actions by women who were desperate to pay their bills and become secure.

I also think that a lot of “simple” living that we hear about is on the level of Marie Antoinette and her ladies pretending to be shepherdesses–it’s affluent people doing without things they can afford, rather than poor people doing without things they can’t afford.

For proof, see any copy of Real Simple Magazine.

 

[Irishmom2]

Again, it sounds nice to live a “simple” lifestyle (or whatever euphemism you use for “poverty”).

I think this is not very kind.

And I do believe there are people that are poor, but who still feel security.

Basically, you are telling women to marry for the money. Money is not everything. There are plenty of miserable wealthy wives out there who wish their husbands had some of the qualities other people have spoken of beyond the ability to earn a living that would put them in a higher tax bracket. I think that is a slap in the face to any husband, many of whom may be reading this right now, who are just getting by.

 

[Xantippe]

I think this is not very kind.

And I do believe there are people that are poor, but who still feel security.

Basically, you are telling women to marry for the money. Money is not everything. There are plenty of miserable wealthy wives out there who wish their husbands had some of the qualities other people have spoken of beyond the ability to earn a living that would put them in a higher tax bracket.

**It is true that there is a stereotype that affluent women with husbands that are never home are often miserable.

And there do seem to be a lot of men (on various red pill sites, for instance) that are under the impression that a large income is a reasonable replacement for a personality and all other redeeming qualities.
**

I think that is a slap in the face to any husband, many of whom may be reading this right now, who are just getting by.

And yet, we often hear from CAF women that are expecting a first baby (or a fourth) and are dying inside (and maybe blaming their husbands) because they want to be home with their baby and they know it’s not going to happen and it never is going to happen.

If that is likely to be the case, I think some soul-searching is in order well in advance–do I love this man more than I love the option to be home with my future baby or babies?

I know that personally, it would have nearly killed me to be separated from my infants. (Toddlers, on the other hand…)