What Should I do about Christmas eve?

[Julia_Mae]

Sure their is a choice , I could just not show up and someone would just take my part. Than I could make up some excuse after- oh I was sick etc… than id be saving face and would not have to go back on my word

Okay, yes, you will have gone back on your word and then you would compound that by sinning. You said you were 18 and could make up your own mind, and being 18 means you are an adult. Adults keep their commitments, do not lie in order to “save face,” but admit their faults and accept the consequences of their actions.

And it is not true that “someone would just take my part” as if it doesn’t matter. Those of us who have served in choirs know what a mess it is when something like this happens. If you are suffering from stage fright and sorry you made the commitment, call your choir director immediately, tell them the truth and withdraw and refuse all solo assignments in future.

Following Christ is about making hard choices, not about telling lies to spare yourself discomfort.

 

[Ukrforever]

The problem with it is they ( my parents and my grandma) would not attend my church if I asked them. So, why should I give them the same respect of doing so ?

 

[puzzleannie]

The problem with it is they ( my parents and my grandma) would not attend my church if I asked them. So, why should I give them the same respect of doing so ?

you give them respect because they are your parents and grandparents
you also give your choir director and fellow members respect.

above all you give Christ what is due and attend worship in your Church for Christmas, no matter what else you do this weekend

 

[adrift]

a. The parish can have another person do the singing.

You know this how? I am sure someone MIGHT substitute but it is very rude to make a commitment and then bow out at the last minute.

b. There are more Masses and Liturgies

the next day doesn’t fulfill the commitment of the night before that has been made

c. He doesn’t have to break his word. He can tell them what the situation is honestly and tell them he cannot come. That is not breaking your word. Breaking your word is if he did what he is telling us he would do, not show up and make up a story. That is why I told him to tell the truth.

Oh because he tells them he can’t it somehow relives him of the commitment? It still leaves them in the lyrch. It isn’t that easy to redo things at the last moment. He has solo parts. It would mean someone would have to replace him who knows those parts. It would be different if he were just one of the choir. It stinks that one would wait until the last moment and three days before Christman is not sufficient notice. It is a breaking of his commitment. He can visit his grandmother all day Sunday. It is not disrespectful of his parents however, If they put a burden on him, they are wrong not him for not complying with an unreasonable request. They don’t want to bend. It sounds like they are using emotion against him the same as you are.

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger

 

[LilyM]

you give them respect because they are your parents and grandparents
you also give your choir director and fellow members respect.

above all you give Christ what is due and attend worship in your Church for Christmas, no matter what else you do this weekend

One thing is central above all - you must attend Catholic mass or liturgy at some point either on Saturday evening or Sunday. You do not need to do both, and it need not be Eastern liturgy. So many people will be attending that it should be easy to find a lift if necessary.

Second is keeping, if you can, your promises to parents and choir both. You must give advance notice if you cannot fulfill your obligations to the choir - that is what adults do.

And as much as possible you should obey your parents, as long as they are not asking anything sinful. They are not obligated to do what you want you any more than your teachers, your priest or anyone else who is in authority over you. That is what authority means!

 

[ConstantineTG]

You know this how? I am sure someone MIGHT substitute but it is very rude to make a commitment and then bow out at the last minute.

Because the OP said that if he didn’t show they’ll have someone replace him anyway.

the next day doesn’t fulfill the commitment of the night before that has been made

You’re making it as if its an unbreakable vow to say you will sing in the choir on a given day.

Oh because he tells them he can’t it somehow relives him of the commitment?

Yes, normally thats how it works.

It still leaves them in the lyrch.

How? The OP clearly stated there’s another person who can stand in if he didn’t show.

It isn’t that easy to redo things at the last moment. He has solo parts. It would mean someone would have to replace him who knows those parts.

He just said there was

It would be different if he were just one of the choir. It stinks that one would wait until the last moment and three days before Christman is not sufficient notice. It is a breaking of his commitment. He can visit his grandmother all day Sunday. It is not disrespectful of his parents however, If they put a burden on him, they are wrong not him for not complying with an unreasonable request. They don’t want to bend. It sounds like they are using emotion against him the same as you are.

How do you know its not disrespectful of his parents? Why would he have this dilemma at all if its fine to go visit grandma the next day? Obviously his parents want him with grandma that night, otherwise why is this even an issue?

 

[ConstantineTG]

The problem with it is they ( my parents and my grandma) would not attend my church if I asked them. So, why should I give them the same respect of doing so ?

To add to what puzzleannie said, Christian love isn’t about “do good to me and I’ll do good to you.” We love as God loves and God loves even if we do not love Him back. Besides, why do they have to make the first move? You’re forming a circular argument here, chicken or the egg. You only want to do them a favor if they do you a favor. But what if that is exactly what they are saying as well? “Why should we come to his church if he wouldn’t come to ours?” So where does this cycle break and someone gives?

 

[5Loaves]

Hi, my church at Christmas eve has matins and Divine Litergy starting at 8:00pm . I have gotten involved with the choir for Christmas eve and they have gotten me to do some solos. My church also has Divine Litergy Christmas Day but thats not an option since Christmas day is super busy. I usually dont go to any services for Christmas and just attend my grandmothers Prespyterian church with my family. Should I attend church with my family or go to my church for their Christmas eve services. I even said that Litergy( which is what the choir is singing in) starts at 9:00pm I could go to their church at 7:00pm and get to my church in time. My parents said that would not work since we do not get home to my grandmothers till 8:30, and they are not rushing off to take me to church since my grandmother has no one. Im 18 and I can make my own mind up I am just not sure what the right thing to do is?

If the choir is expecting you then you need to let them know, honestly not with a made up excuse, if you will not be there. It may be that they will be quite fine without you but if they are expecting you then you need to let them know now if you won’t be there. These things happen. But lying or not showing up would not be appropriate.

Every Sunday is a holy day of obligation East and West although we in the East don’t tend to use that specific termonology it is used in the CCEO code of CCEO Canon Canon 880:

Holy days of obligation common to all the Eastern Churches, beyond Sundays, are the Nativity of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Epiphany, the Ascension, the Dormition of the Holy Mary Mother of God and the Holy Apostles Peter and Paul except for the particular law of a Church sui iuris approved by the Apostolic See which suppresses a holy days of obligation or transfers them to a Sunday.

In addition to this being a Sunday, it is also one of the Twelve Great Feasts.

If you cannot find someone in your EC parish who can assist you in getting to DL on Sunday and you cannot get there on your own then you can go to a Latin Church assuming there are many near by. Most of the Latin Churches will have several Masses on Sunday for the Nativity. If you express this need to your grandmother with calmness and not drama surely she will want to support you and perhaps help your parents understand that this is something you want and need to do which doesn’t compete with your love of them and the time the rest of the evening and day that you’ll have together.

 

[ConstantineTG]

In addition to this being a Sunday, it is also one of the Twelve Great Feasts.

If you cannot find someone in your EC parish who can assist you in getting to DL on Sunday and you cannot get there on your own then you can go to a Latin Church assuming there are many near by. Most of the Latin Churches will have several Masses on Sunday for the Nativity. If you express this need to your grandmother with calmness and not drama surely she will want to support you and perhaps help your parents understand that this is something you want and need to do which doesn’t compete with your love of them and the time the rest of the evening and day that you’ll have together.

I think one of the OPs concerns is he wants to experience the Christmas services with Nativity Vespers, Matins, Great Compline, or whatever his parish has scheduled for that evening. That is why I suggested he can seek out another parish that uses the Julian Calendar (fairly common in Ukrainian parishes especially in his eparchy which I believe is in Ontario) so he can do it on the eve of January 6th.

 

[SecretGarden]

Putting the Catholic obligation on the side for a moment, it’s important to ask where is your heart leading? If it is leading to your church, you go, if it is leading you to spend time with granny, go. Grannies are old and you don’t know how much time you will have with her. There will always be another Christmas mass you can attend, but there may not be another Christmas you’ll have with your grandmother. Someone suggested that you could bring granny along. Since you are singing in the choir, why don’t you ask your entire family in a loving, caring manner if they would be willing to come to your church to support you as you sing the solo. Emphasize asking for moral support because it would mean a lot to you to have them in the pew. A person doesn’t have to be Catholic to attend a Christmas Eve mass. Christ is being born for all Christians and not just Catholics. Christmas is a time for family, you should be together.

Being a recent convert, I understand your pain. Holidays I find to be the hardest because my family and I attend two different church. Somehow the spirit makes it work somehow for an instance this Christmas eve, my family and I are going to two church services. We are going to both the family church as well as mine. The timing between the two will be a bit tight but I know God will make it work. Before you do anything, take it to the Lord, he will help you out.

 

[adrift]

Because the OP said that if he didn’t show they’ll have someone replace him anyway.

He doesn’t say that there is someone that has been practising the part only that they would have to replace him. In other words, they would have to do the best they could.

You’re making it as if its an unbreakable vow to say you will sing in the choir on a given day.

On the other hand, you act that there is no importance when you agree to do something and back out of it without reasonable notice.

How? The OP clearly stated there’s another person who can stand in if he didn’t show.

Answered above. He doesn’t say that there is another person

Sure their is a choice , I could just not show up and someone would just take my part

I am sure someone could take over if need be.

This isn’t that they have someone but his speculation. Unless someone has been understudying him, which is not what he said, it is not easy to get someone else. He has solos. That means he is probably a very good singer. There may or maybe not someone who could replace him. They will at best half to scramble and that is not fair.

He just said there was

not what he said.

How do you know its not disrespectful of his parents? Why would he have this dilemma at all if its fine to go visit grandma the next day? Obviously his parents want him with grandma that night, otherwise why is this even an issue?

So they don’t want grandma alone Christmas eve but Christmas day is ok. It sounds more like his parents are trying to control the situation. Those I know of that age are asleep by 9. This sounds fishy that she needs to have company then. God comes first and if the parents are trying to intervine it is right that he does not go. Get off the disprect of parents it does not apply here. God comes first way before the parents.

 

[adopted_heir]

Putting the Catholic obligation on the side for a moment, it’s important to ask where is your heart leading? If it is leading to your church, you go, if it is leading you to spend time with granny, go. Grannies are old and you don’t know how much time you will have with her. There will always be another Christmas mass you can attend, but there may not be another Christmas you’ll have with your grandmother. Someone suggested that you could bring granny along. Since you are singing in the choir, why don’t you ask your entire family in a loving, caring manner if they would be willing to come to your church to support you as you sing the solo. Emphasize asking for moral support because it would mean a lot to you to have them in the pew. A person doesn’t have to be Catholic to attend a Christmas Eve mass. Christ is being born for all Christians and not just Catholics. Christmas is a time for family, you should be together.

Being a recent convert, I understand your pain. Holidays I find to be the hardest because my family and I attend two different church. Somehow the spirit makes it work somehow for an instance this Christmas eve, my family and I are going to two church services. We are going to both the family church as well as mine. The timing between the two will be a bit tight but I know God will make it work. Before you do anything, take it to the Lord, he will help you out.

Ditto! Just ask Granny!

 

[ConstantineTG]

He doesn’t say that there is someone that has been practising the part only that they would have to replace him. In other words, they would have to do the best they could.

You are assuming too much. He didn’t even say he was practicing for the part.

On the other hand, you act that there is no importance when you agree to do something and back out of it without reasonable notice.

What can be more important than your own family?

Answered above. He doesn’t say that there is another person

He said he can be replaced. It is another person, recordings are forbidden in the Byzantine Rite.

This isn’t that they have someone but his speculation. Unless someone has been understudying him, which is not what he said, it is not easy to get someone else. He has solos. That means he is probably a very good singer. There may or maybe not someone who could replace him. They will at best half to scramble and that is not fair.

You are assuming this is a grand performance at a Opera House in LA or NYC. Even if its a particular hymn that only he knows how to sing, they can always switch it to another hymn. All the other parts of the services in the Byzantine Rite has pretty much the same music, and anyone who has been attending for years can sing it. Its not a life and death situation. He’s not the priest, he’s a cantor. Cantors aren’t essential to Liturgy, the Liturgy will go on with or without him.

not what he said.

Read again. He said they will just get another person, which means there is.

So they don’t want grandma alone Christmas eve but Christmas day is ok. It sounds more like his parents are trying to control the situation. Those I know of that age are asleep by 9. This sounds fishy that she needs to have company then. God comes first and if the parents are trying to intervine it is right that he does not go. Get off the disprect of parents it does not apply here. God comes first way before the parents.

Wow, so just because you know people of that age asleep by 9, you immediately assume all people of that age should be asleep by 9? I have attended many late night Liturgies and I can assure you, some of the old people do stay up and show up.

You are right, God comes first. Disrespecting your parents is disrespecting God. That is why he should honor God’s commandments to honor thy father and mother.

 

[Tradycja]

If this guy still cannot figure it out after three pages of posts I dunno who is going to be able to help him.

 

[ConstantineTG]

If this guy still cannot figure it out after three pages of posts I dunno who is going to be able to help him.

Well, it seems he’s all about the “I’m 18 and I should decide for myself”. He’ll figure it out, its part of the growing up process.

 

[Formosus]

Personally I am not really sure this was the appropriate forum for that question.

@op - No one can.decide this for you. You have to make a choice, be honest about it, and accept the consequences for it.

 

[ByzCathCantor]

Well Ukrforever, how did this story end?:ehh:

Did all work out?

We do hope it did, and that you and your family are having (or have had, depending) a joyous Christmas!

Christos razdajetsja! Slavite Jeho!
Christ is born! Glorify Him!