What should I do since my mom won't let me move?

[RosebudDixie]

Hello All~I am 34 years old and have been married for 15 years. I have a terrific relationship w/ my husband. Since we have been married, my husband has wanted to move to Oregon (we live in Florida now)…three times we have tried and I always get guilted into moving back because of my mother. My dad died when I was 12 and I became her ‘everything’…she did remarry but does not have that great of a relationship w/ my stepdad and she relies on me for everything. At the same time, she is my best friend and I see and talk to her almost daily. She also has a twin sister that lives 2 minutes away and they are very close as well. We own a business and it is not doing well at all due to the failing economy. Our home may get foreclosed on as well. If this happens, we would like to go to Oregon for the summer just to get away and clear our head and destress. The only way we could afford to go is to sell what we have (furniture mostly)…I am okay with doing this because we have both been through so much trying to save this business. I mentioned it to my mom so that I could “prepare” her and she is guilting me once again saying things like “family should mean more than anything” and “once you get out there I can count on never seeing you again”…things like that…she is always praying daily that the Lord “keeps” us here at all costs…I am so torn…I was very excited and happy to have a new start and my husband finally feels like he has something to look forward too but he doesn’t know about this recent guilt trip from my mom…she has me full of anxiety over it now and making me second guess my decisions…she is my best friend, my confidant and I love her more than anything…at the same time, I love my husband and trying to make both happy is filling me to the brim with anxiety…I can barely breath just tying this out…any help?

 

[Fr.Vincent_Serpa]

Hi,

Your main responsibility is to your marriage—not your mother. You are to love and honor her, but you are an adult and have a life of your own. St. Paul speaks of leaving father and being joined to one’s spouse. Our Lord should be the one who matters more to you than anything—and He has called you to himself by means of your husband and your marriage.

People who love with His love do not lay guilt trips on the people they say they love. You and your mother have become all too dependent on each other for your own good. Our blessed Mother didn’t cling to her Son because she needed Him to be near-by all the time.

Spend some time before the Blessed Sacrament, reflecting on His passion and on how much He loves us. That will give you your breath back. I’ll send you privately a reflection to help you with this.

And then: START LIVING YOUR OWN LIFE !

Fr. Vincent Serpa, O.P.