What should I do with my father's stuff?

[little_flower_1]

So here’s the deal, my alcoholic father had been unable to pay his rent since his girlfriend (whom he shared an apartment with) passed, and was being evicted this past July. He had been admitted to the hospital a week or two before and asked my mom if we could get his stuff for him. We spent an entire week cleaning out his stuff and I paid for it to be put into a storage unit. (keep in mind, I was to be moving cross country the following week to be married and had planned to pack my stuff that week and enjoy the little time I had left at home).

Right before I left, we visited the hospital, he paid me back for the storage unit and we were on our way. My mother ended up having to put the unit in her name so it would not continue to be charged to me and my father swore up and down he would pay her and get his stuff as soon as he was settled into a new place. Well… he moved out of state, got settled quickly in a new place with veteran’s assistance, paid her one month’s fees (the unit costs nearly two hundred a month, everything’s expensive where we live and we’re living paycheck to paycheck, if that, ourselves), and said he’d send my cousin for his stuff.

Cousin never showed, dad never came himself, and never sent her another dime. After some months, and him being difficult to contact, and obviously having no intention of paying back the months of fees owed, my mother finally got a hold of him and told him forget it, I’m getting rid of the unit, your stuff is gone.

She’s still paying for it months on and wants to go through his stuff soon and see what’s worth keeping or selling and wants to know if I want anything. I do want certain things, but feel awful, because I feel like I’m taking advantage, and because he was lied to about his stuff already being gone. I know he will never pay back money owed (he’s a drunk and, as far as I know, never gave my mom any money to support since they separated when I was ten) and will probably never bother to pick up the stuff, so what’s the right thing to do? Should I just take what I want or sell what I want? As I said, I just got married and now we’re expecting, so I could use the stuff and the money, to be sure, but I feel awful about it all. These are basically all his earthly possessions, I feel like a looter.

 

[Didi]

The way I see it, your Dad lost his claim on his possessions when he stopped paying for them to be stored. He has had ample opportunity to get them, and hasn’t made the effort. If your Mom hadn’t been paying for it, the storage place probably would have just pitched everything already.

Go through it, take what you need or what means something to you, sell anything worth any money that you don’t need, and pitch the rest. Maybe this is God’s way of providing things you and your Mom might need.

 

[lizaanne]

He has been given more than ample opportunity to claim his belongings. If it were not for your mother the storage facility would have disposed of it by now.

I am so very sorry you have to deal with this - it is never easy having parents with problems.

Personally, I would save the important things, donate what is worth donating, and dispose of the rest. You are not a looter - you are his daughter. Preserve the important things for yourself and your child should you want to pass anything along to them. Regardless of your father’s issues, he is still your father.

~Liza

 

[lizaanne]

Didi - did we just share a brain on those posts or what!!!

LOL!!!

~Liza

 

[gabangel]

You should not feel guilty if your mother has offered you his things. I don’t think she should have lied to him, but you did not mention if he was upset when she told him it was all gone. Legally, I THINK a judge would say that he didn’t pay and it would have gone to the storage unit owner so it would have been lost anyway. Just pray for him and maybe someday he will visit you and see what good use you have made of what you consider something special that he had or that you have wisely used the money that was given you from the sale of some items. That’s just my opionion off the top of my head. I will pray for you and your parents. Alcoholism is a horrible disease!/COLOR]

 

[Arlene]

I see in the paper lots of times when storage facilities will hold an auction for the contents of a unit when the owner of the stuff hasn’t payed. Since your mother has been paying for the unit, with no effort on his part to reclaim his property, it is hers to do as she wants with. I don’t think of it that your mother lied to him. But she gave him the final deadline that it was no longer his property. Whether she got rid of it that same day or kept paying on it forever, it was hers. Take what you want/need. Your father owes you that much.

 

[Nanny_PK]

I would ask a lawyer what the proper procedures are – maybe you have a friend or a parishoner who’s a lawyer who would just give you a quick answer. There are laws when you’re holding someone’s belongings. I wouldn’t just throw them out because that could open you to criminal/civil penalties.

Do your research, do what you have to, and then just let the stuff go to a charity or have a garage sale.

 

[little_flower_1]

Thank you all so much for your answers, I feel a lot better dealing with the situation now. You’re all right, if it weren’t for us, the storage unit would have auctioned the stuff anyhow. And, come to think of it, if it weren’t for us, his landlord would have done the same. His fault, oh well, we have to make the best of a bad situation. Thank you again!