What Should I do?

[sam123]

My boyfriend goes to church every Sunday. I was raised mostly Jewish, my father’s family is Catholic so we did celebrate Catholic holidays. Now my bf and I are thinking about marriage, however he wants to raise the kids Catholic. We agreed to still celebrate some Jewish holidays, but the kids would be raised Catholic. That entails me being a part of the Catholic lifestyle. I am thinking about it. Can anyone provide any insight? Do you have any suggestions or know anyone that was or is in this type of situation?

 

[b_justb]

What Should I do?

Pray
Repent
Convert
Remember to pray first

 

[lukewarm]

In my opinion it’s a big mistake, many people agree to let the children be raised another religion to appease their spouse, but after getting older and having children you will want them to not lose thier faith. You may resent your children not being raised Jewish.

I have a brother in law? (my brothers wifes brother) who agreed to allow the children to be raised Jewish and later he wanted to give equal time to both religions and let the children decide, his wife is livid and they are currently seperated. It started out with the best of intentions, but religion is typically a huge factor in marriage, even if you don’t think it is right now.

“Dual religions” doesn’t work, especially when both completely contradict one another. To Christians Jesus is God, to Jews he was a madman and winebibber. You can see how this duality can’t really work without much confusion.

I also think the divorce rate between Jews and non-Jews is astronomically high.

One guys opinion…

 

[grandfather]

In my opinion it’s a big mistake, many people agree to let the children be raised another religion to appease their spouse, but after getting older and having children you will want them to not lose thier faith. You may resent your children not being raised Jewish.

“Dual religions” doesn’t work, especially when both completely contradict one another. To Christians Jesus is God, to Jews he was a madman and winebibber. You can see how this duality can’t really work without much confusion.

I also think the divorce rate between Jews and non-Jews is astronomically high.

One guys opinion…

Dear Sam,

When you ask a question like this you will get a lot of response and strong opinion trying to tell you what to do. Many of the respondents will give you there opinions on mixed marriages ibn general without first paying attention to your initial post.

You did not say you are Jewish. You said you were raised mostly Jewish by parents who were Catholic and Jewish. Do you consider yourself to be an adherent to the Jewish religion, or is your Jewishness from being born to a Jewish parent? How important is it to you? Do you go to temple and pray Jewish prayers? How important is religion in general to you? Did your parents have a good marriage? How did they manage? It seems that before agreeing to marry Mr. Wonderful and raise your children Catholic it might be a good idea for you to investigate what Catholics believe. You might find out that being raised Catholic would not be so bad or hurt your children, or you might think it would be terrible and there is no way you could let it happen. You might also try talking to Jesus. My wife converted to Catholicism by saying a single prayer. “Jesus if you are real, show me”. He did. We have been happily married for over thirty years.

 

[Ignatius]

My boyfriend goes to church every Sunday. I was raised mostly Jewish, my father’s family is Catholic so we did celebrate Catholic holidays. Now my bf and I are thinking about marriage, however he wants to raise the kids Catholic. We agreed to still celebrate some Jewish holidays, but the kids would be raised Catholic. That entails me being a part of the Catholic lifestyle. I am thinking about it. Can anyone provide any insight? Do you have any suggestions or know anyone that was or is in this type of situation?

Shlom hMashiach.

Here are a couple of resources which you may find helpful.

secondexodus.com/

hebrewcatholic.org/

God bless and watch over you.

 

[Uncle_Norbert]

I would study the Jewish faith as carefully as you would the Catholic. Comparing Judiasm and Catholicism is a very different ball game than comparing Catholicism and Protestantism.

I suspect you will find LESS strife between a Catholic and a Jew than you would many Catholics and Protestants.

The Jewish faith is rich in history and tradition, much like the Catholic faith, and is less prone to attack other faiths that don’t fully abide their own.

 

[Kaninchen]

Even with the best will in the world, quite how a mother from one religion manages to raise children in another religion entirely escapes me, I’m afraid. I’m Jewish but I know that it’s more than observing the holidays and sending them to Catholic School – I don’t have any kind of Christian background so the thought of having to tell little children the Jesus story and to pray Our Fathers and Hail Marys at bedtime makes me shudder.

The way you phrase your post does make me wonder whether what you’re really saying is “I love him, so I’ll go along with all the Catholic stuff,” (‘being a part of the Catholic lifestyle’ hardly speaks of a great commitment to a religious outlook) which, if he’s a really committed Catholic, doesn’t suggest a route to marital harmony as year follows year, follows year.

I think that you owe a serious duty to yourself, your potential future husband and, especially, children to really consider whether the Catholic thing is a bridge you can cross and stay with – beyond possible immediate enthusiasms one sees with so many converts (to all sorts of things).

 

[grandfather]

Even with the best will in the world, quite how a mother from one religion manages to raise children in another religion entirely escapes me, I’m afraid. I’m Jewish but I know that it’s more than observing the holidays and sending them to Catholic School – I don’t have any kind of Christian background so the thought of having to tell little children the Jesus story and to pray Our Fathers and Hail Marys at bedtime makes me shudder.

The way you phrase your post does make me wonder whether what you’re really saying is “I love him, so I’ll go along with all the Catholic stuff,” (‘being a part of the Catholic lifestyle’ hardly speaks of a great commitment to a religious outlook) which, if he’s a really committed Catholic, doesn’t suggest a route to marital harmony as year follows year, follows year.

I think that you owe a serious duty to yourself, your potential future husband and, especially, children to really consider whether the Catholic thing is a bridge you can cross and stay with – beyond possible immediate enthusiasms one sees with so many converts (to all sorts of things).

Sam said she was raised “mostly Jewish”. Everyone responding seems to assume that meant “I am Jewish, I am a believing Jew, religiously committed to being Jewish”. It seems she needs to consider her own “Jewish thing”, before she decides what to do about the “Catholic thing”, bridge to cross.

 

[Kaninchen]

Sam said she was raised “mostly Jewish”. Everyone responding seems to assume that meant “I am Jewish, I am a believing Jew, religiously committed to being Jewish”. It seems she needs to consider her own “Jewish thing”, before she decides what to do about the “Catholic thing”, bridge to cross.

If you look carefully, you’ll notice that I was talking about the potentiality of ‘commitment’ as opposed to ‘Catholic lifestyle’ (the only Jew I talked about was me) - it would be the same if Sam had a background of agnosticism, atheism or just generalized indifference (what might be described, if she lived my side of the Atlantic as ‘standard European’!).

I think it would be very, very difficult for a mother to raise children as serious members of another religion - raising them just to participate the particular ‘lifestyle’ (culturally Catholic?) is another matter altogether, I expect. On experience of living in (what was) ‘Catholic’ Europe, that seems a rather easy thing to do.

 

[Bennie_P]

My boyfriend goes to church every Sunday. I was raised mostly Jewish, my father’s family is Catholic so we did celebrate Catholic holidays. Now my bf and I are thinking about marriage, however he wants to raise the kids Catholic. We agreed to still celebrate some Jewish holidays, but the kids would be raised Catholic. That entails me being a part of the Catholic lifestyle. I am thinking about it. Can anyone provide any insight? Do you have any suggestions or know anyone that was or is in this type of situation?

Stay chaste in your relationship and make it a long courtship before making any commitment to marriage. Pray, pray, pray. Go to RCIA and find out if “living the Catholic lifestyle.” is something you are ready or able to commit to. You are under no obligation to convert by attending RCIA. Stay chaste in your courtship. Give it time, God’s time, not your’s or your BF’s time, but God’s time, before deciding, and if you want the advice of a Jew, or a Catholic, seek a Rabbi you can talk to in person as well as your BF’s priest. May God guide both of you into making the right choices…

 

[Namesake]

My boyfriend goes to church every Sunday. I was raised mostly Jewish, my father’s family is Catholic so we did celebrate Catholic holidays. Now my bf and I are thinking about marriage, however he wants to raise the kids Catholic. We agreed to still celebrate some Jewish holidays, but the kids would be raised Catholic. That entails me being a part of the Catholic lifestyle. I am thinking about it. Can anyone provide any insight? Do you have any suggestions or know anyone that was or is in this type of situation?

For what it’s worth. I have a very good friend who was raised in a Jewish/Catholic home. His father was Jewish and his mother was Catholic. He was raised mostly Catholic but he doesn’t practice that faith now as an adult.

I asked him if there were ever any problems with that when he was a kid. His answer was that his mother and father loved each other and their children more than any religion could compete with. I know for sure that some Catholics here will reject that idea, but it worked really well for that family.

Be advised that everything I post here is wrong.

 

[oneGODoneCHURCH]

My boyfriend goes to church every Sunday. I was raised mostly Jewish, my father’s family is Catholic so we did celebrate Catholic holidays. Now my bf and I are thinking about marriage, however he wants to raise the kids Catholic. We agreed to still celebrate some Jewish holidays, but the kids would be raised Catholic. That entails me being a part of the Catholic lifestyle. I am thinking about it. Can anyone provide any insight? Do you have any suggestions or know anyone that was or is in this type of situation?

sam,

This is just my opinion. So take it with a grain of salt. Before you consider joining the Catholic Church you need to ask yourself if you believe that Jesus is the son for the living God. If you can not answer that as yes then do not join the church.

the next thing I would say is there is no reason that a marriage between a Christian and a Jew can not be a blessing for both, aS the Jewish people are the Chosen of God and the Christian are the adopted children through Christ I believe many Christian would benefit greatly in there faith with more knowledge of the Jewish faith and traditions.

Children present a problem, but not one that can not be dealt with
before hand and as new issue arise(and they will) after the children are born. I can not give advise on this without being bias. As both religions have strong ceremonies that being shortly after birth. i would lean heavily toward the Catholic church and baptism for the Child with raising it/them Christian. That is not to say that the a Bris. and observance of Jewish holidays and traditions as well would not be not a great thing.

Well with all that said I pray for your decision.

 

[grandfather]

If you look carefully, you’ll notice that I was talking about the potentiality of ‘commitment’ as opposed to ‘Catholic lifestyle’ (the only Jew I talked about was me)
.

Yes, but you were advising her. Her boyfriend wants to be married as a Catholic in the Catholic Church, in other words enter into a Catohlic marriage. She does not have to raise her children in a religion that she does not believe. In order for her boyfriend (who’s religion is important to him) to marry her in a Catholic ceremony, Sam, who may have no strong religious convictions, or involvment, has to agree that she will not interfere with their children learning about and practicing the Catholic faith. The assumption that she would be forced to agree to teach her children Catohlic prayers or practices is false. If she considers herself Jewish and Judaism is important to her she should look for another guy. If her family experience with one of her parents being from a Catholic background was ok, and she not having any strong religious convictions, makes it ok for her children to participate in Catholicism, agreeing to let this happen is not so traumatic at all, as it would understandably be for someone like you who has a definite strong Jewish identity. If your perspective is correct, only agnostics should marry agnostics, Jews marry Jews, etc. Maybe it is, but it seems that if a person is raised with some marginal Methodist background, or Jewish, and has no strong attachments to it, and wants to marry a devout Presbyterian, it is not a big issue.

 

[VARC]

I was in your situation. I made up my mind that I have to marry someone that is the same religion as me because the problems can be ENORMOUS later on. So I gave my girlfriend time and I converted her to catholicism from protestantism. She got me back though. After four years of marriage she converted me to Orthodoxy.

 

[Kaninchen]

Yes, but you were advising her.

To think hard about it all - sorry if that’s seen as untoward interference with her decision-making.

Her boyfriend wants to be married as a Catholic in the Catholic Church, in other words enter into a Catohlic marriage. She does not have to raise her children in a religion that she does not believe. In order for her boyfriend (who’s religion is important to him) to marry her in a Catholic ceremony, Sam, who may have no strong religious convictions, or involvment, has to agree that she will not interfere with their children learning about and practicing the Catholic faith.

So, she can just ignore the whole religious issue altogether - her husband will suddenly appear whenever anything requiring religious interpretation turns up in her life with the children - not only that, she can take oral contraceptives etc without any comment, etc, etc, etc.

I didn’t know all that.

The assumption that she would be forced to agree to teach her children Catohlic prayers or practices is false.

“Mummy, what do you think about Jesus?” - “Snigger”

If she considers herself Jewish and Judaism is important to her she should look for another guy.

Yes, indeed.

If her family experience with one of her parents being from a Catholic background was ok, and she not having any strong religious convictions, makes it ok for her children to participate in Catholicism, agreeing to let this happen is not so traumatic at all, as it would understandably be for someone like you who has a definite strong Jewish identity.

Hey, if the cafeteria is open from her point of view, that could well be true.

If your perspective is correct, only agnostics should marry agnostics, Jews marry Jews, etc. Maybe it is, but it seems that if a person is raised with some marginal Methodist background, or Jewish, and has no strong attachments to it, and wants to marry a devout Presbyterian, it is not a big issue.

If that were my ‘perspective’ rather than your construction of a ‘perspective’ for me, that might be true but, since my whole argument was about ‘level of commitment expected’, your interpretation is the opposite of what I was saying. If she has no great commitment herself and isn’t expected to sign up to the Catholic agenda in any way whatsoever, then, indeed, life might be all a bowl of cherries.

 

[Socrates4Jesus]

My boyfriend goes to church every Sunday. I was raised mostly Jewish, my father’s family is Catholic so we did celebrate Catholic holidays. Now my bf and I are thinking about marriage, however he wants to raise the kids Catholic. We agreed to still celebrate some Jewish holidays, but the kids would be raised Catholic. That entails me being a part of the Catholic lifestyle. I am thinking about it. Can anyone provide any insight? Do you have any suggestions or know anyone that was or is in this type of situation?

Hi, Sam.

There is a quote by a man who was raised Jewish, and became Christian:

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
What Paul was saying is that in a marriage and other close relationships it is extremely important for two people to agree on something as important as their religious beliefs.

A yoke is a device designed to have two oxen pull a plow together. If the two of them pull in opposite directions, they will never get anywhere when yoked together. For your children, especially, you will want to be pulling for one another (not against each other). Either he will have to become Jewish, or you will have to become Roman Catholic, or you will both have to become something else. To have separate religions risks tearing you both apart.

If you want to read more of what Paul wrote in the Christian Bible, you might start here:

biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2%20Corinthians%206:14;&version=31;

 

[grandfather]

To think hard about it all - sorry if that’s seen as untoward interference with her decision-making.

 

[Kaninchen]

Maybe there should be some qualification for giving advice to those contemplating marriage. Maybe in order to advise someone else on how to do it successfully, one should be able to do it first. I would not ask for advice on investing in the stock market from someone who had a record of losing money. I would not hire a guide to take me to the top of Mount Everest who had never been there, or had failed attempts. I would not ask advice on how to be happily married for life from someone who had broken marriage(s). What do you think?

Well, I’ve managed a couple of decades of it - which doesn’t make anybody an expert but might well lead to a certain experience - both direct and vicarious - as to some of the causes of things going wrong or potentially going wrong. I don’t think that there are recipes for successful marriages but there do seem to be ingredients in any mix (like the idea that one can make somebody happy) that have to be treated with great care.

When one is starting out and wondering about waking up next to the same man for the next few decades, it might be as well to consider that, after a couple of decades of each other, childrearing and careers, you won’t be the same woman and he won’t be the same man!

 

[grandfather]

Well, I’ve managed a couple of decades of it - which doesn’t make anybody an expert but might well lead to a certain experience - both direct and vicarious - as to some of the causes of things going wrong or potentially going wrong. I don’t think that there are recipes for successful marriages but there do seem to be ingredients in any mix (like the idea that one can make somebody happy) that have to be treated with great care.

When one is starting out and wondering about waking up next to the same man for the next few decades, it might be as well to consider that, after a couple of decades of each other, childrearing and careers, you won’t be the same woman and he won’t be the same man!

Yes we all go through changes. It is a minority who manage to marry once in life and not divorce. Congradulations on that accomplishment.

 

[sam123]

I just want to say thank you to everyone here in this forum. I have a lot of thinking to do and need to find out how important Judaism really is to me. I am a non practicing Jew, with the exception of going to temple 2 times a year in respect for my mother. I appreciate all of your suggestions, comments and thoughts.

Also, what is RCIA?