What should I have done in this situation at a bookstore?

[laircy]

A couple nights ago I was with my friend at Barnes & Noble waiting for my parents to pick us up. My friend found a very inappropriate (XXX) book and started reading it. I was looking around at other things so I didn’t notice her for a while. But when I did, I told her she should put it down and we should go somewhere else. She said no. Then I tried to take the book away, but she wouldn’t let me. I told her it’s a sin and she said, “I’m not Mormon!” and I said, “But you’re Catholic!” and I asked her if her parents knew about this. She said no, and I half-jokingly threatened to tell them. She didn’t like that idea, so I asked her, “So you know it’s wrong but you’re doing it anyway?”

My question is if this was too much, what I did, or not enough? I don’t know the line between “none of my business” and “admonish the sinner.” We are both 15 and are very good friends, so it was not some brash thing to try and take the book away, but sometimes I worry that she doesn’t take anything seriously. Was I being too pushy, trying to look out for her? Yet I still feel like I might have failed, because she didn’t listen to me, and kept reading it anyway.

 

[Splagchnizomai]

Well done, good and faithful servant. (Mt 25:23)

 

[chief714]

I think what you did was perfectly fine. Definitely not being pushy if you care about her soul.
All we can do is point it out and pray. Can’t force anyone to do something they don’t want to.

However I’d keep pointing out the teachings of the Church and really encourage her to be more active in her parish.

Courage!

 

[105lynne]

You’re a terrific friend! You did exactly what you should have, in my opinion!

 

[anp1215]

You are a good friend. Good friends care about the state of their friend’s souls. There is not much else you can do now though. You told her it’s wrong, now pray for her that she will see the light. You can’t force her do to anything. She has free will.

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

A couple nights ago I was with my friend at Barnes & Noble waiting for my parents to pick us up. My friend found a very inappropriate (XXX) book and started reading it. I was looking around at other things so I didn’t notice her for a while. But when I did, I told her she should put it down and we should go somewhere else. She said no. Then I tried to take the book away, but she wouldn’t let me. I told her it’s a sin and she said, “I’m not Mormon!” and I said, “But you’re Catholic!” and I asked her if her parents knew about this. She said no, and I half-jokingly threatened to tell them. She didn’t like that idea, so I asked her, “So you know it’s wrong but you’re doing it anyway?”

My question is if this was too much, what I did, or not enough? I don’t know the line between “none of my business” and “admonish the sinner.” We are both 15 and are very good friends, so it was not some brash thing to try and take the book away, but sometimes I worry that she doesn’t take anything seriously. Was I being too pushy, trying to look out for her? Yet I still feel like I might have failed, because she didn’t listen to me, and kept reading it anyway.

Do not do that.
Advise 3 times and stop.
Your friend is a free person.

 

[Aeden]

I think that what you did was commendable. You genuinely cared about your friend’s soul and tried to get her to stop destroying it. You should confront her if she tries again, but you can’t force her to do anything, it is her free choice.

But, if she’s under 18, call over the store manager next time she goes for the pornography and get him to ensure that underage kids can’t get illicit pornographic materials in his/her store (use big, legalish words like that, it may scare them into doing stuff about it)

 

[searching04]

A couple nights ago I was with my friend at Barnes & Noble waiting for my parents to pick us up. My friend found a very inappropriate (XXX) book and started reading it. I was looking around at other things so I didn’t notice her for a while. But when I did, I told her she should put it down and we should go somewhere else. She said no. Then I tried to take the book away, but she wouldn’t let me. I told her it’s a sin and she said, “I’m not Mormon!” and I said, “But you’re Catholic!” and I asked her if her parents knew about this. She said no, and I half-jokingly threatened to tell them. She didn’t like that idea, so I asked her, “So you know it’s wrong but you’re doing it anyway?”

My question is if this was too much, what I did, or not enough? I don’t know the line between “none of my business” and “admonish the sinner.” We are both 15 and are very good friends, so it was not some brash thing to try and take the book away, but sometimes I worry that she doesn’t take anything seriously. Was I being too pushy, trying to look out for her? Yet I still feel like I might have failed, because she didn’t listen to me, and kept reading it anyway.

Actually, I think you went too far. Tell her she wrong, tell her why, then walk away if it bothers you. You should not try to take it away; she isn’t a child. Threatening to tell her parents - really? Bad move. If you are really good friends, talk to her in a different environment - home, park, school, whatever. Harder part is realizing you can only do so much; cannot force her to behave. If she sees it affects you the way it does, maybe she’ll get the point. Good luck.

 

[PatriceA]

Actually, I think you went too far. Tell her she wrong, tell her why, then walk away if it bothers you. You should not try to take it away; she isn’t a child. Threatening to tell her parents - really? Bad move. If you are really good friends, talk to her in a different environment - home, park, school, whatever. Harder part is realizing you can only do so much; cannot force her to behave. If she sees it affects you the way it does, maybe she’ll get the point. Good luck.

I agree. I don’t want my daughter’s friends telling me anything unless it involves her life being in danger.

I’m also curious what the OP defines as an XXX book.

 

[laircy]

I agree. I don’t want my daughter’s friends telling me anything unless it involves her life being in danger.

I’m also curious what the OP defines as an XXX book.

Perhaps not life-threatening, but soul-threatening, I think. I wasn’t really going to tell her parents, I just wanted to see if it concerned her at all if they were to know.
As for “XXX”, I don’t know what distinguishes something from having only one, two, or three X’s, but it was clearly a novel where sex was being described explicitly.

 

[BettyBoop416]

I’m also curious what the OP defines as an XXX book.

I was wondering the same thing. Although I’m sure B&N probably carries some books I wouldn’t want my kids to look at, I very much doubt that they sell pornography.

 

[Armyvet007]

A couple nights ago I was with my friend at Barnes & Noble waiting for my parents to pick us up. My friend found a very inappropriate (XXX) book and started reading it. I was looking around at other things so I didn’t notice her for a while. But when I did, I told her she should put it down and we should go somewhere else. She said no. Then I tried to take the book away, but she wouldn’t let me. I told her it’s a sin and she said, “I’m not Mormon!” and I said, “But you’re Catholic!” and I asked her if her parents knew about this. She said no, and I half-jokingly threatened to tell them. She didn’t like that idea, so I asked her, “So you know it’s wrong but you’re doing it anyway?”

My question is if this was too much, what I did, or not enough? I don’t know the line between “none of my business” and “admonish the sinner.” We are both 15 and are very good friends, so it was not some brash thing to try and take the book away, but sometimes I worry that she doesn’t take anything seriously. Was I being too pushy, trying to look out for her? Yet I still feel like I might have failed, because she didn’t listen to me, and kept reading it anyway.

I’d say you did a good job with the only question being in regards to you trying to take the book [which is dependant on how close you two are as friends].

 

[anp1215]

I was wondering the same thing. Although I’m sure B&N probably carries some books I wouldn’t want my kids to look at, I very much doubt that they sell pornography.

They do have a full color, hardback Playboy book with full frontal nudity. Not wrapped or anything.

 

[Curious_Seed]

A couple nights ago I was with my friend at Barnes & Noble waiting for my parents to pick us up. My friend found a very inappropriate (XXX) book and started reading it. I was looking around at other things so I didn’t notice her for a while. But when I did, I told her she should put it down and we should go somewhere else. She said no. Then I tried to take the book away, but she wouldn’t let me. I told her it’s a sin and she said, “I’m not Mormon!” and I said, “But you’re Catholic!” and I asked her if her parents knew about this. She said no, and I half-jokingly threatened to tell them. She didn’t like that idea, so I asked her, “So you know it’s wrong but you’re doing it anyway?”

My question is if this was too much, what I did, or not enough? I don’t know the line between “none of my business” and “admonish the sinner.” We are both 15 and are very good friends, so it was not some brash thing to try and take the book away, but sometimes I worry that she doesn’t take anything seriously. Was I being too pushy, trying to look out for her? Yet I still feel like I might have failed, because she didn’t listen to me, and kept reading it anyway.

:bounce:

Your intentions are admirable.

Your execution is less so.

Telling her your view is good; enforcing it, is not.

Your friend is reading material of which you disapprove.

Tell her you disapprove and why.

If she continues reading, you start leaving.